Eventually, I somehow managed to get myself to sleep. I woke up rather late. Almost noon, in fact. As you’ve no doubt assumed, I had hoped that I’d wake up to a naked Ramona laying next to me…but I didn’t. She was still gone. I sighed sadly, remembering the events of last night. It had gone from being the best night of my life to the worst in mere minutes.
‘She’ll come back.’ I told myself. ‘She’ll realize how dumb and unreasonable she was being. She’ll come back and we’ll have hours and hours, maybe even days of hot, passionate, lustful, kissy, spitty and cummy make up sex.’
The thought of that began to lift my spirits but not by much. I was still too depressed to have breakfast and Pierre seemed to share my unhappiness. He wouldn’t eat the dog food I laid out for him, even though it was his favorite. He constantly looked at me with those terrible sad eyes that every dog owner knows all too well.
“I miss her too, okay?” I told him. “But she’ll be back soon and we’ll both give you all the belly rubs you want.”
I gave him a pet but it didn’t seem to improve his mood.
I tried to distract myself with chores, video games, music, everything but I just couldn’t get my mind off of her. Where did she even go? I thought ghosts were chained to one place but I guess not. That thought made me realize something, however. Why was she always here if she could leave? Is this apartment where she died? I decided to look around the place for anything that might give me some kind of clue.
It took me all day but I just couldn’t find anything. I eventually just gave up and decided to wait her out. I know she’ll be back. If she was willing to kill me just to be with me forever, she wouldn’t bail on me so easily. I began to get frustrated at how she was acting. I mean, it’s not like I don’t understand where she was coming from. If I was an immortal, unaging spirit and she was mortal, the thought of going on forever without her would be too much for me to bear either. But…killing me? And my dog? The only one I cared about in my life before she came along? She doesn’t even know how she became a ghost or how to turn me into one for sure. Why should I take that chance and throw my whole life away? She’d lose me regardless if that was the case. I groaned. Deciding to stop thinking about it.
Days went by as no signs of her coming back ever showed up. My mood as well as Pierre’s continued to sour. Thank God I had him here with me because I don’t think I could handle being all alone right now. Was it really back to how it was in the beginning? Just me and him? Was she really gone for good? Did I really throw away something truly special?
Then suddenly, it hit me. What if she never left? What if she was just invisible and spying on me again? Then I realized that Pierre probably would have detected her by now if that were the case. I got my hopes up for nothing. What was I supposed to do now? Just forget about her? How am I supposed to find her? She could be on another side of the planet right now for all I know.
“Ramona…” I said out loud.
Could I have handled things better? Was there another way? Could we have found a compromise? These questions were killing me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I slammed my fists into the table before getting up.
“I miss you, okay?!” I yelled at no one in particular. “I miss you! There! I said it! Is that what you wanted to hear?!”
I continued to let it all out.
“I miss waking up to your hot, gray body next to me!” I ranted. “I miss feeling your long hair running across my skin! I miss taking baths with you! I miss rubbing tits with you! I miss making out with you! I miss grinding pussies with you! I miss you popping out and scaring the shit out of me when I think you’re not there! I miss you stroking my hair to wake me up every morning! I miss you grabbing my ass and twisting my nipples whenever I annoy you! I miss 69ing with you until we both choke on each other’s pussy juice! I miss everything about you!”
I don’t know why I was doing this. Maybe I was hoping in vain that she was still here and somehow Pierre didn’t notice. I got no answer. My eyes began to water.
“Goddamn it!” I cursed as I punched one of my kitchen cupboards.
I punched it so hard, in fact something fell off of it and onto my head.
“Ow!” I groaned as I rubbed my head.
I looked down to see what it was as Pierre sniffed it and his little tail began to wag.
“Arf! Arf!” He barked excitedly as he ran in circles.
It was a box…No…It was the box that Ramona was carrying when we were cleaning up the other day. I remember her looking in the box and getting even more palefaced than usual when she looked inside of it. She assured me that it was nothing but I had my doubts. I disliked violating her privacy but what was in there might just be my only hope of finding her. So, I lifted the box up onto the kitchen table as Pierre jumped up into my lap as I looked through it. It was mostly just old makeup and underwear. Both gothic. They were covered in dust. The box seemed to be quite old…but then I realized that the makeup and underwear looked a lot like the kind that Ramona always wore. However, that was nothing compared to what I found when I dug deeper into the box. I pulled out a book with no front page. Just a hard cover. I opened it and the text on the first page made my heart sink.
“Ramona’s diary: Entry 1: January 1, 1990.”
