“Kayla.”The voice came from behind me, calling my name. It was spoken barely above a whisper, but for the flood of emotions the sound of that voice invoked in me, it might have been a clap of thunder.
“Finally.” she said.
Finally, yes. The soft, yet gravelly, female voice brought back 14 years of bad memories in a rush. I guessed I always knew this day would come and as hard as I had tried to thrust the conscious thought of Petra from my mind, the realization she had caught up to me after all these years made me painfully aware that she had always been in the back of my mind…..that she would
never forget her hatred of me….and would someday catch up to me and finish what she had started back in high school.
Yes, my senior year of high school was fourteen years ago.
I'm a stronger person than I was back then....in physical strength and in spirit. Partially as a result of the torment to which Petra subjected me in those days, I’ve trained my mind and body and become a strong, confident, self-sufficient woman…..a world class track athlete, a success in business, a success in my personal life. In some ways, you could say I’m a better person now
because of how Petra treated me in those days of adolescence. No, I wasn’t ready to thank her for the way she tortured me, but I had learned and profited from it, rather than allowing myself to be a victim in life.
Now, though, the sound of her voice has brought back the unsure, shy girl whom Petra used as a punching bag in high school. I hadn’t even turned around and looked at her yet; I admit I was delaying that moment as long as I could since I was afraid the scared look on my face would serve only to increase the pleasure she seemed to be feeling at locating me at last.
But I turned…..and all the memories came flooding back in a rush. How she had bullied me, beaten me up. How I never knew why she hated me. How I had spent each morning in a nervous rush, willing myself to go to school instead of staying at home. How I had my head on a perpetual swivel, looking around me every minute of the day to see if she was coming……not knowing if she was going to pick on me that day or not. Most days, she did.
Now, I turned and saw her standing there. Petra was huge: 6’3 and still built like the center on the school basketball team she had been, with dark blonde hair, powerful shoulders, a trim waist, and lithe legs that could squeeze like a cobra. She had kept the solid 190 pounds she weighed back then. I had hoped the years might have softened her appearance a bit, but seeing her now in her black shorts and yellow top, smiling maliciously at me, almost convinced me the reason she had maintained her amazing physical condition over the years was for the sole purpose of catching up to me one day and torturing me again.
Are you wondering if other students helped me ward off Petra back then? Did they just stand and let her beat me up? Well, high school society is surprisingly provincial, as you know. When someone is as forceful and well-known as Petra, people tend to stay out of her way, even if she’s tormenting another student. So, yes, there was often an audience as she pummeled me. Once in a while, a guy who was big and confident enough might intercede on my behalf, pulling Petra off me while trying to soothe her with the knowledge that a teacher would be coming along any moment, and she didn’t want to get suspended, did she?
The few times Petra caught me away from school grounds were far worse, of course. The memory of the times I came home bloodied and humiliated from her flashing fists cause me mental anguish to this day. I hated taking alternate routes home from school each day. I hated looking behind me to see if she was following. There were days I hated being alive.
Don’t think me some kind of wimp. I fought her back…..I
always fought back. Although I’m an accomplished athlete now, I was strong and well-conditioned back then too. I had engaged in a few fights in those days and…..while I had never instigated any of them…..had acquitted myself well enough. I wasn’t considered a punching bag, because I never backed down.
But Petra was another story; her size and belligerent manner were simply too much for me. If you’re a guy, imagine being 5’7 and 150 pounds and having to engage in physical combat with another guy who is 6’1 and 200 pounds…..and not only that, imagine you’re a peace-loving person and the big guy who’s after you is an aggressive bully. Petra was the bully and although I landed many hard punches to her face and body, she brushed them off and came at me all the harder. When other students gathered to watch the fight, none of them chided me, for two reasons: (1) I was trying to fight back, although ineffectively, and (2) they knew Petra might replace me with one of them if they made too much noise. I wasn’t the only person afraid of her, but unfortunately for me, I was the one who suffered the most at her fists. She beat up other girls too, but I seemed to be her favorite target.
This is what I faced every day with Petra. Even on days nothing happened, just the thought of her tortured my time in school, my time after school, and my nights.
In truth, I never knew why she hated me, why she was constantly after me. I knew she would have considered it a weakness if I tried to ask her…..and weakness would be the last thing I ever wanted to show unless I wanted to double her efforts against me. Who’s to say these things have to make logical sense? Who’s to say she could have explained her hatred of me even if she felt disposed to try?
I knew only that today, at age 32, after 14 years of knowing this day would come……it had.
We were in the mountains. There was no one around for miles. I had gone hiking and Petra had followed me; I didn’t need to ask if this was so, for what else would she be doing here? I didn’t ask how she had learned I would be out here on this day, nor did I bother asking why she had spent all these years waiting for this day.
Did I consider running? I have to admit I did; I can’t imagine who wouldn’t have. After all, I’m a track star, I could have outrun her.
But, to what end? To survive today?
Sure, but what about tomorrow? What about the rest of my life?
If I took my beating today (the beatings I remembered so well) would that satisfy her for the rest of our lives? I sensed it might.
Besides, I didn't run from her when I was a teenager.....I certainly wasn't going to as an adult.
As I stood and pondered, Petra stared at me. A slight smile curled her lips; she knew there was no hurry…..for reasons that were still unknown to me, this was apparently one of the watershed moments of her life….and she wasn’t going to be denied. We both wore shorts and t-shirts. As I watched her kick off her sandals, I did the same.
I tried to psyche myself up for the fight. I tried to work myself to the fever pitch that it would take to meet my fears and go up against the woman who had ruined my high school days and haunted my dreams ever since. I didn’t know how far she intended to go with this, and as if reading my mind, Petra said:
“
Kayla, I have no intention of killing you. Ending your life would end your misery. I know you’ve been thinking of me, dreading this day for the last 14 years. I’m going to beat you to within an inch of your life, but I won’t end it. If you keep living with the injuries I’m going to inflict on you today, you’ll have your whole life to remember them…..and remember me.”
As hard as I tried to prepare myself to fight back, the complete confidence I heard in her words, the utter joy I saw in her eyes at what she had waited so long to do made my heart sink, made my knees grow weak.
Still, when Petra started walking slowly toward me, her fists raised, I complied with the inevitable and stepped closer to her, still feeling after all this time that showing a lack of heart would be the worst thing I could do…..not even bothering to consider that things like that wouldn’t make any difference at this point, anyway.
In high school, Petra
always led with punches to her opponent’s head……always. Not one to waste time, she tried to close the show as soon as possible, often making short work of her enemy by delivering just one or two shots. Expecting she’d do this now, I was caught off-balance as she slammed a powerful fist to my stomach, doubling me over in pain, my toes rising off the ground with the force of the blow. I was sinking to my knees, but Petra yanked me upward by my hair, straightening me up and aiming the punch to my face I had expected a moment before. It was perfectly timed, perfectly aimed…..and designed to finish me off before I could even begin to fight back.
Only my athlete’s reflexes saved me. Petra was a big girl and while her punches were devastating in their power, she didn’t throw them with great speed. As her shot sailed to the left of my head as I dodged, I dug my fist into her midsection; it was a solid punch.
Problem was…..it had no effect. In fact, it felt as if my fist had rammed a brick wall; that’s how hard her abs were. My heart sank but since I had vowed to make a fight of this before inevitably losing, I stepped forward before she could raise her hands again and delivered a hard one-two to her face. One punch landed on her forehead, the other drilled her squarely in the jaw.
Again…..nothing. She flexed her arms and grinned malevolently at me. She took the blows with no effect.
”You’ve still got nothing, Kayla.” she laughed.
“Nice to know that hasn’t changed.”Without waiting to see what I’d do next, Petra charged. Her arms extended and legs flailing, she looked like a wild bull.....God, she was big. I tried stepping aside but succeeded only partially as her shoulder banged against mine with great force, forcing me to stumble backward. Fortunately, her blind rush sent her barreling past and gave me time to stand and, as she turned back toward me, I kicked her solidly in the stomach. It was a hard shot and I figured the air would be knocked from her, but I was wrong again. She was so damn solid that she stood upright, shaking her head at me in scorn.
”I’ll give you this, Kayla……you’re not lying down for me. Although you will be in a few seconds.”How could I survive this? Never mind winning the fight, I was tempted once again to turn tail and run, just to get away from Petra. The amused grin she wore dared me to try it, telling me that if I did, she just might go back on her promise to let me live….and end my life.
”Thinking of running away, Kayla? I can read you like a book.”As I resigned myself again to giving it my best shot, I moved slowly toward her, expecting more punches and hoping to dodge them……but she crossed me up and wrapped both arms around my waist in a bear hug and slowly, inexorably, lifted me off the ground.
The power in her brawny arms was incredible as she increased the pressure. My legs were flailing uselessly in the air and she held me so we were face to face; my eyes even with hers. My arms flailed helplessly as she squeezed ever tighter, driving the breath from my body. I panicked and struggled harder, body against body, but her grip was tight as a vise. The pain was crushing, it became hard to breathe.
When she got tired of holding me aloft, she brutally thrust me to the side, throwing me over her hip with a disdainful grunt. My body flew through the air, hitting the ground, bouncing and rolling. I was winded, I was hurt, I was discouraged. How could I compete with a woman this big and powerful?
She walked languidly toward me, not feeling the need to rush…..in fact, enjoying the slow torture she was inflicting. It was, after all, what she had waited for these past 14 years
.
When she reached me, Petra bent down and again hoisted me in the air with her arms. Not needing to bend her knees to accomplish this, she simply stooped over and scooped me up, one arm grabbing me by the crotch and the other laced across my shoulders. Heaving mightily, Petra tossed me once again, hurling my helpless body airborne, where I landed almost six feet away from her, my body thudding painfully on the hard ground.
I tried to rise before she could plot her next move, and was able to do so only because she was still in no rush to finish me. Since she seemed more amused than dangerous at that moment, I charged Petra….only to be met with a perfectly timed, right-handed punch to my jaw. I dropped like a rock, scarcely feeling the impact when I landed.
As I watched her slowly approach again, my mind rebelled at continuing. Yet, what could I do? I dared not try to punch it out with her….and she was so much stronger than me it was useless to try and wrestle her. What do I do? It’s not as if surrender was an option…..Petra wasn’t interested in hearing me say “uncle!"
Feeling the hopelessness of my plight, I determined to try and punch her out. Yes, it wasn’t going to work, but my own pride compelled me to do
something.As she again reached down and hoisted me to my feet, I aimed my Sunday-best punches directly at her face, connecting, but again seeing no reaction from her. Instead, she went for another bear hug, apparently delighting in the idea of squeezing me into humiliating defeat.
I writhed in her grasp; squirming and kicking. I got my hands free and pushed them against her chin as hard as I could, applying pressure that surely would have forced anyone else to let go. Not Petra; her head was bent backward under my palms but she held me tightly still, crushing my chest and stomach against hers as my feet could gain no purchase on the ground since I was hovering six inches above it.
She released me suddenly, making sure I landed on my feet and before I could sink to the ground, she grabbed me by the shirt collar, held me upright with one hand, and began cracking my face with the other. They were open-handed slaps against my face and ears that sounded like whips being lashed. It hurt so badly I thought I would go crazy. My arms were free and I was still punching her face, but my blows were weakening even as her slaps got harder and harder. I felt my consciousness waning; my body was wilting under the punishment.
All was lost; Petra was going to beat me until she felt like stopping…..and as she had said, leaving me alive so I would always remember this day. As my mind started to drift, I even had a moment to wonder why……why me? With all the girls Petra could have picked on back in high school, why was it always me?
With each devastating slap, I heard Petra laughing out loud. In fact, she laughed so hard it sounded almost like hysteria.
Except she wasn’t laughing…..to my shock. She was
cryingAs I looked at her in astonishment, she spoke:
”Why didn’t you love me, Kayla? Why? Why? WHY?” Petra sobbed, cracking my face again and again with each “Why?” she uttered.
”I loved you. Why didn’t you love me back? It would have been so wonderful, but you never cared about me the way I did you.”My senses returned to me and suddenly I had the answer I had sought all these years.
Why had she always picked on me?
Now I knew why! The realization jolted me like being tossed into a pool of ice. She didn’t hate me….she
loved me. How foolish I was to never have guessed it before. There’s no explaining human beings, is there? She beats the hell out of me because she cares for me? Obviously, she wasn’t the type of person I would’ve wanted to know back then, anyway.
Still sobbing, Petra grabbed me again with both hands and lifted me in the air. Despite admitting the cause of all this, she was still determined to beat me within an inch of my life. But as she held me aloft, crotch to crotch, the burst of reason had sharpened my wits again and I thought to myself:
She loves me, does she? Let’s see how much!I resisted the pressure of her bear hug and started grinding my pelvis against hers. It was easy to do since she was bearing my weight, leaving me free to explore her carnal regions with my own. When I heard her gasp in surprise, I knew I had hit paydirt. She still held me tightly, but the extreme pressure she brought with her arms abated somewhat. It allowed me more freedom to grind against her in ever-widening circles, stimulating her in ways she never expected to feel in a fight! It sickened me to do this, but the stakes demanded it.
Amazingly, she still held me in the air, and with our faces at the same level, I ground my mouth against hers, probing with my tongue and forcing her lips open roughly. She gasped with pleasure over and over, even as the sound was muted between our open mouths.
Totally taken aback, Petra let me go, my feet dropping softly to the ground.
“
Kayla.” she breathed softly, a look of awed pleasure on her face…..her facial expression softening for the first time.
"You do love me!"….and as soon as she let me go, I rammed my knee to her crotch, crunching the area I had just finished caressing, bone-on-bone. I felt the shot in every part of my body; it was that hard.
Incredibly, Petra didn’t fall. It was as solid a blow as I’ve ever delivered in my life, but Petra merely wilted, the fight only temporarily taken out of her…..and I knew her fury would be back, even worse than before to punish me for what I had just done.
I acted quickly in the scant moment it would take her to recover; I whisked around behind her, jumping on Petra’s back and wrapping my arms around her neck while locking my legs around her waist, crossing my ankles in front of her to increase the pressure my legs would bring.
Supporting my full weight, Petra flailed back and forth, trying to dislodge me. Her arms were free but had nothing to grab onto since I was behind her, once again being held aloft, but in control this time. Her body did a dance on the hard ground as I choked her out.
I didn’t need to knock her down; that would happen on its own once she couldn’t bear the torture anymore. In fact, staying on her feet was wearing her down more quickly, so I didn’t try to twist my body to topple hers. She stayed upright for over five minutes; the woman’s strength was beyond belief.
Eventually, I brought the larger woman down as her knees buckled and touched the ground, at which time I jerked backward and kept my position behind her, where she couldn’t combat my tactics. Her breath wheezed in and out as I maintained my choke hold. Her arms were still free, but when she tried to use her hands to unclasp my leg scissors, I increased my choke hold….and when she tried to pry my arms from her throat, I grinded my legs against her waist, causing her piercing agony that forced her to scream each time I did it.
In fact, it grew so satisfying to hear her shriek that I kept tightening the leg lock. My limbs are extremely strong from years of track experience; I was thrilled to find a use for them in addition to running.
Remember how Petra said she wouldn’t kill me because she wanted me alive to always remember what she was going to do to me today? Well, I determined not to choke her to death either, although I easily could now that she was helpless in my arms. I wasn’t going to kill her. Still, as her agony increased, so did my sense of pleasure, as all the years of torment came back to me and made me want to punish her for each and every one of them.
”Petra.” I cooed in her ear.
”I don’t want you dead. I don’t even want you unconscious, although you would be if I wanted it. No, I want you to remember what happened today…..and I never want to see you again. Do you understand me, Petra?”She remained silent. The only thing I heard were her light, pitiable gasps.
”Do you?” I shouted, not willing to let her go until she answered me.
”Yes. Yes.” she rasped, her voice only a feeble croak because of the punishment I had brought her.
”Please let me go, Kayla. I’ll never bother you again.”I released her and started to walk away. After a few yards, I turned back and watched her prone body for a few moments. This time, it was my turn to issue a disdainful grunt as I regarded my defeated enemy. I had vanquished a 14-year nightmare…..using my wits, my will, and the strength in my own body. Never again would I have to worry about Petra. The albatross around my neck was gone forever.
******************
As I walked down the mountain, I reflected: Was the sun shining brighter than ever before? Did the air smell fresher? Did the sounds of singing birds resonate with joy?
Yes……yes to all of it.
