[kevan]

     Can anybody out there (maybe a techie or such?) help me with my new TV set?
        Haven't got a new TV in years....this one seems to be a acting a bit crazy; Channels and characters and story lines (mostly from days past) are all befuddled...
     Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated...
     On one channel: No audio, but lovely bikini-clad Jeannie was on the beach fighting Raquel Welch who was wearing a sexy bikini.....(Note the very next channel was showing One Million B.C.);
        Jeannie seemed to be screaming when Raquel tore her top off and started slapping and squeezing her boobs....(Need audio fixed)...
     We skipped the next channel as it was quite blurry; the part of Raquel fighting Martinie B (the brunette in One Million B.C.) was in slow motion and that was good, but a bit blurry; I don't remember them both stripping each other naked but that seemed to be happening; the subtitles were in Swahili on the closed caption thingie...
       Then the banned car that people have been fussin about appeared on the next channel; Daisy Duke was chasing Ginger from Gilligans Island around the farm.I would like to protest about this, but have decided to wait until my TV gets fixed.
       Another channel was a talk show host; I think it was supposed to be a cable channel and we don't have cable. I recognized one of the lovely black ladies-Pam Grier. She was wearing the sexy white gown she wore in the movie Coffy. BUT, and here's the crazy part; her rival looked like that famous lady that begins with an "O" or "Oh" whatever. I thought she was supposed to be nice and kind; she was pulling Pam's hair something awful.....I just don't understand.
        We tried to get a news program; even that was messed up; the picture and audio were quite clear; a foxy lady named Robin Meade was doing battle with a gorgeous blonde; I forget her name but she reminded me of a FOX.....Robin got slapped around, turned upside down, and well the next part should of been X-rated, however even the Parental Controls on this new set don't seem to work....Don't know what happened; in the last minute before the picture faded out the blonde was choking Robin with her own bra.....Stupid tv.....
        Tried a couple of musical entertainment channels too; you know, to try and calm me down......One gorgeous incredibly busty blonde (kind of reminded me of a DOLL) was going at it verbally with a lovely brunette...think it was Shania Twain? They were just about to come to blows when the TV faded clean out again; audio worked fine; heard screaming, slapping noises then the sound of clothes ripping-quite sexy really, even without the picture.....(I'm hopin the bustiest babe suffered the clothing disaster)...
         Anyways here are some of the other mixups.....Please note: Audio and Picture is sometimes fine, but always something goes wrong and the mixups....well things just need to change; either this gets fixed or I want my money back.....Please helpppppp......
        The nice lady on Lassie  suddenly appeared on Perry Mason....That hot brunette secretary and her went at it ....real good....or bad....or....
        Wonderwoman Lynda appeared in a Baywatch Episode......Almost drowned when she got caught in a riptide; busty Pammie went to save her; Wonderwoman panicked, took it the wrong way and ended up almost drowning the poor beautiful lifeguard....who ended up sucking water and losing the top half of her onepiece....Oh My, Fifty bucks at least for a better picture....
        Even the comedy channel mixed up the characters; Elaine on Seinfeld ended up on the Big Bang show; she got into it with Penny....poor blonde Penny....and her sore, sore nipples
        Well people please send help or advice.....
        I packaged the set all up for UPS or someone to take it, but
        Tonight there showing all my old favorites again; I'm hoping for a mixup maybe between Gunsmoke (Miss Kitty) and the Avengers....(Diana Rigg or the sexy leggy blonde)......
 -----------
         Thanks in advance, now where did I put that #@$#@$ remote?

[Sandman13]

So where did you buy this tv? (I'm asking for a friend!)

[JT Edson]

Yeah, sign me up for one of those! 

[IRISH]

Karen and IRISH went over to Kevan’s house to check out his new TV first hand.  The lovely brunette cautiously approached the TV to see why it was acting the way it was.

“Hey don’t plug it in!” Kevan yelled

But it was too late… The Playmate disappeared right before their eyes seeming to be sucked into the big screen. 

“Where did she go?” IRISH asked…  “I’m not sure…  Hand me the remote.” Was Kevan’s answer.

[kevan]

      Sorry to bother you folks again,
      Just wanted to give you a Quick Update (And ask for more advice, etc)
      First, Thanks for your help IRISH-
---------
       Well because IRISH came to help and brought his special friend Karen McDougal, things are a tad better.
       Regretfully(well not really) Karen got "sucked in" to the new set somehow; This is both fortunate and unfortunate; for her it seems to be a bit tedious (or tittious?) but for us it seems okay;(See above and below);
       -The Remote is working much better though there are still some glitches and i.e. malfunctions.
       However when it does work there's still a rather confusing mix of shows, characters both from the past and present.
       But Karen, lovely, poor beautiful Karen seems to be appearing on each and every channel.....Very confusing.....So please advise, help, etc...--
       To Illustrate:
          First channel that IRISH and I got to come in---
          "Uhhhhh-Ohhhhh-Umpppfff....Please...Uhhhhh" Slaps, punches, wicked blows...delivered by a sexy young Sophia Loren wearing a soaked see through blouse....she was working over the lovely young
   Raquel Welch (who was wearing a cleavage revealing -OH NO PETA, animal fur bikini.) Sophia was slapping Raquel senseless and would occasionally grab her bikini top almost exposing one luscious breast.
   Suddenly Karen appeared out of no where; she caught Raquel when Sophia knocked her backwards. She grabbed a handful of Raquel's lovely hair, slapped her hard, then as Sophia moved in and grabbed Raquel from behind Karen tore Raquels top down; she grabbed one breast as Sophia grabbed the other. They squeezed and mauled Raquels lovely breasts, pinched and twisted her nipples, pulled her hair, then began to push their lovely now topless prey back and forth. Sophia kneed her in the crotch; Karen slipped behind her, put her in a full nelson; as the gorgeous hellcat squirmed, screamed, cussed and whimpered, Sophia felt her lovely body; Karen shouted and cheered when Sophia backed up, removed her own blouse, tweaked her own nipples then engaged in a rather lengthy nipple battle with Raquel. Sophia won....
         But then, Dang....
         The screen went blank; No fuzziness, no pixel flashing, just BOOB, I mean BOOM, total blackness.
         IRISH was silent; "Try another channel" he offered, his voice sounding kinf of funny...
         Well I tried a couple channels.....
         The next one
     I think it was an old Baywatch show....Pammie was instantly recognizable....But here's the weird part; and most confusing....Tanya Danielle (from an obvious porn channel-and I'm not eve subscribed to it) was going at it-well verbally. Tanya wore a sexy skimpy bikini; Pammie here famous red one piece. They exchanged slaps; Pammie got scared and started running; Tanya lit out after her, those big luscious boobs bounching.....Suddenly a gorgeous brunette appeared out of nowhere....yes, Karen again.....crazy huh?
       Tanya caught Pammie, took her down at the waters edge....Karen (and here's the funny part-tech help please); she took a flying leap and the screen shot showed her frozen... mid-air...kind of hanging above
Tanya who was now fighting Pammie, full bore.....how can that be? Answer me techies.....
       Tanya lost her top.....but pommelled Pammie, punching her in the belly, ribs and those big boobs. She sunk her fist deep into Pammies belly; Pammie sucked air and offered little resistance as Tanya with an evil smile pulled her shoulder straps off her shoulders and yanked down completely exposing the blondes huge knockers....
        And then suddenly Karen got "unfroze"; she fell down between them.
        Both blondes looked totally perplexed.
        And suddenly:
       "How dare you interfere lady....Let's get her..."
       Both Pammie and Tanya now topless and suddenly mad as hell at the lovely newcomer attacked the lovely babe with reckless abandon.
       Dazed and probably confused to begin with (due to my crazy whacked out new TV)  the gorgeous bodybuilder was slowly stripped of her sexy sundress and bikini bottoms)....Pammie was mean and attacked Karen catfight style, giving her luscious breasts and crotch nasty attention. Tanya participated in the catfight tactics but only to a point. She wanted Karen....I mean she seemed to really WANT Karen.Suddenly Tanya
smacked Pammie hard three times dazing her. Karen delivered a knock out punch. Instantly Tanya drove a fist into the back of Karen's neck, snapped her head back with a perfect uppercut, and kneed her in the groin. As Karen went down to her knees, Tanya watched her beautiful eyes glaze....she licked her lips as she slipped out of her bikini bottoms....
      "Just where the hell did you come from sweetie?" Tanya rasped as she cupped Karen's perfect breasts, ran her thumbs over her stiffening nipples.
      "Not sure...you see I was with my friend IRISH and then suddenly----
      "Oh shut up, I could care less-let's wrestle and then-..."
      "Whaaa-? Nu-Uhhhhhhh...."
      "Ummmm-Ooooooooh..."
--------------
       Well that gives you some idea of what hard times can be brought about by purchasing new techie stuff.....Again, please help or advise....
       (Note: Not sure exactly what you techies need as far as "error messages" that kind of thing; IF needed I can further describe this baffling situation......

[Anna the Marine Chick]

Sounds like a perfectly working device to me!!!

[IRISH]

“Here let me see the remote…” IRISH said taking the device from Kevan.

*Click*

“Get down and give me 20!” the brunette screamed at her pleasantly plump subject.

“Hey!”  Jillian Michaels screamed when Karen appeared out of nowhere, bumping into America’s toughest trainer.

 “You looking to get your ass kicked!?” the pissed off trainer asked as she raised both hands, clenching them into tight fist as she approached Karen.



*Click*

“Taste great!”  “Less filling!” Kitana Baker and Tanya Ballinger argued.
 
Karen once again appeared out of nowhere finding herself between the battleling blonde and brunette.

“Hey bitch this is our commercial!” they demanded as they both turned on the Playmate.



“I hate commercials!” Kevan said taking the remote back from IRISH.  “Well most of them anyway….” He said with a smile.  “Let’s put the Biggest Loser back on!”

*Click*

“Oh there you are bitch!  Ready to get your ass kicked!”

[kevan]

Hot scenarios......IRISH....
Latest development....steam coming from the remote and TV....
Standby-

[kevan]

   Whooosh. Wham.
   One angry tight fist smacked into Karen's jaw snapping her head back.
   Whumpph.
   "Uhhhhh," Jillian gasped as her entire groin area exploded in pain courtesy the lovely model's instant avenging knee.
    Karen knew enough about catfighting not to let the athletic Jillian to retaliate. She grabbed her by the hair, jerked her forward and treated her to a headbutt.
   "Hey, I wanna get her too-she treated me like crap," the surprised but incredibly happy and excited pleasingly plump babe shouted. She raised her big arm, pulled back and cut loose.
    A wild but somewhat unexpected powerful haymaker sent Jillian staggering backwards (Afterall this big babe had been training...supposedly with America's best?)
    "Not so tough now, are you bitch?"
    "Gonna kick the best of the best's ass really good."
     Both Karen and her new found friend doubleteamed the trainer; slapping, punching her; then they switched into "catfight, naughty catfight mode.
     "Ouchhh, my hair-Owiieee."
    "Not my top, please?" Jillian whined, even pleaded.
     Karen smiled mischieviously as she reached for Jillian's top and slowly, erotically pulled it off.
     "OH goodie, I get to squeeze her tits," the gleeful trainee shouted. Karen snickered as she held Jillian's arms and watched Jillian's beautiful firm breasts got squeezed and fondled.
    "Now pinch her nips, pinch 'em good," Karen said as she licked her lips hungrily.
     Suddenly Karen felt weak, out of it.....Poofff....She was gone.....
-------------
     "This remote is really acting funny"
      Kevan and IRISH tried frantically to straighten out the remote again....
     "Hey look, another babe is the commercial....What the heck?"
     "Cut!!!!!"
     "Let's just watch, not film it; this is gonna be good.....Three hot babes, not too, and of course beer, water and sharp beautiful nails..."
      "Aieeeeee!"
   (To be continued IF we can figure out this stupid remote?!)

[JT Edson]

Wow! I REALLY need to find one of these TVs! lol.

[IRISH]

“Tastes… oh look whose back!” The blonde said as Karen reappeared.   

As the Playmate turned towards the voice she hear from her left, Tanya’s fist smashed into her jaw sending her stumbling towards Kitana.

“Less filling!” the brunette said returning to the script, accented with a blow that flattened Karen’s breast.  The Playmate now wobbled back towards the blonde.

“Taste great!” Tanya yelled sending an uppercut to Karen’s chin, snapping her head back.  The lovely brunette wound up flat on her back, legs sprawled in the air.

“Let’s make a wish!” Kitana yelled grabbing one of Karen’s ankles.  Tanya smiled grabbing the other.

“Taste great!”  “Less filling!”  “Taste great!” “Less filling!” the tug of war was on as the Playmate howled in pain.

“Give me the remote!” IRISH yelled to Kevan pulling the device from his hand….

The choices were limited.  Volume up or down, channel up or down.  “Let see what happens now.” IRISH said as he pushed both up buttons at the same time.

The TV once again faded to snow before the picture slowly came back into focus.  IRISH had hoped that he had helped his girl out as she seemed to be in big trouble with the two women now working in concert to attack her.

“Oh shit!” IRISH cried as a now topless, pissed off trainer approached the threesome.  “Mind if I play too?” Jillian asked.  Not waiting for an answer America’s Toughest Trainer swung into action….

[kevan]

    "Hold her, ladies-I wanna teach her a lesson....my way," Jillian laughed as she walked slowly towards the gorgeous fitness model struggling to break free of her two captors who each had a handful of her hair and were wrenching an arm.
     jillian was all evil smiles and catty snarls as she approached Karen; her hungry eyes stared into Karen's; Karen felt nervous, scared just a bit. And helpless. She blushed as Jillian's eyes stared a bit lower; Jillian licked her lips as she stared at the Playmates beautiful breasts and the thick perky nipples that suddenly began to stiffen.
     "You're soooo pretty, sooooo helpless," the trainer snickered as she suddenly raised her hands, reached out and suddenly smacked each breast with her open palm.
     "Ouch---damn you bitch," Karen hissed.
     "Ohhhh, so sorry, I meant to do this sweetie," Jillian snarled as she grabbed both of Karen's nipples, pinched, pulled, then twisted them.
     "Aiiiiiiie, Stop, Let me go," Karen shrieked. She jerked her body hard trying to break free from her captors.
      "I'm gonna strangle you," Karen rasped as Jillian finally released her nastiness.
      "Let's see now, I'm just as horney too-see?" Jillian giggled as she tweaked her own stiff nipples, then pushed her brreasts into perfect position to drive her nips against Karens'.
      "Uhhhhh," Karen found herself gasping involuntarily as her rival's nipples met hers.
      "Ooooooh, this is getting hot," Kitana said as she tightened her grip on Karen.
       Silent words, mouthed sensualy and with passion.
       A wink, a wry smile, a nod.
       "Wait, What the Hell?"
       Jillians lovely head jolted to the side as Kitana and Tanya released Karen, lunged at Jillian. (They just didn't like trainers or so it seemed).
       "Uhhhhh," Jillian gasped as she reeled from the slap.
        One well placed punch to that flat belly, another to the groin.
       Slap. Punch. Slap. Punch.
       Tanya and Kitana slapped and punched the lovely topless trainer silly; then held her while Karen fondled, then mauled her breasts.
       Irish and I enjoyed the slow, hoping against hope for no more glitches.
       Alas.......a sudden but happily a short glitch; Just as the two lovely beer commercial catfighters released the screaming, moaning Jillian to Karen, it happened.
       When the screen returned to "normal"-Jillian was running, looking back at her tormentors.
       Wham. SMACKDOWN.
       Jilllian ran smack into her pleasantly plump trainee who had shed her threads....The collision dazed Jillian lovely trainee smiled, fired a large fist into her despised trainers jaw, laid her down rather roughly, got a weird smile on her face as she slowly lowered down.
      "You made me work hard, too hard; now give me pleasure..."
       "Unnnnh-nooooo-Umpppph."
        (Sometimes working hard in the gym really does have it's rewards)..
        Another glitch, then the screen went blank.
        But not before the picture flashed with a most hot scene....Tanya and Kitana went back to work on Karen; just a bit of titty torture and some lovely ass spanking; but then....Catfight Nastiness turned to Catfight Niceness....Kiss kiss feel feel finger finger...kiss kiss...(I mean catfight naughtiness).
        Blank screen.
        Dead remote.
        Arggggggggggghhhhhh......

[kevan]

         "Yeowuch! My hair, stop pulling my hair.."
          One hot sexy blonde (from a few years back) was screaming, struggling, trying frantically to pull those sexy fingers that were buried in her beautiful silky hair.
          Heather Locklear looked so helplessly delicious as her rival a gorgeous popular star jerked her around the room but not without straining every gorgeous muscle in her slender volumptuous body.
           (Stupid, frustrating yet wonderful malfunctioning brand new TV set received for the holidays was at it again.)
          Reruns...I just love the "old" shows.
          A young Heather Locklear-well not sooo young, but younger.
          Wearing a white blouse, tight enough to show her "stuff." "Stuff" meaning those thick tantalizing stiff nipples or "pokies" as one might say.
          And her ultra sexy leggy rival; slender, luscious hair, beautiful face; and yes a tight blouse or top, revealing her "turned on" headlights.
          Jennifer Anniston, the friendly girl.
          I live in the city, so I'll try to put a friendly spin on this.
          (My TV set is not so friendly today; wanted to watch a couple of good old reruns, but something got befuddled).
         Hather the lovely blonde was ticked; she was yelling at somebody; don't think it was Jennifer, but because of my crazy malfunctiong TV, Jen showed up.
         Heather slapped Jen.
         Jen slapped her back, grabbed a double handful of her blonde hair and the fight was on. Jennifer's great legs were displayed in her short tight shorts. She stepped out of her sandals as they
          struggled.
         "Gonna rip her blonde hair out by the roots," Jen hissed. (Typically not the "nice" Jen in her shows-blame it on the TV....._
          "Let go of my hair, you stupid bitch," Heather hissed. She grabbed for Jennifers top.
          "No, that's a no-no," Jen piqued.
           Heather shot her leg out, hooked Jen's leg and twisted sideways.
           Both went down.
          Rolling, rolling; sexy legs entangled. Heathers short tight skirt slid upwards.
          Ripppppp.
          "Aieeeeeee."
          "Ouch, OUCHIE....Stop pinching my nipple---
          PFSSSSFTTTTT.......
         "No, oh no.....stupid TV set...."

[IRISH]

Outstanding Kevan! I'm glad you found new batteries for the remote! Let me check the TV guide and see what else is on...

[IRISH]

Karen was glad to be far away from the Miller Lite commercial.  She wasn’t sure where she was as she quietly tip-toed through the room.  As she came out into the light, she saw that she was now wearing a skin tight purple leather cat suit that had a kind of sparkle to it.  “Damn! I look pretty good!” she said to herself as she admired how the tight fitting outfit enhanced every one of her curves.  “I wish Irish could see me in this!”

Back at Kevan’s it was clear that he had seen her.  “Holy shit Kevan!  Check her out!” Irish bragged to his friend as he slapped him on the back.  “Let’s watch this channel for a while!” Irish half pleaded with his friend.  Kevan didn’t seem to mind at all.

But Irish and Kevan weren’t the only ones watching Karen as she slipped through the room.  Up high, in the shadows, was a tall dark-headed woman.  She was dressed similarly to Karen’ but her cat suit was black with a sparkle.  It also showed off every curve of the beautiful woman wearing it.  “Purrrrr!  Look who finally has made it into my lair.” she said with anticipation.

Karen’s bat senses must have been tingling as she stopped and looked around.  The way that Kevan’s TV set had been working so far she expected danger around every corner.  The lovely Playmate slowed as she approached a corner in the wall.  Peaking her head around the corner she saw it was just a dead and took a moment to try and memorize the lay out in case she needed it later.

From above, the dark clad beauty grabbed hold of a rope that she had suspended from the ceiling.  “Sure is nice when they come to you.” she purred.  Waiting for the right moment she leapt from her hiding spot, penduluming towards her unsuspecting prey.  Mid swing, she extended her legs, locking her knees.  Heels together, feet slightly rotated out, she formed what could pass for the rear sight of a gun.  The big yellow bat made quite the target!

On cue Karen looked back in the direction she had just come from looking to search the area in that direction.  Seeing something in her peripheral vision, the Playmate looked up just in time to catch the heels of booth boots square in the bat logo on the breast plate of her uniform. 

POW!
Nobody actually made that sound; it was just one of those cheap pop-up graphics that they used back in the 60’s….

Not only was her breast flattened against her rib cage, the purple clad beauty was flung backwards, crashing back first in to the wall.  “Oh shit!” Irish cried out as he saw what had just happened to his girl.  A split second after her back made contact with the wall; the back of her skull did too. 

Poor Karen just slid down the wall coming to rest in a crumpled heap at the base.   The dark clad woman grabbed the fallen female bat by the wrist and pulled her unmoving body away from the wall giving her some room to operate.  Like a true cat, she was going to play with her new toy!  With her intruder lying face down, the cat removed the cape that was attached to the back of the purple uniform and tossed it aside.  With her toy showing no sign of movement, the cat slid the zipper of the purple cat suit all the way down until it reached the yellow utility belt.

With Karen’s lovely ass offering just too inviting of a target, her foe started paddling it with hard open ended slaps from both directions.  The firm leather encased ass didn’t jiggle at all, but after the fifth or sixth stinging slap, the Playmate began to stir which is exactly what the lovely cat had wanted.

Still shaken from the assault, the Playmate tried to shake the cobwebs and struggled to make it up to her hands and knees.  Julie circle to Karen’s side and waited for her to rise.  When the Playmate looked like she was about to try and crawl, Julie blasted a savage kick to Karen’s belly, flipping her over on her back.

The kick was completely unexpected and the pointy toe of Julie’s boot sunk deep into the Playmate’s belly.   Her hands instinctively shot to her belly as the Playmate began to dry heave.  Playing out exactly as Julie had envisioned to a T.   The cat dropped down ass first on Karen’s belly forcing out any remaining air in her lungs and trapping her hands and arms in place.  “OK bitch, let’s play twenty questions…” Julie said from her commanding position as she stared down into Karen’s blue eyes.

Grabbing hold of Karen’s mask, the cat tore it off of her looking to expose Batgirl’s secret identity.  She was surprised when the red hair came flying off of her prey as well.  “Look at that!” she commented.  “It’s attached.”

Not recognizing the woman beneath her from around Gotham City, Julie demanded “Who are you?”  The defiant Playmate just told her to go fuck herself.  That only resulted in a nasty slap right across her face.  It was probably no harder than the slaps to her ass earlier, but without the protection of the leather it felt a lot harder.  When Karen still didn’t answer a slap came from the opposite direction, leaving an angry red handprint on her flawless skin.  After a few more undefended slaps, Julie had gotten her name from Karen.

“We have to do something!” Irish cried…. “Quick!  Change the channel!” He begged Kevan.  But for the next part of the interrogation, Julie was going to choose a more inviting target.  Kevan was just about to comply with his friend’s request when Julie grabbed Karen’s uniform at the shoulders and started pulling it down the Playmate’s arms exposing her breast.  “Hold on!” Kevan said.  “I bet she’s got this.” he reassured Irish as he stared at the screen of the TV.

“Now that we have broken the ice...” Julie said. “What is Batman’s name?”  The Catwoman commanded from her captive.  When Karen responded with “I don’t know” Julie slapped at her bare left breast causing it to smash into the right one.  No matter how many times Julie asked, Karen couldn’t answer the question.  That didn’t stop the Catwoman from battering Karen’s breast all over her chest.  When her hands began to hurt her, Julie just bared her claws and sunk them deep into Karen’s battered breast.  As the Playmate screamed, Catwoman continued her torture trying to get answers to her questions.

Just then the screen froze and the cheesy voice over announcer came on.

“Is this the end of Batgirl?”
“Will the dynamic duo reach her in time to save her?”
“Stay tuned!  Same Bat Time!  Same Bat Channel!”