At 5’8, Anne Hathaway had the body of an athlete. Maybe if she wasn’t born with movie star good looks, she would have gone down the sports route. But, like most girls, Anne dreamed of being an actress.
Hathaway’s star power has afforded her many luxuries, and her Oscar nomination assured her of an elite status. But Anne’s hunger for recognition and respect became something of an obsession. She could have been very content making family comedies that would dominate the box office, but she chose to abandon her audience and try grittier fare. Once she garnered respect from the thespian crowd, she began to court the adult audience with broader dramas. Now considered one of the finest actresses of her time, Anne should be content.
But she wasn’t.
She wanted anything and everything that other women had. Anything they could achieve, she could achieve at a higher level. When she heard about celebrities competing in the ring, she felt that it was the next logical progression of her career. The women who have found success in this arena have gone on to become international superstars. The most recent example of this was Angelina Jolie, who rose from bit parts to global phenomenon once she established herself in the squared circle. Anne wanted that, and wouldn’t rest until it was hers.
Thanks to her financial security and intricate network of contacts, she was able to get some of the finest trainers available. In secret, she had a gym installed in her home so that she could do conditioning in private. Any girl could throw on a pair of tights and climb between the ropes, but if she was going to do this, she was going to do it full throttle.
Anne’s coaches said that she was technically very competent. Her height gave her certain advantages, and her months of cardio training and exercise had made her leaner and tougher while still allowing her to maintain her feminine features. Their criticisms were that she was a bit too rigid and her mannerisms were far too conventional. In terms of pro athletes, she was less Michael Jordan and more Dan Majerle; nothing flashy but could still get the job done.
Believing it was the lack of coaching and not a lack of talent, Anne fired her first round of pros and brought in a second team, who also discovered that underneath the bright smile was a very determined-and demanding-starlet. They too found her to be technically proficient but lacking that flair. Despite their recommendation that she take another few months to hone her skills, Anne decided that in order to prove her worth that she would step into the ring and see how she fared.
The promoters were more than happy to give Anne a tryout, as they had been hungry for some time to get her in the ring. Hathaway’s All-American girl-next-door look had broad appeal, and if she panned out, she could be a true draw. If, on the other hand she was a bust, then at least it would be fun to see the relatively clean cut woman get worked over.
Anne was given a tryout match against Samaire Armstrong, a lesser known actress who wasn’t yet famous enough to be in a match in front of a crowd. Armstrong and Hathaway both met at the ring at an assigned time, with Anne bringing her entire scouting team for feedback. Because this was a “dark match”, Samaire chose to simply wear a sports bra and shorts. Anne, on the other hand, had a custom-made one-piece on, complete with her initials. Her initials were also emblazoned on her white wrestling boots, a sign that she was unafraid to throw money around.
Hathaway refused to talk with Samaire beforehand, preferring to keep this at the same level of intensity as an actual match. Anne’s training was evident from the opening bell, as she took Armstrong down quickly with a waistlock. Once she had her on the mat, she locked in a modified chicken wing and Samaire quickly tapped out.
Since this wasn’t a match, Anne ignored it. She broke the hold, hoisted Armstrong to her feet and delivered a textbook powerslam. The effectiveness of the slam knocked Samaire out cold, something that surprised those in attendance. In the end, the report read that she was technically sound but still quite monotonous and…dull. But there was no denying that she had talent.
Anne’s contract contained several provisions, including her own dressing room and input with regards to who she would face. She was invited to the arena to see a live show and experience the entire event, which she did from a private luxury box. The meeting was held during intermission, where the production team pitched her some opponents. Many of the familiar starter names were there; Alexis Bledel, Kristen Bell, Rachel Bilson and Taylor Swift. Anne rejected the list, saying that she didn’t want to take the easy route and face off against a jobber. They tried to explain to her that she had to establish herself, a notion that she immediately dismissed.
After intermission, she watched the debut of Katy Perry. Perry faced off against Mila Kunis, and after an overly theatrical entrance, Perry dominated and decimated the smaller brunette. Hathaway was impressed with Katy, feeling that if someone with such a lack of talent could win the crowd over, so could she. While Anne objected to Perry’s use of sexual attacks, which she often referred to as cheap stunts by the untalented, she couldn’t help but admit that there was a certain innate charisma in the singer.
“I want to face her,” she demanded. Seeing that there was no room for negotiation, they reluctantly agreed.
The fight was quickly booked, as Perry was more than anxious to get in the ring with a star of Hathaway’s level. Katy Perry figured that it was a no-lose opportunity for her. Her debut match against Mila Kunis couldn’t have gone better, and with her popularity already on the rise, another high profile match would do wonders for her. Besides, the thought of getting her hands on Anne Hathaway’s body was more than enough incentive.
On the night of the fight, Katy Perry received an unexpected visitor. The man introduced himself as a former member of Anne Hathaway’s training team, and after his unceremonious departure, he had an axe to grind. He offered to give Perry some last-minute tips, hoping that his often ignored field reports would finally come in handy. What he handed her was a dossier containing a blueprint for how to beat Anne. It listed her strengths, her weaknesses and her entire arsenal of moves. Since Hathaway lacked an inert drive, her every strike and hold was taught to her by this man. This man that she ultimately fired because he refused to acquiesce that she was better than she was. Now, her secrets were being gently placed into the hands of the one person who could do the most damage, and she was completely helpless to stop it.
Anne Hathaway requested to be introduced first, since she knew that Katy Perry was going to try and upstage her anyway. Anne came out first to a well produced bed of music in her now signature outfit; a monogrammed two-piece turquoise outfit topped off with her white wrestling boots. She had her hair up in a ponytail, and had capped off her conservative attire with wristbands. Despite appearing nude in her most recent film, Anne’s view on baring skin was very reserved. Unless it was essential to the integrity of a story, Hathaway would never appear naked. That same philosophy translated in her ring gear, as she felt that a talented wrestler didn’t need to resort to cheap T&A.
At that moment, Katy Perry’s music hit. The arena lights dimmed as a spotlight shone onto the entrance ramp. Perry came out in her now trademark leopard bikini, accompanied by pyro and fog. Katy sang a few notes along with the crowd before strolling down to the ring amidst the pops and flashes of cameras. Never one to be modest, Katy climbed onto the apron and bent over the top rope, giving the fans a chance to snap pictures of her thong-clad ass. She then blew a kiss to Hathaway as she slowly slid between the ropes.
The confident Hathaway dispatched with the referee’s prematch instructions, choosing instead to stand in the middle of the ring and wait for her opponent. She took it as an act of self-assurance, while to most in attendance it appeared to be the actions of a haughty bitch. Anne rolled her neck from side to side as she swung her arms, looking more like a competitor and less like someone playing this for laughs. Katy, on the other hand, was leaning against the turnbuckle with her sunglasses pulled down to the tip of her nose. She stuck her tongue out at Anne before going back to waiving at the crowd.
“Come on ref, if she isn’t going to take this seriously…” Anne pleaded as she gestured towards the theatrical woman.
“Don’t worry Annie, I never take things seriously. Like later when I get to play with your tits, I’m going to have loads of fun.” Katy punctuated the taunt by squeezing her own breasts and jiggling them, hoping to unnerve the seemingly cool Hathaway. Anne shot her a displeased sneer as the referee moved into position.
Once the bell rang, Katy strolled to the center of the ring. Anne had her hands up like claws, looking to engage in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Katy, expecting Hathaway to do just that, couldn’t help but hold back a snicker. If Anne thought that Katy was going to engage her in a straight wrestling match, she was sorely mistaken.
Perry put her arms up like Hathaway and the two women began to circle. Anne was examining Katy the way she was trained, hoping to detect a weakness. Perry, after reading the file, knew exactly what her opponent was doing. Sensing that Anne wasn’t paying attention, Katy moved her hands upwards. As Hathaway’s eyes followed, Perry swung her foot forward, catching Anne between the legs.
The unexpected kick stunned Hathaway, who wasn’t used to the kind of mind numbing pain a low blow could inflict. It was literally mind numbing, in that her brain began to swell and feel warm. It was her body’s natural defense to subdue the pain, but it also had a more visceral reaction. The seemingly calm and cool Hathaway let out a screech of pain as her hands dropped down to her crotch. Seconds later, she dropped to her knees before rolling into a ball. All of her moves were purely instinctual, because she wasn’t able to think clearly enough to defend herself.
Proud of the sneak attack, Katy again blew kisses to her fans. She grabbed hold of Anne’s ponytail and pulled her head back, forcing Hathaway to look up at Perry. Standing over her downed opponent, Katy decided to show her dominance by forcing the sitting girl’s face against the front of her leopard thong, mock-humping her head. Humiliated, Anne shoved her away.
Hathaway began to regroup, rolling away from Katy in an attempt to get to her feet. She got to her feet and looked around, but couldn’t find Perry. Realizing it a moment too late, Anne figured out that Katy was behind her. Seizing her opportunity, Katy dropped to her knee and delivered an uppercut between Anne’s thighs. The second low blow once again brought Anne to the canvas as she rubbed her wounded womanhood.
