Marie B. vs. "Too Sexy" Howard Cosell by Marie B.
Oooooooh! Here I come, struttin’ down the aisle toward the ring. I’m stylin’ and profilin’ and looking just… ....oh-so-cool!
That’s right, it’s me…..Too Sexy, known to many of you folks as Howard Cosell. Tonight, I’m gonna be fighting Marie B.
What’s that, you ask? Isn’t Marie a girl’s name?
Damn straight, it is. And why am I fighting a girl?
Because she was foolish enough to accept my challenge, that’s why. I have to admit that I never expected she would. I figured she would run and hide when she heard me call her out. Y’know, saying it was her time of the month or something.
But, no. Instead, she not only accepts the challenge, but demands two matches. I was taken aback, I confess. I was conspicuously confused. My mind was ablaze with conflicting conflagrations.
I mean to say, the girl is so small. She gotta stand on her little tiptoes to get above 5 feet tall. She weighs 90 pounds. Ninety pounds! Man, my left testicle weighs more than that!
Me, in the meantime, stand a majestic 6’1", y’know? And, at 164 pounds, I’m pretty thin, but wiry. I’m put together in a perfect series of planes and angles. I am the ideal of every woman and the idol of every man. I am so sexy that I have to get a doctor’s prescription occasionally for some antibiotics because my sexiness is like a fever….. almost an infection that must be contained. If I didn’t medicate it periodically, you know what would happen? All the women in the world would leave their husbands and boyfriends and show up at my front door. I don’t think my wife would care for that, and even an ultimate man like me has his limits. Though, my limits are exceedingly high.
But I have no limits when it comes to fighting a woman! It’s true that there are a handful of men that could defeat me, but no woman in the world has a snowball’s chance in hell. So I’m gonna beat Marie tonight. The girl actually thinks she has a chance against me. She assumes that her speed and wrestling knowledge are greater than mine. That’s a silly mistake though, Marie!
You want to talk about speed? Well, I’m so fast that I can turn off the light switch and jump into bed before the room gets dark! And fighting knowledge? It happens that the Encyclopedia Britannica has a section for “wrestling” and it has my picture at the top of the page! Oh, Marie, you don’t know what you’re lettin’ your bony little ass in for.
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Anyway, I keep strutting toward the ring. Most people are cheering, but some are looking me strangely, as if they never saw anyone dressed like Shaft before. What’s the matter……you folks got something against polyester?
Walking behind me are my two boys, Fritz and Waldo. Don’t worry, I don’t need them to help me with Marie, but they are here to keep an eye on her trainer, Siena. A pre-match stipulation we’ve agreed on is that I’m gonna spank the little bitch when I beat her…..right in the center of the ring! Then, there’s a stipulation that only I’ve agreed on. It’s that I’m gonna suck and lick her navel after I beat her. I challenged Marie to wear a two-piece outfit tonight, but I know she won’t because she knows I intend to visit her Navel Academy.
At any rate, Fritz and Waldo are here to make sure that neither Siena nor anyone else tries to rob me of the rightful spoils of my victory.
I reach the ring and climb in, prancin’ and dancin’ my way back and forth across the squared circle. Most everyone is cheering at the top of their lungs. They’re all shouting “Boo!” which I take to mean “Beautiful!” Crowd noise can be a funny thing, y’know?
Anyway, as I strut around, I’m careful not to touch any part of my body with my fingers. Why? Well, it’s because I’m so hot that touching myself might cause second-degree burns! Got to watch it.
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I can now spot Marie B. coming down the aisle, accompanied by her washed-out trainer Siena. Marie is acknowledging the crowd by waving, but her eyes are fixed on me. She is unaccustomedly wearing a robe and this puzzles me for a moment until the reason pops into my head; she’s afraid to show that she’s wearing a one-piece outfit under the robe, with probably a belt over the waist. She is scared of my “navel-prowess” and knows I’m gonna lambaste her when she gets in the ring. I laugh out loud at her timidity.
She enters the ring and dances lightly in place, her eyes still burrowing into mine. At this close range, I’m struck by how tiny she actually is. For gosh sakes, she’s 14 inches shorter than me and 56 pounds lighter. I ruminate over the easy victory that awaits me and yet a grain of concern nags at me. Has she got some secret weapon or tactic that I don’t know about…..something that could do damage to me? No, I’m not talking about a foreign object that she might have brought into the ring to hit me with. I’m talking about some intangible that I haven’t even thought of. Finally, I decide…..NAAAAHHHH! Marie’s got nothing; she’s just here on a wing and a prayer.
(Upon being introduced, Marie removes her robe and reveals the figure of a little-girl gymnast. It is a feminine shape, but there is so little of it. Many of the fans in the arena, seeing that she is about to wrestle a male, groan aloud when they see Marie’s ribs stick out in vivid detail….she has no meat on her bones, no excess fat on any area of her body. The reason they can see the ribs is that Marie has indeed worn a two-piece bathing suit. The moment she disrobes, she sneers at Too Sexy, pointing at her navel, then deliberately wags a finger back and forth, as if saying “Here it is, and you’re not gonna get it, Too Sexy.”
In response to that, Too Sexy smiles and rubs his two hands together in an obstreperous fashion as if to say, “Lunch is served!” )
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The bell rings and we move toward ring center. I verbally assure her that I have no intention of punching her. I’m not even sure why I felt compelled to say it; after all, why lock myself into a promise like that when she wasn’t looking for it? At any rate, she doesn’t respond to it, she just starts bouncing around the ring, circling me, then changing motion. Moving fast, then slowing it down and feinting toward me as if she plans to rush me. She is very active and it’s hard to know exactly how to attack her. After all, homeys, the most important thing in a setting like this is to look cool. I don’t think any one of you could disagree with that, right? And blindly chasing this little runt around the ring wouldn’t look cool.
Plus, in addition to everything else I’ve said, I know one other vital fact….. anything that I connect solidly with is going to hurt her. It will only take one good shot to spell the end for Miss Marie B. Bubblehead. Whereas, she could hit me 1,000 times and not do damage. I’m too strong, I’m too tight, I’m too bad. Oh…..and did I mention Too Sexy?
So we maneuvered around each other for about a minute as I waited for her to initiate something. Just as I thought she wasn’t going to, she grabbed my left wrist and tried to pull me forward. She couldn’t move me, but I was surprised she tried, given that my right arm was free. I sent it whooshing toward her (Yeah, I know I said I wasn’t gonna punch her, but hey!….it was only gonna be a forearm smash.) Marie easily ducked under my right arm and leaped forward in a flash, head-butting me on the left side of my rib cage. I didn’t expect it, it’s a very sensitive area of the body, and it hurt like hell.
I stepped backward, trying to laugh out loud but having a hard time doing it. I was tempted to hold my ribs with my hand, but intelligently resisted the impulse to do so….it would have shown her that I was hurt. As it was, she knew it anyway, stepping forward quickly (Good Lord! I never realized how truly fast she was!) and stomping her bare foot into my stomach. I foolishly turned to the side to avoid a second stomach kick, and quickly realized that I had fallen into another trap she had set for me; I had left exposed the left side of my rib cage again. Sure enough, there was Marie’s foot, crushing painfully into my ribs, forcing me back to the ropes and in a slightly breathless condition.
With my back against the turnbuckle and my ribs hurting, I used straight punches with both hands to keep Marie off me. I was afraid she would charge me and try to exchange punches when I had bruised ribs. But she was too smart to do that, knowing that trading punches with a stud like me would be the fastest way to get clobbered. Instead, she was feinting with her legs, dancing around and probing for an opening. My defense was pretty tight, and the extra time it gave me started to work in two ways:
First, my ribs were hurting less and I got my breath back. And second, I was getting pissed off…..after all, I had been held at bay in the corner by a little girl more than a foot shorter than me. And a nineteen-year-old kid, no less! What the hell was I thinking of, being cautious of her? I’m a man, y’know!…… a solid specimen of masculine perfection.
I’ve got tons of strength for my length, more brains than I can contains……and more soul than I can control!
Where is that little blonde shit? Let me at her!
This time, I do chase her around the ring, sacrificing some “cool” in order to put an end to the little thing’s evening. I catch her by the arms as she tries to dance by, and Irish whip her into the ropes. As she rebounds and comes shooting toward me, I have a clothesline ready for her. But, figuring she can avoid it, I instead deliver a body block to her shoulder that sends Marie flying and landing on her side. I hit her hard enough that she scrapes along the canvas a bit after she hits. She jumps up quickly (admittedly more quickly than I thought she would be able to) and walks around the ring, rubbing the abrasion on her arm.
This was my first offensive maneuver, and I’m surprised and a little hurt to hear the loud “boo’s” coming from the crowd. Sure, I knew that the fans didn’t want to see a little girl hurt by a supreme fighting machine like me, but I didn’t believe the whole arena would be thinking that way. I mean, some folks had to be rooting for me, right? I spotted my wife sitting at ringside. She, at least, was happy at my success.
“Yeah, baby,” she smiled. Don’t show mercy. Don’t give her a chance. You’re the best, T.S.!”
“Right at ya, darlin’” I smiled at her. “You’re on my side. You’re always on my side, baby!”
Marie continued dancing around me, probing for a way to get inside, to get me down on the canvas where our size difference wouldn’t be as much of an impediment to her. I simply kept my arms up and swatted away at her, keeping her at a distance while landing occasional slapping shots to her face.
The frustration was beginning to show on Marie, despite the pleas coming from Siena outside the ring for her to be calm and take her time. I stood there and realized what Marie was now coming to plainly see: she had no way to beat me or even hurt me. If she got too close, I would clobber her. At the same time, she had no way to move me even if she did penetrate my defense.
I dropped my upraised fists and half-smiled into her face. I knew she was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed…..which is different than the way women usually feel after I love ‘em…….then, they feel pleasured and overwhelmed. Oh man, I am the Doctor of Desire!
Anyway, I watched Marie and felt these joyful feelings. I felt the inner glow of physical superiority……and I felt it all right up until the point where everything went wrong.
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Just as Marie and Siena had predicted in the weeks leading to the fight, my problems stemmed from underrating Marie. I was sure that she couldn’t overpower me, and I was right…..but I never stopped to consider the things she could do.
Marie charged at me wildly….recklessly, I thought, which was unusual for her. Then, she slowed down just as she reached me, which seemed really strange. Her hesitancy gave me the time to grab her by the waist with both hands and hoist her in the air, high over my head. Even as I was puzzled by this offensive maneuver, I knew that the most devastating thing I could do now would be to back-body-drop Marie. It would send her over my head and hurtling to the canvas from a height of over seven feet. The match would be over, I just knew it. I effortlessly held her over my head for a moment to increase the suspense, and was again struck by how tiny she really is.
The fans in the arena, seeing me prolong the agony like that, started booing viciously and I no longer thought they were saying “beautiful” to me.
“Ay, let the little goil go.”
“Hey, ya bastard, would you want someone doin’ that to your little sister?”
“Let her down nice and easy, ya bully. You gonna end up killin’ her.”
I heard everything they said but it was just making me mad. Everybody was on her side; what was that all about? She wanted to fight me, didn’t she? She thought she could win, didn’t she? Hell, she’s just another opponent….that’s how she wanted to be treated, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
At the height of her apogee, I dropped her back over my shoulder and didn’t even turn around to watch, figuring I’d hear the inevitable crash of her body on the mat. As it turned out, I didn’t hear it, but that’s because the crowd was screaming up a storm. Most of it seemed to be shouts of hatred toward me, so I strutted around the ring with my back turned to the unconscious Marie and my arms thrust high in the air in victory! It felt great. I continued to prance around, playing to the audience in front of me.
(Unknown to Too Sexy, Marie hadn’t landed on her back the way he had intended. Instead, she was tossed high enough in the air that it allowed her gymnast’s instincts to take over. She measured her position while airborne and performed a twisting layout which allowed her to land on her feet. Marie, who was perfectly okay, turned and saw Too Sexy's back to her as he was playing to the fans. Getting a running start, the small girl launched a flying drop kick into the small of Too Sexy’s back. Caught totally unaware, he stumbled forward to his knees, with his arms draped over the second rope. Marie immediately jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his head, his right shoulder, and the rope. For balance, she held the top rope with her hands. Then, Marie squeezed for all she was worth.)
Owwwwwww! Owwwwwwww! Aghhhhhhhh! Man, does that freakin’ hurt! Good God, how did Marie ever get power like that in her legs? If she keeps squeezing my head like this, my brains are gonna come popping out the top of my skull. I’m feeling dizzy, there’s no doubt. Ain’t enough oxygen reaching my thinking machine. I’m squirming and fighting but I can’t get free. I can barely describe the intensity of the pressure this little girl is putting on me. Am I gonna lose this match?
But, no! Look at them fans sitting right in front of me at ringside. They’re laughing and pointing at me! This cannot be happening. I will not allow myself to lose to a girl. So I use all the power I’ve got and stand up. As I figured, Marie kept her grip on my shoulders and head, but by me standing and hanging her body precariously over the top rope, her balance is upset. Her leg scissors loosens slightly and it gives me the leverage to grab her head with my arms. I pull and she resists, but eventually her whole body slides over my shoulder onto the ring floor. I slapped her down hard enough that I figure she’ll lay there for awhile, but she shocks me by bouncing right back up and grabbing me in a surprisingly tight headlock. I’m still a little woozy from her headscissors and can’t stop her from tightening the headlock, even as she maneuvers her body so that she is climbing onto my back. Thankfully, Marie doesn’t have good enough position to lock her legs completely around me; I know that it would cause me trouble. As it is, I’m staggering around the ring with a 90-pound weight attached to me, trying to bring me down. Just as I feel my legs start to weaken to where I might actually fall, I swiftly thrust us backward so that her body is mashed between mine and the turnbuckle. Marie wilts in pain and slips to the mat.
She is hurt this time, for sure. Marie starts to crawl away from the ring corner, not wanting to be trapped there. She seems helpless now. My spirits lift and I prepare to finish her off. Strutting over confidently, I lean down, bending at the waist in order to pick her up. Suddenly, Marie lashes out with a quickness I thought she no longer possessed. She uses her arms to pull down my head and simultaneously entwines her arms and legs around both of mine. Thrusting us both to the side, she wraps me into a “small package,” and my shoulders are flat on the ground, in pinning position. I squirm frantically to keep at least one shoulder up while I paw at her arms and legs in an effort to break the hold. Marie surprises me again; she has a grip of iron. In utter desperation, I power out of the hold, brutally thrusting outward with both arms and legs. The hold was perfect, but she simply didn’t have the size to keep me in it. She flies halfway across the ring but rolls and shoots back at me before I can get to my feet.
I do manage to get partially turned away from her because I think she’s going for my face. She adapts quickly, coming from behind me and wrapping her legs around my head and face. I’m lying on my side and watching Marie lock her ankles in front of me, thereby increasing the pressure of her latest scissors hold. I can’t believe it; she got me again! This time, the scissors is super-tight as the back of my head is braced by her crotch.
Marie giggles slightly and points at her toes. Immediately, I understand the implication; she is forcing me to look at her bare feet even though she knows I hate feet. I double my efforts to pry myself free and can’t budge her an inch. Seeing that she has me trapped, Marie decides to sacrifice a little of the tightness by crossing one leg back toward herself. I have no idea what she has in mind until she bends the foot far back enough that her toes are mashed against my face. She rubs them on my nose, mouth and eyes while giggling the whole while. I’m disgusted. I hate freakin’ feet! And I hate it even worse because she is fulfilling her pre-match promise to do this to me. Ugh, feet!
So I decide to abandon a pre-match pledge of mine. I’m gonna punch her in the face. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. My arms are long enough that it will be an easy shot; if she wasn’t so small, I wouldn’t be able to reach.
I make a fist and launch it. Marie never sees it coming. I use all my force and smash her high on the forehead. Her legs immediately lose their grip and I break free of her scissors hold. She remains sitting on the canvas as I get up. Marie is still stunned and can’t defend herself as I easily pick her up with a crotch lift and hoist her above my right shoulder. Seeing what I’m about to do, the crowd reacts violently, yelling obscenities at me and throwing debris in the ring. I parade around the ring with my prey helpless in my hands. When I’m done “entertaining,” I raise Marie and body-slam her to her back as hard as I can. It’s a harsh way to treat a 19-year-old girl, but hell, look what almost happened to me when I was still underrating her.
This time, there is no way for Marie to make an adjustment while in the air. She lands with a sickening thud and lays still; unconscious.
I make my way over to her and, while still standing, step one boot onto her chest and hold it there while I raise my arms and smile.
The referee counts…..1-2-3……and the winner by pinfall is Too Sexy!
OOOOOOOOOHHHH! I am the greatest! I am the king of kings! I am the king over queens, too! Everyone drink in the greatness that is TOOOOOOO SEXY! Oh, I am overwhelmed with my fantasticity, by my grandiovisity, by my conclaviousness.
After I calm down a little, I move back toward my victim. I know I was just supposed to put her over my knee and give her a spanking…..and I’m gonna do that, yes. But first…..first…..there’s that navel. Marie is still lying on her back and that exposed navel is on display for the world to see. WOOOOOEEEEEE! It’s just the way I like it. A satiny, smooth stomach, flat as a pancake…..with a bodacious bellybutton just waitin’ for this Bayou Boy! Rama-lama-ding-dong!
I give an eye signal to my boys, Fritz and Waldo, and they grab Siena to make sure she can't interfere with any of what I’m about to do. Siena struggles but can’t help her friend now.
So I bend down, lick my lips and get ready to start lickin’ and lovin’ when a quiet voice says to me:
“Cosell.”
I turn, and when I see who it is, I am surprised, but still manage to say;
“Why, Kayla, as I live and breathe. What you doin’ here, m’lady? Came to get my autograph, sweet thing?”
“No, Cosell, “ she answered, “I came to make a delivery. Here it is.”
And before I could move a muscle to defend myself, Kayla side-kicked me with such force that I was later told that I went flying out of the ring and into the third row of seats.
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(THREE HOURS LATER)
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(Too Sexy is getting into his car.)
Oooooooohhhhh! This is a humbug! Listen to me! Listen, because the world needs to know that I beat Marie fair and square. They need to know that Kayla had no business attacking me! I was supposed to spank the little blonde bitch, and I was gonna do it just as soon as I had my way with her intriguing “innie.”
Well, there’s a second match coming. Y’all hear me? A second match….and I’ll beat Marie again, and this time all of her friends will be barred from ringside so I can enjoy the spoils of my victory.
This is a humbug! This is an injustice! I am acrimonious! It just ain’t fair! It just isn’t right! I will have what’s mine! I will…….…..
Shaking her head sadly, Too Sexy’s wife closes the door of the Lexus, cutting her husband off in mid-rant.
They drive off into the night………….the now blessedly quiet night.
“Back In Black” by AC/DC plays and out comes Too Sexxxy with his lovely wife, the 5’7” 135 lb Toni Braxton looking Shakena. Once again, TS is booed by the crowd, a feeling that he isn’t quite that use to, but Shakena is cheered, and the brown-skinned goddess is smiling and waving as TS holds the ropes apart for her to get into the ring.
TS- “It’s me, it’s me, it’s that T-double O, Sexy!! I decided to come back because after my match with Marie, there are some things I need to get off my chest. I have to tip my hat to Marie, she fought hard, she fought well, but she still lost. She still went down to the original Sexy Boy! And she better damn well admit it, too. I beat Marie B. just like I said I was and now you people can SUCK IT!! However, the way she lost is what bothers me. You see, I was an active competitor in OPW about eight years ago and I fought a lot of women and a lot of men. But I NEVER hit a woman in the face. I’ve NEVER done that in my entire life… and that’s where I have a problem with what happened. Whether you love me or you hate me, I always keep my word. The one thing that separated me from all the other chauvinist pigs and self-absorbed members of the Luvaboy Movement is that I have honor. I have my word and my balls. And now, I’ve broken it… I have disgraced myself as a gentleman and as a competitor because I broke my word. I SAID I WASN’T going to hit Marie in the face, but in the heat of battle and in the heat of you people booing me, I hit the little girl in the face… I’ve never done that before in nearly twenty-seven years of living and I’m NOT happy with myself about it, and I want Marie B. to come down to the ring now so that I can do what I need to do as a man. There's something special about little Marie that I just can't stop thinking about her. The way she put her legs around me, the way she giggled and her little tummy shook and moved when she was breathing. I had to hit her, because I just... I just had to get her away. This match I’ve got coming up with her, it’s going to be my LAST match as an active competitor in OPW because I can’t trust myself to honor myself anymore. And this match will have a stipulation, one that I haven’t quite figured out yet, but if I lose, I will lick Marie’s feet. I know you people are having a hard time understanding that, or maybe you just don’t care, but my integrity means a lot to me, and if I don’t have that, then I may as well put the mask back on and call the matches. Now, there’s something else that happened… Kayla kicked me. This is something that just flat out pisses me off. Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in. Marie lost to me fair and square and I was cashing in my victory prize and here comes Ms. Superwoman Suck-up Sore Loser Kayla. Is it just me or is OPW centering itself around making Kayla look good the same way it tried to make Glory look good. I know Marie and Siena sure as hell are. I’m sick of people walking on pins and needles around Kayla, but I don’t do it, so I let them do what they please. I'm just a commentator; I just ask that they leave me the f**k out of it, but Marie calls for her friend to bail her out again, despite the match being between just she and I. Glory interferes in main events all the time, I guess Kayla’s new respect for her has made her copy another person’s act once again. I would’ve preferred Siena kick my ass over that girl any day of the week. And Siena is really losing her skills any time an athlete of her supposed calibur is held in check by two hired guns. I guess she thought they had some money to receive her trademark Siena Suck. I’m not going to waist my time dealing with Kayla; Kayla and I go waaaaaaaaay back and I’m gonna just let her off the hook this time. But that’s the second time you’ve attacked me, Kayla… that’s strike two. Attack me one more damn time, and I’m going to do a hell of a lot worse than sending Samantha and her friends after you. You’ve got waaay too many willing enemies and I’ve got waaay too much money. Catch my drift?”
“Shine On” by John Lennon plays, and out comes Marie B. The blonde is still in her two-piece and still very much
Marie- “What is this all about?”
Shakena is standing in the corner to the back of TS. TS moves towards Marie and gets on his knees. Marie is rather surprised by the gesture and takes a few steps back.
TS- “Marie, you and I were once friends and I just wanna tell you that I’m sorry for breaking my word. I mean it and I really regret that I had to hit you in the face. But you’re a tough fighter and I had to do it. The things you said were mean and the way you rubbed your little… your little… look Marie, I care about you and… god that’s a beautiful navel… uhhh, I uhm…navel… shit; don’t look at it… naaaaaaavel.”
Marie- “If I didn’t think you were so pathetic, I would put you in the head scissors and choke you out. Now, what IS it?”
TS- “Marie, I'm gonna tell you like this. When you were young and your heart was an open book, you use to say live and let live... i know you did, i know you did, i know you did. But in this ever-changing world in which we live in, makes you give it a try--"
Marie- "Howard, what the hell are you talking about? Are you trying to stall me? You need to-"
TS- "Marie, I'm just trying to express myself to you. I wrote you a poem... ahem. Marie, you can do magic. You can have anything that you desire, ooh magic, and you know you're the one who can put out the fire. You know darn well when you cast your spell, you will get your way, you hypnotize, from your eyes, a heart of stone can turn to claaaaaay. Do-do-do do-dopit do-do-do--"
Marie- "That's a song by the band America, Cosell, try again. I told you I'm the queen of useless information. I was born at night, but not last night. Now, for the LAST TIME, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
TS- "Marie, can’t you see I love you?”
Marie- “WHAT? A guy is in love with me (A GUY!)?”
At that moment, Marie turns her back in disgust. Shakena clotheslines Marie from behind, knocking the short blonde to the mat. Shakena picks Marie up and bodyslams her with ease, then pushes her in the corner and lands hard uppercuts to her stomach right on the navel that lift Marie off the mat with loud “OOFs”.
TS- “OH NO!! Is this actually happening? Is my wife, the lovely quiet intelligent business woman, Shakena L. beating the living hell out of Marie B.? Oh no, Shakena!! Don’t do that! Marie is our friend, she would NEVER do anything to compromise our marriage! She didn’t really mean it when she implied that she would castrate me with her toenails… she was only joking!! Oh no, sweetheart; don’t knee her in the stomach like that! She’s just a 4’11” girl who said that you wouldn’t find me attractive anymore when she was done with me! She didn't mean to rub her toes on my mouth and face and try to plug up my nostrils! Oh no, she wasn't laughing when she did that, she was crying! Yeah, that's it, she was crying! She didn't really mean to send her idol Kayla to save her from being spanked even though she lost fair and square! She's not Marie B., she's Honest Abe!”
Samantha comes out of the crowd and enters from behind TS. Samantha rushes passed him as Shakena pushes Marie to the mat and gets ready to mount her, but Samantha bumps Shakena off balance and when the black girl comes down on Marie, Marie gets her knees into Shakena’s tummy, forcing a gasp from Shakena as her eyes widen and she stands back up. Samantha smiles at TS and backs up as Marie stands up and Shakena swings a wild right hand, but Marie ducks under it and punches Shakena in the stomach… right on her perfectly round deep innie navel. Shakena backs up and looks at Marie with a pained expression and raises her arms, only to wobble and drop them to her stomach. Marie nails Shakena’s navel again “OOH!” Shakena cries as Marie is surprised when Shakena doubles over and backs up. Shakena is a fit girl, but she’s a Mississippi girl who’s tummy is soft (though not visibly soft) and she can’t fight that well. Marie turns to smile at TS, but when she does, Justine Credible comes off the corner top rope behind TS and nails Marie with a flying sidekick right in the eye! Samantha attacks Justine, but Justine ducks under her and nails her with a spinning wheel kick! Marie goes flying over the top rope and into the steel barricade as Justine walks to the ropes, pulls herself on the top rope and backflips onto Marie. Too Sexxxy leaves the ring and pulls up the bloody Marie and throws her into the ring. TS lifts Marie’s leg onto his shoulder, and locks the leg in place by grabbing Marie around the waist and holding her. As Shakena is punching the semi-conscious Samantha into unconsciousness,TS dry-humps the little blonde Marie and then falls backwards, throwing her over his head in what is called the Sexyplex!! TS does push-ups over Marie, each time, kissing her navel until Shakena pulls him off of her and mounts her, pummeling her unconscious face with punches. TS pops up and does the sexy strut and yells “WHOOO!!” The EMTs rush down to the ring and remove both Marie and Samantha.
Justine- “Now that’s not just the coolest, that’s not just the best, that’s--”
TS- “The T, Double O, S, E, Triple X… Y? Because that's Justine Credible, baby! And Marie B., Justine and I go waaay back too; we're SUPER friends, so you can--”
“Eye Of The Tiger” by Survivor plays and out comes very angry Siena.
TS- “Uhhh, well, this is your match, Justine. I think my wife and I will go watch it from the safety of the stands.”
Justine- “It’s cool. I’m younger, smarter, and in far better shape than Siena Blaze. And I’m gonna show it right now.”
TS- "Kayla, you don't have to worry about the Too Sexxxy Anaconda, the Big Easy, baby. You just need to worry about your own business. There isn't gonna be any Too Sexxxy vs Kayla match, because if I hurt Kayla, she won't be able to perform her real job. In tribute to the whore Siena Blaze, I'm gonna sing a little song. I never really watched the Brady Bunch, but that tune has been stuck in my head for a while now... ahem, so here goes...
Here's a story
Of a tramp named Kayla
Who was running around being mean and fake
She was a cum geyser who tried to be a wrestler
It was a big mistake
Here a story
Of a slut named Siena
Who was a washed up electric blonde haired quack
She had fat cheeks and a voice like Cyndi Lauper
And she was addicted to crack
Til then one day the tramp and the slut slept together
And there was more cum than any eye could see
So they molded it into a little girl
And that's how we wound up with Marie B.
Mariiieee BBBBB
Marie-ee B
That's the little stinky feet cheat they call Marie!!
I don't think you can top that, Marie. That's another one for the good guy. The T, Double O, S, E, Triple X, Y? Because ladies, you can take my right leg and call it Christmas and you can take my left leg and call it New Year's, and you can come visit me... between the holidays, baby YEAH!! Marie B loves looking at girls' feet, well Marie, your navel tastes like vegetable oil!! You did that on purpose, didn't you? And Siena, you and I go waaay back too, and I know you're gonna start screwing with me sooner or later. But I'm striking first! So, this is for you
Siena is an oversexed coked up heifer
Her p***y is like a worn out glove made of imitation leather
Madonna, Kayla and Marie won't f**k her
She can't get laid
The only time she gets to f**k women
Is when they get paid!!"
