Saturday 22nd March
Dear Diary,
Why is it that life always seems to be all about “All or nothing”? Only a few months ago I lived a pretty empty life here after the move from Sweden. No real friends, nothing familiar to relate to and a husband being away from the house more than really spend living in it. But well, of course he is the one paying for it.
Anyway, ever since I joined The Club I have felt my life starting to get filled with something exciting. Something forbidden, something exotic and yes, also something unusual and perhaps a little dangerous. But still, it really got to me. The action. The heat between the women inside the ring. The chance to go body to body against those rich, super wealthy snobs. God, I actually think I love it!
However, looking back at the months since I joined The Club, I can’t hide even for myself that I still felt somehow lonely. I mean, at the Thursdays meetings all those feelings vanish. As I climb in between those ropes I feel like I am the center of the universe. But afterwards? The days passing between those gatherings, they still felt very lonely. The house is as big and empty as before and the only new routine that I have started is to put even more effort in my workout. But I guess that much wants more.
That is why I am writing these words now. I want more. I want so much more. And I know exactly what I want. I know it even if it is one of the things I am not sure I ever could get. I want Mrs. Rox.
After seeing her being worked over by Mrs. Hamm only two days ago it seems like the scene of her helpless in the ring is almost haunting me. I actually dreamt about it last night. However, in the dream there was no Mrs. Hamm there. Instead it was Mrs.Rox and me. In a hard fought, intense grapple down on the canvas. Trading holds, feeling her body against mine, my hands exploring every inch of that amazing body of hers and she doing the same with mine. God, when the alarm woke me up, I almost felt like throwing the damn clock out the window. I wanted more of that dream!
However, perhaps I should try to focus a bit more… It’s hardly going to stop me dreaming about her if I spend every waking minute writing about her. Instead I really should write about the meeting I had with Mrs. Hamm yesterday.
I was out in the backyard, watering the flowers down by the apple tree when I saw her car rolling up on the street. I wish I could say that after knowing her a while, I feel more relaxed about having her around. But well, I don’t. It was almost like I froze when I saw her stepping out that luxurious Lamborghini LP 700-4. Wearing an astonishing blue dress she fired away one of those über confident smiles as she spotted me over the low hedge.
“Alex, dear, how great it is seein’ ya” she said as she helped herself in to the garden.
“It.. It’s lovely to see you too, Mrs. Hamm” I stuttered for an answer, not sure what to really say. God, I really hate when she shows up like that. My normal confidence and assurance seem to just blow away with the wind, leaving me like an insecure little Swedish school girl. However, I am not sure that Mrs. Hamm even noticed that since she was here with a direct purpose. And when she wants something? Well, she doesn’t really fuss about it.
“You haven’t seen Mrs. Rox around, have ya?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine in a way where she let me know looking away was not an option. The question surprised me, it really did. Last time I saw Mrs. Rox was in the wrestling ring, bent over Mrs Hamm’s knee in the backbreaker while getting her pussy worked over. Blushing thinking about it, I shook my head.
“No Mrs. Hamm, I haven’t” I said, trying my best to keep my voice steady.
“No, I didn’t think ya would have, gal” Mrs. Hamm replied. “And that’s good. Is Simon at home?” The sudden change of subject took me by surprise, and all I could do was shaking my head again.
“That’s good. Let’s go inside then.” Without waiting for my answer, Mrs. Hamm simply turned around and walked up to the house. Opening the back door, she stepped inside the kitchen, took a fast look around before sitting herself down on one of those tall chairs we keep by the little bar table. Before I could either sit down myself or even close the door she started to talk again.
“I´m giving ya an order now, Alex. For The Club.” Talking slower and lower now, I was forced to lean in a bit closer to her to hear her words. But when I did, I almost pulled back. An order? I mean, what could that be? However, I somehow managed to keep my cool, at least I hope I did. Meeting her eyes again, I nodded slowly.
“Yes Mrs. Hamm. I´ll try to help out the best way I can” I said as polite as I could.
“Na, that won’t do, dear Alex” Her voice was soft as silk, but her eyes pinning me down in my standing position. “Ya have to do more than just your best, even if I’m sure that’s pretty good. Ya have to obey.” Now I was really worried. Obey her? I mean, sure she is the by far most influential woman around here. Probably the most influential person. But still, taking orders? My silent didn’t seem to bother her though, as she just gave me a little smile and kept talking.
“Ya saw what happened in The Club between me an Mrs. Rox. How I destroyed her. Humiliated her. And how she then ran off like a scared little rabbit. Dear thing” she said, smiling to herself as if thinking back to a nice, pleasant memory of some sort. “But” Mrs. Hamm then continued, her facial expression all serious and business again. “I want her back in The Club. And I need ya to fix that for me, Alex.”
I remembering swallowing hard. Of course, I wanted Mrs. Rox back in the cub. God, I would like that more than anything! But… how am I supposed to do that? I was the ref in the match where she got her first beating. Where she got herself fucked up and fucked inside the ring of the wealthiest woman she probably ever met. And I just stood there watching. Now how on earth am I going to win her trust after that? This time I do think Mrs. Hamm noticed my hesitation. Because when I didn’t answer right away she stood up from the chair and walked up to me. Standing way closer than I was comfortable with, her big, firm breasts pressing in against mine, giving me very unpleasant flashbacks to my own debut in her ring, she locked her eyes with me again.
“Now, I am not gonna tell ya twice, Alex” she said, pressing in to me. “Yeah, I know you’re a member and all now. But remember. I run this show. I do.” with that she let her left hand slowly move up, grabbing my chin between her fingers, locking my head in place. There was nothing I could do. Nothing I could say. Just meet her eyes and look just as helpless and at her mercy that I felt, and pray that it would be enough.
“Ya do remember, don’t ya?” she said, still holding my chin. “And ya also know just how miserable I can make ya life here, don’t ya?”
“Yes, Mrs. Hamm” I managed to whimper, trying to nod softly.
“Good gal” letting me go, she let her hand softly stroke over my right cheek. “Then I assume ya will do what ya told, kiddo?” I nodded again, slowly moving my hand up to my cheek, touching it. It was impossible to meet her eyes now. The very present of her was too much for me to handle at that point. God, I have never met a woman with such a glow of power surrounding her.
“Very good” she said, her voice all relaxed and calm again. “Also, give her this.” Opening the purse she had kept with her, Mrs. Hamm handed me an envelope. Very neatly across the envelope the words ‘Club Rules’ was written. And I knew that the very same letter that I was handed when joining The Club must be inside of it. As if reading my mind, Mrs. Hamm’s voice filled the room again.
“Yes, it is the same letter. Everything she needs to know is included there. All you have to do is make sure she reads it and then make it to next Thursday meeting. For her real debut with all the girls being present.”
I nodded again, still having no idea how to manage that. And well, I still don’t. After Mrs. Hamm drove away I had to sit down. My fingers running over the top of the envelope, looking down at it. Remembering back when I was handed the very same letter. How I was sure I was never going back to the club again. But I did. And have not regretted it since. Not a single second. And now, I somehow have to try and make Mrs. Rox realize just how amazing the club is. But… how?
Now, with four matches behind me, it is easy for me to say how wonderful the pro wrestling meetings are. Winning my first match, forcing Mrs. Brand to submit in my Boston crab. Hearing her scream for submission as I bent her back more and more. Controlling her body, her mind. It was amazing. It was more than just that. It was… overwhelming. Like I was unbeatable. Like nothing could stop me. Like… like I belonged.
But how do I put that to a girl, new in this community, new to the world of wrestling? A girl who probably just have had one of her worst days in her life in Mrs. Hamm’s ring? How do I explain the wonderful sides of wrestling? The more I think about it, the more I fear that I won’t succeed. Not sure what would happen if I don’t. Would I be kicked out from The Club? Will I be all alone again?
This is pretty much all I have thought about ever since Mrs. Hamm left the house yesterday. Mrs Rox. Mrs. Gemma Rox. That unbelievable sexy, astonishing Brit girl showing up in my life like this. In a time when I start to feel more and more comfortable in this country and neighborhood. When I finally feel that I belong somewhere, but still looking for someone to help me with my loneliness. Then, just like that, she shows up. Like sent from up above, a possible answer to all that I am wishing for right now. Not some rich snob, not some self-promoting socialite, just a woman out of her comfort zone, just like me…
But… How on earth am I going to make this happen? How can I approach her without scaring her away? I mean, she must remember me as the girl inside the ring who did absolutely nothing to help her while getting her ass kicked. As the girl who just stood there. God, I don’t want that!
I’m thinking about inviting her over. I have the whole house for myself for another week as Simon is away in Florida. But what if she says no? Maybe I should just drive over to her, knock at the door and… And what? Tell her I’m sorry? Trying to comfort her? Tell her Mrs Hamm sent me over?
Dear diary, I wish I knew what to do. How to fix this. All I know now is that if I don’t manage to get Mrs. Rox to show up at The Club next Thursday, my life will take a very unpleasant turn. And also… I know if I don’t get to see her soon, perhaps my dreams will be the closest I ever get to her.
I must try to think. Somehow I must try to figure this out. I guess what I can do is wish upon a star and hope that what my heart desires will come to me.
Love, Alex.
