Our heroes are now planning their escape from the haunted house and are in deep discussion on their plans
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill[StarLord]: Well that's just as fascinating as the first 900 times. What is wrong with wood head here?
Rocket Racoon: Well he don't know talkin' good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to "I" and "am" and "Groot," exclusively in dat order.
Kinda like Gamora’s is limited to “Fuck You Rocket” and “Oh Kiss Me StarLord!”
Gamora: I never beg for anything you rat faced vermin!!
Peter Quill[StarLord]: Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud. It’s a lot like Anna’s bad Sarah Palin imitation!…you pray at some point it just ends!! Is Groot from Jersey too? Elizabeth, New Jersey I bet! A lotta gangsters are from there! He reminds me of one of the Sopranos I still say!
Rocket Racoon: I aint from no Jersey, new or old!
Rocket Racoon: If we're gonna get outta here, we’re gonna need to get into that watch tower, and to do that, I'm gonna need a few things. The guards wear security bands to control their ins and outs. I need one. Better make that two. One of you fucking losers will probably break da first one so we need a back up plan!
Gamora: Leave it to me.
Rocket Racoon: Oh yeah, leave to green tits, she’ll seduce him all right [rolls my eyes]. Does he have a green cock? I assume dat would be attractive to ya?
Gamora: Oh I am so going to make you into a raccoon fur door mat when we’re out of here flea bag. Don’t you have something to go fetch? Someone throw a space grenade and ask Rocket to go fetch!
Rocket Raccoon: [glaring at Gamora] I know you think I’m cute so why are ya fightin it? Come on!! Show me those green tits!!!
Rocket Raccoon: [points at one of the guards] That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg for my plan. And no, I am not talking about his cock! Only Groot has a prostectic cock! WOW! A wooden cock, oh well. Sorry Groot!
Peter Quill[StarLord]: His leg? You need a fake leg for this plan?
Rocket Raccoon: Yeah. God knows I don't needs da rest of him. Look at him. He's useless. Kinda like Anna’s tits.
Peter Quill[StarLord]: All right. But this better be good if I risk my life for a prostetic leg!
Rocket Raccoon: And finally, on the wall back there is a black panel. Blinky yellow light. You see it?
Peter Quill[StarLord]: Yeah.
Rocket Raccoon: Well, dat aint it moron! HA! [laughs hysterically] Its da red one!! There's a Quarnex battery behind it. Purplish box. Green wires. To get into that watch tower, I definitely need it. I also need 3 tooth picks, 4 rubber bands, last months Playboy magazine, 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag, and a Diet Coke!
Gamora: How are we supposed to get that?
Rocket Racoon: Well, supposedly, them bald bodied guards find YOU attractive, God knows why! So maybe you could work out some sort of trade. Those green tits of yours must be worth something!
[Groot suddenly begins plodding towards the panel]
Gamora: You must be joking. What’s the Playboy magazine for?
Rocket Racoon: No, I really heard they find you attractive. Is that so hard to believe because I know Peter …errr…..StarLord did!
And da magazine is becoz of my needs thing!
Gamora: I NEVER had sex with Peter!! And what needs could a little furry shit like you have?
Peter Quill[StarLord]: Hey!! Don’t say it like it would be so bad!! Remind me to never gets the hots for a green chick again!
Look. It's 20 feet up in the air to get that battery and it's in the middle of the most heavily guarded part of the prison. It's impossible to get up there without being seen.
Rocket Racoon: I got one plan, and that plan requires this frickin' Quarnex battery, so FIGURE IT OUT! Hey Pete! You big pussy! I thought you were fucking StarLord!! Can’t you do a Vulcan mind thingie on dat battery and like make it like materialize on duh table here?
[Groot removes the panel, which hits a passing inmate on the head and knocks him out]
Peter Quill(StarLord): Well one of those guards is a big rat faced female (I think its a female anyway?), so why don’t YOU go over there and see if you can seduce her. Or maybe she’s a long lost relative?
Rocket Racoon: Are you implying I am rat faced Pete? If you are that’s just wrong on so many levels! Can we get back to it and stay on plan? Come on! Thanks.
[Drax spots Groot trying to remove the battery]
Draz the Destroyer: Oh shit!
Rocket Racoon: Now, this is important. Once the battery is removed, everything is gonna slam into emergency mode and da shit hits da fan. Lights and alarms go off and it gets crazy! Once we have it, we gotta move quickly, so you definitely need to get that last.
[Groot removes the battery, setting off the alarms]
Rocket Racoon: Or we could just get it first and improvise. MUTHAFUCKA!!!
Gamora: I'll get the armband!
Peter Quill: I got the Leg!
[Quill has just retrieved the prosthetic leg Rocket asked for in order to break out of prison]
Rocket Racoon: Someone’s got her hands on my itty bitty titties!!! YUM!!
I knew those hormone shots would come in handy….Wait a sec!...I can’t have BOOBS!!!
Rocket Racoon: [Looks at Peter} You actually got it? The leg? I was just kidding about da leg, I just thought it'd be funny! [laughs hysterically!] GOD that is soo cool!!!
[Grabs the leg, turns and cracks it over Anna’s head!!]
Rocket Racoon: Dat one's for my pal Bullwinkle!!!
Rocket Raccoon: Dat’s also for shooting mice from a helicopter and then telling people you’d pay em a $150 for each one they shot! Just coz you were da Guv of dat Alaska place!..…and then you QUIT!! LOSER!! Going after helpless mice from a helicopter??
Peter Quill: Shooting “mice”?
Rocket Racoon: yeah…mice….that’s a buncha mooses!
Peter Quill: A bunch of mooses is…errr….mooses... you moron!
Rocket Raccoon: Oh? Oh fuck!
