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A Good Idea, a Bad Outcome

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Offline NYBama

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A Good Idea, a Bad Outcome
« on: January 11, 2024, 09:29:56 PM »
This is a modified version of a script I wrote that a producer didn't produce after taking my money. Thought at least someone should enjoy it....hope you do.

Shot 1 - Black screen.

   An image abruptly appears as a video camera (Camera 1) is turned on. The camera is moved into position and settled down on a stable surface with a view about 3 feet off the ground looking on to a non-descript living room ringed with sofas but conspicuously empty in the middle, where a large rug occupies a space that seems made for a coffee table. Later, in other shots, it will become apparent that the coffee table has been pulled from its place in the center of the room to one wall, and Camera 1 has been placed on top of it. There are windows visible, with curtains drawn, and sunlight filtering from behind them.

   A young woman, barefoot in a simple white dress steps into the frame, then kneels in front of Camera 1, which is eye level to her in this position. She is petite, 5’4”, but not skinny, possessing a toned and curvy figure. Her breasts bounce a bit as she settles to the carpet but they are obviously firm and natural. Her face radiates a sweetness and happiness that takes your breath away the first time you see it, and makes you warm and fluttery inside. The sun filtering from the windows behind her casts a halo of light around her head and the long, slightly wavy blond hair that is tied up in places and spills down her shoulders in others.  She looks into the camera with a smile that is both nervous and determined.

Rebecca- “Baby, if you are watching this then you are about to have the best sex of your life”
She giggles. It is not a line she seems accustomed to saying, but she clearly relishes the thought of pushing beyond her own boundaries.

Rebecca - “I am making this tape as a present to you, to show you how much I love you, how much the last 12 months have meant to me…”

A shadow crosses her face and she looks down. When her eyes return to the camera, there is a new emotion in them…determination.

Rebecca - “And to show you that I am ready to be the woman you have always dreamed about. This video is just the start of a night you will never forget“

The cloud passes, and the sweet, innocent beauty returns to her face.

Rebecca - “- So sit back, relax, and know that I will always love you baby…I would do anything to make you happy, and I will never, NEVER give up on what we have.”

She reaches up and hits the stop button on the camera, and the screen goes dark for a few seconds.

Shot 2 –
When the picture comes back on, you can see Rebecca who has just hit the record button once again and is kneeling in front of the camera, this time she is wet from a shower with a towel draped around her.

Rebecca – “Baby, if everything goes like I planned, you are watching this tomorrow, on our anniversary. This is…yesterday”

She giggles, confusing herself with the times as this entire video is meant to be played the day after it is taped. (Rebecca’s plan is to have her boyfriend come to the door tomorrow, follow a trail of rose petals to the bedroom, where he will play this tape while she is in the shower)

Rebecca - “I will be in the shower while you watch this, and when it ends I am going to come out in a towel…just like this” She begins to trace her finger along the top of her cleavage “and find out just how much you enjoyed my present to you.”

Suddenly, she becomes serious, as if the giggling girl she clearly is comfortable being is somehow not enough for the moment.

Rebecca - “Baby, I want you to know something: I want you. I have always wanted you. And I will never give up on you, baby. I would do anything to make you mine.”

She once again turns the camera off, and the screen goes black for a few seconds.

Shot 3 -
When the camera cuts on again the light from the window is gone. It is night, and as she pulls her hand away from once again hitting the record button Rebecca is dressed in delicate white lingerie.

Rebecca -“So I know you have been sleeping with Stormy…don’t worry, I’m not mad. We were never exclusive, and Stormy was your high school sweetheart, it’s only natural you two would get together when she moved back.”

She means this, but it hurts to say it.

Rebecca -“But she changed while she was away…that bitch thinks she is too good for this town, too good for you even, and I can’t stand to see you sad, baby. I won’t let her bring you down or use you any longer. I am putting an end to that tonight. I am putting an end to her.”

- A knocking at the door is heard off screen.
A smile spreads across Rebecca’s face…

R- “I am putting an end to her tonight”

She turns the camera off again.

Shot 4 –
In a few seconds, the camera cuts back on to find Stormy standing in the middle of the room, clearly in mid conversation with Rebecca, who just hit the record button again and then walks back to stand face to face with Stormy.

Stormy is dressed as if she expected a man to meet her at the front door and fuck her before they made it past the foyer. Her 5’7” frame runs from her slender, dancer’s legs up to broad hips, a tight waist, and large breasts spilling out of her black bra and panties. The raincoat she wore to the door was open and exposing this for all to see.

 Her face is traditionally beautiful, with well defined  cheekbones and piecing blue eyes underneath the waves of her long, straight black hair. People had always complimented her by saying she looked like Jennifer Connelly, but given her sense of entitlement Stormy always thought she was a good bit prettier than that. 

As the camera clicks on Stormy is in midsentence-

Stormy “…the most backwoods, dumbass dipshit idea I ever heard of, what the hell were you thinking pretending to be…did you just turn on a camera? Tricking me into coming here thinking I was meeting him, what the hell is wrong with you?

Rebecca - “I had to get you here, so I sent you the note, and here you are. You even dressed like I told you to, so who is the dumbass now?”

Stormy – “You are, Rebecca. You always have been a silly little twat, but this takes the cake, what the hell were you thinking getting me over here like this?”

Rebecca - “I told you, we need to have a ‘conversation’”

Stormy – “We have nothing to talk about. I am only back in this hick town for a few months until my next gig, I am not here to make friends”

Rebecca - “I’m not your friend. I brought you here to tell you that your old boyfriend is mine now. You are going to back off, or you are going to be sorry”

Stormy laughs…she finally realizes what this is all about, and her confusion turns mocking laughter.

Stormy-“Oh thank God! For a minute there I thought you conned me over here and had me dress up in these to arrange some sort of threesome to try and make him like you again. If I wanted to get with a dime store version of Alice Eve I’d just go and get the real thing. It was going to be really awkward when you realized no one wanted to fuck you, you simple cxnt.”

The insult cut Rebecca too deeply, and in a flash she sends a slap hard across Stormy’s face.

(Up until this point, everything has been filmed by the single stationary camera sitting on the coffee table on one side of the room, and each ‘edit’ has been Rebecca hitting Record button to start and stop the tape, the tape she is making for the boyfriend. That POV will continue to record and should be used to edit in clips of the rest of the action, especially when one girl or the other addresses something directly to the boyfriend, or when they present their opponent to that camera in a particularly painful or humiliating pose. However, the reaction to this initial slap should be captured by another camera, with this cut serving as the transition to a multi-camera set up for the rest of the fight.)

This is the point at which the 1-2 other cameras start to provide footage as well.

Both Stormy and Rebecca are momentarily shocked by the unexpected outburst, and it is Stormy who regains her composure first as she rubs her cheek.

Stormy- “I am going to leave now. I am going to leave before I do something we both will regret for a long, long time. But listen to me, you little corn fed hick, you will never…EVER…have him. Do you hear me? Never…and I didn’t even really want him until now, he was just a way to pass the time…”

Stormy begins to circle Rebecca, who is still in shock from having lashed out.

Stormy – “but when he gets back into town tomorrow, I am going to fuck him in ways you can’t imagine, do things to him you couldn’t possibly do. I will make him want me with every fiber of his being, make him forget you even exist. I am going to make him want me so bad that he will be cruel to you, he won’t even look at you in the street, he will call you names behind your back and tell people he was a fool for ever being with you…and after I have made him my bitch…I am going to dump his ass and leave this town, and you two sorry losers, in the dust.”

Rebecca is nearly in tears as this vivid description of her deepest fear is said aloud by her most hated rival.

Stormy – “And there is nothing you can do about it, cxnt”

Rebecca breaks. She lashes out again with a slap that stings Stormy’s head in the opposite direction.

Stormy maintains her composure. Sadly for Rebecca, this is not her first fight.

Stormy – “That, little bitch, is going to cost you.”

Stormy calmly removes her rain jacket and tosses it on a nearby couch. She coldly eyes Rebecca for a half moment then in a flash reaches up with both hands and grabs a handful of Rebecca’s hair, pulling her head back until Rebecca’s neck is straining and she screams toward the sky. Rebecca does the same with her hands, but does not have the leverage and can only hold on as her head is pulled backward painfully. Suddenly, Stormy’s knee shots up between Rebecca’s legs, impacting her pubic area and sending the young woman crumpling to the ground with a moan. She lies at Stormy’s feet, sobbing, collecting herself.


Stormy – “Wait a second”
Stormy looks at the Camera sitting on the coffee table.

Stormy – “This is what you had in mind all along, isn’t it?”
She approaches the camera as Rebecca continues to try and compose herself, moaning and clutching her groin.

Stormy – “You were going to put on a little show for him, let him know that you stood up to me in the name of love. How…sad.”
Stormy looks directly in the camera.

Stormy – “Darling…you know I was kidding earlier, what I said about dumping you, right? I was just trying to make her mad”
And now a look comes over Stormy’s face…a dangerous, malicious, yet oddly playful look. She enjoys this.
Stormy – “Now, I’m just going to make her beg”

Rebecca has regained her senses, and upon hearing this last bit she rallies and charges Stormy with fire in her eyes screaming, “Never!”



The two women grapple around for a bit, and Rebecca’s sudden fury allows her to wrestle Stormy on to her back with Rebecca straddling her hips. She takes one hand and squeezes Stormy’s face while the other hand lands a few soft punches to Stormy’s ribs. Stormy has two handfuls of hair and rocks Rebecca from side to side until she slings her off, and they get to their knees facing one another.

Their bodies come together hard, each woman screaming out WHORE and grabbing the back of the head of her rival with one hand, pulling hair, while the other hand claws at the face and neck of the other. Scratches and slaps are exchanged for a few moments until Stormy’s hand slips down and grabs a firm hold of Rebecca’s breast, and Rebecca shrieks out, grabbing Stormy’s wrist in an effort to pull her off.

She succeeds, and pulls Stormy all the way down to the ground. Rebecca quickly wraps her strong legs around Stormy’s mid section and squeezes for all she is worth. At first, Stormy lets out a small groan, but as she struggles to get out of the scissors her groans become louder and more intense. With Stormy’s hands trying to push Rebecca’s legs away, Rebecca is free to use her hands to pull Stormy’s hair and then begin to squeeze and claw her face & breasts, which draws a high pitched cry to join the chorus of moans coming from Stormy. For the first time in the fight, Rebecca gains confidence and Stormy seems in trouble.

Rebecca looks to the coffee table camera – “I love you baby…this bitch won’t ever mess with us again”

Stormy took that moment of distraction to try a move of desperation, plunging her hand between the legs that were crushing her and down the front of Rebecca’s panties. She clamps down, and whatever damage her fingers did, it was enough to elicit a scream of pain from Rebecca who finally releases her hold and rolled away clutching herself.

Stormy pressed her advantage, straddling the back of Rebecca and pulling one arm back in a half nelson, using the other arm to lift Rebecca’s head up by the hair.

Stormy –“You dumb bitch, you really think you can take me down? I am going to teach you about pain. You are going to beg me for mercy before this is over”
Rebecca – “ I will never give up!”
Stormy – “Never is a long time, cxnt”

And with that, Stormy reversed her position so that she was sitting on Rebecca’s back facing her legs, which she grabbed and pulled back in a Boston Crab. Her body pinned down to the floor, her legs arched behind her, Rebecca wailed at the pressure as Stormy leaned back and bent the poor country girl nearly in half.
Stormy – “You are going to learn about loss.”
Rebecca – “Fuck you”

Stormy was too good, her hold too brutal, and she bent down so far that Rebecca was able to shoot out a hand and grab a handful of Stormy’s hair, pulling her down and to the side. Rebecca pounced, and they rolled on the ground until Rebecca found herself on top of Stormy and able to move up to a sitting position and put two hands around her throat, starting to squeeze…

Stormy reached up with both hands trying to pry the hands from her throat, but when that didn't work she reached down and raked the lace top down off Rebecca's breasts and grabbed each one in a hand, squeezing and twisting at once with a scary violence that caused Rebecca to scream. First she tried to arch back and escape the torture, releasing Stormy’s throat and grabbing her wrists, but the vice grip prevented her escape and so she leaned in closer to Stormy to try and ease the pressure.

Keeping one hand twisting and clawing at the chest of her rival, stormy moved her other hand up and began to viciously claw and scratch at Rebecca's face. Her screams of pain were now joined by screams of fear as Rebecca felt the damage being done to her beautiful face and rolled away from Stormy, but her retreat was useless.

Stormy rolled as well and ended up lying on Rebecca's back as she lay face down on the floor. With both hands she took the back of Rebecca's hair and drug her face across the floor, back and forth as Rebecca yelped in pain, then lifted her head up and squatted over her, draping her arms over her knees and trapping Rebecca in a camel clutch.

With one hand Stormy pulled Rebecca's head up, so she was facing the coffee table camera, and speaks into Rebecca’s ear - “Is this what you wanted him to see? Do you know what I am going to do to you now?”

Stormy reaches around Rebecca's neck and grabs one breast, digging in her claws and slowly dragging them across the nipple and up to the neck, then switching hands and doing the same to the other breast. She repeats this maneuver several times.
“Oh God, Oh God no” Rebecca squeals, and Stormy pulls her head back by the hair and leans in close to Rebecca's face…”do you give up?”
“Fuck you” was the only reply.
“Oh no baby” Stormy said darkly, “you are the one that is fucked.

With that, Stormy began a systematic dismantling of poor Rebecca. She kept her in the camel clutch for another minute or two, torturing her breasts and raking her nails down Rebecca's face, pulling her head side to side by the hair and wrenching down or Rebecca’s back. Helpless, screaming in pain and defiance, Rebecca kicked and thrashed but could not find a way out.

Luckily, Stormy tired of the position and let her drop to the floor, taking the opportunity to rake her nails down Rebecca’s back as she stood up. She reached down and dragged Rebecca up by her hair, leading her around in a circle to keep her off balance only to straighten her up and deliver a wicked knee right to the groin, doubling Rebecca over. Again Stormy used the hair, this time to lead Rebecca over to a wall where she proceeded to land a series of Knees, kicks and punches to the groin and belly of Rebecca. After about 10-20 such blows Stormy grabbed the face of Rebecca and leaned in close.

“ are you ready to say he's mine? Look in that camera, tell him you never loved him and will never see him again, and this all ends”
Rebecca, who has been whimpering under the barrage, mumbles something unintelligible.
“What was that, I didn't hear you…speak up you little bitch”

“I said, I will never give up on him” and with that Rebecca spit in the face of her hated rival, stunning her as she summoned a burst of strength born from fear and steely resolve. Two handfuls of hair drew Stormy’s head down into Rebecca's knee , and she bounced off and down to the floor where Rebecca followed up with several kicks to the side and belly before driving her foot straight down into Stormy’s crotch.

That propelled Stormy to a sitting position, and Rebecca dropped down on her knees behind her and snaked one arm around her throat, holding her in place as she ripped the top down off Stormy’s breasts and began to maul them.
Unable to pull the hand away, Stormy reached up behind her and grabbed two handfuls of hair, causing Rebecca to extend her legs around the other woman's waist to maintain control. Squeezing until Stormy cried out, Rebecca shifted until she faced her opponent from the side and then ratcheted up the pressure as she raked her nails down Stormy’s face. Now it was Stormy’s time to scream as the pain became unbearable. This is Rebecca’s most successful period of the fight, and she took a long  time really pouring on the abuse. Controlling Stormy with her legs Rebecca tortures her with Breast squeezes, crotch mauls, hair pulls, face scratching and slapping…Stormy’s angry screams turn to one of pain, and then outright fear as Rebecca’s vicious onslaught seems never-ending. Stormy delivers a slap here, a scratch there, but nothing is slowing Rebecca down…..
Finally, when she senses that Stormy at her weakest, when the screams of pain and fear have quieted to whimpers, Rebecca’s hand both snake down to twist Stormy’s breast as far around as they will go,  she asked Stormy if she would give in, she really expected the answer to be yes…

Stormy begins to turn, perhaps to submit, but brings her elbow straight down into the crotch of Rebecca, whose low moan echoed off the walls. Stormy rolled away and gathered herself as Rebecca lay clutching her groin, unable to recover enough to see what was coming next.

Stormy rose to her feet and sent several kicks into Rebecca’s side as she tried to crawl away from the attack, each kick methodical as it sent Rebecca down on her belly, only for her to rise and make a movement forward just as another cruel kick sent her crashing down to the floor. Finally Rebecca is reduced to crawling, but Stormy grabs her by the ankles, flips her on to her back, lifts her legs and spreads them as she sends repeated stomps into Rebecca’s crotch, belly and breasts.
Stormy kneels beside the battered beauty and lifts her across one outstretched knee, and uses one hand to press down on Rebecca’s chin while her other hand presses down on her pubic area, trapping Rebecca in a back breaker. Occasional short punches to the belly and groin punctuate the torture, which is followed up by Stormy allowing Rebecca to slip forward a little so that her torso sprawls out in front of Stormy while her head is trapped, face up, under Stormy’s arm facing the back of Stormy’s head. From this position it is a simple matter for Stormy to continue her scratching and clawing of ever tender portion of Rebecca’s body as Rebecca’s screams begin to grow desperate and pleading.

“NOOO! Please no, I can’t, you’re killing me…”
Stormy shuffles Rebecca on to the floor and lifts her head up by the hair…
“Do you want this to stop?”
“Please, I can’t take anymore” Rebecca is sobbing
“Say he is mine. Say I can have him. Say you never loved him”
“I can’t…I won’t”
“You will”


And with that, she straddled Rebecca, pinned her arms above her head with one hand locking down both wrists, lowered her head until her lips hovered just over Rebecca’s nipple, then smiled wickedly up at the terrified Blonde…and savagely bit down on her left breast.
This began the end stage. Stormy bites, scratches and mauls Rebecca, pulling her hair and moving her around for the benefit of the coffee table camera, presenting her in various states of distress. Slaps, scratches, attacks to the crotch and breasts, slaps to the face and fists into her belly, Stormy is relentless. Finally, in a camel clutch with Rebecca’s face to that camera, Stormy finally gets Rebecca to tearfully submit,
Do you give up?
Yes, she whispered.
Louder, as Stormy yanked back on the hair.
YES, screamed Rebecca.
Do you give him up forever?
Don’t make me say it, Rebecca sobbed
DO YOU GIVE HIM UP FOREVER!?! Stormy screamed as she used her claws to practically rip Rebecca’s left boob off her chest.
YEEEEEESSSSSSS, I GIVE HIM UP, I GIVE UP, PLEASE GOD STOP!!!!!!

Then Stormy should look into the Camera, blow a kiss, and say
“I hope you liked that Baby…there is more where that came from. We are just getting started”
She reaches out and turns the camera off, and the screen goes to black. The words appear…

“To Be Continued….”


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Online snw

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Re: A Good Idea, a Bad Outcome
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2024, 07:33:28 AM »
Enjoying this story. Can’t wait to read what’s to come.

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Offline Austin315

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Re: A Good Idea, a Bad Outcome
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2024, 03:44:18 PM »
VERY well written. Cant wait to see where this goes.