The Vauxhall Decathlon (6th-7th June 2015)
This is my fourth Decathlon Event after The Original Decathlon (August 2013), The Easter Decathlon (April 2014) and the Christmas Decathlon (December 2014). The idea is that I do 10 matches in 2 days; 5 on day 1 and 5 on day 2. It is a bit like the Decathlon in track and field athletics where athletes do 10 disciplines over 2 days. The way it works is I book 10 one hour sessions over the two days but the matches themselves are only 30 minutes which gives time for some catching up and pre / post match photos. Well here is the review.
Camuran
I’ve decided to start this report by thanking Camuran. Without Cam the Decathlon events would not be possible for myself or for the MWM athletes. Organising a Decathlon event is hard work and it takes a studio boss of exceptional quality to be able to do this so well. Firstly, the venue needs to be booked for the best part of two days, and this has to be on a weekend when the client (myself in this case can make it). Secondly, the venue needs to be booked which requires getting early payment from the client and then paying the venue hire fee in advance to secure the booking. Thirdly, arrangements need to be made with the athletes. Each needs to be contacted to see if they can make it at all on The Decathlon weekend because some may have already have other commitments. Those athletes who can make it need to advise of times they can do each day and then comes the tricky part of putting together the jigsaw. It is always possible that one of the athletes might have to cancel at the last minute for perfectly understandable reasons, so a plan B needs to be ready to go. You might be thinking that the Decathlon has been arranged once the pieces of the jigsaw have been put into place and the matches timetabled. Well there is still more work to do. Some of the girls are happy to do sessions or even half sessions with other guys on Decathlon weekend because they are at the venue anyway on one of the days. This might require moving some of the Decathlon matches to fit in with times that other clients can do. More arrangements need to be made with the athletes at this point and it can be quite last minute with some customers. To cut a long story short, Cam has done a fantastic job organising The Decathlon event and I appreciate all of the hard work that has taken place leading up to and during The Decathlon weekend.
Match 1: Lolita 2-0 Spidey
The journey has gone well and I’m in Vauxhall over an hour early, perched in Starbucks sending out some tweets ahead of The Decathlon event. My opponent will soon be here so I catch some sun outside. Lolita emerges from the underground station, looking around to check her directions; a superstar of session wrestling looking fantastically fit and wearing her stylish sunglasses, white top and summer shorts. I step behind her “Good morning!”
“Spidey! I was trying to keep it a secret that I was going to be able to make it today”
Laughing as we give each other a big hug, not bothered that hundreds of people have stopped walking and stopped their conversations temporarily to look at us. Setting off towards the venue in Vauxhall, I explain to Lolita “There were a couple of things I read between the lines in Cam’s messages over the last week that made me hopeful you could make it”
Lolita smiling showing her sparkling white teeth, smiling at the thought that her efforts to keep it a surprise had been foiled “I was trying not to say anything, I did not want to give the game away”
“By Wednesday I was 75% sure you would be here and by yesterday I was 90% sure that you would be here and that you would be the first opponent”
Crossing under a bridge to get to the other side of the railway track, we’ve been talking about everything really, not just wrestling and The Decathlon. Back out into the sun and the final stroll up to the venue where we find a spot where we can catch the sun between the shadows two tall buildings overlooking the area. The venue will soon be free as a martial arts class finishes. Cam and Nina Foxx arrive looking stunning, Cam is not really surprised that I had intercepted Lolita outside the underground station “So you worked out who you first opponent is then!”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve got the first and fifth opponents right” I hand over the sealed envelope containing my guess of The Decathlon line-up. Cam will open this after the event to see how many I was able to get right and how many of the athletes I got in the right time slots. We enter the venue and find the venue owner hoovering the mats for us, all very professional, the venue is spotless as usual, the changing rooms and showers are clean and the mats are spacious and ideal for session wrestling. He leaves us to it. I’m out of my changing room enthusiastically warming up on the mats as Lolita appears from her changing room in blue sports bra and white shorts with pink trimming. Wow!
We start on our knees, Lolita has a keen and eager look in her eyes as she gently rocks from side to side as I am approaching her. Soon we are in a clinch and are down on the mats. I need to make sure to keep her arms away from my neck, she got so many points from neck cranks the last time we did battle, not this time, I am getting my tactics right. I want to push one of her legs in between my own legs for a half guard defence but I need both my hands to fend off her arms. Lolita is full of enthusiasm today, this is our 14th match, I’ve never beaten her and she has no intention of letting me beat her today. I take the risk. I am pushing her leg in between my legs, yes the half guard is on, but she has my neck. With Lolita safely in my half guard, I am able to use my hands to keep her grip of my neck not as tight as it otherwise might be. I roll on top, looking down at her, she is struggling hard, she won’t let me get the full mount and soon she shrimps away, just enough to beat me for speed getting up. Re-engaging she drives me backwards but has moved to one side and my neck is isolated. Using my strength, I roll her over my chest, boasting of my super human spider strength much to Lolita’s amusement. I am now on top, but Lolita connects with the body scissors and pulls one of my arms clear so I cannot separate her feet. Squeezing tight, I try to use the free arm to keep her scissors on my pelvis bone, but she knows exactly where to apply the scissors to squeeze my ribs. She puts the scissors on gradually but lethally and I have to tap. 1-0 to Lolita.
A quick drink of water, chatting, catching up more, moving back to the centre of the mats, back on our knees, facing each other, we’re ready. Lolita teaches for me, taking my arms as I move towards her, she is up on one foot with the other knee on the mats, pulling me straight into her body scissors. I am reaching for the ankles, slipping the hand in, around the ball of her foot, pulling one leg clear, pulling myself back, just enough to separate her legs. She is trying to come forward half on her feet to wrap the legs around me again, but has instead decided to drive over the top. She has me on my back and her breasts are pressing down on the side of my head as I look across the mats towards the lockers. I am getting my arms underneath her arms, round her body, trying to roll her over, she plants the palm of one hand solidly on the mats to stop the roll. She is sitting up in the full mount position, I am trying to sit up, hand placed on the mats behind me, she pushes me straight back down with strength and will power. This is her day once again as she rolls side on pulling me into her body scissors and she lies on her side. She has my two hands and I cannot reach for her legs, she pulls my head in close and gets the neck, pulling my face right into her breast smother as she applies the scissors, all has gone black and both the neck hold and the body scissors are causing me pain. I submit. 2-0 to Lolita, a good win for her in a well-paced match for myself with nine more confrontations to go. So much to talk about once Lolita has changed and she has brought up the subject of another oil math with me sometime this summer, that sounds great to me. Nina Foxx and Cam join the conversation before we all say our goodbyes for now to Lolita.
Match 2: Nina Foxx 2-0 Spidey
Okay! Nina Foxx has just changed into a very revealing blushing pink outfit and I am already seriously distracted having posed for a photo with her before changing into my multi-coloured shorts that I always wear for matches with her. There is a strap over one shoulder but not the other and I can’t help wondering how her bikini top (if that is what it is) is going to stay on. She looks in stunning shape and I have just remembered to change shorts. Nina Foxx thinks this is a time wasting tactic, but then sees me in my traditional shorts and she is laughing at how important I take this tradition. So this is it, we are on our knees and Nina Foxx is all set to put on a captain’s performance to set the rest of the MWM squad up for the remainder of The Decathlon. We lock up and I am on my back, simply overpowered by Nina Foxx. She presses down hard as I lie on my side, her hair draped down over my face. Some of her hair is trapped between my face and the mats. I am stuck in this position, but am ok, there is no need for me to worry just yet, I am not in pain and am actually quite comfortable at the moment. Nina Foxx suddenly says “oops” and I look up to see her adjusting her bikini top. Well I did not see anything because my head was pressed down into the mats and my view was obscured by her hair. I managed to get her in my half guard as her hands were occupied avoiding a wardrobe malfunction. Rolling on top and getting the full mount position on her. I am beating my chest like King Kong because I’m on top “I’m winning! I’m winning!” Nina Foxx laughs at my optimism and soon dislodges me, propelling me off her with ease. She is coming after me, driving me onto my back, her legs either side of me, rolling side on, I am in her body scissors. Ouch she has made that count, I’m tapping out. 1-0 to Nina Foxx.
We take a drink, I’ve done ok to be 1-0 down after 20 minutes of the match. The trick is to do enough to keep the score to 1-0 but also to pace myself to have plenty left for the next two matches before I check into my hotel. Thinking about so many things, the tactics in this match right here right now with Nina Foxx, the campaign tactics for The Decathlon event, what would Daley Thompson do in a situation like this? I believe he would concentrate on the current discipline in the present because that is what he is in control of right now. This is what I will do, focus on defending against Nina Foxx and holding on for another 10 minutes. We are back on the mats and I am on my back with Nina Foxx smiling down at me, grinning at my attempts to struggle free as I squirm energetically trying to get out from under her. Her head is close to a punch bag hanging from the ceiling. I joke about pushing the punch bag sideways so as it swings back and catches her! Nina Foxx sees the funny side of this but still moves us away from the punch bag just in case I get mischievous. She is down on top of my pressing me flat on my back, probing for a grapevine with her feet, I keep my lower legs up and evade the move. As I lie on the mats, I look over towards the entrance where Cam is greeting my third opponent who has just arrived. I recognise her from the MWM website, Baby Face. I give her a wave as best I can in my current predicament and Nina says hi. Nina Foxx elects for a neck hold, working me into position, I am in her control on the mats, she has my neck and asks “are you ready”, I say “yes2. She gives a quick squeeze of the neck and the sheer power of the hold is enough to have me submitting. 2-0 to Nina Foxx. A solid captain’s performance once again from her. We are embracing after a good competitive bout. I am feeling really pleased with my performances so far.
Match 3: Baby Face 3-0 Spidey
Nina Foxx and I walk over to see Cam and Baby Face. I am telling Baby Face that I missed the opportunity to watch videos of her wrestling for TC-Wrestling in the midlands and so I’ve not done my homework for this one. Baby Face is giving me that “Whatever!” smile and Nina Foxx does the captain’s role placing her arm round Baby Face, winking at her confidently as Baby Face turns to her. Cam is checking her texts because my fourth opponent is already en-route as Cam is keeping everything running smoothly. I am eating some Jelly Babies (my secret weapon) as Baby Face is changing. Like Nina Foxx, Baby Face has also elected to wear pink, but Baby Face’s outfit looks more secure! Cam gives Nina Foxx a lift to the station where she will also pick up my next opponent.
I can tell that Baby Face is ready for some action by the way she is removing her watch and rings. I explain that we start on our knees to avoid heavy take downs and she obliges getting on her knees and faces me. We lock up I a controlled way at first as we get used to each other’s strength and skill levels. I start my motor mouth routine from the outset and Baby Face cannot stop laughing. She is half happy to have a match like this which is a cross between a comedy routine and a work out while also not knowing what to make of my antics, taunts and often irrelevant comments. She has me on my back and I am fending her off as best I can when I start talking to her about cricket. She is now laughing o much she is almost wincing in pain but manages to keep up her wrestling despite my trying to put her off. I am trying to get up, but she gets my back and goes for the rear naked choke, gently pulling my chin out of the way of her other forearm and now applying the forearm and I have to submit. 1-0 to Baby Face.
We take some water and I ask her where she learned the rear naked choke. This is great. Baby Face is one of those wrestlers who has been on my hit list for some time but who I’ve not got round to sessioning with yet. But here we are locking up for a second round as I am trying to pull her into my guard, telling her she will be half the girl she used to be when I get my body scissors on me. She’s not having it and uses her elbows to part my legs like the Red Sea. The good thing about taking on a new opponent is that all of the wise cracks I’ve used in the past can be re-used here because my opponent will not have heard them before. Eventually it all backfires on me as I am on my back and Baby Face has placed her forearm right on my throat and I need to submit. 2-0 to Baby Face.
We take a drink of water. Time for one last round. Baby Face tries to put her game face on but can’t help breaking into a grin as I continue the verbal one man cheer leader / commentator routine while trying to protect myself from her offensive moves as she tries to get me with breast smothers, body scissors, even an Americana attempt. Baby Face finally gets me with what I can best describe as an improvised back stretch! I’m stuck on my front and she is on her side beside me pulling my neck and shoulders towards her, while she has my waist with her legs and her legs have also trapped one of my own legs. It is not quite a bow and arrow, it is not quite a body scissors, it is not hurting my neck, but I can certainly feel it on my back and so I submit. 3-0 to Baby Face. We high five each other before embracing. I thank her for the match, she did really well and is a good fun grappling opponent.
Match 4: Samurai 3-0 Spidey
Samurai and Cam arrived during the last round between Baby Face and myself and everything is running beautifully to schedule. Great to chat to Samurai again while Baby Face is getting changed. We change in separate changing rooms, I have been having a shower after each match and freshen up for the Samurai match. Samurai has changed into a black sports bra and turquoise bikini bottoms, she is in excellent shape as always. I love posing for photos with Samurai, my forehead gently touching her’s, it is all very friendly before the match starts. We are on our knees ready to start and Samurai is off like lightning looking to get her legs into play. I manage to use my arms and legs to keep her from getting my waist from behind. It is a real struggle as Samurai works hard to capture me with her legs and I have to defend alertly to prevent her. I have no problems getting my half guard on, but I cannot seem to keep it on for very long as Samurai keeps pulling her leg free as if we were having an oil match. I’ve evaded her scissors from behind and mow we are in a body to body clinch, I’m on top. Samurai may be on her back but she gets me with a body scissors and I have to lean back, pressing against her pelvis to break the hold. With my hands occupied, Samuria tries for a triangle, but I’ve pulled well clear now. The battle continues and Samuria is using her speed and flexibility to keep me in danger. Now she has me in a head scissors and it is right on my arteries and I can’t get out as she squeezes. I tap. 1-0 to Samurai. Samurai puts her hands to her mouth and tells me my head has turned purple. I must admit I did not feel anything but I dash to the nearest mirror to see what I look like, but my face is already back to a reddish pink!
Locked in battle, deep in the second round, I’ve tried to pin her but could not keep her down, she has been trying to get her legs into play but I have managed to avoid them up to now. Samurai suddenly burst out laughing, it turns out she is ticklish and we agree a no tickling rule! Samurai makes a great transition into an arm bar. She is rolling onto her back to pull my arm out straight. I roll into the arm bar and get up on my knees twisting the arm 180 degrees so that Samurai is pulling it with the joint and not against the joint. She is rolling onto her front so that she is pulling the arm against the joint again. I want to roll into it but that involves rolling into the floor, not possible, she arches her back with her legs pressed against my chest as I look down at the mats on my knees, feeling the pressure on my elbow, I have to tap to the upside-down arm bar. 2-0 to Samurai.
I can only acknowledge how well Samurai took the second point. It was excellent. We face off on our knees once more for the third round. This is my fourth match in four hours and I am feeling the pace. Samurai has got her tactics absolutely right keeping the fight up tempo all the time. With 5 minutes of the match to go and a welcome break of 2½ hours to follow, I can afford to match the pace Samurai is setting. We wrestle back and forth from the half cage area to the open mats, from the locker side to the punch bag side. I am making another pin attempt but it is frustrating that I cannot keep her shoulders down for a count of ten. I try to grapevine her, but Samurai’s strong legs resist my efforts. I’ve got a point off Samurai before and this could be my best chance to get a point for the first time in a Decathlon event. Samurai has me in a triangle and as I try and use my arm, she turns it into another head scissors. I tap a bit quicker this time to make sure my head does not go purple again. 3-0 to Samurai. So 4 losses but only conceding 10 points in my first 4 matches is very pleasing and I’m on schedule for a record low score to the MWM girls.
It is time for me to head to the hotel, but Cam tells me that I’ll see my fifth opponent when I go outside because she has just arrived. I tell Cam that I am pretty sure my fifth opponent is Bullet. Cam smiles and brings her in and asks how I knew. Well my fifth match of The Vauxhall Decathlon is also my 100th match at MWM and when I had mentioned this to Cam some days ago, she said she had by chance put a suitable opponent on fifth. So I knew it was not a newbie and I had already guessed that Lolita would be first so it made sense that my fifth opponent would be Bullet given that Nina Foxx had already done her match. Bullet has a chat with Cam, myself and Samurai. There are some sessions in the gym now with Samurai and Bullet taking on other guys, so I set off to check in at the hotel, get a cup of tea, eat more Jelly Babies and sort my kit out before heading back to the venue for the fifth and final match of Day 1.
Match 5: Bullet 6-0 Spidey
This part of The Decathlon was a time slot for one match only and that match was with Bullet. Doing this match in isolation from the others does not improve my chances too much, Bullet is an excellent grappler and my best ever score against her is a 0-7 defeat. More importantly for me, this is my 100th match at MWM, a milestone I am glad to be able to make. It only seems like yesterday when I did my first session against Lita in the Camden venue. I’ve had a break, checked into the hotel and made my way back to the gym. Cam lets me in, telling me how well things are going this weekend “Bullet has just got another booking after your match”. As I enter the gym I say to Bullet “so you are on for a hat trick, confident that she has won the match she has just had”. She smiles as I change into shorts and vest. Bullet is in a black sports bra and dark grey gym shorts, ready to start having used the previous session to warm up for me.
On the mats, Bullet waits to see what I am going to do, I’m waiting for her to move so I can go on the defence. Tentatively, I move in towards her and am soon pulled into her where she gets her arms beneath my arms to send me onto my back. I managed to get my half guard on, I’m pleased about this because I don’t think I managed to get the half guard on Bullet once the last time we fought. Maybe Bullet just forgot that this is what I try to do to slow my opponents down, maybe she just let me put the half guard on so that she could practice getting out of it. Bullet is happy to stay in my half guard for now and battle close in looking for ways to isolate one of my arms. Suddenly she is out of my half guard, and she got out so easily! I just felt the foot of her free leg slip in between my claves and sweep one of my legs away from the other. She is giving me that look, no need to say anything, the look says it all, I can put her in my half guard any time I like, she will just get out of it whenever she wishes. She gets the full mount and moves right up onto my chest, planting a heel beside one of my ears. A quick roll onto her back while twisting perpendicular to me and Bullet has me in an arm bar. I am trying to roll into it but she has her legs placed perfectly across me to keep me flat on my back. She pulls the arm bar a bit further and I tap. 1-0 to Bullet.
Battling on in round 2, communicating throughout, I ask if she is ok when my hand gets trapped beneath her back and I worry the knuckles may be stuck in her back. All is well. Bullet checks I am ok as well whenever she gets me in a position she knows can get a submission. She is a tough one, loves a good tussle. I am working hard to stop her getting my back, but Bullet is very composed, so unlike our first match where we both sweated considerably, she is in superb physical condition these days. She is around 51 kg, lighter than the last time, but she can still topple me and roll me off her on any rare occasions where I am on top. I am pressed down on my front and she is half sitting / half leaning across my back, both of her hands on my right arm. I think she is trying for an arm lock or something but as she holds my arms tight her hands are actually pulling at the hairs on my forearm and I feel a burning sensation like those “Chinese arm burns” guys used to do on me at school. I have to submit. 2-0 to Bullet.
In the third round we are still discussing the “Chinese arm burn” and why people call things Chinese, we come up with several examples and wonder where the expression came from. Cam looks across and reminds us we are supposed to be fighting! Well you know how it is – Bullet v Spidey, a potential war zone but peace broke out! Anyway back to business and Bullet is putting in an excellent technical performance. She has several options. Boom, I am in an arm bar again, can’t believe it, there were several other moves I thought she might try from the position she was in but the arm bar was very well disguised. I have managed to connect my hands to keep her from straightening my right arm. She pulls to disconnect my arms but I am holding firm but it is hard work and I feel that I can only delay the inevitable submission. Bullet quickly uses a leg to work on my outer arm, pushing it clear of the other arm and now my right straightens within her arm bar hold and I tap. 3-0 to Bullet.
I’m pleased with my defence in round 4, we are into the second half of the match and I have managed to stifle some moves and force Bullet to expend energy trying to position me. I manage to evade a triangle attempt, thinking hard, working out how to prevent holds from first principles, this is a mental effort almost as much as a physical effort. Bullet uses her head as a third arm to keep me on the mats allowing her hands to work on the next move. She steps up the intensity and I am on my side with her pressing my head down into the mats. What is she planning? A heel is planted. I should have known, she has rolled me into another arm bar. Tapping. 4-0 to Bullet.
She has her arms bent loosely rocking from side to side gently on her knees looking towards my chest, more of a gaze than a focussed stare, she is taking in the space around her, a few probes with her hands, then a quick arm around my neck and she has me pulled down on my side. I immediately am trying to get up on my knees, Bullet gets round the front, pushing my head and back down with her head and I need to watch out for the guillotine. She rotates behind me, but does not try for a nelson or rear naked choke move. I am half pulled onto my back and half go onto my back voluntarily hoping to get Bullet in my guard. But Bullet keeps clear of my legs and sits on my chest pushing my legs out of the picture. I look up and all I can see is her back as she sits on me facing away from me. Now I’m in trouble as she slides her legs around my neck but it is not a reverse head scissors. I’m not sure what it is, but it is having the desired effect. I tap. 5-0 to Bullet. I ask her what the move was called and she tells me it was a head triangle. I tell her I will remember that for the report and indeed I will because – hey – you’re all reading it!
Time for one more round, optimistically thinking of trying for a consolation point. Bullet is not having any of that and does her foot manoeuvre again to get out of my half guard before she finishes me off with a fourth arm bar, this one on the left arm. 6-0 to Bullet and a typically accomplished performance from a top class martial arts athlete. Bullet has one more session to do and so Cam and I head off to Nandos (which is also under a railway arch in Vauxhall!) and come back with a carryout of chicken and side orders with apple and orange juice as well. We pitch in! I must say I was ready for that. Must make myself scarce before Bullet’s next opponent arrives. I say my good byes to Bullet who will be doing a late night session, her third match of the day. I give Cam a hug before setting off for the hotel past the arches. I spend a couple of hours at a rave but am back in my hotel room by 1am (I’m a serious athlete you know!)
Match 6: Trouble 12-0 Spidey
You know being only 16-0 down at the halfway stage of a Decathlon is pretty good and I managed to guess all 5 of my opponents from yesterday. It is the start of Day 2 of The Vauxhall Decathlon. Waiting outside the gym, I spot opponent number 6 and she is a surprise who was not on the team I had guessed in the envelope I gave to Cam. It’s Trouble with a Capital T! Great to see her again, the first time I’ve seen her since Easter. And just like Easter, she wants to know what score she needs to beat to be top girl! I tell her 6-0 is the biggest score so far. Trouble smiles, knowing she can make me tap at least 6 times! Bullet changes into a white sports bra and turquoise bikini bottoms, while I wear lemon shorts and a grey t-shirt. Trouble has a slight shoulder injury and she talks me through it so I understand what to avoid to make sure I don’t aggravate it. This also means that Trouble cannot come at me like her usual whirlwind self and instead has to grapple in a more methodical way without the advantage of transition speed that is her trade mark. She adapts brilliantly to the fighting style she needs to use today and soon I am tapping to a variety of holds. She starts with a head and arm triangle for 1-0. Then a straight arm lock and it is 2-0. A neck crank makes it 3-0. Then it is a triangle that is worked onto me in stages before she connects a hand and a foot almost figure 4 style to make me tap. 4-0 to Trouble.
Trouble has me in her guard and locks on the body scissors, placing her hands behind my neck in the Thai grip. Great, I stand up lifting Trouble clear off the mats while she is carrying me. I yell out “Yes – lift and carry!” Cam looks a cross and smiles at my feat of strength before I carefully lower Trouble back down onto the mats, the fight continues. There is no stopping Trouble today and if I can get out of one hold, she is quick to put me in another. I managed to get my head out from one of her legs when she was trying an upside down arm bar and push the leg clear, she still had my arm and simply got me in a wrist lock instead. 5-0. I guess she must be a bit pissed that she did not get me with the arm bar in round 5 but is more than making up for that now getting me in an arm bar in round 6. 6-0 to Trouble.
Since the last time I saw her she has become a purples belt and so I don’t feel quite so bad to be on the receiving end of such a beating. Trouble uses a mounted triangle to make it 7-0 and an Americana to go 8-0 up. I did manage to get on top in round 9 and flex my own bicep kissing it, Trouble laughs briefly but it takes a lot to put her off when she is grappling. She is soon up on her knees again and has my head tucked under her right arm for a guillotine opportunity behind her back. I keep her left arm from connecting but she is placing the right pal on her back to close the gap on my neck. Now she is leaning back and my neck is feeling it. I tap to the one armed guillotine. 9-0 to Trouble.
I am wondering if Bullet has been advising Trouble to go for my arm hair as Trouble has me submitting to an arm burn. I think she may have been trying something more technical but my arm hair being pulled was what made it 10-0. A kimoura makes it 11-0 and there is still time for another point. I managed to get Trouble in my half guard and taunt her that this is my Spider-defence and only Bullet knows how to get out. Trouble answers back “So you want to see me get out of a half guard do you? What do you think of this?” Bullet has escaped so quick, I don’t even know how she did it and not content with escaping the half guard, she is pulling me into an arm bar with almost a continuation of the same movement, it is pretty spectacular to experience this level of ability in an opponent. I tap to the arm bar and the final score is 12-0. We embrace at the end of the contest. Cam gives Trouble a hug and tells her it is great to see her again. It really is.
Match 7: Meg R-Strong 5-0 Spidey
My next opponent arrives, and I did make a guess that she would be in the squad. Meg R-Strong who has been on the web site since Christmas is an opponent I have not wrestled yet. We have a great chat and I’m interested to hear how she did against an athlete called Tiger who has beaten me in the past. Don’t expect me to give away the result of a match that will be sold commercially though. It is great to finally meet her and I’m keen to experience a match against her. Cam is also interested to see how this match will go. Meg is exceptionally strong. We had a photo taken and I really do work on my biceps and chest once a week but there is simply no comparison between my biceps and Meg’s; her biceps are almost double the diameter of mine. On the other hand, I have stamina and over 300 wrestling matches over a career that is in its 11th year. I think the key is to keep the match up tempo and maybe get the opportunity to take a couple of late points if Meg tires.
I can see she is a little nervous as we shake hands just before the start but once we are locked into each other on the mats, the nerves disappear as we are occupied with the task in hand trying to out think and out fight each other. Wow Meg is incredibly strong, once she is on top she has me pinned flat on my back, holding my arms down and I cannot move them. As she gets the full mount and pulls my arms out wide I can feel my back stretching. Then she locks in a good hard grapevine, my favourite move, and I hold out for a while but have tapped. 1-0 to Meg R-Strong.
Round 2 is turning into exactly the sort of long drawn out tussle I am looking for to tire Meg out. She has been stuck in my half guard with her on top and me on top. She has managed to get my back but I kept the chin in to make sure her rear naked choke attempt was not successful. I am keeping her in close to avoid her getting hold of an isolated limb. I’ll probably regret keeping her in so close if she tries for a bear hug! Instead she has me on my back and presses down on my face with her shoulder and side of one breast. Not really a breast smother but the shoulder is enough to cut off my air supply and I tap out. 2-0 to Meg.
We take a break for some water and I mention to her that she missed an opportunity to get me with an Americana in the second round. She asks me to show her the move and I take her through it and then she tries it stage by stage. Once the move has been practiced it is back to the match. Well I am really impressed, Meg gets me on my back and is leaning across my body, working her arms on my left arm to apply the Americana! She’s got it for real. 3-0 to Meg.
Meg is surprising me, there is no hint of her tiring as we move into the second half of the bout. She is on top of me, I get her leg into my half guard and roll her onto her back but she simply rolls us another half turn and she is back on top of me again. We are both making a spirited effort but it is Meg who is getting the upper hand. She has me in a rear naked choke and she has got my chin out of the way. I have experienced this move before but never applied by someone of Meg’s strength. I had better be ready to tap quick when she squeezes this on. 4-0 to Meg.
The final round has confirmed that Meg has wrestling ability and stamina and that she is not just all about strength. She has resisted my best efforts to gain an equaliser and has turned the tables on me to get me on my back and place her legs within my legs pushing them wide apart to stretch my groin / abductor area. I tap and it is 5-0. Cam, Meg and I have a chat after the match, largely about training and nutrition, she certainly knows her stuff. Despite the scoreline of 5-0, the rounds were decent length struggles and I’m certainly up for a rematch with Meg some time.
Match 8: Sparkle 1-0 Spidey
Sparkles arrived looking very colourful in a summer dress and joined in the conversation with Cam, Meg and myself. She changes into her one piece comic style bikini which is very colourful as are her finger nails and toe nails. We start wrestling and soon Sparkle is in my half guard and we locked into a body to body grappling contest where we are in various degrees of stalemate for 10 minutes or so before taking a break for water. Re-engaging and Sparkle has me on my back and is attempting the grapevine, I simply raise my legs and she can’t hook her feet in. I am enjoying stifling her attacks but this does not frustrate Sparkle who is also enjoying the tussle. It is good humoured and even. Passing the halfway point in the match and I’m stuck on my front and have to go into hedgehog defence mode to avoid Sparkle getting a camel clutch or a chicken wing on me. I get up on my knees, hands still on the ground with Sparkle still on my back. She is simply balancing there and we are both laughing at the position we have got ourselves in. It is a good time for a break and some water. Still 0-0.
The match is up for grabs as we re-engage and Sparkle is trying a breast smother but I am keeping my head in the right position to be able to breath. I keep Sparkle in close to avoid her getting any Americana or arm lock possibilities. Sparkle is sitting up in the full mount position but I can see she is planning a school girl pin and just as she moves onto my chest, I push her behind, over my head and escape out behind her. She smiles at my cheeky escape move but comes after me looking for a body scissors, but I am able to reach behind and disconnect her ankles. Sparkle is doing well and perseveres. She gets me in the school girl pin again and this time she has my hands with her hands as well and I’ll not be able to push her over my head. I lift my legs and then drop them on the mats to give myself some rocking momentum to try and dislodge her but it does not work. Sparkle begins the count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … she pauses smiling at me giving me a chance to make one more escape attempt but I am powerless, …. 10. So it is 1-0 to Sparkle.
We’ve wrestled on for a further five minutes but without any other scoring so Sparkle has taken the match 1-0. Another enjoyable match with plenty of good humour during the workout. With 8 matches done, Cam and I head for lunch while Sparkle has a session, I have a chicken salad. In a break with tradition we stop at an off-license on the way back to get some beer for afterwards! Cam has everything planned out and we head back to the gym just in time for Sparkle’s session finishing and the arrival of my 9th opponent.
Match 9: Beauty 20-0 Spidey
Beauty arrived with a big smile on her face, looking forward to tapping me out. A respectful handshake and plenty to catch up on. This is Beauty’s first time in the Vauxhall venue and she surveys the whole facility and is quite impressed. We’re glad she likes it. Beauty is a very skilled martial arts competitor but she is always safe and whenever I verbally tap or tap with my hands she is always very quick to let go of everything. I wore my Welsh shorts for this match and a scarlet vest to look proper Welsh. Somebody had left a rugby ball in the gym so I picked it up and passed it to Beauty, she aimed it back at me and passed it back with perfect rugby union passing technique, is there anything that she can’t do? Time to start the match.
Beauty likes to challenge herself in this kind of match, almost putting herself at a disadvantage so that she needs to work her way out of problems. Her approach was to roll onto her back and roll towards me looking up and reaching out with arms and legs. This allows her to start submission attempts from being on her back and making the transitions into dominant positions. Ok here we go and I’m tapping to an arm bar already. 1-0 to Beauty. A quick shake of my arm and it still works and onto round 2. She gets me down on my back, isolating my legs and controlling one arm while the other arm is too far away from the main choke move she is going for to do anything. Her shoulder is pressed up into my throat, into the right position then gradually pressing in a bit more until I submit with a distorted voice! 2-0 to Beauty. Moving smoothly and intelligently, Beauty is quick to take advantage of my neck not being wound in and she gets a guillotine from the front. 3-0 to Beauty and I think the match has only been going for 3 minutes!
We are now in the fourth and Beauty is looking for variety in her submissions, almost like she is passing up opportunities for arm bars because she already has one of those completed in this match. We’ve ended up head to toe and my left leg is pulled against her hip and she applies both hands to the back of my ankle to put on the knee bar. 4-0 to Beauty. It is back to arm bars in the next 2 rounds, one on each arm, well worked and expertly executed clocking up the score to 5-0 and 6-0 to Beauty. Round 7 and I’m struggling hard but she is on her back with me pulled into a triangle. My left arm is bent across the front of my neck and I’m feeling it at the shoulder. She squeezes in with the triangle and I’m tapping out for 7-0 to Beauty. Round 8 and I’m in a similar position but with my arm wrapped around my own neck, more of an Ezekiel than a triangle but it makes me trap all the same. 8-0 to Beauty.
We are wrestling in the half cage area of the gym and Beauty is continuing with the master class. An arm lock taking it to 9-0 and now it is double figures as a figure four type move in reverse makes it 10-0 to Beauty. I’m trying to work out am I just no good at preventing arm bars or are my opponents just very good at this particular move. I’m stuck in an arm bar again and this thought is in my mind, I am guessing by the number of times I do not recognise the arm bar coming until it is on that maybe this is something I need to work on, maybe watch some videos on avoiding arm bars on you tube or something. It’s amazing how much philosophical stuff goes through my mind in that short time between a move being applied and having to tap out. I tap to the arm bar and it is 11-0 to Beauty.
Beauty is on her back rolling backwards towards me, tilting her head and looking up as she probes with her arms and feet. I move to one side and she rolls to the other side to readjust her approach. She is hooking the feet inside my knees and lifting me off the ground but my own feet are still touching the mats. She is rolling to the side and now I’m side-on on the mats as she is up on her knees and one foot steps over me. She is taking the left arm and my right is stuck under my body, better get it out of there and do something. Just when I think I can finally recognise when my opponent is going for an arm bar, she rolls down onto her back and I am rotating onto my front and am in a triangle but without the elbow being bent. It is a bit like a cross body scissors. However, her upper leg on my neck squeezes in and it is certainly a triangle-like submission from where I am sitting. 12-0.
She takes her opening a little further in this round using her feet to lift me completely off the ground while holding my arms with her hands to keep the move controlled. I’m wondering is this some type of pro-style suspended surfboard type move. Not really, she rolls over and on top, I am trying to get to my knees and she has my back, her heels hooking around my waist from behind and tucking in between my thighs for extra control. Beauty’s right arm on my chin and the left pulling the chin clear for the right to slide onto my throat. A rear naked choke and I tap for 13-0 to Beauty. Another triangle and it is 14-0 and then a switch from guillotine opportunity to get my left arm in a kimoura hold and it is 15-0. The variety of submissions she is achieving today is highly impressive.
I’m not being beaten for speed, Beauty is continuing with a controlled technical display. It is sheer technique and tactical work from Beauty, brilliant use of disguise and at time mesmerising movement leaving me confused and bewildered as she moves from one position to another, gradually working into the position she needs to be in to gain the submission. An arm bar makes it 16-0, now an Ezekiel for 17-0. Beauty lying across me pinning me down solidly, working diagonally to one side, tucking her left elbow into the left side of my neck and I’m trapped as she goes for the Americana on my left arm, I cannot reach round her back to connect my hands and stop the left arm bending because she has me absolutely flat on my back. Tapping out to the Americana. 18-0 to Beauty.
Yikes what happened just now? Beauty was lying across me with her head on my chest but her legs way out above my head and I had my arms around her body for control. She worked backwards up my body and got to my neck but she was completely upside down with respect to where my feet were and then she rolled, taking me with her, tightening the choke hold on my neck and I tapped. I ask her what the move was called and she advises me that it was an Alligator choke because of the roll involved. 19-0 to Beauty. I’ve done plenty of crocodile rolls in oil matches before where my opponent and I were body to body rolling in the oil. His was different, we were upside down with our feet like 10 ft apart. A fist for me to be on the receiving end of this move, impressive, loving the variety and the new moved coming into play. One final round is on and she secures my left leg in between her legs, grabbing the foot, looking over her hip to check I am ok before she pull the foot sideways for an ankle lock, I’m tapping and the match ends 20-0! We thank each other for a great match and I am well chuffed when she tells me I am strong. I do train, but there is no substitute for expert technique and martial arts know-how. Beauty was excellent as always.
Match 10: Frida 2-1 Spidey
I emerge from the shower to find Frida and Cam talking, great to see her and be able to take her on again. She is a very popular young lady indeed and this is her second Decathlon appearance after the Christmas Decathlon. She wears a very colourful and bright bikini for the match, while I elect for athletics shorts and vest. Frida has her hair down for the match, she looks perfect, I can’t wait to get started. We are down on our knees and she comes at me smiling and enthusiastic. She drives me onto my back and comes down on top of me I pull her in close and get her in my half guard. Rolling back and forth on the mats, in close, body to body, I try for a body scissors but she climbs out of it into the full mount but she is not able to pin me down as I wriggle to make things difficult for her. Frida is looking for a grapevine, it is my favourite, if you’ve got to go this is the way to go! But it is still 0-0 and maybe I can get a piece of a match for the first time ever in a Decathlon event. Lifting my knees up to avoid capture. Frida is determined but still with a smile on her face, we are both breathing a bit heavier now as she keeps me on my back and I pull her in close to avoid her getting a loose arm. I’ve got the half guard back on, rolling her onto her back, into full mount, beating my chest like King Kong, Frida is laughing but protesting at the same time that I am putting her off with my antics. I try a grapevine of my own, but Frida slips her legs out and captures my waist for a body scissors attempt. Feeling my mid-section being squeezed, I’m in pain, but it is still 0-0, if I were 3-0 down or 3-0 up I would tap right now, but we are at a critical point in the match just coming up to half way and I need to hang on. I use my forearm to keep her leg low, trying to pull myself up between her legs without my shorts coming off! I reach behind and loosen her ankles, pulling out, we are now back on our knees, face to face, taking each other’s hands, arms out wide, kneeling tall chest to chest, determinedly eyeballing each other. I lose my balance and Frida comes down on top of me as I am on my side on the mats, trying to get up without giving her my back, I turn around and get her on her back, lying on top, she is trapped beneath me, I have her shoulders pinned, holding her arms above her head on the mats. Counting to 10, reaching 10, I’ve done it, I’ve done it, for the first time ever I have won a point in a Decathlon event. Yes you are reading correctly, it is Spidey leading 1-0 against Frida and there are only 10 minutes left. This is on!
Frida is in a hurry, coming after me on the mats as I move backwards on my knees, she comes forwards quicker than I move backwards and gets me on my back, I try to topple her but he right hand slaps down on the mats to steady her and keep her on top. I joke “you tapped – that’s a point to me!”, Frida exclaims that she was putting her hand down for tactical reasons and that she was not tapping. I make another few attempts to get out from under her, she manoeuvres up my chest, into a face sit position, grabbing behind my neck to hold my head in between her thighs to stop me escaping out of the back. Rolling onto her side and her legs straighten out for the head scissors. Oh yes, I’m seeing stars, best to tap, Frida has equalised and it is 1-1.
This is the final round and there may not be enough time for either of us to get a point, we give each other a high five and lock up for the final action of the Vauxhall Decathlon. Frida is not smiling so much now, she has her game face on and wants the win, perfect, a real competitive tussle to finish. I am on my back and she puts her arms around my neck and goes for the breast smother, hooking her feet inside my lower legs for the grapevine. You would not believe how good this feels! Using her body to keep me on my back and most importantly keep my left shoulder down, Frida slips her left arm beneath my neck to get my left wrist, she then uses the right to complete an unorthodox Americana, normally both arms need to be on the same side of my head. An admirable combination of grapevine, breast smother and American get me and I tap. The match ends 2-1 to Frida. Big hug at the end.
Cam opens the envelop with my guess at the Decathlon team. I got nine names right out of ten, but only three of those were in the correct time slots. I was so sure Nina Foxx and Samurai were going to be on Sunday. I did not guess Trouble. So who did I guess instead of her, well that is mine and Cam’s secret, but she would be great in a future Decathlon event. I was donating £5 to the Oxfam Emergency Appeal for Nepal so when I added up the scores, The MWM girls have earned £280 for the cause. More good news, because I am a UK tax payer, this comes to £350 through the Gift Aid scheme. We change and Frida says her good byes to Cam and myself, we’ll all meet up again soon. Frida is lovely, so glad she could make it this evening. Time for a beer which we placed in the fridge, tastes like the best thing in the world right now. Cam and I make sure the gym is as tidy as when we started the Decathlon and then it is off to the station. Great chat with Cam on way to station. We did it once again, The Decathlon event has been a great success, I’m definitely up for more of these. Thank you to all my opponents and especially to Cam, this was a great weekend. I hope you have all enjoyed the report, just short of 10,000 words xx
