This could be the opportunity I have been looking for.
I am a retired software engineer/programmer. Since leaving the warm embrace of Nintendo following the introduction of Wii , I have been working on a system to, shall we say, bring the pain to cyberfighting. My beta is admittedly rather clumsy, entailing the use of many conducting wires applied adhesively to various parts of the body. But it can deliver everything from the sensation a jackhammer pressed into the eye socket to shards of glass shoved up the vagina. Testing the Beta has cost me 2 fingers, my right eye and any feeling whatsoever from my floating rib to my knees.
I am currently taking a creative writing class at Palomar Community College, where my interest in turning in only material dealing with cyber fighting is less than appreciated. But I can write like the dickens. Here is an example of my work:
PERSON A: Fuck off u dirty whore!
PERSON B: Hey, don't talk to me like that!
PERSON A: But I must be rude to you, as there is no way in which we can settle this conflict violently, whilst online.
PERSON B: I can tell you haven't heard of CYBER FIGHTING
PERSON A: No, I haven't
PERSON B: Well, just play along with me...ok... I hit you with a frying pan.
PERSON A: I grab that pan off you, rip some shit out of your ass, fry it, then feed it to you.
PERSON B: I run away crying
I do insist on some rules:
HOW TO START A CYBER FIGHT
I find, for this the most effective thing is to say to the person " hey, you are asking for a cyber fight" then begin with some 'fight fore-play'. An example of this would be "I'm kicking your shins" or " I am gently pushing you, to make it clear that you have upset me"
THE MAIN MEAL, SO TO SPEAK
In this you simply exchange attacks like my personal favorite "I'm fucking you up with hammers" or one which a friend of mine seems to enjoy " I sit on your face and shit in your mouth"
This continues until someone gets bored, or purchases a black market nuclear weapon from a former Soviet bloc country . But don't go for the nuke straight away - it is the premature ejaculation of cyber fighting.
ENDING THE FIGHT
Win, give up or die.
THINGS TO SAY DURING THE FIGHT
" I say 'your shoelace is untied', you look down, and I kick your head"
"I'm frying your piss and shits in a pan, and making you eat them."
" What time is the number 34 bus to Fillmore?"
"I punch you hard, twice"
" I smack you bitch "
" I put a balloon in your ass, and then blow it up so much that you become a grape.
"Please don't hurt me, I have a wife and two children, named Horace and Doris."
"I cut your legs off with a circular saw."
As you can see, I am a cyber fighter to be reckoned with. Wanna tangle with this old, crippled, half blind muchaco?
