Selina Kyle was barely aware of the hand with alabaster skin and emerald nails that waved smelling salts under her nose. She wasn’t sure of where she was, how she was dressed, or what she was doing. She knew her neck stung, like it had been pricked by a needle. Catwoman lifted her hand to feel the spot where the pain in her neck and found her sense of touch was block, her hands were covered with… boxing gloves? Why would she be wearing a pair of black leather boxing gloves? Or a black triangle bikini top? This wasn’t how she was dressed when she left for the night. Looking down Catwoman could just see the tip of what looked to be a small bell and a quick check with her bare forearm confirmed it was what she expected. She was still in her mask, but was wearing a collar, cute… because she is a cat. Selina rolled her eyes.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now ready for tonight’s main event, the U-lllllllltimate Catfight!” cackled that familiar voice. It was that wicked little clown, who else would think this outfit was funny.
“Introducing first, the challenger, the fighting pride of Arkham Asylum, Har-leee “The Mighty” Quinnnnn!” boomed the thin creepy evil clown.
“Yeah, wooo-wooo!” cheered his less than faithful sidekick. Harley Quinn was dressed in a half red half black string bikini top, with matching red bottoms with a black diamond pattern over the crotch. Around her waist was stiff pleated white skirt that shot out evocative of the clown collar she normally wore. In it’s place was a red leather choker collar with a large box sticking off the back. Her blond hair was done up in pig tails held in place with red string on the right, and black string on the left. One her hands were boxing gloves, black on the right hand, and red on the left. About the only thing true to her normal costume was her make up. Her face was covered in clown white, with black circles around the eyes, and black lipstick. Quinn bounced in the corner with the energy of a six year old who had been given too much sugar, while her breasts jiggled like a Baywatch highlight reel.
“And her opponent, the reigning Gotham catfight queen, Catwoman!” rasped the clown.
“Yeah, wooo!” cheered Harley, throwing in an enthusiastic high kick her body remembered from her cheerleading days.
“Take a bow, toots,” the clown ordered as he kicked Catwoman’s stool forward causing her to land on her gloved hands and knees. “What the hell? I thought cats always landed on their feet”
“Ha.. Ha!” Harley Quinn laughed with false enthusiasm, “Good one, Mis-tah Jay!”
“Alright, ladies, this bout will be fought under the Marquis de Queensbury’s rules and is scheduled for how ever long it takes for the two of your to beat the piss out of each other.” The clown shouted, “I’d say I want a good clean fight, but that would be lying. There is no standing eight count, and no three knockdown rule. Any questions?”
“Is this some sort of joke?” asked Catwoman as she got to her feet and look to her right.
The room was black aside from the hot lights the lit up the ring she and Quinn were standing in. A white chin and yellow toothy grin could just be seen poking out of the shadows. “Oh this is deadly serious, what do you take me for some sort of joker?”
“Ha!” Harley laughed as she threw one looping punch, “Ha!” and then another, booth shots missing widely as Catwoman nimbly dodged them. “Good one, Mistah Jay.”
The blond bomber charged forward with the furry of a drunken berserker Norseman and about half the precision. Hooks flew wide and were simple for Catwoman to slip, uppercuts fell short, and Quinn display no knowledge of the jab. It was easy for the stunning brunette to gracefully dodge the sloppy clown’s attacks. Only years of practiced ring made Selina bring her hands up. She no more needed her guard up than someone indoors needs an umbrella.
“I didn’t hear a bell” Catwoman called out with a smirk.
“Well allow me to ring… YOUR’S!” Quinn shouted, her latest looping punch was clearly meant to be the punch line of her little joke, but it sailed safely over the crouching Catwoman’s head. Harley had yet to land leather on Catwoman, who had led her around the ring with the grace of Ginger Rodgers. Ms Kyle danced effortlessly around Harley Quinn’s punches much to the frustration of the clown.
“Harley, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” asked the brunette.
“Giving you,” Roared Harley, “the beating of your life!”
Quinn let a three punch combo fly, and for the first time Selina was glad she had her hands up, she easily block the punches with her gloves while she thought to herself ‘well someone has been watching Tai-bo.’
“You haven’t touched me, girl.” Catwoman taunted, “you’ve got a better chance of winning the lotto and then getting hit by lighting than beating me.”
“Well let me be the first to say, ‘Shazam!’” The blond shouted as she pounced at Catwoman with a Superman punch. Once more Harley missed and found herself on the canvas for her troubles. “Ohh, that always worked for Mary Marvel.” Harley Quinn whined as she got off the ground and dusted off her gloves. After chasing Catwoman around the ring all she had to show for herself was a warm sweaty glow and slightly runny makeup.
“Boo! Hiss!” yelled the clown from the shadows. “Fight already!”
“I’m trying, Mistah Jay, but she keeps running.” Quinn called back.
“Well let me try it. Shazam!” yelled the clown. Instantly Catwoman seized up and stopped dead in her tracks. Harley Quinn hit the masked brunette with a one two that nearly downed her thanks to umph from the shock Catwoman got.
“Boo! Show your tits!” yelled the clown like a drunken frat boy.
Ever compliant Harley pulled at the string of her bikini and let her breasts loose. They were annoyingly perky, just like everything else about Harley Quinn.
“I knew you’d try and run.” Mocked Quinn with her gloved hands on her hips. “That’s why I had my puddin’ put us in these stun collars. Now you’ve got to stand-”
-ZAP- Harley landed and uppercut to Catwoman.
“And”
-ZAP- another shock and another punch, this one to the temple, ringing the brunette’s ears.
“Fight”
-ZAP- once more Catwoman’s body locked up and the blond boxer cracked her across the face sending her crashing to the ground.
“We want to see the Kitty’s puppies,” yelled the clown, “Show your tits, show your tits!”
“You got it, Mistah Jay” Harley said as she ripped the knot holding Catwoman’s top on. Selina was infuriated. She had been stringing Quinn along trying to figure out what the clown’s game was, but now she had been hurt. Well not so much hurt as humiliated. Catwoman had been hit harder in her life, but the damn electrical shock kept her from keeping her balance, and now she was showing off her treasures to that sick clown and his girl. Catwoman was pissed off at the clown for cheating, but even more pissed off that she let it get to this point. She could of ended the fight minutes ago if she wanted, well at least now she did want to end this.
Catwoman got to her feet and squared up with the blond then unleashed hell upon her. It was a text book six punch combo. It was meant to be an eight punch combo, but the second hit had folded Quinn in half, and she was on her way to the mat by the fourth hit. A smug smirk came across Catwoman’s face as she looked down at the crumbled ball of a fighter.
“Jeeze, Kitty-cat, where’d you learn to scratch like that?” asked the clown.
“The name Ted Grant mean anything to you?” Catwoman turned to face the clown while Harley Quinn tried to pull herself off the mat.
“Sure, sure, he has that Grease Grabbin’ Grill.” said the clown.
Quinn launched herself at Catwoman from behind, but failed to catch her by surprise. Selina slipped the awkward haymaker with ease, and countered with a primal fury of punches cracking ribs and smashing the face of the pretty blond in streaking make up.
“The fact we live in an age where a two time heavyweight champ is better known for the product he endorses than for vacating his title to punch Hitler in the face, and then coming out of retirement to win his title back from Sonny Liston because he was and I quote ‘a bigger menace than Hitler’ is just criminal.” Catwoman said with a quiet rage that left it in question whether she was madder over the girl’s cheap shot of the clown’s ignorance. “This was fun, but it‘s over.”
“I’ll say when this is over.” the clown raged as he zapped Catwoman again.
Quinn landed a good shot on the fighter in black, knocking the wind out of her, but Catwoman fought back. She battered Harley into a corner with short thudding blows. The young blond did her best to cover up, but Catwoman was able to find a hole in her defenses time and again. All the while the clown was cheering on Catwoman to beat upon his supposed girlfriend. The end result of all this was Quinn with her arms draped over the ropes, with a face looking like a jelly donut, red blood coming from her nose and mixing with the clown white on her face and dripping onto her bear chest. The most disturbing aspect was after the beating she endured, Harley had a drunken smile on her face that said she couldn’t of been happier.
The blond hurled herself out of the corner with a punch drunk flurry. Catwoman danced away with the gloves held high absorbing the blows. Catwoman enveloped Quinn in a clinch putting an end to her wild assault, but also serving to support her jelly legged rival at this point. Quinn lay her head on Catwoman’s naked breast smearing it with blood and grease paint.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You can’t win. Why do you keep coming forward if you are only going to get hurt?” Catwoman inquired with a husky undertone.
“When yah been in a relationship a long time, yah have tah… spice things up.” Quinn said with surprising coherence. “I figured my puddin’ would get off seein’ me pound you into kitty food.”
“But you are the one who is getting pounded.”
“Well, that’s true, I still think he’s going to put his jack in my box tonight, and that is all that matters.”
Booth fighters stiffened right up as they each received shocks. In fact Catwoman was more stunned that the clown was shocking Harley than she was by her collar. Why that was she couldn’t say, it wasn’t like the clown had shown any redeeming qualities before this point, why start now.
“Boring! We want some action!” the clown called like a petulant child.
Quinn was able to recover from the pain first, or maybe she was just trained to respond to her master’s voice. She hit Catwoman with a one-two to the breasts that brought Selina back into the fight. As Catwoman she had always been in control of her sexuality, but now thanks to being drugged and put in a stun collar she was being used as a glorified marital aid. Catwoman had enough, she was going to hurt Blondie, bad. She was going to be in no shape to hide anyone’s jack in her box tonight. With each punch Harley took she cried out. Each moan grew louder, but also higher, like there was pleasure, no arousal, mixed in with the pain. Harley couldn’t of been enjoying this? Didn’t matter she was on dream street now as she lay face down on the canvas. Now Catwoman could turn her attention to the clown.
As she walked to the ropes the clown headed towards her, his green hair now clearly sticking out of the shadows along with those yellow teeth and wide grin. Then without warning Catwoman was stopped in her tracks with the collar, and with a second jolt, and then third, dropped to her knees. The clown was emboldened, but the sight of the powerful brunette on her knees and climbed into the ring and took a seat on the top turnbuckle in the corner dressed only in pair of boxer short straining to contain his pleasure.
Catwoman tensed up when she saw the clown activate his box control, but no shock came. He pressed a button and still there was no shock. Then Catwoman realized he wasn’t trying to shock her. The moan from the other side of the ring meant Harley was awake if only barely. As she pulled her face off the canvas a long trail of bloody spit stayed behind. Still Harley got to her knees and crawled to the clown, like a ship lured to its death she crawled to the clown.
“Ah, hmm, hmm, is that a gun in your pocket, Mistah Jay, or are you just happy to see me?” Harley called.
“You really are a silly Minx, where would I tuck a gun in this?” laughed the clown, on queue there was a pop as a flag that read “Bang!” shot out of the leg of boxers hitting Quinn in the face as she crept to pleasure her man.
“Oww” cried the blond
“I knew I shouldn’t of taken those gun safety tips from football players.” muttered the clown. “Well what are you waiting for, fight!”
“She’s had enough.” insisted Catwoman.
“Oh, quit your crying and finish this before I go soft!” The clown yelled back
“You got it, Mistah Jay” Blind in one eye and moving slower than ever Catwoman had no trouble dodging the blows of Harley Quinn. But seeing her bleeding and sluggish she couldn’t pull the trigger and hit her again. Catwoman was a thief not a murder, so she endured the shock from the stun collar and then the half hearted thud of Quinn’s glove. Another shock coursed through Catwoman’s body.
“Damn it, hit the girl!” bellowed the clown as he got off his perch to yell in the Cat‘s ear.
Then from the shadows came black missile hitting the clown’s box. The winged projectile cut through the box and into the hand of the clown causing him to drop the smoking control. In one fluid motion Catwoman whipped around it hit the clown, once, twice, three times before he crumbled to the ground, his member spasming with pleasure even as he lost consciousness. Catwoman was hit with some of his projectile, and she reflected on the clown’s ability to creep her out even when unconscious before kicking him the balls.
The Bat descended into the ring and was cradling the battered blond to the ground. He had removed his cape in an odd attempt to give the mad woman some modesty. Catwoman pulled at the laces of her gloves at her teeth, and made no effort to cover her chest in the Bat’s presence. She knew how hard he would focus to look her in the eye, she liked making him squirm.
“So how long did you watch before you put an end to it?” asked the Cat.
“I acted as soon as I arrived, I’m not sadist.” said the Bat.
“Awe, and that’s why it will never work between you and me.” mocked the Cat “I was enjoying myself for a little while. His problem is he doesn’t know when to stop, you don’t know when to start.”
Catwoman sauntered out of the ring with her gloves slung over her shoulder, she knew the Batman was watching every step that she made. She flung her head back to glance but looked down at the blond who held her leg.
“I knew who Ted Grant was, JSA founder who spoke at your parole hearing.” Quinn groaned, “Said you were a good kid in his gym.”
“But… how?” stammered the Cat.
“Quinn was a criminal psychologist before she fell into this. She must of studied your case history.” The Bat said in his gruff tone.
Catwoman was still in disbelief, “You knew what I could do?”
“I’m crazy not dumb.” She smiled in blood spattered makeup. “You don’t stay with the Joker unless you like a little pain… My puddin’ tries his hardest, but sometimes you just want a woman’s touch. You were great by the way.”
