(Part of this story is true.)
My first real booking in Japan. The flight seemed a million hours and the train a million more. When I get there, I'm exhausted, hungry and sore. I just want to eat good sushi, get an ice cold bottle of saki and settle down in a tiny hotel room with a bed that I'm small enough to fit into. But I have to meet the booker first, and I'm in no mood for bullshit. And with bookers, it's always bullshit. Trying to grab something, trying to trade "favors" for a top spot or giving you some sort of slutty gimmick.
Now don't get me wrong, I've got a highly sexualized gimmick, but I'm not slutty. There's a difference. Men respect sexual--the allure of something they can't have--but slutty gets you no respect. And if Lance Storm taught me anything, he taught me about respect.
So when the booker hands me a mask and says (in Japanese) "You're Lady DDT," I have to wonder what he's up to.
"You saw my tape right?" I ask him, answering back in his language (thank you mixed heritage). "I'm a submission wrestler with lots of kicks."
I may not have a punch, but a lifetime of dancing on the stage and in the clubs taught me how to fucking kick.
He shakes his head. "No, you're Lady DDT."
I look at the mask. It's black with the letters "DDT" in red. It looks awful. But this is my first real gig in Japan, so I take the mask. "I'm Lady DDT."
He smiles and nods, giving me a very short bow. The minimum required. I return it with a respectful bow. "Arigatōgozaimashita," I say.
And so I spent six months as "Lady DDT." They don't let me use my kicks or my submission holds. Just DDTs. I get my ass kicked and my body stretched for five minutes, then?OUT OF NOWHERE!!!?I land a DDT. Standard DDT, Reverse DDT, Flying DDT, Impact DDT, Cradle DDT, Fisherman's DDT, Shooting Star DDT...
And you know what? It got over. The fans watching me get stretched and pounded for five minutes, waiting for the inevitable DDT from me...it got over. Big time.
But my finisher...that was something I came up with. A special twist on the move that I used for the first time in the Tokyo Dome. My opponent's name was Killer Kong (another in a long line of Kongs). When I reversed her powerbomb into a Reverse DDT, the crowd went nuts. When she kicked out after two, they went even nutser. And with her kneeling there, trying to get up, I knew it was time for the debut. Something nobody had ever seen before...
* * *
RP: What the @#$% is Punky doing? She should be pinning Chance!
LVK: She went under the ring, but she hasn't grabbed any plunder.
"With my own two fucking hands..."
RP: That's a goddamn mistake, Van Keel. She should be doing everything in her power to put Chance down. I've seen that woman get up from three powerbombs.
LVK: The resiliance of Rowan Chance is legendary in the world of professional wrestling, but right now... look! Rowan seems to be moving!
I can see the lights. That's about it. They're blurry blobs of white shining down on me.
I can feel my arm move. Just a little. Taste the blood in my mouth. And the pain starts to return. In my back. In my head. My shoulder feels like someone hit it with a rock...
...or a punch from Punky.
And that's when I remember where I am. And who I'm there with. So when your purple punky tails come into view and you start to pick up my head by my hair, and your voice purrs down at me, "Let's see how much you have left to give, darlin'..." I know what to do.
I've got no punch...
So I KICK.
Straight forward. You've got a wide base so you can lift me up. Gives me a great target. In fact, there's a little skull that shows me exactly where to aim for.
So I KICK.
Hard domme heel first. Straight where I know will hurt you the most. You dodged me the first time.
Let's see if you can dodge this one... darlin'.
Through the blood and sweat in my eyes, through the red hot pokers running up and down my spine, through the fountain of blood gushing from my forehead spilling my life all over the canvas, I look at you...
... I look at you...
... I look at you...
... a faerie queen, wounded and poisoned on the forest floor...
... a post apocalyptic valkyrie fallen from her steed, her sword broken...
... a...
No. Shake my head. Spit the purple haze from my lips.
Purple haze. That's what we called it, Megan. Do you like that?
He said I'd have to be careful. Don't let it stay in my mouth too long. And part of me chuckles. And the chuckle makes my back ache even more.
Shake my head again. I'm on my side, blood almost squirting from my forehead. Shawn Michaels would be proud.
But you're on your side, too. Laying there. Twitching. Your eyes wide open, your mouth drooling. Staring away at visions or dreams or nightmares or whatever's going through your head right now. You have no idea where you are. You may have no idea who you are.
That's what the purple haze does, Megan. Just for you. A bit of alchemy I made...just for you. Just in case. Like Batman keeping a little piece of Kryptonite...just in case. But I didn't make it alone. I had help.
I slowly push myself to my knees, my back begging me to pin you. Right here. Finish it right here. But what I know and my back doesn't is that somewhere in that little girl lost head of yours, you'll hear the count. I have to make sure you don't hear anything.
And there's only one move that will do that. The one that held you down for the three count before. And if I'm honest, it's the only move I know that can do it. That's why I haven't gone for a pin yet. I may be the Unbreakable Rowan Chance...but you...
I'm on my knees, erect. I look out at the audience, their faces slightly twisted, like they all stepped out of a haunted Polaroid. The mist is still in my head. But not like you, Megan. No. Not like you.
You look like Morpheus in the last few moments before he breaks. Cold sweat. Rolling eyes. Bubbles on your lips. Head rolling like the vibroman in Jacob's Ladder. I look out at the audience and I see Tantalus and Red sitting together. My two masked men.
I cross my arms, and in classic Arn Anderson style, I give them the signal.
It's Over.
Somewhere behind me, that retired doofus who thinks he taught me anything I didn't already know is being held back by security.
You picked a side, Rick. That means you're The Enemy.
I lift pretty little Megan's head by her pretty purple hair. And I pause long enough to whisper into your ear...
"Muto didn't help me make the purple mist, little dreaming Queen..."
I bite your ear. Sharply.
"... your Thomas did."
I wrap my arms around her waist. And I twist. Pulling her up into position.
She's dead weight. Her arms and legs, rubber. Her arms fall straight down. Her legs bend backward and split. There's no resistance. No reversal. Her body is helpless. Twitching. Her mind ten billion miles away falling into a black hole.
There's no stopping me, Thomas. There's no stopping me, Red. Your poet is finished.
My hands are locked behind her back. Hands to wrists.
And with your legs spread, in this position, your mound right in front of me, I can't help myself.
I open my bloody mouth, extend my tongue...
...and give your pussy a long, lascivious liiiiiiiick.
Watching my masked men as I do.
Then, I make the little jump.
Make my legs spread.
And feel both of us descend toward the canvas.