Seeing as some of you seem to find this stuff amusing, I thought I’d share my story with you. Perhaps you’ll have a bit more sympathy for women who get picked on just for being pretty. But then, perhaps you won’t…
I like to look my best when me and my boyfriend go for a night on the town. Who wouldn’t? But for some reason my looks seem to get me into trouble. I have an hourglass figure with a very large bust and when I squeeze myself into my slinky black dress it seems that neither the men or women can keep their hands off me. Here is what happened on my night out.
We started off in the pubs. They were all crowded so we had to push past tons of people wherever we went. My bum had never been so grabbed, squeezed, pinched, poked, prodded and slapped.
I couldn’t see who was doing it so I couldn’t complain to anyone – except when one bloke actually put his hand right up my dress, twanged my suspender strap and grabbed a big handful of my bum.
OUCH! He twisted his hand like he was turning a corkscrew and didn’t let go until I turned around and slapped his face. He just grinned and walked off. He didn’t even look old enough to be in a nightclub – little git.
That’s why my boobs remained unmolested – everyone knew they’d get a slap if they tried anything face to face. It didn’t stop the lewd comments though.
Charming. Anytime that my boyfriend went to the bar or toilet – which he seemed to be doing a lot – the lads would swarm around and actually use these as chat-up lines. They’d lean in close to talk to me and put their arms around my waist or brush their hands up and down my thighs.
I would just smile politely and tolerate the attention. Boys will be boys – and they always sloped off as soon as My boyfriend appeared. Although he was taking his time at the bar tonight…
The trouble really started when two of them bought drinks for me and started an argument over who was there first. They were jostling each other to get to me. I tried to tell them I was already spoken for but they weren’t listening. I was stupid enough to push between them just as it was looking like turning into a fight.
CRUNCH!!!!!
“OOOOWWW!!! By Dose. Boo bunched be on by dose!” I mumbled.
“Sorry love. I was aiming for him.” He said. All the blokes disappeared and left my on my own, rubbing my poor nose. Where was my boyfriend?
Then a girl walked up to me and told me that her boyfriend hadn’t stopped staring at my tits all night. I tried to tell her that was hardly my fault but - POP! She swung her fist into my jaw, knocking me sideways. I tottered about a bit on my high heels but managed to stay upright. It was only a girly punch but it took me by surprise and, before I could protest, she’d disappeared into the crowd.
As I rubbed my jaw, my boyfriend appeared from out of nowhere with my drink. Good. I could really do with one after all this.
“Here you go,” he smiled. “Tia Maria and Coke. Oh bugger. Sorry about this. Forgot the ice…”
I tried to tell him it didn’t matter but he was already squeezing his way back towards the crowded bar.
Another girl approached me now. I didn’t like the look of her. Jeans and a t-shirt and hardly any make-up. She hadn’t made any effort.
“You deserved that!” she said clearly over the noise of the music.
“Oh great!” I sighed. “What have I done? Has your boyfriend been looking at me too?” I asked.
“No. I haven’t even got a boyfriend. How am I supposed to get chatted up when a big Tit-Cow like you is standing there, spilling out of your dress and getting all the attention?”
Cheek! I didn’t think she’d get any attention if she was the only woman in the room but I was too polite to say it. I just smiled and shrugged.
“You deserve this too!” she said, and without any further warning, sunk a short punch deep into my belly. WHOOOSH! A jet of air rushed out of my mouth and I doubled over. The girl grabbed hold of the back of my hair with one hand and pushed my arm up my back with the other before straightening me back upright.
“Your fella’s coming back. Don’t you dare say a word!” she hissed in my ear. I was so winded I couldn’t talk anyway.
My boyfriend put my drink down on the table. The girl smiled and said to him.
“Hi. I’m Amanda. We’re just having a girly chat. We know each other, don’t we?” She made me nod my head with the firm grip on my hair.
“Pleased to meet you, Amanda.” said my boyfriend. “Sarah, I’ve just seen someone I know over there too. Mind if I come back in a bit?”
This time she shook my head from side to side. I wanted to speak but still hadn’t got any breath back. My boyfriend obviously didn’t notice the little tear rolling down my cheek as he disappeared into the crowd again.
“Now,” said Amanda. “Where were we?”
“You just punched me in the tummy,” I replied, still shocked by what was happening.
“That’s right,” she said – and did it again. WHOOSH! My knees buckled and I bent double for a second time. She still had a handful of my hair. She pulled me back up just slightly, then
SMASH!
She rammed me face first into a table top. All the drinks went flying – including my Tia Maria which I hadn’t even touched yet.
She let go of my hair and I staggered backwards, cupping my hands over my face.
“Ooooowwww! By dose! By fink boo broke by dose!” I mumbled through my fingers.
“Good. Let’s make sure shall we!” She gave me a hard SLAP! On my backside. My hands instinctively shot down to clutch my stinging seat. This left my nose unprotected again.
BANG!
She punched me straight in the face. This one was hard enough to deck me. I landed on my behind and sat there clutching my nose once more. It was throbbing and felt about three times its normal size. She was already coming towards me again. I was panicking. The quickest thing I could do was crawl and hide under a nearby table. It was only a small table though and it only hid my top half. I quickly realised what was coming next and I suppose it serves me right for sticking my bum up in the air.
CRUNCH!
Her pointy shoe sunk firmly between my cheeks. I YELPED as I straightened up – You can’t help it, even if you know you’re halfway under a table.
BASH!
The back of my head whacked into the solid wood and I fell flat on my face, back onto the floor. I could hear everyone laughing as if they were watching the greatest slapstick comedy ever filmed. I’m sure a few camera and video phones were pointing my way right now.
I rolled over onto my back, groaning and rubbing my poor head. I was still halfway under the table. I just wanted to stay there until everyone went away. Then I heard someone say:
“Wow! This one’s gonna hurt!”
I wondered what they meant. Then I realised I was lying there with my legs slightly apart. Before I could think about closing them, I received a swift kick right between my thighs. YEEOUCH!
I sat bolt upright. Well, I nearly did. The underneath of the table meeting my forehead stopped me halfway. CRACK! That got an even bigger laugh from the crowd. I flopped back to the floor and started moaning some more.
“Come out of there and get what’s coming to you!” yelled Amanda, grabbing at the bottom of my dress and pulling. Everyone seemed to be shouting their encouragement – rather than rushing to help.
Well, I stayed under the table but my dress didn’t. With a loud RIPPPP! And a massive cheer from the crowd, it disappeared completely – leaving me in my knickers, suspenders, stockings and high heels. I quickly covered my bare boobs and sat up in complete shock and embarrassment.
CRACK! That bloody table again. Oh, my poor head!
I got slowly to my feet this time and noticed that Amanda had disappeared and there was just a crowd of grinning men left. I realised that my boyfriend was by my side. Actually, it looked like there were two or three of him.
“Sarah, what on earth’s going on?” he asked.
“I think she’s had one too many, mate!” laughed one of the blokes.
Yeah, one too many bashes on the head – I thought. I didn’t say anything, my head was still swimming.
“You’ve gone cross-eyed,” said my boyfriend, with a concerned expression. “Let’s get you home.”
I managed to nod, although even that hurt. He told me that he’d ring for a taxi on his mobile but that he needed to stand somewhere a bit quieter. He told me to wait there and then he vanished.
I stood there looking miserable and ridiculous – half naked and holding onto my boobs as if I was holding onto my last scrap of dignity. A lad walked over to me.
“Now your fella’s gone, I wanted to give you this,” he said – and punched me in the tummy! WHOOSH! I bent double but managed to hang onto my boobs.
“Ouch! What was that for!” I gasped.
“You spilt my drink when you head-butted that table.”
I was barely standing upright again, before another lad approached me. He smiled at me and then sunk his fist deep into my belly too. WHOOSH! My knees buckled but I was proud that I still hadn’t exposed my bosom.
“Owww! What did I do to you?” I sobbed.
“My girlfriend slapped me for looking at you,” he shrugged, “I’ll be sleeping on the sofa tonight because of you…”
I felt like telling him he should keep his eyes and his fists to himself, but I didn’t really want another punch. Anyway, he seemed to vanish just as My boyfriend appeared again.
“Sarah, I can’t get a signal. I’m going to find a payphone outside. I’ll be back soon.”
And then he was gone again!
Eeeek! I felt a large handful of my bum being grabbed and squeezed so I spun round to see who it was. There was the creepy teenager whose face I’d slapped earlier.
“Seeing as everyone’s getting their own back, this is for slapping me…” he said. WHOOSH! He thumped me hard in my tummy then SLAPPED my butt really hard before walking off laughing. At least I’d managed to keep hold of my boobs yet again.
CRACK!
Before I knew what hit me, I was flat on my back with my arms flung out. I’d been punched on the jaw by a bloke who was now standing over me, smiling.
“I’m sorry for whatever I did to you…” I whimpered.
“Oh, you didn’t do anything to me. I just wanted to see your tits properly.”
“You could have just asked for a look!” I sobbed. He shrugged and just stood there staring. Loads of other blokes gathered round to get an eyeful.
Girls were punching me for showing off my tits and boys were punching me for not showing them off! I couldn’t win. I just sat there and cried. My last bit of dignity had been knocked out of me – I didn’t even bother to cover my boobs anymore. In fact, I grabbed hold of them, bobbled them up and down and slapped them together a few times.
“Come on,” I said miserably, “Take a good look!”
The crowd of blokes all cheered and moved closer. I thought I was about to get a group groping but then my boyfriend turned up again.
“Sarah! What are you doing!”
I let go of my boobs. They stopped bouncing after a second or two. Then I covered them up again and just sat there looking up at him and not knowing what to say.
“I don’t think alcohol agrees with you,” he said, taking hold of my hand and dragging me to my feet. This meant that one of my boobs bounced free again and received a cheer from the men who were still watching the free show. I quickly tried to cover up with one arm – which is not easy when you’ve got a bosom like mine.
My boyfriend marched me out of the nightclub. Blokes were shouting suggestions to him of what he should do to me when we got home. I hoped he wasn’t getting any ideas – I didn’t think I’d have the energy.
“The phone wasn’t working,” he told me. “We’ll have to walk to the taxi rank.”
Great. Walk all the way through town in my underwear. We were picking up quite a crowd already and we’d only just got onto the street. Well, at least I was by my boyfriend’s side now. Nothing else could hurt me. I was managing to ignore all the comments that I was getting until I heard girl’s voice.
“Hey! Tit-Cow!” she shouted.
I know you’ll think I’m stupid for this, but I couldn’t help it. I carried on walking but I looked round to see if it was Amanda.
“Watch out for the…”
CLANG!!!!
“…lamp-post.”
I went face-first into the metal pole and got knocked bum-first onto the pavement. OUCH! OWWWW! My ears were ringing from the impact but also from the laughter of all the people on the street. I tried to get to my feet but I wasn’t ready for that quite yet. I managed to get on my hands and knees.
But at that moment a police car pulled up. They must have wondered what the commotion was. And when the driver opened his door – whose poor head do you think was right in the way?
BANG!!!
I rolled back onto the pavement, flat on my back, moaning and groaning. A police officer was standing over me.
“Well, well. What’s all this then?” he said. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to arrest you for indecent exposure, being drunk and disorderly and for criminal damage to my car door.”
He hauled me to my feet and handcuffed my arms behind my back. The crowd on the street cheered at this because there was no way I could cover my boobs now. Then he bundled me into the back of the car. I heard him explaining to my boyfriend that he’d probably wouldn’t press charges but that the cells was probably the safest place right now for a girl in my condition.
I cried all the way to the station and tried to plead with the two officers sat up front. It was no use. They just said it was a pity they weren’t issued with gags as well as handcuffs.
There was a lot of cheering and applause from all the officers and the people they’d arrested, as I was marched quickly through the building and down to the cells. My boobs were wobbling up and down like mad.
“Saturday night’s very busy,” the sergeant at the desk told me. “That means you’ll have to share a cell. You’re sharing with a female of course. I believe she’s a friend of yours…”
The door opened and I peered around the cell. There was a bench, a toilet and…..Amanda!
She grinned and said “When I saw you getting taken away, I started another fight. Got myself arrested too – I’ve decided that the fun isn’t over yet…”
Gulp! The door slammed shut behind me. With my handcuffs still on, I didn’t stand a chance.
THUMP!
“Ooooofffff!”
BASH!
“Ooowwww!”
BIFF!
“Waaaaaaaa!”
BANG!
“Yaaaaaaaaaa!”
CRUNCH!
“Yoooooowwww! By Dose! By Dose!”
CRASH!
“Waaaaaaaaa!”
SMACK!
“Eeeeekkkkkk!”
POW!
“Ouch! Heeeeellllllp! Noooo! Please! Don’t put my head in there!!!!!!”
SPLASH!
“Glub Glub Glub…”
FLUSH!
“Glub Glub Glub…”
FLUSH!
“Glub, Glub, Glub…”
BOOT!
“Mmmmppphhhh!”
CRUNCH!
“Yoooooowwww!”
WHACK!
“Ooooouuuuch!”
WALLOP!
“Ooooooooooo!”
THUD!
“Nooooooo! Pleeeease! Let me out!”
Outside, the TV on the custody desk was being turned up to full volume to drown out the noise…
