Cat burglar
Goddammit.
How did she DO that? I was CAREFUL. I did my prep work in secret, planned everything in my head, no trail to follow. Not even my roommate woulda known what I was up to, and she knows what I do. I was in and out of the mark's house and his safe in less than 40 minutes and she's RIGHT THERE waiting in the middle of my getaway route to give me a fucking heart attack! And if I read that fucking smile on her face right, she'd been watching for at least some time.
Goddamned comic-book-loving weirdo.
Look, don't call me “Catwoman”, ok? I like cats fine, but I have no illusions that I AM one. I don't wear any fucking ears or fake claws or say “meow”. Cat burglar is a JOB TITLE. A more colorful one than “barista”, sure, but it means “chick who steals things from above ground level.” Fucking nothing to do with furballs that shit in sandboxes, you got it?
The skintight leather isn't about looking hot, and it sure the fuck isn't a costume. It's black because duh, I work at night and prefer not to be seen. It's skintight because sometimes I've gotta get through tighter squeezes than Willard's kitchen window. Simple and practical. Self-awareness prevents me from declaring perfect sanity, given I just threw myself over an alley, but I do not have some sorta weird comic book fetish, okay?
Which is more than I can say for the woman smiling at me right now. Mysteria. Honest-to-fucking-God that's what she calls herself. She wears a mask. She wears SPANDEX. I am not kidding. She wears a black spandex bodysuit. Though damned if she doesn't rock it. MmmmmeeeNO! Dammit I am NOT saying “meow” just cuz hot chick. Fuck off.
I like my bod, I do. But every time Miss Superhero here shows up when I'm trying to sneak away with my prize, I get a lil jealous. And not just cuz I think of all those times trying to push through a ventilation shaft that's shoving my tits back into my chest, either. Tall and slender, she's got that kinda frame that'd look too skinny in loose clothes, but when you wrap it in something tight, you realize how much she's got going on.
If she had my hair, I guess you'd call it a mane, (and I would then kick your ass for doing so,) but she went the other route, keeping her dark hair cropped boyishly short. Not gonna lie, though, it works for her. Black hair, black mask, smooth, pale skin, and when the light caught her just right, those blue eyes behind her mask sparkled. They were the only colors visible, because when you went past the creamy skin of her neck, it was all black....a black-wrapped Christmas present of a body.
Don't call ME Catwoman. SHE'S the jungle cat. Nothing but lithe, lean muscle rippling up and down her body, and she goes all the way up. At 5'8”, I ain't small, but stick boots on this girl and she's six feet at least, guaranteed. A “runner's body”, I've heard it called. Ain't that the fuckin' truth! I've run from her before. Girl does NOT get tired. Best to stand and fight. She doesn't get tired of that, either, but at least you've got a chance.
Her blue eyes were twinkling through the holes in her mask. Still smiling that infuriating little smile at me, the masked woman said, “Here kitty kitty...” My jaw clenched. Bitch knows that cat shit pisses me off. Not like I was gonna show it, though.
“Misty, you ever been to a bar called Henrietta Hudson, in the Village?” I asked. Her head tilted, the smile disappearing as she tried to figure out what the hell I was talking about. “Just saying, the places you go to pick up dates kinda suck.”
Now it was her turn to clench her teeth. Oh sure, tight-ass priss can make all the cat jokes she wants, but I poke fun at a woman wearing spandex and a mask calling herself “Mysteria” and it's on now.
“What's in that sack doesn't belong to you, thief!” she said imperiously. There it was. Whenever she went all 'I am the law, criminal scum,' this little bit of a British accent came out. You knew she was annoyed when the accent poked through.
“Ain't nobody gonna be reporting this shit stolen, though,” which was the plain truth. Willard was a mob lawyer. He might get whacked for losing the goods I pinched, but one way or another the police wouldn't be hearing about any burglaries.
Mysteria sighed, “Must you use double negatives?” I'm serious! She said that shit!
“Well fuck.” She looked like she wanted to complain about THAT too, but I kept on. “You caught me abusin' the queen's English. Guess I'll have to give this back,” I said, pulling the bag off my shoulder and then swinging it at her. She dodged back out of the way, of course, but she had to set her feet when she did so, which let me push in after letting go of the bag, wrapping my arms around her slender waist and sending us down to the asphalt rooftop.
I've also learned from experience that you do not wanna box with this girl. I tried once, figuring I'd have a strength advantage. If I did, it was fuckin' useless, cuz I could barely land a blow. Long limbs plus her stamina meant she could pull a rope-a-dope on me, make me punch myself out, then go in for the kill. I hurt for days after that. Instead I got a football-style tackle in, sending her down to her back with me on top. I was rewarded with a briefly pained look on her face as we landed, but she didn't waste any time, kicking her long legs up and wrapping them around me, arms going around my back before I could try to push up past her guard.
Still, I had some experience now with what did and didn't work against her, and I knew a few weak points. Putting my lips near her ear, I said in my huskiest voice, “Heroine in a villainess' clutches? I'm gonna have FUN with you, girl.”