In The Spirit of "The Deadliest Warrior"....
Bonnie Parker (of Bonnie and Clyde) vs. Annie Oakley (Western Legend): Who Wins...and WHY!
by Supporturgoddes
Shortly before three PM on a sweltering hot summer day, a Ford V8 sedan painted cordoba gray rolls into a fairground near a major midwestern city. At the wheel sits a young man with piercing eyes. His name is Clyde Barrow. He is one half of the infamous crime duo known as Bonnie and Clyde. He scans his surroundings. The fairgrounds are empty. The morning show is over, and the evening show will not begin for hours. Almost every member of the traveling show, including the world-famous Buffalo Bill Cody, has gone into town to participate in a parade meant to build interest in the evening perfomance. Clyde cannot believe his luck. With the fairgrounds empty, he should have little difficulty stealing the strongbox and robbing the traveling troop of everything they have earned.
Clyde parks his behemoth behind some trees. He steps out and sneaks across the grounds, finally slipping into the first tent he comes to.
Clyde stops cold in his tracks. A tiny young woman stands at the far end of the tent, with her back to Clyde. She stares into a mirror and removes her makeup. The pretty young woman wears a tight, powder blue western-style shirt and a bright blue neckerchief. Below her waist, she wears a belt, a brilliant, blue, knee-high dress, and cowboy boots. She completes her outfit with a very large, white, cowboy hat. Under most conditions the morality of the times would have forced the girl to hide her shapely legs under cotton leggings, but within the privacy of her tent she feels free to leave her legs bare, in an effort to fight the oppressive heat.
Clyde is instantly impressed. Although the girl stands less than five feet tall, she is considered a beauty, by the standards of the age. Clyde gazes at the young beauty like a hungry wolf sizing up a tasty lamb. Never a fan of prohibitions, when Clyde Barrow is thirsty, he imbibes. He sneaks up behind the pretty little lady, to have some fun with her.
Just as Clyde reaches out, the girl spins. Clyde's eyes grow wide. He stares down the business end of a long rifle. The girl aims her Winchester right between his eyes.
Clyde raises his hands and stammers, nervously. "Be careful with that thing. You might get hurt. I don't think you understand just who you're up against!"
The girl smiles. "Mister, I think your problem is that YOU don't know who YOU'RE up against!"
Clyde's smile fades, as he spots a poster on a tent post and realizes he has come face-to-face with the traveling show's star attraction, the legendary sharpshooter, Annie Oakley.
Within moments, Annie Oakley has Clyde Barrow hog tied and gagged. She then turn to go and get the authorities.
Outside the tent, the doors to the massive Ford V8 open. A pair of sexy legs slide out. A tiny woman dressed in an ankle-length, fiery red dress and matching red heels steps out. She is Bonnie Elisabeth Parker, Clyde's lover and partner in crime. Though barely 4' 11" tall, she is considered a true beauty. She has the face of an angel and a shapely body sure to incite sinful thoughts from the boys she meets. Her movie star good looks are offset, however, by the massive Browning Automatic Rifle she strains to carry. Her eyes stare anxiously at the tent. She knows Clyde has been gone too long. Cautiously, fearfully, she steps toward the tent.
The tent flap flies open. The women's eyes widen. Bonnie sees Clyde tied up in the tent and the Winchester rifle in Annie's hands. Annie stares in shock at the massive Browning Automatic Bonnie carries. There is no time for introductions. A war begins. Each woman knows only one of them will be standing in the end.
The women draw their weapons. Annie Oakley is far faster and more accurate than Bonnie Parker. Annie is already firing before Bonnie has her weapon halfway up. Annie's shot strikes the B.A.R., sending sparks flying. Bonnie cries out, staggers to her side, and falls to the grass, curling her body up into a little ball. Annie cautiously approaches the fallen outlaw. She pokes and prods Bonnie with the end of her rifle. Aspiring actress Bonnie has Annie eating out of her hand. Having faked injury, the little spitfire suddenly grabs the end of Annie's rifle and uses it to flip her down. The Winchester flies back under the car, out of reach. Now both women are disarmed.
The girls leap together, pulling each other's hair, slapping and punching. The young women are astonishingly well matched. Bonnie stands 4'11" tall and weighs about 105 lbs. Annie is also 4'11" and weighs only a few pounds less than Bonnie. They fight wildly, struggling to stay on their feet as they spin round and round. Bonnie steps out of one of her shoes. Off balance, she falls. She pulls off her other shoe and leaps up, trying to stab Annie with her pointed heel. The girls struggle over the shoe until Annie tears it from Bonnie's grasp and sends it flying away. Bonnie swats Annie's hat off her head. Bonnie steps back and, with a hint of a challenging grin, stomps Annie hat under her now bare foot. In The West, that's a particularly blunt insult.
They trade fists. Annie lands a beauty to Bonnie's nose. Stunned, Bonnie reels back on her heels, but she falls against the Ford V8. Bonnie reaches into the car. Annie gasps and runs for her life, leaping back into the tent by the time Bonnie can pull another weapon from her rolling arsenal.The flap closes shut. Annie scrambles behind a heavy, wood chest and hides. Annie Oakley is scared! This is not a shooting competition or exhibition. This is a real gunfight! Outside the tent, Bonnie dabs a drop of blood from her nose and sneers. She opens fire with her signature weapon, the Thompson Sub-Machine Gun. Unable to see into the closed tent, Bonnie rakes the tent with murderous gunfire from "The Chicago Typewriter's" fifty round drum, raining bullets down at Annie. Annie's fear turns to terror. She has never experienced such firepower! It seems a dozen Bonnie Parkers are firing, all at once! Bonnie's shots go high.
Clyde manages to spit out his gag. He shouts, "Stop! Dammit, Bonnie, you're going to shoot ME!"
Bonnie stops firing. She knows she has to enter the tent. The little hellcat in red is not the type to back down from a fight with another woman, especially one who dared to put her hands on Clyde. Even so, her heart races as she reaches for the flap. Inside the tent, Annie's heart is also pounding. "Little Sure Shot" has never seen such weapons! Though she has reached her Colt pistol, she knows she is hopelessly outgunned. She sits propped up against the chest, with her back to the flap. She hears it open. Bonnie has entered the tent. Annie knows she has only seconds before Bonnie finds her. Then Bonnie's machine gun can cut her to pieces! Annie Oakley calls upon all her legendary skills. Using only her small hanging mirror to aim, Annie throws her pistol up over the trunk and fires backward, over her shoulder. The bullet passes through Bonnie's short hair. Bonnie screams, firing bullets madly. Once again her thin arms can not control the machine gun. It rides up, sending most of the bullets high. Even so, the torrent of bullets tears a frightened scream from Annie, giving away her hiding place. Bonnie runs around the chest. She has her! Bonnie points the muzzle at Annie's pretty face and fires.
"CLICK!"
Annie leaps up. "You're empty, lady!" She aims her gun between Bonnie's terrified eyes.
Bonnie drops her machine gun and throws up her hands, screeching, "I give up! Don't hurt me! I give up!"
Annie says, "Get down on your knees, gal! I'm going to bind and gag you, just like I did to your thieving lover!"
Tears fill Bonnie's beautiful eyes. The site of Annie's gun pointed at her skull is terrifying, but so is the prospect of arrest. Even if she is lucky, the most Bonnie can hope for is to spend most of her life in prison. Clyde won't be so fortunate. He will certainly be executed.
Bonnie holds her hands up, obediently giving in to Annie's commands. She lowers, but just before her knees hit sawdust, she hooks her foot under the machine gun and kicks it up into Annie. Annie is off balance. Bonnie leaps up at her. The girls struggle desperately over Annie's gun. Bonnie leans in sinks her teeth into the flesh of Annie's hand, and then she bites Annie's fingers. Annie screams in pain. Bonnie yanks the gun out of Annie's grasp, steps back, puts the end of the gun against Annie's heart, and pulls the trigger.
"CLICK!"
Bonnie Parker may have dreamed of stardom, but Annie Oakley could have given Bonnie acting lessons. Used to firing only trick shots before a crowd, she had no reason to carry a fully loaded revolver. "Little Sure Shot" had fired her only live round when Bonnie first entered the tent. After that, her gun was empty. Annie had been bluffing.
Finally completely deprived of the weapons they relied on, the two diminutive but deadly damsels circle, slowly.
Though still partially gagged, Clyde shouts, "Get her, Bonnie! Scratch her eyes out! Tear her up! Teach her who the better woman is!"
Bonnie fires a quick shot to Annie's head. Annie takes several steps to one side. Bonnie leaps in, but Annie punches Bonnie's chin. Bonnie reels on her heels, but she stays on her feet. Both girls raise their fists like prize fighters. Bonnie's stance appears almost comical. She gets a few good blows in, but Annie drives a fist to her belly that almost drops her. Bonnie looks up, and takes a hard fist to her nose. Losing and knowing it, Bonnie jabs her finger into Annie's eye. Annie cries out and covers her face, leaving her belly unprotected. Bonnie hauls back and puts all she has into a wild punch aimed below Annie's gut.
"Y-E-O-W! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Bonnie's fist hits Annie's wide, metal belt buckle. Bonnie waves her hand out by her side. Annie rubs her reddened eye.
"Serves you right, for cheating!" Shouts Annie.
Bonnie snarls. "You want to see dirty fighting? I'll teach you how it's done!"
Bonnie charges. The girls collide, scratching, hitting, choking, and pulling hair. Bonnie's flimsy red dress suddenly tears wide open, exposing her bra, revealing much of her impressive breasts, and leaving her belly bare.
Bonnie looks down at her body and shouts, "That was my best red dress! You'll regret that!"
"R-I-I-I-I-P!"
Bonnie tears Annies blouse completely off.
Annie's mouth drops wide open. Her cotton bra strains to hold back ample breasts. The demure cowgirl tries desperately to cover her exposed flesh. Annie's modesty costs her. Bonnie slams two brutal kidney shots into Annie's lower back. Annie falls to her knees but rises. Annie again assumes a boxers stance, holding up her fists. Now Bonnie's hands are claws ar her sides. Bonnie snarls, telegraphing her next move. She lunges, but she is met by a hard fist to her lips. Bonnie's eyes go blank. Stunned, she freezes. Annie fires two quick jabs to Bonnie's nose.
"Pap! Pap!"
Annie fires a sledgehammer fist to Bonnie's lovely face.
Blood trickles from Bonnie's nose. She throws her arms out to her sides and makes fast circles with them, tring to keep her balance until her knees turn to jelly and she sits down, hard.
A tear rolls down one of Bonnie's cheeks. She holds up the palm of one hand, asking for a kind of time out. Breathing hard, Annie gives it to her, hoping the outlaw will not answer some imaginary bell. Without warning, Bonnie leaps up and throws the top of her head up under Annie's chin.
"CRACK!"
Annie's head flies back over her shoulders. She seems to have been struck by lightning! Before Annie can respond, Bonnie fires brutal fists after fist into Annie's bare belly. She then draws back and spins, putting her entire body into a haymaker punch to Annie's jaw. The cute little cowgirl flies up and over the chest and crashes down flat on her back. Clyde cheers. Bonnie stands victoriously over Annie Oakley.
Annie props up a little. She sobs, hard, and rubs her injured jaw. Tears welling, she shouts, "I showed you mercy, only so you could catch me off-guard? Where's the honor in winning by a sneak attack? That ain't fair!"
A hint of a devilish, satisfied smile spread over Bonnie's lips. She looks down and, in a melodic Texas twang, says, "I don't fight polite!"
As if to prove it, Bonnie delivers a makeshift drop kick into the wood chest, slamming it hard back against Annie Oakley's tiny body.
Before Annie can recover, Bonnie is on her. The gorgeous gangster stomps sweet Annie into the sawdust. Annie tries to rise and run. Bonnie leaps on Annie's back from behind, riding her piggyback style and choking her from behind. She reaches around and scratches Annie's cheeks and digs her fingers into Annie's eyes. Annie wails and collapses.
Clyde shouts, "You've got her now! Finish her off!"
A wicked smile spreads across Bonnie's ruby-red lips. She reaches down with both hands, takes a handful of hair on either side of Annie's head, and presses her bare foot over Annie Oakley's face. Bonnie pulls up savagely at Annie's hair, while her foot holds Annie's head to the ground. Annie lets out muffled cries. Her scalp is on fire. Bonnie is pulling out her hair! Her nose is crushed. Her jaw feels like it might break. Annie has no choice. She strains to pry Bonnie's foot an inch off her face and then sinks her teeth into the bottom of Bonnie's bare foot.
"EEE-OWWWW!"
Annie twists Bonnie's tiny ankle, tripping Bonnie down. Annie keeps biting. Bonnie wails, digs at sawdust, but then spins and uses her free foot to kick Annie off.
Bonnie rises. She sees Annie rising, too.
Gasping, Bonnie whispers, "Stay down! Why won't you just stay down?"
Again Bonnie mounts Annie from behind, trying to choke her out. This time Annie spins around and leaps down backward, slamming Bonnie's back to the ground and coming down on top of her. Annie knocks the wind out of Bonnie's lungs. Annie staggers to her feet. Winded and nauseated, Bonnie trie to return a favor by biting Annie's foot, but she only gets a mouthful of Annie's leather boot. Startled, Annie steps back and out of her boot. Bonnie swings the boot at Annie's lower leg. Annie yelps. She reaches down and pulls off her remaining boot, swinging it back at Bonnie. Annie knocks the boot from Bonnie's hands and starts chasing Bonnie around the tent, madly swinging her boot at her. Clyde laughs at the site of Bonnie screeching and running around the tent, as Annie swats Bonnie's hips with her boot. Annie throws the boot, but misses.
Both petite young women are gasping for air. Both have had their clothes shredded and their hair pulled. Both are scuffed and bruised, yet neither girl will give in.
Bonnie goes straight for Annie's eyes, but when that fails, she seizes Annie's long, curly, brown hair. Annie digs her fingers into Bonnie's shorter, stylish hair. A battle of wills begins. Faces turn red. Scalps are on fire. Teeth are bared and tears roll. Bonnie's thighs quake. Her knees start to bend.
Clyde shouts," Don't you let that girl beat you! Don't you let her put you on your knees! Stay up!"
Both girls' thighs quake from strain, but once again Bonnie's knees begin to fold. Bonnie screams from strain, but try as she might, she knows Annie is proving too much for her. Desperate to stay up, Bonnie stomps her foot down over Annie's now bare foot. Annie yells, but then she stomps her foot onto Bonnie's foot. Bonnie yelps. Each girl holds tight to the other's hair and starts stomping. The girls spin round and round, pulling hair and stomping feet. Bonnie loses. She cries out, holding one foot up in her hands while hopping on the other. Annie fires a rocket of a punch into Bonnie's chin. Bonnie Parker flies down.
Annie Oakley dives on Bonnie parker. Annie quickly tears away what little remains of Annie's red dress, leaving her only in a provocative red bra and matching panties. Annie tears into her, slamming fists in a blur. Annie drives one fist so deep into Bonnie's trin stomach that Bonnie almost vomits. Annie stands over Bonnie. Bonnie sits on her legs at Annie's feet. Crying, Bonnie's hands come up, begging for mercy.
Annie hesitates, but she refuses to fall for that trick again. She kicks her foot into Bonnie's face. Bonnie flies over onto her back. Annie leaps up and stomps one foot flat into Bonnie's belly. Bonnie is shattered. She sits up in tears, clutching her gut and rocking in pain.
Annie reaches down and lifts wobbly Bonnie to her feet by her hair.
Bonnie cries, "Clyde? Clyde?"
Annie flips Bonnie Parker completely off her feet by her hair. Bonnie screams like a banshee. Bonnie begs and pleeds at Annie's feet, but Annie lifts her by her hair and does it again. Bonnie writhes in sheer anguish, clutching her hair and rolling back and forth. She sits up, looking at the tufts of her precious hair lying in the sawdust around her. Tears flood, but rage boils over. Bonnie screams like a madwoman and comes up swinging blindly. Annie swings back. No blow is ducked or blocked. They engage in a half a minute of absolutely brutal, toe-to-toe fistfighting. Annie reduces Bonnie to a punching bag. Three punches to her naval lift Bonnie off her feet. Then comes jabs to her face. Bonnie's eyes roll back. Annie takes her time, savoring the moment. Then she rattles Bonnie's teeth with a tremndous fist. Bonnie Parker falls flat.
Bonnie lies spread eagle at Annie's feet. Annie presses her foot over Bonnie's breasts and looks down at the gangster. Bonnie's tears roll. Her trembling voice is that of a little girl.
"No more? Please? I just can't take any more! Please, I give! I give up!"
Annie nods. She turns to get a rope to use to bind Bonnie, but she is careful to keep a watchful eye on her enemy through the mirror hanging on the wall. When Annie returns, sobbing Bonnie kneels obediently and holds up her wrists submissively, waiting for Annie to tie them.
Just as Annie reaches for Bonnie's wrists, Bonnie lunges forward, driving her head up under Annie's short dress. Bonnie takes a mouthful of Annie's upper, inner thigh and bites as hard as she can. Annie's eyes bulge in shock and disbelief. She screams madly. Bonnie takes mouthfuls of pale, tender flesh, biting farther and farther up Annie's leg, until....
Annie lets out a mad cry. Tears flood into her eyes.
Bonnie rises. A fist to Annie's chin sends her flying back. She falls. Bonnie leaps up onto the chest and then down onto Annie. Bonnie lands with both feet in the pit of Annie's belly, folding the thin girl in half. Bonnie pulls Annie to a sitting position, takes a fistful of Annie's bangs, and starts pounding her free fist into Annie's face. Annie Oakley is quickly reduced to little more than a quivering lump at Bonnie Parker's feet. When Annie's eyes close and she falls helplessly to her back, Bonnie mounts her, pins her in school girl fashion, and chokes Annie until she is out cold. Bonnie Parker stands, leaving Annie Oakley fully and undeniably beaten.
Bonnie looks back over her shoulder at Clyde, well aware of how much her victory has impressed him. She gives him a coy smile. She puts her foot on the beaten cowgirls stomach, posing over her like a prizefighter might pose after a knockout.
Clyde shouts, "You did it, girl! You stomped her into the dirt! Now cut me loose! Let's grab the loot and get out of here!"
Bonnie walks toward Clyde but she keeps going, leaving him behind and walking out of the tent.
Clyde shouts, "Where are you going? You can't leave me behind! You just can't!"
Bonnie steps back into the tent carrying the infamous camera she liked to keep with her. She cuts Clyde loose and insists he take pictures of her posing all over the beaten and helpless Annie Oakley. Bonnie poses in all manner of provocative and dominant positions on Annie Oakley's limp and helpless body. Bonnie knows how much these photos will excite Clyde, but that is not her main reason for taking them. The photos clearly show Bonnie's contempt for Annie. She puts Annie over her knee and spanks her. She wipes her foot in Annie's face. Bonnie knows folks tend to believe legends over facts, so she intends to use the photos to tell an account of the battle somewhat different from the truth. Bonnie Parker wants the world to believe she mopped the floor with Annie Oakley and laughed at her while she did it. The photos will seem to prove Annie's account. Bonnie craves fame, and humbling Annie Oakley may well give it to her. She leaves Annie Oakley alive, but utterly humiliated. The troop will find Little Sure Shot beaten and unconscious, with Bonnie's dusty footprint across her backside.
The distant sound of police siren puts an end to Bonnie's fun. Bonnie and Clyde grab the loot and roar away.
Bonnie is flying, grinning ear-to-ear. "When the newspapers get copies of these pictures, I'll finally be a real star!"
Clyde smiles back. "You earned it, gal. Just be careful with that camera!"
Bonnie smiles. "Aw, shucks! We're headed back down south. I'll keep this here camera with me every minute. As long as I'm safe, it will be. What could happen to us in a little Parish down in Louisiana?"
***
This battle did not and could not have happened in real life. Annie Oakley was already dead before Bonnie Parker began her partnership with Clyde. This is a hypothetical contest between two historical figures, written in the spirit of the old tv series, The Deadliest Warrior. Please note that the period-specific weapons played no part in the outcome and were used only to add atmosphere and authenticity to the tale. The actual battle was hand to hand. Also note that unlike The Deadliest Warrior, BOTH competitiors were left alive and relatively unhurt at the end of my story.
So, Why Did Bonnie Win?
When the women first meet, they draw their signature weapons and open fire. Annie Oakley was, arguably, the greatest sharpshooter of her day. Her speed and skill with a gun far exceeded Bonnie Parker's abilities. Annie could easily have finished Bonnie in the first moments of this duel with a single bullet right between Bonnie's eyes. Annie Oakley , however, was not a killer. She was a performer, famous for making difficult shots. Her first instinct would have been to disarm and capture Bonnie rather than to kill her.
Aspiring acrtress Bonnie then tricks inexperienced gunfighter Annie, turning the tables and disarming her.
Bonnie's partner, Clyde, along with his brother, Buck Barrow, turned any car they could steal into a rolling arsenal. Bonnie reaches back into the car for another weapon. She chooses the most famous weapon of her era, the Thompson submachine gun. Annie realizes what Bonnie is doing and dives back into her tent, out of site. Bonnie sprays the tent with a short burst from the Thompson, but Thompsons tended to ride up when fired, especially in the hands of small and relatively weak shootists. Bonnie's shots go high, merely tearing up the top of the tent. Inside the tent, Cyde, who Annie had captured and tied to a post, shouts at Bonnie to stop her blind firing before she hits HIM by accident.
When Bonnie is forced to follow Annie into the tent, Annie's familiarity with the location and her superb skills give her an advantage. Annie is able to remain hidden behind a heavy trunk and still fire backward over her shoulder. Her bullet misses, but it comes close enough to scare the living daylights out of Bonnie. Startled by the shot, Bonnie sprays unaimed bullets again, and quickly runs out. Annie has the same problem. Her act often requires her to hit a target with a single shot. When she dove into the tent, she grabbed a weapon loaded with a single bullet. Now both women are disarmed.
Their battle is now hand to hand, woman vs woman. The cowgirl turned international superstar and the Texas outlaw who dreamed of being a Hollywood star have much in common. Both are petite, each standing between 4'10" and 4'11" and weighing about 100 lbs. They are remarkably well matched.
So, what gave Bonnie her victory? Annie was probably a little tougher and certainly more skilled, but I have to think Bonnie could be quite a bit meaner and more vicious, when she had to be. Annie was not a shootist famous for gunning down outlaws. She was a performer who worked in a traveling show. Although there is considerable debate over exactly which incidents Bonnie Parker was directly involved in and how violent she really was, there can be little doubt that during her brief outlaw run, Bonnie Parker was at connected to one hundred felony acts, including about twice as many murders as Jack The Ripper! Many of the men murdered were armed police officers! The cute, tiny, aspiring actress was no angel.
Annie Oakley came from The Nineteenth Century, during an era when women were expected to be demure. Annie helped change attitudes toward women, but she was still a product of her times. In my story Annie repeatedly stops her attack to check on Bonnie's condition and to give her a chance to give up. She regrets her choices. Annie expects a fair fight. She goes looking for a kind of prize fight, where the better woman wins. Bonnie fights for her freedom and perhaps for her life. She claws, bites, rubs her thumb in Annie's eyes, and generally fights dirty.
In most of my fictional stories, the good girl wins. This story is based on historical figures. That set real boundaries. I couldn't just write about who I thought should win. I had to consider who I thought WOULD win. In reality, the meaner, trickier, more vicious woman in a fight often wins.
There are countless ways this fictional battle could have played out, but in this story... the clear winner is... Bonnie Parker!
