News:

COMMERCIAL SITES: Please note - if WANT A BANNER LINK? displayed on this site, please contact FEMMEFIGHT

catfight story first try feedback please

  • 9 Replies
  • 2774 Views
*

Offline coachnard

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 12
catfight story first try feedback please
« on: December 03, 2021, 07:58:58 PM »
My wife Stephanie and Iwere in lineat the supermarketabout to pay our bill,whentwo hispanic womenpushed in front of us. My wife said ladies we are next.The women laughedat Stephanie and didn't move. Steph saw a security guard and called him over. The guard told the women to get back in line or leave One of the women became very angry andand was using every profanity imaginable to describe both my wife and the guard.one woman said rosa lets get out of here before we get locked up.Rosa yelled back at us "this isn't over" Sure enoughwhen wegot to the parking lotthe women were waiting for us. they were both dressed alike halter tops mini-scirts and heels. They looked to be in their early  20s Rosa the angry onewas a tough looking girlabout 5 ft 4 190 lbs with tatoos on her big arms and tree trunk legs. Steph said "we don't want trouble we just want to leave  "Bitch you got trouble I'm going to kick your ass and make you lick my pussey in front of your husband.My wife is no fighter.She is a 47 year old school teacher 5ft 4 and 130 lbs whose only fightiing expierience was playful wrestling mathes with her sisters and me. She was totally overmatched against someone like rosa. A couple of things were in Steph's favorShe taught anatomy and every pressure point and weak spot on the body and her hobby is potery and years of working with clay have given her exceptionanaly strong  fingers and an almost unbreakable grip. In addition I was confident she would fight dirty.I decided not to step in just yet. Rosa kicked off her heels and charged,bringing Steph to the ground. The women were pulling hair scrathing and throwing puchesIt became apparent that Steph was no match for Rosa's size and strenthand was getting much the worst of this ground fight.Rosa had my wife pinned and said "now lick my pussy bitch." All of a sudden it was Rosawho let out a screamsteph was biting her pussy.Rosa began throwing puches at my wifes head and neck in attempt to stop the biting.  steph grabbed onto one of Rosa's tree trunk legs held on and was like a pitbull Finally after what must have seemed like an eternity to Rosa she was able to shake loose .Steph was a little faster than Rosa getting to her feet and as the big girl was getting up she jumped on her backwrapping her legs and securing a choke.Rosa got to her feet and wasabout to use her superior strenth to break the chokebut Steph let go with her right handfound Rosa's armpit and jammed her fingers in deepIn about 15 seconds rosa's arm went numb and fell uslessly to her sideSteph pulled her fingers out of rosa's armpit ,pulled her halter aside and went to work on her huge nippleTo add to Rosa's problems she began biting her ear.My dirty fighter was more than holding her own. For the next two minutes Steph held on like a spidey monkey choking clawing and biting while rosa was like a bulldoing all she could to shake her off.The reduced air supply and the pain in her nipple and ear took its tolland Rosa began to stagger and then sink to her knees with steph still on her back Steph stopped biting and asked "something you want to say" Rosa replied Fuck You. I was thinking more along the lines of I give  or Uncle. Stephanie tightened her choke and continued her mauling and biting .when she was sure she had taken most of the fight out of the powerful borequa my wife off rosa's back and before she could recover kicked her in the jaw putting her flat on her back. Diving between Rosa's  thighes steph found the spot she was looking forand drove her small but powerful thumbs into the nerves and pressure points in Rosa's groin.rosa let out a howland after a short while she began to moan. my wife kept up the reletless pressureand Rosa began to wimper and beg "Uncle , Uncle I give  No More Steph said just "just a little more" With that she dug even deeper into Rosa's groin Tht tough girl became a blubbering mess "please stop somebody get her off me make her stop With that my little dirty fighter releasesed her hold on the totally dismantled rosa

*

Offline catfightlover40

  • God Member
  • *****
  • 439
  • Life is like a boxing chocolate
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2021, 08:25:30 PM »
Hello,

Your story has a strong core, my input would rather on the stylistic approach. The first is paragraphing to let the different sections of the story breathe, and become easier on the eyes. The second would be that as nobody is infallible, personally I fall for mistakes like constructing a sentence in my head and write it out, only to later realize I have missed out actually writing certain words. In this particular story, I see certain words being repeated, a few missing punctuations. To avoid such issues I use Grammarly, even the free version offers suggestions on how to put something better to paper.

You are on a very good track with putting dialogues and spoken lines in quotes, so it's better separated from the rest of the structure.
The  home of my multi-part work: https://www.patreon.com/powelltothepeople

*

Offline CoffeeMug

  • God Member
  • *****
  • 230
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2021, 04:49:25 PM »
Honestly, this needs a lot of revision for basic grammar. There are too many problems with missing periods and commas, words that are run together, etc. for it to be readable. You also need to format it into different paragraphs, including using a new paragraph for every new speaker of dialogue. I would strongly encourage you to look at a piece of published fiction and examine how to construct sentences and paragraphs.

*

Offline coachnard

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 12
Dirty Fighting Teacher
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2021, 09:14:22 PM »
      My husband and I were waiting on line at the supermarket when  two hispanic girls shoved their way in front of us. I said " ladies we are next". they laughed and turned away .My husband said "let it go" Stephanie. I said "No" and called over a security guard> He told the women to get to the end of the line or leave. One of the women became very angry and rained profanities at both my husband and I and the guard. The calmer woman saud Rosa "let"s get out of hear before we get locked up". As they were leaving Rosa yelled back"this isn't over bitch".       Sure enough when we went to the parking lot the women were waiting for us. They approched us and I said "we don't want trouble we just want to leave"  "You got trouble   I'm going to kick your ass and make you lick my pussey in front of your husband".    I was scared, I'm no fighter, I'm a middle aged school teacher  ,5ft 4 and 135 pounds   whose "fighting expierience" consisted of a few playful wrestling matches with my sisters.  I do teach anatomy and I know every pressure point and weak spot on the body  In addition my hobby is potery   and years of working on the wheel  has given me very strong hands and a near unbreakable grip.   Also I knew I would fight  very dirty .             I also knew I didn't stand a chanch against Rosa . She was only a couple of inches taller than me but weighed about 200 pounds with huge arms and tree trunk legs and looked like she wokuld know what to do in a street fight. She was dressed in a halter top and mini skirt and i could see she was not wearing underware.            I tried to back away but Rosa kicked off her heels and charged me bringing us both to the ground.  We rolled around and I tried to fight back by pulling hairand scratching . Rosa was far to big and strong and I was getting much the worst of this ground fight. She threw me around like a ragdoll and pummeled me with hard punches. Finally she straddled me and and began to lower her massive ass and pussy onto my face . She was going to make good on her threat to make me lick her twat.    Now or never ,I brought my head up and latched onto her vagina with my teeth. I bit for all I was worth and I could hear her muffeled screams from between her meaty thighs   She was punching the back of my head and neck and pulling my hair .  doing all she could do to counter this dirty move.  I buried my head deeper so she couldn't get at my eyes and continued to bite and tear. After about 30 seconds she pulled away and i scrambled out from  underneath her. Rosa was holding her pussy and as she got to her feet i jumped on her back.       I wrapped my legs around her and secured a choke. Rosa was strong and I knew she would break my hold by pulling my hands apart. I  Iet go with my right hand  reached under her armpit ,found the spot I was looking for and dug my fingers in deep. After about 15 secounds the big girls arm became numb and fell uslessly to her side.          I pulled my fingers from her armpit, reached under her halter and went to work on her big nipple with my sharp fingernails,  to add to her misery I bit down on her ear. For the next two minutes I clung to the powerful woman like a spider monkey. Choking with my left arm clawing her nipple and biting her ear.  Rosa was like a raging bull trying to throw me offand if she did i am certain she would have killed me. I could feel the big woman start to weaken and I knew that if I could just hang on I might actually be able to win. Rosa's legs began to give way and she slowly sunk to the ground with me on her back. I kept up the clawing ,biting, and choking and then asked "do you want to give it up bitch'  Rosa replied "Fuck You'. Apparently the big woman still had fight in her.  I let go of her tit and choked her hard. She began to cough and gag and after about 30 secounds I decided to  try to finish her.                  I  jumped off Rosa's back and before she could get to her feet I kicked her hard in the jaw putting her on her back. Before she could recover I positiond myself between her legs found the spot i was looking for jammed my thumbs in and began applying pressure to the nerve endings andtendons in Rosa's groin.               
        Rosa screamed paralyzed by the pain in her groin.  Her screams became moans , then wimpers  and finally  "I give up  Uncle, Uncle  I can't take any more" Just a little more  I wanted to be sure the big girl was done. I dug in even deeperand squeezed harder. ' Please stop,Please somebody make her stop I released my hold . I had dismantled the "tough girl"                                                                                                                                                                                                         I don't know if it was the embarrasment of losin to an older ,smaller, weaker womanor if the begging was a ploy but as I got off Rosa she kicked out and caught me on my knee and it hurt like hell. Rosa was trying to regain her feet and get back into the fight. Considering the punishment she had taken this was one tough bitch  She was still very formidable and i had to finish her off before she got her secound wind.  I was going to fight really dirty and this time there would be no mercy. I had done a lot of damage and the big girl was slow getting to her feet.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         As she got to her knees I kicked her several times in her soft gut taking the wind out of her and she went back down  . I pulled her over on her backand straddled her facing her feet.  "Your dead now bitch" I reached between her legs and grabbed the tendon that   attaches her thigh muscle to her pussyand squeezed hard.  With my other hand I began to tug at her very hairy bush. I was also bouncing on her stomach taking the wind out of her I had this bitch by the "short hairs' and she was going to beg.In about a minute Rosa was begging again" I Give I Give Uncle you win. I replied "you had your chanch now I own you"I continued the pressure on her tendon and pulled more pubic hair from her bush. I wasn't going to givfe the big girl a cnhanch.                                               
      [/li]
                                                                                                                                               

*

Offline catfightlover40

  • God Member
  • *****
  • 439
  • Life is like a boxing chocolate
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2021, 09:51:25 PM »
My husband and I were waiting in line at the supermarket when  two Hispanic girls shoved their way in front of us. I said" ladies we are next". They laughed and turned away. My husband said "let it go" Stephanie. I said "No" and called over a security guard> He told the women to get to the end of the line or leave. One of the women became very angry and rained profanities at my husband,  the guard, and in my direction. The calmer woman said, "Rosa, let's get out of here before we get locked up".

As they were leaving Rosa yelled back"this isn't over bitch".       Sure enough, when we went to the parking lot, the women were waiting for us. They approached us and I said "we don't want trouble we just want to leave"  "You got trouble   I'm going to kick your ass and make you lick my pussy in front of your husband".    I was scared, I'm no fighter, I'm a middle-aged school teacher, 5ft 4 and 135 pounds   whose "fighting experience" consisted of a few playful wrestling matches with my sisters.  I do teach anatomy and I know every pressure point and weak spot on the body,  in addition my hobby is pottery   and years of working on the wheel  has given me very strong hands and a near unbreakable grip.   Also, I knew I would fight  very dirty.             I also knew I didn't stand a chance against Rosa. She was only a couple of inches taller than me but weighed about 200 pounds with huge arms and tree trunk legs, and looked like she would know what to do in a street fight. She was dressed in a halter top and mini skirt, and I could see she was not wearing underwear.           

 I tried to back away, but Rosa kicked off her heels and charged me, bringing us both to the ground.  We rolled around, and I tried to fight back by pulling hair and scratching. Rosa was far too big and strong, and I was getting much the worst of this ground fight. She threw me around like a rag doll and pummeled me with hard punches. Finally, she straddled me and began to lower her massive ass and pussy onto my face. She was going to make good on her threat to make me lick her twat.    Now or never, I brought my head up and latched onto her vagina with my teeth. I bit for all I was worth, and I could hear her muffled screams from between her meaty thighs,   she was punching the back of my head and neck and pulling my hair.  Doing all she could do to counter this dirty move.  I buried my head deeper, so she couldn't get at my eyes, and continued to bite and tear.

After about 30 seconds, she pulled away, and I scrambled out from  underneath her. Rosa was holding her pussy and as she got to her feet i jumped on her back.       I wrapped my legs around her and secured a choke. Rosa was strong, and I knew she would break my hold by pulling my hands apart. I  Iet go with my right hand  reached under her armpit, found the spot I was looking for and dug my fingers in deep. After about 15 seconds, the big girl's arm became numb and fell uselessly to her side.          I pulled my fingers from her armpit, reached under her halter and went to work on her big nipple with my sharp fingernails,  to add to her misery I bit down on her ear. For the next two minutes, I clung to the powerful woman like a spider monkey. Choking with my left arm clawing her nipple and biting her ear.  Rosa was like a raging bull trying to throw me off, and if she did, I am certain she would have killed me. I could feel the big woman start to weaken, and I knew that if I could just hang on, I might actually be able to win. Rosa's legs began to give way and she slowly sunk to the ground with me on her back. I kept up the clawing, biting, and choking and then asked "do you want to give it up bitch'  Rosa replied "Fuck You'. Apparently the big woman still had fight in her.  I let go of her tit and choked her hard. She began to cough and gag and after about 30 seconds I decided to  try to finish her.                 

 I  jumped off Rosa's back, and before she could get to her feet, I kicked her hard in the jaw, putting her on her back. Before she could recover, I positioned myself between her legs, found the spot I was looking for, jammed my thumbs in and began applying pressure to the nerve endings and tendons in Rosa's groin.               
 
Rosa screamed, paralyzed by the pain in her groin.  Her screams became moans, then whimpers  and finally  "I give up  Uncle, Uncle  I can't take anymore" Just a little more  I wanted to be sure the big girl was done. I dug in even deeper and squeezed harder. ' Please stop, please somebody make her stop!" I released my hold. I had dismantled the "tough girl"                                                                                                                                                                                                         I don't know if it was the embarrassment of losing to an older, smaller, weaker woman or if the begging was a ploy but as I got off Rosa she kicked out and caught me on my knee, and it hurt like hell. Rosa was trying to regain her feet and get back into the fight. Considering the punishment she had taken this was one tough bitch  She was still very formidable and I had to finish her off before she got her second wind.  I was going to fight filthy and this time there would be no mercy. I had done a lot of damage and the big girl was slow getting to her feet.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

As she got to her knees, I kicked her several times in her soft gut, taking the wind out of her, and she went back down . I pulled her over on her back and straddled her, facing her feet.  "Your dead now bitch" I reached between her legs and grabbed the tendon that   attaches her thigh muscle to her pussy and squeezed hard.  With my other hand, I began to tug at her very hairy bush. I was also bouncing on her stomach taking the wind out of her, I had this bitch by the "short hairs' and she was going to beg. In about a minute Rosa was begging again" I Give Uncle you win. I replied "you had your chance now I own you" I continued the pressure on her tendon and pulled more pubic hair from her bush. I wasn't going to give the big girl a chance.     
The  home of my multi-part work: https://www.patreon.com/powelltothepeople

*

Offline coachnard

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 12
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2021, 02:18:30 AM »
Thank you for making my story more readable  obviously I don't type well. I will be writing another one this week .If you like it feel free to revise.  coachnard

*

Offline coachnard

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 12
Dirty Fighting Teacher Vs Big Sister
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2021, 09:17:59 PM »
" Is that the little bitch" Two women were coming toward me in the same parking lot where I had gotten into an altercation about a month earlier. I recognized one as Rosa the woman I had fought previously  Through the use of dirty tactics I had beaten Rosa. Rosa said "thats her Carla "  " So your the bitch that hurt my sister, don't know how you did it , but you are going to pay today I'm going to beat you to a pulp" " Be carful Carla her name is Stephanie and she fights filthy""                                      Carla just laughed and who could blame her. I stand 5" 4"  and weigh 135, I'm a middle age school teacher, whose one and only fight was a lucky win . Carla was a beast . She stood about 5' 9" and weighed about 250, she had prison tatoos on her massive arms  and thick muscular legs.  My only 'advantages' were that as an anatomy teacher  I knew the bodys weak spots, and I had very strong hands from modeling clay and I would fight very dirty.  I was petrified I didn't want to fight this woman who looked like a killer. I tried to retreat but there was a car behind me and nowhere to run.                            Carla came at me and threw a punch at my head, I turned away and the punch caught me on the shoulder. Even though the blow missed ,it was so hard that it spun me around and I fell to the ground. This woman was a powerhouse. Before I could react Carla delivered a kick to my ribs that lifted me off the ground. Carla straddled me and I knew I was about to recieve a ground and pound that could end my life.  Fortunatly my hands were still free and in desparation I reached up and dug my thumbs into Carla's eyes. I jammed so hard and dug so deeply that I could feel my thumbs go under her eyelids and scratch her eyeballs. The big woman let out a scream and she pulled my hands away  She was pawing at her eyes as as I scrambled out from underneath her. I got to my feet and took a couple of deep breathes. Carla got to her feet but was stumbleing around I had blinded her.                      With Carla blinded I felt I might have a chance. I got behind the giant and jumped on her back wrapping my legs around her.  Chaoking her with my left arm  I took my right thumb and pushed it deeply into the pressure point behind her ear. Carla let out a scream and began to thrash around trying to shake me loose. I held onto the big girl for all I was worth.  my legs around her waist my left arm choking her and the thumb of my right hand digging deeper and deeper into her neck.  This went on for two minutes . The pressure point I was working on has the effect of cutting off blood flow to the brain.       Carla couldn't see and was disoriented. I could feel her begin to weaken, She could no longer support my weight and slumped to her knees. I kept up the pressure.  After about another minute I decided to try to finish the big woman.   I relased my holds and dove between her massive thighs. she was not wearing any underware and I clamped on the ' Bowling Ball Hold" I jammed my thumb into her asshole and my fingers into her vagina. I squeezed for dear life. Yes this was a dirty move but it is the only way I had a chance. I asked "do you give"   "Fuck You " was the reply. I squeezed harder and dug deeper , I also began pushing my foot into her throat.The big bitch was blinded ,winded and paralyzed by my grip on her privates.   I Had Her !             After a couple of minutes Carla began to moan. Then she began to wimper.  "I Give"  "What was that?"   "I give you win  " I don't think so say Uncle " I dug in deeper . "I give ,Uncle I Giiiive  "Please get her off me"  I decided I wasn't taking any chances I pressed my foot harder into her throat while maintaining my devastating grip . She began to choke and gag and soon her eyes began to flutter , her eyes rolled back in her head . She was out ! I  released my claw hold and got off a dismantled Carla   Filthy fighting had worked again ,the big tough girl went down.

*

Offline coachnard

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 12
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2021, 09:36:17 PM »
 anyone want to hear more from the Dirty Fighting Teacher?  Feedback please

*

Offline Samandan

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • 7
  • Lets chat about cats.
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2021, 05:34:33 PM »
Not really if you can't at least try to write correctly and format your story. It's painful to read this.

Here's a hint, write your stories on any word program. It will correct grammar and spelling to a point.  You can ALSO format it correctly for paragraphs and readability.  When you are done writing just copy and paste to the dialogue boxes here.  DON"T WRITE YOUR STORIES IN THEM.

Catfightlover40 was kind to correct it but if you don't try to do it yourself why bother having us read this mess?

*

Offline catfightlover40

  • God Member
  • *****
  • 439
  • Life is like a boxing chocolate
Re: catfight story first try feedback please
« Reply #9 on: December 16, 2021, 06:23:36 PM »
anyone want to hear more from the Dirty Fighting Teacher?  Feedback please.

I wish to shed some light on my own situation. I do freelance work, don't live alone, and share the responsibilities of caring for someone who has occasional issues moving about the house. In addition to my suggestions of using LanguageTool and Grammarly (even the free options offer a lot of perks in English, French, German, and if I recall correctly, also in Spanish). My suggestion would be to use an open source word processor, like the OpenOffice or LibreOffice, simply because their contribution isn't only free, but also much faster than linguistic integration into Microsoft products.

That should present all the help needed so that you don't need to check if you misspelled or badly formatted something, as the program will suggest for you. The last thing I wish for any writer is to feel demoralized by the lack of any positive reinforcement, yet it also would be a disservice to give a boost of false confidence. In this case it would be to omit, that to me, for the moment your work comes across as enthusiastic, mainly however that fervor is aiming to bring you joy. You know what it entails and why.

When it comes to this website, this is a metaphorical buyer's market, with the hierarchy being videos offered at the top, comics, and illustrations offered in the middle, and written stories at the bottom. There are so many good stories here that don't get any feedback due to a lack of incentive on the part of readers to give one. Which is their prerogative. Instead of bemoaning that, we should strive to capture their attention, and the best way to do that is clarity. The way you see my reply here, with minor changes, is how I'm writing it right now. How a story should look like as any published story is a little fragment of the writer's soul poured into the piece that yearns to be viewed by readers.
The  home of my multi-part work: https://www.patreon.com/powelltothepeople