[sinclairfan]

May 4, 1976 Battle of the Network Stars Special
Fistfight:  Lynda Carter vs Farrah Fawcett-Majors

Pre-fight Interviews

BW:  Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Barbara Walters, and tonight I'll be interviewing the two Hollywood superstars who are expected to have have almost all of America tuning in Wednesday night in one of the most eagerly anticipated prime time events in years--an unscripted, unrefereed fistfight between Wonder Woman herself, Lynda Carter, and Charlie's Angel Farrah Fawcett-Majors.

More than any two leading ladies on the big screeen or small, these two glamour girls require no introduction, so let's get right to it, with Ms Carter.  Lynda, you're looking lovely tonight, thank you for joining me.

LC:  My pleasure, Barbara, thank you for having me.

BW:  The pleasure is ours.  I know you wanted to start by dispelling  a false rumour about the fight.  You will NOT be wearing the Wonder Woman costume, correct?

LC:  Barabara, that's correct.  This is the real deal.  This is me, Lynda, actually fistfighting Farrah; not our characters fighting.  This is the real McCoy--me and her, woman to woman.  Like the Old West, not an old Western.

BW:  So what WILL you two ladies be wearing.

LC:  So, Barbara, Farrah and I are both Southern girls, so this will be like a Friday Night Fights catfight under the bleachers for school status--we'll be in cut off shorts and tank tops.  Traditional "fight clothes" you would put on after school to show a rival you're ready to fight.

BW:  You mention the word rival.  Are you and Farrah rivals? 

LC:  So, Farrah and I certainly can't help but have noticed each others' rise the last few years.  Her being married to Lee Majors, getting poster deals, and culminating in Charlie's Angels.  So far there's been enough room in America's culture conversation for both of us, but with the success of Wonder Woman, we're starting to step on each others' toes, maybe steal each others' spotlight a little.  That always gets juices flowing, if you know what I mean.

BW:  I see.  But a fistfight?  Whose idea was it?

LC:  I knew you would ask that, and like I said, I go back to Farrah and I both being Sourhern girls.  First off, she and I both lived the whole high school deal of the high school catty rivalry, having to stand up for yourself, and then finally the Friday night or Saturday afternoon catfight.  Friday or Saturday so that you didn't get suspended from school, of course.  Well, Hollywood is a little bit like a high school, if you think about it.  So, she and I were feeling the tension build between us--we just sort of just naturally gravitated to the idea.  We both do stunts in our shows--it's natural to wonder who could take who.  I think she and I want to find out aa much as America does.  Both America's men, but possibly even more so--America's women.

BW:  What's YOUR guess?  Both the outcome, and the length of the fight.

LC:  Well, I don't want to give Farrah any bulleton board material.  But let's just say I'm confident in my ability to handle myself.  Given how humiliating a defeat will be, I actually do think it might be a grinding, lengthy fight.  I doubt it will be a first round KO.  But, yeah, I think I'll be TV's first fistfight queen.

BW:  Anything you want to say to Farrah.

LC:  Just that she better bring it.  I'm not messing around on fight night.  I'm ready, and she better be, too.  Come out fightin'; I sure aa hell will be.

BW:  Up next after this short breaj.....Farrah Fawcett-Majors.

[sinclairfan]

INTERVIEW, PART 2

BW:  And we are back, with the second participant in Wednesday evening's prime time fistfight, welcome to Farrah Fawcett-Majors.  Farrah, you look positively glowing.

FFM:  Thank you, Barbara, you don't look too shabby yourself.

BW:  Why, thank you.  You heard Lynda's interview just now.  How will the two of you be looming after Wednesday's fight?

FFM:  Well, we'll both look like we've been in a fight.  That's the point of a fight between two alpha females, right?  To mess up each others' looks.  So, yeah, there will be sctaches, messed up hair--Gawd, I hate her mop--maybe more, we'll see.  But yeah, we'll be targetting each others' faces.

BW:  After listening to Lynda, I'm hearing more personal animosity from you than I heard from her.  Is that just because she spoke first.  Any inside scoop our viewrs should know about?

FFM:  No, no.  She and I have had a classic Hollywood Queen-of-the-Hill relationship so far.  I got to the top first, and now she wants to get there, too.  Maybe with me, maybe knock me off.  But, Barabara, did you notice her body language, her eyes, when she mentioned my husband Lee?  Barbara, I think you'll notice, if you play back many of her interviews, that she talks about him quite often, quite unnecessarily, in ways that aren't pertinent to the conversation....

BW:  Are you saying she has a crush on him??

FFM:  A crush on him.....jealousy of me ...... a liitle bit of both.  It's just something my suxth sense has been detecting for awhile now.  A threat.  I'm happy for the opportunity to handle it.  She talked about high school catfights.  But Lee and I are married.  This is grownup stuff.  She bit off more than she could chew on this one.

BW:  So, this is fascinating.  Farrah, if you don't mind, I'm going to bring Lynda back and ask her to respond.  And then I'll let you have the last word.  Is that ok?

FFM:  <<<Nods>>>>

BW:  We'll be right back.

[Kiva]

I usually have no interest in celebrity fight stories but I can see this as highly satirical. One day while channel surfing, I came across old reruns of Battle Of The Network Stars from the 1970s. Hilarious. Top TV celebs of the day were put into tight swimsuits and track and field outfits and made to compete in athletic contests. They were even interviewed by major journalists as if this were a very important event. How do you parody something that already looks like a parody? Catfight sounds right.  Anyway....since I’m here now....I’ll pick Lynda.

[sinclairfan]

INTERVIEW, PART THREE

Barbara Walters:  And we are back, again with one of our guests and pugilists for next Wednesday, Lynda Carter.  Lynda, I guess if there were any doubters about the genuineness of the rivalry between you and Farrah, those have been amply refuted.  Were you surprised by the antagonism shown by Mrs Majors, especially on the topic of Mr Majors, during her segment?

LC:  Surprised.  Irritated.  Miffed.
Barbara, 3 things; I'll save Lee Majors for last, since that one is the easiest to swat away.  First, her [mumbles 'the bitch'] saying that women target each others' FACES during a fistfight.  [Faces camera.]  Really, Farrah?!?  Our faces?!?  Because if you THERE first, I guarantee I will go there second, third, AND fourth.  Ok?  A punch or an accidental scratch is one thing--it's a fight, after all.  But targetting.  Why would you even say that, knowing the profession we're in??  Barbara, you're in TV--you know what I'm sayin'--I see you nodding.
Ok, second.  [Fluffs hair.]  This ....  MOP.  This mop, Farrah??  Really??  Ok, you're gonna talk with that feathered mess on your head.  And, I get it .... that's all the rage right now.  But, when you and I are fighting [looks into camera], Farrah, I swear, I'll be doing what.... every .... damn.... woman.... in America has wanted to do for 2 years now when I sink these nails in [raises palms], grab two handfuls, and twist and pull and yank with every ounce of energy I can bitch.
Now, finally .....  Lee Majors.  Where do I start?  One, Farrah, if you don't want your husband talked about, maybe DON'T MARRY A DAMNED CELEBRITY, ok??  He's the Six Million Dollar Man.  People talk about him, ok.  Second ...... ok, Barbara, what kind of insecure woman would draw conclusions from the most innocent, passing remark.  I meant .... NOTHING.  Nothing, Barbara.  Farrah wants to have a grownup, womanly interview, and then behaves like a middle school 'first dance' ..... virgin, or whatecer, I don't even know the word ..... when her celebrity husband's name comes up in passing?  Oh,   .... and my "glow".  I had a "glow" when I talked about him.  GIVE.... ME .....  A ..... BREAK.  Give me a damned break.

Barbara:  Whew ....... I had forgotten all the topics that Farrah managed to touch on.  I sort of don't know where to begin.

LC:  This is what I'm saying, Barbara.  There's a lot of room for a lot of powerful people in Hollywood.  But, my niche, and Farrah's niche ..... television, lead actress ..... this has been building for awhile.  It's just getting a little crowded.  It's past time that we settled this.

BW:  Lynda, what does this .... backstory ..... mean for your and hers fight later this week.

LC:  It means .... there'll be one winner and one loser, that's for sure.  One of us will force the other to give.  They'll have to drag me off the top of her, I'll tell ya that. 

BW:  Lynda, we wish you the best.  When we come back, our final segment.  We give Farrah Fawcett the last word.

[snw]

I really like this one too. I rarely read these single celebrity stories. Mainly the finish her is all I can get into. The first one I read here was Sandra Bullock and Kat I forget her last name. But this one is an epic matchup and it involves my favorite tv show as a kid and one of the first women I saw have a catfight in Linda Carter. I hope Lee shows up to see his wife taking a full on ass kicking. Which it wouldn’t be bad seeing Farrah win but Linda is like just so damn hot in anything. Not that Farrah isn’t mind you but Linda is the bad girl in this one. I love it when bad girls win. Can’t wait for the next part. Very nice.

[sinclairfan]

INTERVIEW, FARRAH PART 2

BW:  Farrah Fawcett-Majors has rejoined me on set.  If you're just joining us, we have some catching up to do, but what I can briefly tell you is that Lynda Carter has had some strong words for Farrah, and I wanted to give her equal time to respond.  Farrah, what's on your mind right now?

FFM:  Well, Barabara, two things.  First.  On the disfiguring each others' faces comment.  I want to clarify .... and Lynda knows I meant it this way, not the way she's implying .... when women have a fistfight, we punch in the face, ok?  We're not these muscle-bound Hulk's .... we're not god-damned John Wayne in a saloon brawl, ok? .... we can't knock each other out.  So, what do we do to take the fight out of the other girl??  We punch her in the nose, in the mouth, and try to break skin, and get a trickle of blood streaming.  And, Barabara, if you've ever accidentally cut yourself, someone you can't see, right?  ......  what do you feel? ..... you know that feeling, like there's water dripping on you?..... but you can't see it, right, so what do you do? ..... you touch it, right? ..... and you know that split second of panic when you look at it, and it's red, and you realize it's your own blood?  Ok, now, have you ever seen two women fighting, and one realizes she's bleeding, and you can see that panic in her eyes?  Ok, she has a decision to make--do I ignore it and keep fighting and worry about the cut later?  or do I stop the fight?  Barbara, what choice do MOST women make?  We're vain about our looks, so that ends the fight, right?  most of the time?  All I meant was, Lynda and I, in our fistfight, and going to try to be the one to draw First Blood, and force the other into that moment of truth.  Gawd.  I'm not trying to friggin' maim her.  And, [turns to camera] if you really had girlfights in high school, like you claim Lynda, you already knew all that.  Pfft.

Barbara:  Thank you for the clarification.  I DO remember those moments from MY high school, which was all-girls, so I can vouch for you on that point.  It will be fascinating to see if we see any blood on Wednesday.  Now, how about your husband....

FFM:.....Ya, so, Barbara.  I get it.  Lee is a celebrity.  But there's a women-code thing ..... I guess this would be an example of how at some point we need to grow beyond high school.... Barbara, you don't "name drop" another woman's husband.  You don't.  Especially a career woman's husband.  It diminishes the woman's accomplishments.  And, it inserts YOU into their relationship.  It changes the dynamic.  And I don't believe for a second that Lynda doesn't realize that.

BW:  You think she has a crush on your husband?

FFM:  I think it.  People I've talked to think it.  And, Barbara, part of me is flattered by that.  But Lynda needs to stop talking about him.  And, Barbara, it would be one thing if tonight was the first time.  Lynda always mentions Lee.  And in ways that he'll find out about, and that I'll find out about.  It's very planned, very deliberate.

BW:  Is she a threat to your marriage?

FFM:  Well, not after our fight she won't be.

BW:  Farrah, I still owe you more time.  We'll be back after this.

[sinclairfan]

INTERVIEW, FARRAH SEGMENT 3

BW:  We're back with Farrah Fawcett-Majors.  Farrah, if I might ask a higher-level question--I think many of our viewers across American tonight, and certainly many of our staff in this studio--are .... how should I phrase this ..... I think it's been a revelation how openly, and thoughtfully, and frankly .... even nonchalantly ..... two glamorous leading ladies like yourself and like Lynda Carter, have talked about fighting each other later this week ..... and, we're discussing, openly, not a catfight, but an actual fistfight between the two of you ..... and both of you referencing as a benchmark actual high school girlfights that you have both witnessed and possibly participated in.  Farrah, help our viewers .... was all this ..... this violence .... was it hiding in plain sight along, and we've just finally peeled back the curtain this evening.

FFM:  Well, I don't know about hiding, Barbara.  If I watch a high school catfight in 10th grade, I'm not sure that's relevant in 1976 when I'm a 26 year old grown woman.  We all did things in 10th grade that are best left in 10th grade, right?  I mean, ratings would drop pretty quickly if we started talking about my 10th grade American Government class, right? [laughing]

BW:  Perhaps, but if you spoke about a 10th grade catfight, I suspect they'd rise.

FFM:  Well, there's your answer, Barbara, .... or part of your answer.  Why did you start with talking about fistfights, but then switch quickly to catfights when we talked about ratings?  There's ...... for those of us who are actresses especially ..... there's a salaciousness about us talking about catfights ..... and, don't get me wrong, I've seen, and been involved in both .....

BW: ....meaning, been involved in both catfights AND fistfights .....

FFM:  .....yes, in both, not hundreds, but for sure in my fair share of each .... and you learn as an actress that if a conversation is going to veer to catfighting ..... it's just going to be an uncomfortable conversation.  But Lynda, .... I'm guessing for Lynda .... but for sure for me ..... we were clearly going to be talking about this week's fistfight ..... which is being presented as a fistfight, well, the point is, that's a much more comfortable conversation.  So, I was willing the share more with you than maybe if we were talking about catfighting.

BW:  So you're sure that yours and Lynda's fight, ....  which, I might remind you, will be unrefereed, ..... will be a fistfight.

FFM:  That's what I'm saying.

BW:  Why so sure?

FFM: Wweeelllll, ..... , and Lynda even touched on this .... both of us grew up in tight-knit Middle American towns.  You just ....  girls just sort each other out .... our hierarchy .... with fists.  You watch .... you learn .... then you fight.  Girls who are on the same plane as you.  It's just natural ...  you bump heads ..  then, if neither of you backs down .... you fight.  Which is where Lynda and I are right now.  It's called "the small screen" for a reason, right?  Only one of us can be the leading lady.  So, on Wednesday .... we fight.

BW:  Farrah .... good luck Wednesday.

Next up:  the post-fight interviews

[snw]

Yeah this is good .

[sinclairfan]

LOS ANGELES TIMES
May 7, 1976

PRIMETIME SPECIAL ABRUPTLY CANCELLED AMIDST RUMORS OF BLOODY BRAWL

Fawcett, Carter Rumored to be Bloodied, Battered

ABC To Interview Participants, Witnesses on GMA Friday Morning

(AP)-A widely-anticipated Wednesday night primetime ABC "Battle of the Network Stars", expected to draw the highest television prime time ratings since Bob Hope's 1969 Christmas Special, was abruptly cancelled just hours before air time.  ABC has apologized to advertisers and viewers, and promises a full explanation in a live Joan Lunden interview special on the Friday morning edition of Good Morning America.

Industry sources have leaked unconfirmed rumors that the reason for the cancellation was that the feature event of the evening, a purported unscripted, unrefereed "fist fight" between prime time superstars Farrah Fawcett-Majors of 'Charlie's Angels' , and Lynda Carter of 'Wonder Woman', both current Top 3 weekly shows, escalated into a bloody brawl, which resulted in medical attention to both women.  Less credible reports swirl of earlier toplessness shortly after the commencement of the duel, which, if true, would have in any case prevented airing of the fight footage on network televsion.

Information is difficult to come by, as the set where the fight was aired was closed, and there are believed to have been only 6 to 8 witnesses to the brawl.  The fight is believed to have lasted just under 30 minutes.

Reps for both Fawcett and Carter have indicated their clients will appear on Friday's GMA special to give their side of the story to Lunden.  Critics of ABC have said that the GMA special, coming after the hyping of the Wednesday prime time event, is an elaborate ruse to help GMA beat longtime NBC rival The Today Show in the May ratings sweeps.  ABC denies any premeditated plan to the week's events.  Fawcett's and Carter's Monday night interview special with Barbara Walters drew Nielsen ratings which increased as the hour-long show progressed, indicating viewers were spreading awareness of the event by word of mouth. 

The interviews made passing reference to what had been tabloid rumors that Carter holds a romantic crush on prime time leading man Lee Majors, star of the highly-rated 'Six Million Dollar Man'.  Majors is married to Fawcett.  Carter are Majors are natives of neighboring counties in central Texas.  One tabloid storyline has Carter spending precious off-time near Majors' Texas extended family, after a broken engagement and bad breakup with a longtime boyfriend.  Another has Fawcett overheard on the set of 'Charlie's Angels' fuming to co-stars Jacklyn Smith and Kate Jackson about Carter's many publicity interviews where she references Majors by name, and asking television producers to not air footage where Carter mentions Majors by name.

Awards show seat ushers have standing instructions to not have Fawcett and Carter sit or approach each other in show auditorium, dressing room, Red Carpet, or intermission areas.  Fawcett and Carter are in high demand at such shows.

It is not known if Wednesday evening's chaos is related to the Lee Majors rumors.

[snw]

Suspenseful

[al2468]

very good, looking forward to next installment

[sinclairfan]

GOOD MORNING AMERICA

Friday, May 9, 1976

Joan Lunden:  Good morning, America ......., and this morning, we mean that as literally as we ever have, because I know many, many, many of you are anxious to learn as much as possible about what transpired in ABC's Hollywood studios Wednesday afternoon, and to see and hear from both Lynda Carter and Farrah Fawcett-Majors. 

We WILL be speaking live shortly to both ladies.  But first, I want to set expectations, and to introduce my first guest, ABC Sports women's athletics analyst Donna deVarona.  Donna and I HAVE viewed the entire recording of Lynda and Farrah's 28-minute fistfight.  Yes, you heard me correctly, from start to finish, these 2 Amazon's went at it in absolutely ferocious fashion, with the outcome up in the air until the final seconds.  Yes, we have video proof of the fight and the intensity of it.  No, we CANNOT show you more than the first three minutes of it.  This is public broadcasting, and 185 seconds into the fight, Farrah lost her tank top, making the rest of the fight not able to be broadcast. 

Instead, Donna and I will step you through our analysis of it, and then we'll ask each of the competitors her take, as well as ask them how they're feeling this morning, about 36 hours or so after the fight.

So first, with no further ado, let me welcome Donna.

DdV:  Thank you, Joan.  I saw both women backstage, and after watching the tape, it's a miracle either of them are up and about.  I can speak from experience that I've been laid up for 5 days from beatings less severe than what they dished out to each other.

JL:  And I'll echo that, also from personal experience.  Donna .... we have a long fight to analyze here, so let's get right to it, but thoughts on the entire fight first--there was pre-fight discussion on the Barbara Walters interviews of whether this would be a fistfight, a catfight, a....

DdV:  Joan, I'll tell ya ..... this was a Saturday-night-at-local-watering hole barroom brawl.  But not the barroom part. No, no, no .... this was the part where ..... if you've ever hung out until Last Call .... or, even worse, been the one called out after Last Call ..... and the two women who got into it earlier in the evening and got thrown out by the bouncers come lookin' for each other and meet in the deserted parking lot at 2am ..... and then just start swingin', no rules?..... that's what Farrah and Lynda did for 28 minutes.

JL:  I think we've all been there a time or two, right?  Now, first, the three minutes that we ARE able to air.  Now, I'll tell our viewers, for what you are seeing here, only Lynda and Farrah are on stage until the final seconds .... the only other people in the studio were 2 camerawomen, 2 sound women, 2 women doctors, and 1 female ABC executive.  Here we see Lynda and Farrah stepping up to the stage .....

DdV:  We see Lynda staring daggers at Farrah, Farrah deep in her own thoughts.

JL:  Does that foretell anything for the rest of the fight?

DdV:  Generally, Joan..... my money's on the woman looking up at the other woman.... not all the time, but I like the odds on the cockier one.....unless of course she's bluffing.....

JL:  Which, as you can see as the 2 fighters come together in a tight clinch, neither one is bluffing.

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  What we have here, of course, is a classic streetfighting clinch.....left hand in the hair, for grip and balance.... right hand balled in a fist and going for the face, just as Farrah promised pre-fight.

JL:  Now, both women are holding nothing back here.  Is that a mistake?

DdV:  Well, it's a gamble, right?  But, if you trust your training, your wind, ....haven't smoked in awhile...... it's a justifiable calculated gamble.

JL:  Now, by a count of punches landed, I see Farrah with the edge.  But for effectiveness, I'm giving this segment of the fight to Lynda.

DdV:  That's correct, Joan, you can see Lynda aiming her punches very precisely at the center of Farrah's face.

JL:  Whereas Farrah's are getting Lynda's forehead and temples .... ouch.  So, we see both women staying on their feet.  Donna, were you surpfised the fight didn't go to the shag-carpeted floor at this point.

DdV:  A bit, and Joan, I gotta say, this was the first indicator of the chippy fight which was in store.  Both women are clearly out to do some serious damage to each other.

JL:  As opposed to getting a wrestling-style pin.  Now, I can't believe it's been 185 secondsalready, but here we see Farrah's tank top come off at the shoulders.  Donna, that appears incidental, not intentional by Lynda correct?

DdV:  I would say so, and in fact I might add that both women, for being such public figures, appear quite unperturbed by the toplessness.  Farrah stated pre-fight she had been in fistfights, which I believed, AND catfights, which I was skeptical about, but which I believed at this point.

JL:  So, at this point, .... as we stop the tape and come back on camera .... at this point, you're calling it a catfight.

DdV:  What I would say is,  ...  , this moment commenced a 9-minute segment, where, yes, both women began deploying catfight tactics.  Before concluding as a fist fight.

JL:  Ok, time out, let's now get ahead of ourselves.

DdV:  I'm sorry .... it's hard not to get excited!

JL:  It IS exciting, isn't it.  Now, we hope all of America is now persuaded that a genuine bombshell fistfight happened in our studios Wednesday afternoon.  We need to let our sponsors, get some time, but Donna and I will analyze the final 25 minutes of this donnybrook next.

To be continued......

[sinclairfan]

FIGHT ANALYSIS:  MINUTES THREE THRU TWELVE

JL:  Now, right here Donna, somewhat abruptly,  both women clutch each other by the hair and start pushing-pulling, back and forth across the carpet, bent at the waist and pulling each others' heads down.

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  Classic, wary, defensive catfight stances here.  Both women are clearly very experienced fighters, and are clearly alert to needing to start playing a little defense.  The intensity level is still sky-high, but the pace less frenetic.

JL:  Why the sudden change in tactics?  Because this hold continued until Minute 12, it's no accident.

DdV:  Well, that's right.  Somrthing I wouldn't underestimate, Joan, is the effect of seeing Farrah's bared breasts had on Lynda.  You can see just how toned Farrah is, and how aroused she is my the fight so far.  This no doubt made Lynda aware of her own arousal.

JL:  Arousal, as in sexual arousal?

DdV:  That ....  <giggling> I'm a bit aroused by this, aren't you ..... but, Joan, we know these two women are sex symbol rivals, so the sex symbol part of their rivalry has now entered the fight.  Who's the best woman:  physically, sexually?  It's become quite primal.  It's a school gym shower fight at this point.

JL:  Yes, goodness, I think we've all seen those.

DdV:  Or been in them.

JL:  That's right, you were a swimmer, I forgot that.

DdV:  And here',s the part that Lynda start's clutching for Farrah's bare breasts.  And pulling.

JL:  Very painful, obviously.  Very personal.  Let's listen.  .......  I think they're calling each other 'bitch' , is that right?   SHHHH ... shhhh .... let's listen.

DdV: ..... <soft moaning>

JL:  Well...... trying to keep my composure here ...... we're only able to play audi here, not video, because, yes, there it is,...... Fararrah pulls off Lynda's tank top....

DdV:  That was inevitable.  You can't afford to sustain punishment to your breasts, like Farrah was, without retaliating.

JL:  And you can see .... she wastes no time at all twisting and grabbing..... mauling, really .... Lynda's breasts.  Lynda's face showing some pain for the first time in the fight.

DdV:  ....and, as you can see, both women slow up and stare at each other .....

JL:  And if you listen here ..... there's speaking softly to each other, but motioning with the hands...  sh .... sh .... so, finally, here they square up ... no top, just cutoff shorts .... and challenge each other to straight bare knuckles boxing ..... the fist fight that this event was advertised as .....

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  Straight-up woman-to-woman toughgirl stuff here.  Like you might see at a biker bar. 

JL:  That's right.  Punches to the face, and the exposed boobs.  This is really unbelievable to watch.

DdV:  This .... just .... I hate to admit it, but it makes me want to get in there and fight.  Joan, listen to the sounds of the punches.

JL:  Both women coated with sweat, the normally lovely hair just a tangled nest.

DdV :  But still quite sexy.

JL:  Yes, very much so.  Look at the hate in their eyes.  Now, watching the time here ....  there WAS a decisive outcome to this fight ... in the very last minute.  Donna will bring that to you ..... and interview both fighters.   After this break.

[sinclairfan]

FIGHT ANALYSIS, MINUTES THIRTEEN TO TWENTY-FOUR

JL:  It's Joan Lunden, back with Donna deVarona, and we are here to play the audio for you and to analyze the bloody, brutal finale of Wednesday afternoon's Lynda Carter-Farrah Fawcett brawl.  Now Donna, we've been previewing for our audience that there IS a decisive winner, and loser; but at this point of the fight, Minute Thirteen, where Lynda and Farrah break their standing hairpull and commence bare-knuckled boxing, either girl can still win here, is that right.

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  To this point, I give Lynda credit for inflicting more damage on her opponent--look how puffy Farrah's face is here, and the real punching hasn't even started yet; and Lynda has had a bit more energy so far.  Which means ...... at this point, Farrah might have an edge if this turns into an endurance test (we've all been in THOSE, right?  Last girl standing wins, right?)  Also, Farrah is dictating the type of fight.  I think the thirteen-minute hairpull was her choice--I think her hands were hurt after the barnburner start of the fight, and I think it helped her regain her composure after her tank top came off; not to mention allowing her to retaliate and remove Lynda's top.  Farrah also appears to have issued the challenge to Lynda to engage in a bare knuckles boxing fight.

JL:  Now, here we see the ladies lining each other up and alternating between face- and tit-punches.  I'm not sure which are more painful, especially against 2 eomen who have hands like Farrah and Lynda.

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  Very savvy target choice by both women.  You can see if Lynda gets her hands high, Farrah aims low at the breasts.  If she lets them down, Farrah aims high for Lynda's face.

JL:  Donna, we're mentioning breasts at lot.  Are the two women sizing up each others' breasts here?

DdV:  In a word, Joan ...... undoubtedly.  We see Farrah with very toned, round, .... really perfect breasts in every way, even with the marks from Lynda's mauling and punches.  Certainly, we all knew from Farrah's posters, which don't leave much to the imagination.  But it's still a stunning sight.

JL:  And Lynda's boobs?

DdV:  Just, perfect nipples.  Huge, really.  C-cup at least.  Protruding.  She's obviously turned on from the fight, and the opportunity to take down her rival.

JL:  Now, here's where both women start bleeding from their noses.  Farrah mentioned how in girlfights, this will break the concentration of the average woman.  But neither woman is showing any quit.

DdV:  No, they're both all-in at this point.  This is a fight to the finish.

JL:  And we bring you that finish, next.

[sinclairfan]

FIGHT ANALYSIS, FINAL FOUR MINUTES

JL:  Ok, now we know the tension in America is high right now, wanting to know the winner of Wednesday's fight.  We know many of you are late to work, and have missed your morning trains and buses.  Donna deVarona are going to play the audio of the coup de grace, but so as not to cause some of you to get docked pay or worse, we'll lay it out right now--..... Lynda ..... Carter .... won the fight, and the unofficial first holder of the Crown of Miss America Fistfighter.  Donna, the ending was indeed brutal once it came, wasn't it?

DdV:  That's right, Joan, and it loses only a little bit of its shock value upon the third or fourth viewing.

JL:  Wow, Donna, you're up to your fouth time watching.

DdV:  Gotta take advantage while we have access to this, Joan.  So, it's already playing, because I know we need to leave time for the contestant interviews, .... which, by the wat, Lynda will go first .... go the winner go the spoils, right ..... anyways, it was clear both women were seeing red at this point .....

JL:  The sight of blood can serve to give a second wind to a catfighter, can't it, Donna?

DdV:  That's right, Joan.  Like two lionesses, each fighter is sensing weakness .... correction, vulnerability ..... in her enemy.  Each has now narrowed her target on her enemy to a single target--the source of the blood, the nose.  They're each trying to open up the face of her opponent at the source of the wound, and Joan, at this point, this isn't a thoughtful, deliberate strategy.  This is raw, primeval instinct at work.  Look at Lynda's and Farrah's ruined hair here, their posture here--they've reverted to pure .... Neanderthal .... here.  That's what this is .... the genetic muscle memory of a long-ago battle between two roaming Neanderthal women on an open plain ..... even their grunts-listen, listen   ..... gawd, so sexual, so primal..... Joan perhaps that long ago fight was augmented with clubs or sharpened mammoth ribs ....

JL:  Or spears perhaps....

DdV:  .... perhaps spears or sticks or flint rocks ..... You get the idea.  This one is fists, Lynda and Farrah now connecting with direct blows.  And here Farrah's head snaps back ....  and down she goes ....

JL:  Down goes Farrah ....  Down goes Farrah....

DdV:  That's right, Howard .... except, look, Lynda doesn't retreat to her neutral corner ..... she pounces right on her enemy .....  and mounts her ..... and just rains punches down on her ...  a right a left a right a left .... just .... unforgiving.  And more tit-twisting.  Here, Lynda is sensing she is going to be removed off of Farrah at any moment,,and is getting her money's worth.

JL:  Donna, I think we've all been in this position, winning a fight, where we backed off her.  And then in fights where we continued punishing a girl who had crossed us.  There's clearly a legit beef between Lynda and Farrah, no?

DdV:  It does appear that way, doesn't it, Joan?  That definitely gives us food for thought for the interview segment, no?

JL:  It does.  And those interviews are next.