Well I do need the money.
At precisely eleven minutes past ten on Tuesday morning the letter I had been expecting came through my letter box. I placed it on the kitchen table, unopened, while I cracked the seal on a new bottle of Chivas Regal, the special malt I had been saving for this occasion.
Now, this wasn’t actually a celebration, or for that matter a particularly sad moment, it was the way I had decided in my mind that I was going to deal with the situation.
After pouring a double and downing it in one swallow I slit open the envelope and pulled out the contents.
Of course I had seen it all before, this was the second time I had gone through a divorce and received the final papers. Last time was ten years ago when me and Jen went our separate ways following ten topsy turvy years of marriage which started when we were both just 18 years old.
This time round I had lasted six years with Jody. It all finished when she walked out about two years ago after she found out about another affair I was having.
Ok so I’m a bastard, I have regular affairs even though I’ve been married to two of the hottest girls around. It’s definitely a case of cock rules head. I have three great kids and see them all as often as I can. They all live with their mothers 2 with Jen and 1 with Jody.
Working for ‘The Firm’ doesn’t help, it would ruin a strong marriage, there is always so much demand on our time. It pays well of course, but the divorce has cleared me out and I need some cash.
I pour another generous measure and sit and start to reflect on when I got caught. It was a steamy affair with a very sexy fighter called Tania, that ended when she found out about me and Soraya and that ended when I got a bad beating which was all down to a bitch called Emma (If you are interested this part of my life is entitled “Set up or what” also on this site). I’m now 46 years old and all these girls are half my age….Hmmm I smile to myself I’ve still got it, whatever ‘IT’ is.
“Shit don’t get depressed with alcohol, pull yourself together” I snap at myself. I get up change and go for a run. 5 miles later on a warm April day I arrive home sweating and breathing heavy, I shower, dress and walk down to the local pub for a salad lunch. I sit alone, thinking. Here I am 2 days in to a two week break from work and already I’m bored. ‘Wow this will be a holiday to remember’. I can’t actually do anything I’m broke.
I walk home get my kit and go to the gym. Perhaps there will be some punk to spar with or a little shit to slap around the wrestling ring, the thought perks me up. At the gym I change and start my well prepared warm up routine, well you need to be careful at my age, so I‘m regularly told.
A face approaches me, it’s someone I recognise but can’t think why.
“Hello Duke” says the face “You don’t remember me do you?”
It takes a second then click “Charlie?”
“Yep” he confirms as I pump his hand “Good to see you Duke you are looking very fit”
“I try” I smile back at him. “You don’t look too bad yourself, how long you here for?”
“I guess I don’t, I’m 66 you know” he preens before going on “I’m only here for a couple of days but I do need some help, you got time for a chat?” I nod.
“I’m still fight promoting, wrestling, boxing, mostly legal” he grins “I got a big wrestling bout lined up and the guy from the UK has dropped out at the last minute, the fights in two days and I need a replacement. Gotta be British cos the fight is for a new belt, the ‘Hands across the sea’ title, between a Yank and a Brit. Got someone over there and need someone to fly back with me to Arizona and wrestle”
“Hey Charlie I haven’t wrestled competitively for 10 years I can’t” He stops me with a hand up “It pays £10000, you would wrestle a woman for half an hour, you can win or lose I don’t care, but I need you Duke”.
I think I only heard £10000 he was still speaking but I have no idea what he said, but in my financial position I really only had one choice.
He sent a car for me at 7am the next morning and we flew to Pheonix. He put me in a top hotel all expenses paid and I wasn’t going home for seven days. ‘Shit Christmas has come early’ I’m thinking as I lay by the pool with a rum and coke.
The next day I was driven to the arena for the bout, it was the main event apparently. I really knew very little about what was going on. Charlie told me who I was fighting, she weighed 185lbs (I am 245lbs so that was good for me), she’s 32 years old and I got £5000 on the plane and another £5000 after the match. I asked no questions, I really didn’t want to know anything else. The whole thing was probably illegal.
In the changing room I pulled on my black square cuts, knee pads and boots, I had already warmed up, have to be careful at my age (Why do people keep pointing that out, shit it’s my body, I smile).
Charlie has the music I used way, way back when I did this regularly, I think most of those people out there won’t have a clue who the group is, they’re all too young I muse with a rye smile on my face.
Then, suddenly, I here the opening bars, Wild Thing, by the Troggs. (Well back then I was fukin wild I grinned to myself).
I have two good looking girls to escort me to the ring well it just gets better, I’m starting to enjoy myself, perhaps they might like to come back to the hotel with me afterwards…(mental note…ask them later).
In the ring, wave to the crowd, stretch out all the usual stuff I haven’t done for ten years or so. Then a blast from the sound system announces my opponent, some sort of modern crap tune, loud and violent as she enters the arena. The crowd are up and going wild, they obviously know more about her than I do. She appears in a stars and stripes two piece costume carrying a huge American flag. Even from a distance she looks hot.
Well now I know a little more, 5’ 10’’, 185lbs, a fit, toned-almost muscular body with long firm legs and arms that look like they are solid granite covered in an ebony skin that glistens under the lights and is topped by shoulder length black hair. Deep dark eyes are set into a beautiful face that makes my heart miss a beat. Her name is Toyah The Destroyer.
My fukin cock takes over and my head races to the thought that I’d rather do something else here let’s forget the wrestling. I should have asked some questions….shit Duke concentrate on the bout.
The bell goes and we circle each other before locking up, I use my weight to push her back into the corner and, being the nice guy that I am make a clean break. First mistake… she punches me hard in the abs and as I bend forward in pained surprise lands a double handed chop to the back of my neck. “You fukin bitch” I hiss form my knees on the canvas, but get no further before my hair is being extended upwards pulling me with it “Arrrggghhh” I grab her hands but she’s got one helluva grip and spins me round slamming me into the corner post. Ok she’s quick.
So much for ’Hands across the sea’. This fukin bitch would like to drown me in the sea me thinks.
I instinctively raise my arms for protection only to feel a knee hit my manhood with all the subtlety of a jack hammer trying to crack an egg. My hands drop and as I sink slowly to my knees I see her smile and give me a knowing wink. Just about the same time as my knees hit the canvas her hand grips my throat as she pulls me back up. Ok she’s evil.
The pain down there screams and my eyes water but there is no time to dwell on this as a back hand chop stops me breathing for what felt like ten minutes (ok so it was a split second but it fukin hurt like hell). This girl is relentless, I was now bouncing off the ropes the other side of the ring and before I knew it was the recipient of a clothesline from an arm that was definitely made of granite. Ok she’s strong.
My body was propelled backwards and at that stage I don’t think it knew where my head was, it actually felt it had become detached. My back hit the canvas so hard I must have broken something, surely. OH FUK, I should have asked more questions.
Again I am wrenched from the floor by my hair and again I whiz across the ring and bounce off the ropes, but this time my razor sharp brain was ready to duck that lethal arm. Of course there was no arm.
This bitch was fit, good looking, quick, evil, strong and FUKIN SMART.
Dropping low she got under me and flipped me so high in the air I could have inspected the light bulbs in the fittings above the ring. When I landed I felt the air expel from my lungs and thought I would never breath again. Gasping for breath and in pain in places I had forgotten existed I could hear her winding up the crowd as she strutted a near perfect body around the ring, and boy were they responding.
Looking up I can see she has her back to me shouting to the crowd, here’s my chance I think. I’m up and across the ring, ignoring the screams of agony from just about all parts of my body. I put my shoulder into the small of her back, 245lbs of pretty solid Duke hits her into the corner post and I hear a satisfy “AAAGGGGHHHHH” emit from her lips. I turn her to face me crutch hold and slam onto my knee, I see the pain shoot across her face as I hold her there one arm across her throat bouncing her for maximum effect.
My other arm sends it’s elbow deep in her toner abs 1,2,3,4,5,6 times YES I’ m getting the better here, I look up at the crowd and start to smile as they boo, she’s obviously a favourite around here. I start to work up the crowd and lose concentration on the bitch across my knee.
Second mistake…she reaches up and rakes my eyes, I let her go and stagger to the ropes I can’t see, my eyes watering. Onto me in a flash she grabs my head and runs it along the top rope leaving a red burn mark and a searing pain. “AAAAAWWWWWW YOU FUKIN cxnt “ I roar as she turns me to face her. I try to focus but can only feel a punch to my abs followed by a forearm uppercut which dazes me for a bit as I hold onto the ropes for support. Another punch to the abs, and another, and again. These are short mean jabs and they are deep into my gut.
This awesome girl’s power is now demonstrated as she lifts me, with apparent ease, and sends me to the canvas with a slam, I bounce once and then have a straight leg drop crushing my airway, holding my throat with both hands is not a good defensive move as my legs get lifted from the canvas and I am flipped onto my front and placed unceremoniously into a boston crab. My already very weakened back shoots pain in every direction throughout my body, but my salvation is there as I take a firm hold of the bottom rope with my left hand.
It took the ref a while to convince her to let go despite my encouragement with comments like “YOU FUKIN BITCH” and “LET GO YOU cxnt”.
I definitely should have asked more questions. Thinking this is worth far more than £10k and please let this be finished, and yes, ok, I should be careful at my age.
At least I’m getting some breath back here. I start to get up and take what I think was a knee to the side of the head, stars whirl nausea threatens and blackness comes. I t must only last a second or two because now I’m sitting up and some one has tightened a steel bar around my throat. No I lie. It’s not a steel bar, as my head regains partial normality I see it’s an arm and it’s crushing the very life from my body.
I can’t breath, I can’t think and I certainly can’t fight back She leans close to my ear and whispers “Hey Duke you having a good time, I’m gonna win this fight cos I need the $25000 winners purse.
Ok now I ain’t thinking straight here, but $25000 is not £10000. FUK. I’ve been stitched up, this bitch is gonna get double what I get. This provokes struggle, I twist and turn, I flap around and finally get some of her hair, I pull, I tug and I use my weight and strength. I stand and I rush backwards slamming her against the corner post. Yes, I am not so nice when I’m mad. She loses her grip and I turn, forearm, backhand chop, her head between my knees lift, piledriver, I’m up, bounce off the ropes, launch myself high and splash 245lbs onto her upper body. I hook the leg and the ref is down.
1.…
2.…
3
I’m up and he raises my arm. Oh fuk I did it is my first thought, followed by where the fuk is Charlie, he really has some explaining to do.
The next few minutes are a bit of a blur, I’m presented with a belt, booed from the ring (did I miss the point here - hands across the sea?
), then those two sexy girls are walking me back to the dressing room, and on a high I suggest they escort me all the way to the hotel. As they exchange glances and start to giggle I get a “Sure Duke we’d love to”
Charlie’s waiting for me and one look tells me he knows what I now know, he holds up his hand, “She’s good, she’s expensive and she draws the crowd” he admits.
“Oh and I guess I was meant to lose, and now I’ve spoilt the party” I remark somewhat tersely. He passes me an envelope, “There’s a bonus in there as well” he says as he leaves the room.
After a long hot shower I still ache all over, I dress and then the girls appear and walk me to the car, then to the hotel and then to the room. This might just ease the pain I’m saying to myself with a big smile in my head. They are soooo hot and attentive, this is gonna be a night to remember.
I unlock the door and stop dead in my tracks, there sitting on my bed is that fukin bitch Emma, a big smile on her face looking straight at me “Hey Duke nice match” then as the girls follow me in her grin broadens as she squeals with delight “Oh we’re having a party”
The end
