[Jordannn]

Another beautiful day of sunbathing and dancing has come and gone.  Today I am headed out for a hike off the resort property.  Nothing like a relaxing stroll in the countryside.  A little exercise and a little private time.  This round of the tournament is the best.  Not a scratch on me and just waiting for an opponent to surface.  Maybe when I get back I'll scratch up a thank you note to Lexi for inviting me along on this wonderful little vacation. 

I figured I could let you fall into a false sense of security. I realized that at this point, you should be treating this as nothing more than a simple vacation. I wait for the perfect moment. After all, nobody said we were going to play like nice girls, did they? As you round a corner on your walking trail, I pounce on you from along side a tree. My body collides with yours with tremendous force. As we both crash to ground I quickly rose to my knees and fire away with a hard slap with my right hand. I stand over you, clearly you are dazed from getting ambushed. I check my hair to be sure my bun didn't fall loose when I tackled you. My tan body glistens in the sun. My red and white sports bra and black spandex shorts show off my body well, but I'm sure they wot be on long. I look down at you. No way have I won, but I definitely started off with a bang. "Well, well. I see you've been looking for me Gabi. I wasn't going to just let you walk on through. I was just simply waiting for the perfect moment to let you know I was here. Now, get up! I'm just dying to fight you!"

[SusiKicksButt]

   Wow, Devin!  So sorry to hear about your failing vision—-that would explain your mediocre fighting skills, I guess.  It seems that at least 16 of us saw the postings for the poll and signed up—-guess we were wearing our glasses or contacts that week, huh?  Anybody else you'd like to blame for you not being here?

   With 16 of us here already, I’m surprised you were able to wedge your massive ego in as well!  Must be that oily skin….  lucky you!

Hey Devin? Sounds like Mishie wants to challenge us to a 2 vs 1 tag team handicap match!
What's that Mish? Isn't that what you said? Oh... but I think I heard it clearly! Didn't you? Devin?

Me and Devin would make an awesome team! And maaaaaaybe we'll allow Mishie to partner up with someone aswell... IF she comes to her senses and admits Devin is just #awesomeanddominating!

[Gabi_Mar]

Out on my stroll through the woods enjoying nature taking in all the beautiful wild life. I'm dressed in a pair of running shoes along with a pair of blue spandex running shorts and a yellow sports bra covered by a yellow running tank.  The clothing clinging to my body showing off my perfect figure. I have my hair pulled back into a pony high on my head.

I see a flash of a person suddenly pop out from behind a tree headed right at me. I brace a bit for the impact and lower a shoulder slightly as the person slams into me sending us both to the ground.  I take a slap to the face as I realize Jordan has finally decided to show her ugly face.

I get to my feet as you get up and I hear you running your mouth. After your treacherous attempt to ambush me I plan to show you no mercy.  "It's about time you decided to show your face here" I hiss at you. As I was climbing to my feet I picked up a small piece of wood off the ground.

I take 2 quick steps closing to within a step or two of you and toss the piece up. The distraction works as I expected as your eyes drift up to the object. I finish closing on you now with a sudden lunge and drive my fist into your soft unprepared belly. I feel it sink in deep as you gasp out loudly the breath shoved out of you.

Our bodies pressed in close as you react to the punch I bump you hard knocking you backwards right onto your ass in front of me.  "I'm so glad you found me!" I call out to you as I stand looking down at you planted on your ass.

[Devin]

First of all, I'd like to thank everybody who was involved in setting up this poll because honestly, it's a very exciting and fun concept, pairing the best of the new fighters to compete in a tournament!!     Kudos to you!    #awesomejob    

Second of all, a big thumbs down to everybody who was involved in setting up this poll because honestly, epic fail in not getting ME involved.    Seriously, I don't think you can have a rookie/newcomer of the year without having me around.   Whoever wins this tournament, they are going to have to really wonder whether they are the best because they didn't have to go through me and honestly, they probably wouldn't have!   #secondplace  #epicfail  #alwaysgonnawonder

Third, of course, I am not here to beat a drumbeat for any particular fighter and certainly don't need to add to the chorus of people who recognize the awesomeness of Mish and Em (though it's undeniable at this point and they certainly deserve all the adulation, praise and compliments that they receive!!), but this is really an AWESOME group of fighters.   If these are the rookies, newcomers and top fresh competition of the year, then I have my work cut out for me!    Hope to meet up with most of these girls in a battle before long!!   Feel free to message me ANYTIME!    

Last but not least, I hope everybody has a TON of fun with this!    Don't get sucked into any drama or anything regarding the results or anything like that.    This is ALL about having fun and as long as you're having fun, no matter if you win or lose, then it's all going to work out fantastic, okay?     Can't wait to see how this turns out, even though if I was part of it, we know how it would turn out, amirite?     Seriously, keep up the spectacular work everybody!!    

Devin

*P.S. - Can you tell I am a cheerleader?
*P.P.S. - Thanks for the shoutout, Susi!   She knows what's going on and yes, I should've been added to the poll and yes, I do rock!   Who to kick off to make room for me?        But, honestly, SusiKicksButt is a lot of fun people and Susi, YOU rock!   Can't wait to see you again soon!
*P.P.P.S - Just because I can!  

   Wow, Devin!  So sorry to hear about your failing vision—-that would explain your mediocre fighting skills, I guess.  It seems that at least 16 of us saw the postings for the poll and signed up—-guess we were wearing our glasses or contacts that week, huh?  Anybody else you'd like to blame for you not being here?

   With 16 of us here already, I’m surprised you were able to wedge your massive ego in as well!  Must be that oily skin….  lucky you!

Wow!!!    I don't know where all of this hostility is coming from, but sure sounds like I struck a nerve.    Truth has a way of doing that I guess!        But, of course, Mish, we know I don't have oily skin, failing vision or a massive ego.   Plus, we damn sure well BOTH know I don't have mediocre fighting skills!   But, reading over this, it's abundantly clear that you need a reminder of that and pretty soon!

As far as who to blame for me not signing up for this tournament?     The Man on the Grassy Knoll, the Big Bad Wolf, Jafar, Gaston, Sid Phillips, Daleks, Weeping Angels, Cybermen, Magneto, The Joker, Agent Smith, Shredder, Hannibal Lecter, The Green Goblin, Khan, Loki, Keyser Soze, Darth Vader, Wicked Witch of the West, Joffrey Baratheon, Cylons, The Terminator, The Master, Frankenstein, The One-Armed Man, Dracula, Professor Callahan, Mr. Burns, Professor Moriarty, Regina George, or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?!?!!?  

*takes a deep breathe*  

No, seriously though, I have nobody to blame but myself and of course, I think everybody in this tournament deserves to be there!!   It is truly a fantastic list that represents some, though definitely not all, of some of the most promising and best talent from the site!!   I can't wait to see who pulls it off and to be perfectly honest, despite your blatant, obvious and misguided jealousy, I'll keep voting for you!    I'm just glad there was enough room in this tournament for your bubble butt!    

[Devin]

   Wow, Devin!  So sorry to hear about your failing vision—-that would explain your mediocre fighting skills, I guess.  It seems that at least 16 of us saw the postings for the poll and signed up—-guess we were wearing our glasses or contacts that week, huh?  Anybody else you'd like to blame for you not being here?

   With 16 of us here already, I’m surprised you were able to wedge your massive ego in as well!  Must be that oily skin….  lucky you!

Hey Devin? Sounds like Mishie wants to challenge us to a 2 vs 1 tag team handicap match!
What's that Mish? Isn't that what you said? Oh... but I think I heard it clearly! Didn't you? Devin?

Me and Devin would make an awesome team! And maaaaaaybe we'll allow Mishie to partner up with someone aswell... IF she comes to her senses and admits Devin is just #awesomeanddominating!

Of course, Susi, I would never want to take on Mish in a handicap.    If and when I beat her again, I want it to be one on one, so that there is NO question of who beat her, which will be me!!

As far as teaming up though, I'm always happy to try new and exciting match-ups so I don't see why we couldn't do that sometime potentially!     But, I ALSO totally agree that Mish should come to her senses, overcome whatever jealousy bug has bit her and admit that I am #awesomeanddominating.      Admitting it is the first step, right?     

[~*M*~]

As far as who to blame for me not signing up for this tournament?     The Man on the Grassy Knoll, the Big Bad Wolf, Jafar, Gaston, Sid Phillips, Daleks, Weeping Angels, Cybermen, Magneto, The Joker, Agent Smith, Shredder, Hannibal Lecter, The Green Goblin, Khan, Loki, Keyser Soze, Darth Vader, Wicked Witch of the West, Joffrey Baratheon, Cylons, The Terminator, The Master, Frankenstein, The One-Armed Man, Dracula, Professor Callahan, Mr. Burns, Professor Moriarty, Regina George, Darth Vader or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?!?!!? 

You mentioned Vader twice ~ ~ ~

~ jus'sayin' ~ ~ ~

[Devin]

As far as who to blame for me not signing up for this tournament?     The Man on the Grassy Knoll, the Big Bad Wolf, Jafar, Gaston, Sid Phillips, Daleks, Weeping Angels, Cybermen, Magneto, The Joker, Agent Smith, Shredder, Hannibal Lecter, The Green Goblin, Khan, Loki, Keyser Soze, Darth Vader, Wicked Witch of the West, Joffrey Baratheon, Cylons, The Terminator, The Master, Frankenstein, The One-Armed Man, Dracula, Professor Callahan, Mr. Burns, Professor Moriarty, Regina George, Darth Vader or He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?!?!!? 

You mentioned Vader twice ~ ~ ~

~ jus'sayin' ~ ~ ~

Thanks for pointing this out just AFTER I modify it to correct it, Em!!      You're a gem!     

But, of course, Darth Vader is definitely one of the most famous villains of all.   I wouldn't rank him though over Voldermort (Yeah, I said it!!    ), Regina George or like the Weeping Angels or some of the other ones on the list, but he's definitely up there!     But, thanks again for pointing that out, Em and honestly, maybe Mish was right and I do need to get my vision checked!!       I'm off to eat more carrots and watch some Star Wars as we speak!!   

[WindyRules]

And of course there is yet another rookie, cool as a breath of fresh air. Not so full of hot air as some. Her name escapes me.

[LilMishyRocks]

   Wow, Devin!  So sorry to hear about your failing vision—-that would explain your mediocre fighting skills, I guess.  It seems that at least 16 of us saw the postings for the poll and signed up—-guess we were wearing our glasses or contacts that week, huh?  Anybody else you'd like to blame for you not being here?

   With 16 of us here already, I’m surprised you were able to wedge your massive ego in as well!  Must be that oily skin….  lucky you!

Hey Devin? Sounds like Mishie wants to challenge us to a 2 vs 1 tag team handicap match!
What's that Mish? Isn't that what you said? Oh... but I think I heard it clearly! Didn't you? Devin?

Me and Devin would make an awesome team! And maaaaaaybe we'll allow Mishie to partner up with someone aswell... IF she comes to her senses and admits Devin is just #awesomeanddominating!

Of course, Susi, I would never want to take on Mish in a handicap.    If and when I beat her again, I want it to be one on one, so that there is NO question of who beat her, which will be me!!

As far as teaming up though, I'm always happy to try new and exciting match-ups so I don't see why we couldn't do that sometime potentially!     But, I ALSO totally agree that Mish should come to her senses, overcome whatever jealousy bug has bit her and admit that I am #awesomeanddominating.      Admitting it is the first step, right?     

   I’m sure there’s another poll somewhere in which you can engage in your mental masturbation, Devin, that caters to attention-whores like yourself.  In the meantime, how about letting the girls who entered this poll develop their stories and rivalries, and put the attention on them?

   And should you feel the need for more forceful escort off, I’d be only too happy to meet you in a separate venue, poll or not, to ‘guide’ you.

[Devin]

   Wow, Devin!  So sorry to hear about your failing vision—-that would explain your mediocre fighting skills, I guess.  It seems that at least 16 of us saw the postings for the poll and signed up—-guess we were wearing our glasses or contacts that week, huh?  Anybody else you'd like to blame for you not being here?

   With 16 of us here already, I’m surprised you were able to wedge your massive ego in as well!  Must be that oily skin….  lucky you!

Hey Devin? Sounds like Mishie wants to challenge us to a 2 vs 1 tag team handicap match!
What's that Mish? Isn't that what you said? Oh... but I think I heard it clearly! Didn't you? Devin?

Me and Devin would make an awesome team! And maaaaaaybe we'll allow Mishie to partner up with someone aswell... IF she comes to her senses and admits Devin is just #awesomeanddominating!

Of course, Susi, I would never want to take on Mish in a handicap.    If and when I beat her again, I want it to be one on one, so that there is NO question of who beat her, which will be me!!

As far as teaming up though, I'm always happy to try new and exciting match-ups so I don't see why we couldn't do that sometime potentially!     But, I ALSO totally agree that Mish should come to her senses, overcome whatever jealousy bug has bit her and admit that I am #awesomeanddominating.      Admitting it is the first step, right?     

   I’m sure there’s another poll somewhere in which you can engage in your mental masturbation, Devin, that caters to attention-whores like yourself.  In the meantime, how about letting the girls who entered this poll develop their stories and rivalries, and put the attention on them?

   And should you feel the need for more forceful escort off, I’d be only too happy to meet you in a separate venue, poll or not, to ‘guide’ you.

Absolutely, Mish!   I just thought it was fun to comment on the poll and tease just a little bit, but of course I wouldn't want to take away from any of the fighters and girls that DID participate in this tournament!   If I've done that, then that was not my intention.   Like I've said, this is an amazing tournament that really showcases some of the best, though there are other girls, like Windy, who I'm sure are also very awesome who didn't make it.    16 spots can't encapsulate everything that's amazing about many of the fighters here at the FCF, but I think it's a great representation and I'll definitely be following this tournament.    However, since I'm not in it, I will *exit stage left* and just focus on voting from now on, only occasionally chiming in to voice support for some of my favorites!!     

Also, to all of the girls who are contributing writing to develop their own stories and rivalries, keep up the spectacular work here!  I've really enjoyed reading them all and so, good luck to everybody!!!

[AlyssaHot]

seems like Ivana and me have the closest contest here...

lemmie see if i can tip the balance towards my favor 

working and twisting her legs seem to be a good idea  i know i m doing a lot of girls a favor in doing so

[Jordannn]

Out on my stroll through the woods enjoying nature taking in all the beautiful wild life. I'm dressed in a pair of running shoes along with a pair of blue spandex running shorts and a yellow sports bra covered by a yellow running tank.  The clothing clinging to my body showing off my perfect figure. I have my hair pulled back into a pony high on my head.

I see a flash of a person suddenly pop out from behind a tree headed right at me. I brace a bit for the impact and lower a shoulder slightly as the person slams into me sending us both to the ground.  I take a slap to the face as I realize Jordan has finally decided to show her ugly face.

I get to my feet as you get up and I hear you running your mouth. After your treacherous attempt to ambush me I plan to show you no mercy.  "It's about time you decided to show your face here" I hiss at you. As I was climbing to my feet I picked up a small piece of wood off the ground.

I take 2 quick steps closing to within a step or two of you and toss the piece up. The distraction works as I expected as your eyes drift up to the object. I finish closing on you now with a sudden lunge and drive my fist into your soft unprepared belly. I feel it sink in deep as you gasp out loudly the breath shoved out of you.

Our bodies pressed in close as you react to the punch I bump you hard knocking you backwards right onto your ass in front of me.  "I'm so glad you found me!" I call out to you as I stand looking down at you planted on your ass.

I watch as this girl gets to her feet. She is quite attractive, no doubt. But looks don't count when it comes to a fight. She reaches down and grabs something, perhaps a stick or a log. She's not going to try and hit me with that is she?! I watch start to walk towards me. Gabi throws the wood up in the air. And for a split second I take my eyes off her and look up at the wood. Careless mistake.

It kind of feels like déjà vu. I remember Erin lee getting distracted and how it set me up to really hurt her when we had our little catspat at the beach. However this time, I'm the one who got distracted. Then I felt it. THUD! Gabi drove her fist straight into my stomach. I feel the wind leave my body. I want to say something, to tell her how much I wanna hurt her, but there's nothing. At this point I'm lucky to be gasping.

Our bodies collide next, and she sends me flying into my ass. I look up at her, the sun in my eyes, only able to see her outline. I get back up to my feet and we stare each other down. I slowly walk up to her, face to face. Our boddies slightly brush against each other. "You wanna fight dirty huh Gabi? I like that" I whisper. And with one quick motion, I grab ahold of her long dark ponytail and jerk her head back hard. I then shoot my right hand forward, balling it up into a fist and give her a shot straight to her ribs.

[lexibabe]

just a few more days remaining  in the opening round.....{and to climb on my soapbox once again} the polls should not be just about who has the most votes....they  should be about the opportunity to connect with someone that you may not  otherwise... and above  everything  they are for fun....they were some even matchups this round
much more even than what the votes indicate......I can't help but think they were some missed opportunities for some entertaining match ups

round 1 will close in a few days.....round 2 begins  soon..good luck to  everyone

[LilMishyRocks]

   As I toss my bag into the corner, careful to have wrapped the iPhone in my towel to cushion it, I turn back to the middle of the room.  Sela is stretching---without the boots she is slightly taller---with the boots, she towers over me. Catching my eye---intentionally I’m sure, she slowly lowers her body again, unfolding into a perfect split, chest forward, breasts brushing against the mats.  I’ll give it to her---that’s damned impressive!  The only split I’ve ever mastered involves ice cream and bananas.
 
   Still with chest on the mat, she looks up at me and smiles, those pretty brown eyes a bit more inviting than when I first walked in.  “It looks like you are dressed for a pool not a match, but that would be silly…”  I smile sheepishly again, trying not to admit what a moron I was….”Yeah, a bit of a typo in my head is all…” I stammer, still kind of focused on that split and those boots.  One or both could do some damage to me in a fight.  I realize she’ll have no idea what my reply meant, and she appears to brush it off, asking instead, “When do we start?”

   Finishing my own stretching, I roll my shoulders and trot out to the center of the room, waiting for you to get to your feet.  Arms folded, hip cocked to the left, I eye you up and down for a moment, and then nod in the direction of your boots with a tiny smirk blossoming on my face.  “I can understand why you feel you’re going to need those…”

I feel the blood rush to my face, a little angry and a little embarrassed about being called out on my boots. I slip out of the split by pushing myself up on my hands while sliding my legs together behind me while I arch my back, almost like those yoga moves I see on TV. Quickly I my knees under me, still staring at Mish, sizing her up as she stands at the ready with her hip cocked to the side at the center of the room.
 
I push one leg up and start unlacing one boot, keeping eye contact as I use my fingertips to do the work, unlacing the tension on the strings. Without breaking eye contact, I scoot forward to work on my other boot. Once I have undone enough of the laces I stand up with the boots still on, using the toe of right boot to hold down the left boot heel and slide my leg out of it.

“Do you think it will be a fair fight without my boots then?” .. still smiling as I kick the free boot to the side close to my mess of bag, strewn clothes and sunflower seeds. With my left foot I step down on the right heel starting to slide my leg out of the boot. “Do you like my boots though? I think they come in handy in matches.” At the mention of boots I see your gaze shift down to my feet and that’s when I attack.

Kicking out I send the boot aimed for your belly hoping to land the first blow in this match. At least it will provide a distraction as I lunge forward to cover few feet left between us, lowering my shoulder aimed at your belly planning to take the wind out of you and knocking you off your feet. I lean forward and jump with my arms spread ready to feel my shoulder sink into your belly.

[/quote]
  Apparently a proud girl, you take the bait about your boots, as I see you blush a bit at my needling.  After all, you in those knee-highs towering over barefoot little me?  How the heck is that fair?  I watch as your graceful, lithe body closes out the split, and marvel (silently, of course) as you arch your back with feline precision and fold in your limbs, sitting upright on your knees. 

   Your eyes on mine, my eyes on you, watching as you painstakingly loosen the laces on your boots, and then slowly rise to your feet.  My eyes darting back and forth between your smile and your feet, I watch your slide your toned calf from your left boot, and then casually kick it toward your pile of discarded clothes along the side of the room.  I follow your now exposed left leg as it hold down the right boot by its toe, and your right leg slowly starts its ascent as well.  “Do you like my boots?” you query, and I raise an eyebrow to look at the right one a little longer.  I’m usually a barefoot fighter, and nev….

   THWACK!  Your right boot comes flying at me, heel hitting me fairly solidly in the abs.  Jeez!!  As I (too late) raise my arms to swat it away, I sense movement, and look up to see your thin form racing at me, covering those few feet between us in a flash, staying low, your shoulder plowing into my stomach, arms outstretched, hurling me—-us—backwards into the thinly-matted wall. 

   I wince as my back hits the wall, and then again as your momentum propels your shoulder into me deeper.  I feel air rush out of my lungs, my only salvation having been that my arms had been up and in front of me reflexively as the boot came flying at me, and absorbed a bit of your shoulder-plow.  Otherwise, I think I’d be in total breathing vacuum right now.  Still, my hands between us, I fold over you at the impact of body against wall, emitting a little groan, feeling my legs weaken a bit.  My arms now hanging down, I try and move them quickly, snaking them around your neck and then trying to move you a bit to the side to hopefully lock you into a front headlock.

[Michelle]

It's so awesome to feel you're on top ~ ~ even briefly !! And when the little mattress // teddy bear you are hugging and wrapping few limbs around is as cute as Erin ,, or smells nearly as good (( is that Coconut Vanilla body lotion ? )) ,, things shape up in a way that thoughts of retiring when you are ~on top~ surely cross your mind !!

That's of course ,, until the first fist rains in !! And while Erin's fists try to plow in between us to strike my abs  directly ,, the way our bodies are pressed on tightly ,, lead her tiny ,, yet incredibly powerful punches to hit my sides and obliques instead. And I'm not really sure what's worse !!

The leg tossing up and around me sealing me in spot ,, and it's my turn to feel the power in her toned thigh pushing me to the side and sending us over once again ,, for her to regain that top spot. Oh shit ~~ I don't wanna retire in here ,, despite that coconuttie~vanilla scent filling my nose !!

~ "STOP PUNCHING !!!" ~ I cry out at her ,, but telling your opponent to stop something usually backfires ,, that's me telling her that her hits are working tremendously ,, and to counter it I have few options ,, but perhaps I just need to execute them all at once ,, and pray something works ~

My arms ,, both of them ,, curl from around her head ,, releasing the headlock ,, just momentarily ,, while my leg keeps the pressure on her back ,, and instead ,, I slide them both ~under~ her armits and up ,, my palms going to meet over her photogenic face ,, fingers spread and I smack my palms over her mouth ,, my fingers opening then closing around her nose to tighten around her nostrils ,, locking my shoulders and arms in a frontal face smother ,, while raising my biceps into her armpits to force her arms outwards a bit and take as much power from her punches as I can ~

~ "See ?? I knew I could take your breath away . . . " ~ I coo softly at her ,, with a dip of sarcasm ,, then twist my body to the right again ,, trying to roll us over again ,, I'm getting too old for this with my 23 years ,, I need to retire ~ ~

The Dream Sequence...or...Michelle Finally Loses IT!!
Or
Why Polls are Hazardous to My Health!


One thing for me about writing stories is…it can be crazy and stressful.  Same thing with polls…especially if I am in particular support of one or two candidates…you have to decide who you are going to vote for…maybe make a post…summarize the action.  It takes some time and all this added together was messing with my sleep patterns big time!  It finally came to a head last night as all I did was toss and turn in my sleep as I just couldn’t fucking get comfortable! I had hurt my knee jogging a few days ago and it was still very painful…only adding to my insomnia.

That and some of the posts in the poll were a bit…errr…questionable…well…you know what I mean…

As a former winner of the Rookie/Newcomer Poll a few years ago…I feel an obligation to insure that the integrity and quality of the contest is maintained…

So here we are again and we seem to have a rather close battle at the top between Emily and Mish…that gave me pause to consider…

When it gets right down to it…which one would I vote for…and give my support to?

I suspect both are maybe charter members of W. H. O. R. E…possibly even C. U. N. T. (Certifiably Uniformly Naturally a TWAT)…but I can’t hold that against them…and as Emily and I are meeting up very soon…I can’t afford to make her mad…right?

…and yeah I realize you get to vote for 8 in the damn thing….but I mean COME ON!

We KNOW who’s going to end up on top…its like DUH!

It’s probably headed in that direction…much like Greece is headed towards leaving the Euro…and Vladmir Putin says Sepp Bladder should win the Noble Peace Prize….

I kept tossing and turning as the throbbing in my knee just seems to persist and I couldn’t find a comfortable position to lie in. The pain just seemed to come in waves and varied between 2 levels....

1) Level 1 - not too bad, could use some Tylenol...maybe half a hydrocodone.... just want to moan a little…want some sympathy…do some pouting.... not ready to scream.

2) Level 2 - HURTS LIKE FUCK...Want to SCREAM out like a Banshee...FUCK HYDROCODONE...I WANT MORPHINE...and if you touch me you will DIE!

WHERE IS MY FUCKING HEROIN IV?

Pain and I are old friends actually. What?  You don’t believe me?

Anyway…I keep having these wild ass dreams…then I’d wake up and sort of shake it off…and then I’d go back to sleep…

And then the dream would start all over again!!

MUTHAFUCCA!

In my dream, I keep having this visual that is a really wacko, Technicolor, 3D, In-Yo-Face Bitch Slap Yo Momma Dream Sequence! I keep seeing these two women…one brunette…the other a blonde with like MEGA sized boobs; we’re talking F-plus here folks! They were going at it tooth and nails…wrestling in strawberry JELLO…

And before you ask…Bill Cosby is NOT the referee!
 
I told you it was a crazy dream!

Oh but it gets even BETTER!

Better than extra long vibrators…you ask?

Oh Hell Yeah!

Even better than that Filipino baby smoking a fucking cigarette on YouTube!

They are having this fight up on the roof of my apartment building in Central Park West in mid-town Manhattan in New York!  There is this ring set up…and its surrounded by like this awesome garden…really…seriously…really now…

*Takes another hit off her bong*

It gets even better…as in the second round…they go at it with these giant vibrators!

Fuckers look like damn light sabers and I kept expecting Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader to appear in the dream at any moment with a shit load of Storm Troopers busting don my apartment door and carrying me off but to my great disappointment…hey NEVER DID! Sexy girls with giant boobs…screaming like BANSHEES in my apartment…sword fighting with vibrators isn’t a normal occurrence…and not even in my wildest dreams!!

This shit is not supposed to go on in Central Park West!

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
And I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be


But then…as always…suddenly my eyes would pop open at the critical moment and I'm awake in my bedroom, my Shi Tzu dog Carly laying down at my feet looking at me with those big dark eyes and with that look that just seems to say to me….

“WHAT THE FUCK BITCH?”
“DOGS NEED SLEEP TOO!”

Carly then jumps off the bed…turns and looks at me…yawns and says…

“I’m making me a Scotch…you want one?”

I shake my head negatively…blinking…

My long legs have the sheets all wrapped around them like I’m a freaking enchilada with out a side of rice and beans! I can hear the faint din of traffic outside, and street lamps barely visible through the window from the park across the street.

But, what the hell? I thought I was awake! The crazy chicks with the giant boobs are still screaming and fighting…and the noise seems to be coming from next door. Is this one of those weird waking dreams? What time is it anyway? I look over at my clock. And its dark like it’s unplugged. I plug it back in and it simply says to me in bright flashing letters,

“Get the FUCK back to sleep!”

Surely I’m still dreaming?

This out of body experience shit is a bit much though!

SHEEEEEEIT!

I tumble out of bed, my hair looking like something out of the “Bride of Frankenstein”, eyes bloodshot, in my red Stanford nightshirt that goes to just above the knee and black silk panties. I slip on my pink bunny slippers…and pick up my tennis racket…

I have a mean backhand!

As my large dark eyes start to focus and the rational thoughts (I know what you’re thinking so DON’T say it!) begin to flow around in my head, I realize the hellish racket is coming from my next-door neighbor’s…Harper and Michelle….the dynamic lesbian duo…

Well…no surprise there. Those two go at it sometimes like it’s the Olympic tryouts in sexual gymnastics (now that is a sport I’d watch!) and they’ve invited spectators!

I wonder if they sell popcorn at those events?

But what the hell is Michelle doing now? Watching a porn flic with mud wrestling maybe? I doubt it. She is more likely having a sex therapy class at her apartment. She damn sure isn’t watching “Betheny” or "Dr. Phil”.

What then? Is she having full contact, bouncing off the walls sex with her new boyfriend George Clooney…errr…Michael (hell I’d fuck him into a coma!). That couldn't be it either. Michael has been sleeping with Michelle’s girlfriend on the side while Michelle's at work…and while she's a wild one…she's not this crazy. Wait just a minute…this is Michelle we’re talking about.

Just what in the Wide, Wide World of FUCK is going on?

Well…I need to get to the bottom of this. I have an epic-shopping day planned for tomorrow along with an extended stay at a happy hour and a party later and a nap has to be worked in somewhere!!

I NEED SLEEP!!

I stumbled down my short hallway to the kitchen and pull open the cooking utensil drawer and pull out the biggest damn knife I can find. I am NOT going over there unarmed…no way Jose Cuervo!  That’s how people end up on the 1100 p.m. news with a police outline around their prone body…yellow tape across the entrance…and Ted Danson with “CSI” stripping you naked…sliding his fingers up your pussy (not really a bad thing I guess) trying to guess how you were murdered!

I headed out the door and went next door and noticed Michelle’s door was wide open!  Standing guard at the door were two blondes…each wearing a black tee shirt…one that had emblazoned on the front in white letters…

“I Fart – What’s Your Super Power?”

The other blonde’s shirt read…

“Sarcasm – Because Sometimes Dumb People Don’t Need To Know You’re Making Fun of Them”

I stood in the doorway…looked back up and down the hall before sticking my head in… looking around carefully as my heart pounded with trepidation! I took a step in; followed by another…as I entered the opulent apartment when suddenly I heard this explosion of noise screams and yells! All my manufactured courage had disappeared in an instant and my eyes bugged out like in one of those Road Runner cartoons when he drops the Acme Anvil on Wil E. Coyote!

My lips part and I exclaim,

Aye Caramba!!

There's some sexy darker skinned brunette girl on her knees, her face covered in perspiration, topless and wearing a pair of red bikini bottoms, her hair wet and matted. A second girl…a buxom (that’s an understatement) blonde…was standing behind the brunette wearing only a pair of black bikini bottoms. She had the brunette in what appeared to be a full nelson and was shaking her from side to side like a rag doll!

I hold the knife up in my hand and start to wonder what I should do. Suddenly an angel appears on my left shoulder,

"Do the right thing! Break these girls up!"

She’s dressed on in white, low cut dress…very revealing…skirt doesn’t go below the knee! God she’s hot! She looks suspiciously like my girlfriend Harper!

Aye Caramba!!

The “devil” (looking suspiciously like MYSELF in a cheap shit, but very sexy and revealing Satan costume) appears on my right shoulder holding a pitchfork, yelling at me


“This is none of your business you hooker! Go back to bed!"

“Unless you just wanna WATCH!”

I looked at the midget Satan and frowned…then stuttered…

“Hooker?”

“Oh and btw…with your face…when you attempt to be charming…you REALLY come across as SUPER evil!”


The “Satan” looked suspiciously like Michelle and that devil costume was leaving LITTLE to the imagination! I have to admit…sexy hot babe Satan Michelle was looking HAWT and fine and making a really good case that I should let this fiasco play out and just haul my ass back next door! I kept telling myself this WAS A DREAM…THIS WAS A DREAM!!

It wasn’t REAL!

Was it?

 Right?

I had almost decided to flip a coin to solve this dilemma! I got so frustrated I finally I just slapped myself a few times hard and blinked! Suddenly, I woke up startled…finding myself back in my bedroom, the covers pulled up over my head, shaking like a leaf! I jumped out of bed and ran to the front door! I quintuple locked the doors…arming the two Claymores I have facing the door. I then make sure the barbed wire is tight across the door and its electrified. The moat is full of gasoline and the trip wire should ignite the flame that would set it on fire if anyone breaks through the first line of defense! Finally… the 50-caliber belt-fed machine gun is set up in the doorway to my bedroom and my two Shi Tzu’s are standing guard! Then…grabbing my favorite teddy bear…General Chou…I crawl underneath my bed and pull a pillow over my head as the final line of defense and the last act of a desperate girl…and to simply just shut all the chaos and confusion out!

But before I went back asleep I made a quick note in my IPad Mini – move back to San Francisco and get off Hydrocodone without further delay!

And now you are asking me… who did I vote for?

You have to ask?

~M~ of course …

The rest?  Put them in a blender with the top off of it and turn it on…shit will just fly everywhere…and isn’t that what its really about?  That’s the fun of it all…

Lexi is right....we missed out on some good first round matches...

and Devin...please keep posting...you got my vote...


Many thanks to Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20 for use of their song…”Unwell”