UNFINISHED BUSINESS- CHAPTER 3- CATFIGHT GRAND PRIZE: $2
As beautiful, intelligent and accomplished as both Robin and Skylar were, it was soon evident to most who came into contact with them why they were so unpopular most of their lives. They were simply two selfish bitches. Things had to be done their way, or not at all. And because they were, once again, beautiful, intelligent and accomplished they almost always got their way. The only true exception to that rule was when they dealt with each other. Neither seemed to ever gain a true advantage over the other. It was a case of the old irresistible force/immovable object conundrum, only finally to be resolved by a fight to the finish.
But there was one added aspect of their personalities that was somewhat unique and would definitely affect the planning for their duel. Yes, they were beautiful, intelligent, accomplished and also selfish, but in addition to that, they were perfectionists, and not just ordinary perfectionists but cursed by elements of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They wanted their way always, and they always had to have their way a very specific way. It damn near drove Scott and Chad nuts. Their motto might as well have been: “My way, and just so.” And if it wasn’t “just so” well then everything was ruined!
This double whammy of selfishness and a hint of OCD explains the oddness of the meeting of the 2 couples at Osborne Park that Saturday afternoon. Two women were going to plan a fight between them for sure, but for both of them EVERYTHING had to be “just so.” The meeting would probably last longer than the fight itself; there was much to be negotiated. And both women wanted everything perfect for the fight. It was almost as if they were planning their weddings all over again, and that turned out to be a total nightmare for all involved, as every detail was a major crisis for the OCD girls.
The two couples sat opposite each other at a picnic table far from other park goers. The husbands remembered that they had been instructed to sit quietly, and just listen. Scott hid his face in his hands. Chad had a hard on. They did as they were told. The women were running this show.
To a casual observer the whole thing looked like some sort of business meeting. The Banker and the Lawyer, each with pad and pencil ready to take notes as conditions for the fight were agreed to. Chad and Scott had actually said hello to each other, but the women were yet to speak to each other. Finally Skylar reached into her purse, pulled out a pair of reading glasses, put them on, opened her memo pad and looking straight at Robin said, “OK. First we need a date.” And with that, the negotiations began.
The tone of the conversation, on the surface at least, was cordial and courteous, but there was always the underlying current of hatred and menace. Some agenda items were quickly agreed to. No weapons, of course. No biting. No choking. No interference from the men. Just hand to hand, woman against woman. Until one woman could go on no longer.
Trimmed nails were also something both wanted. Even though nail scratching is a catfight feature these women were accomplished athletes and the idea of scratching would cheapen the event for them. So nails would be cut short and buffed. Scott was relieved by this. Chad didn’t really care one way or the other as long as they were going to fight.
The negotiations did slow down considerably when the topic of punching came up. Both women surely did want to hammer the other with their bare fists, but they also worried about damage to their own faces. Both had high profile jobs and certainly not enough job security to take two weeks off while faces healed. So both were leery about punching to the face yet neither wanted to show weakness by asking for it to be prohibited. They danced around the issue for a bit, neither willing to show their hand.
At this point the conversation took a dark turn and ended with a result that neither woman wanted.
First Robin got nasty when she said, “Look Skylar, I don’t need to punch you in the face in a fight when I can spend my time ripping your tits off.” Scott blanched. Chad grinned. Skylar took a deep breath.
Then Skylar responded in kind, “Well Robin, I don’t need to punch you in the face when I can spend my time clawing your pussy.”
And now, everyone took a deep breath. What had just happened? The negotiations had gone off the rails. Did they just rule out face punching but in its stead agree to fight nude? Neither woman ever imagined the fight would be naked. They both just naturally assumed some sort of shorts and t-shirts combo would be the attire for the fight. But it seemed they were now boxed in and to avoid face punching they would have to go at each other completely nude.
Annoyed, Robin took her pen and as she scrawled the words in her memo pad she said, “Fine! No face punching. Nude fight.” Chad swallowed hard. Scott buried his face in his hands…again. He wanted to speak up, but knew that if he did Skylar would be furious with him and consider it a show of weakness.
All Skylar could say was, “Well we sure do hate one another, don’t we?”
“Hasn’t changed one bit in 10 years,” replied the blonde.
The last agenda item was location. Where exactly would they have the fight? It would have to be some neutral site because neither fighter would ever agree to go to the home of the other. The solution was simple: let the guys figure it out. Robin turned to the men and said, “Will you guys find us a good place to settle things?”
Chad answered excitedly, “Sure thing Rob. Scott and I will take care of it.”
Scott, looking on in horror could only nod meekly.
Skylar then brought something else up. “We really need to be fighting for something.”
“Just the satisfaction of beating you fair and square will be enough for me,” replied Robin.
“True, but I want a memento of beating you,” said Skylar. With that she opened her purse and took out a dollar bill and a Sharpie. In large letters across George Washington’s face she wrote “YOU BEAT ME” and signed it with a flourish. She handed the Sharpie to Robin. “Now you.”
Without hesitation the blonde also took out a dollar and also wrote “YOU BEAT ME” with her own signature. She then gathered the 2 dollars and tried to hand them to Scott. “Here Scott, hold these and make sure the winner gets them.”
Scott wanted no part of the prize money. He gestured toward Chad. “You take them.” Chad, of course, gobbled up the 2 bills and tucked them into his shirt pocket.
“I’ll make sure the winner gets these,” he said while giving his wife a knowing wink.
And with that the meeting was over. Almost. The foursome stood up. Chad told Scott he would be in touch. Scott shrugged. The women were now standing face to face at the side of the picnic table, quite close, when Robin said, “One more thing Skylar.” The men moved closer to the women, just in case they needed to be separated.
Robin looked straight at her rival, “I’ve been waiting a long time for this, bitch. It will be my pleasure to kick your ass, and do it right in front of your husband. Hurting you will give me so much pleasure.”
Skylar brought up a gob of phlegm and spit it in Robin’s face. “Fuck you.” The men immediately stepped between the women and led them away in opposite directions.
The meeting was over.
