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Hello and welcome.
Most women who end up in this world do not arrive through a clear path. They slip in sideways. Some discover it through a dare or a chaotic first match, much like you did. Some through martial arts, where a training roll turns unexpectedly charged. Others through modeling, dancing, stripping, any space where the body is already part of one’s professional vocabulary, and the leap into physical domination feels strangely natural.
And some are simply drawn to the raw candor of female physicality: two women testing strength, ego, sexuality, and dominance in the most primal way available in a modern world.
If you gather ten women and ask them why they fight other women, you’ll hear ten different answers, but four themes show up again and again:
1. The power dynamic
Catfights strip away social niceties. A woman can be assertive, aggressive, territorial, sensual, without apology. For many, that is intoxicating.
2. The erotic undertow
Not every catfight is sexual, but many carry an erotic charge. Close-body scrambling, breath on skin, dominance and surrender... these are deeply mammalian stimuli.
Even women who aren’t sexually motivated often admit the experience feels alive in a way nothing else does.
You already sensed this during BJJ with men; with women, that electric edge can be even sharper.
3. The narrative power
A fight between women is never just a fight. It’s a story: about pride, femininity, rivalry, insecurity, beauty, confidence, the desire to prove something or to shed something. Many women love the story of the match even more than the strikes.
4. The communion of the gaze
When women fight, they are being watched by the opponent, by cameras, by an imagined audience. Some revel in it. Some fear it.
Most admit that they crave it on some level.
Is it only erotic? No, but the erotic dimension is present even when it is not explicit. Think of it like dancing: not every dance is sexual, but every dance is sensual. The fight is a negotiation of bodies, power, and vulnerability. That inherently stirs something primal. Not always sexual, but always sensory. And sometimes, the erotic element isn’t about desire at all, it’s about the thrill of being observed in one’s struggle, one’s competence, one’s defeat, or one’s dominance.
As for whether catfighting is anti-feminist, I believe catfighting is only anti-feminist when men define the terms. It becomes deeply feminist when women claim authorship. Feminism does not require women to be palatable, polite, or asexual. A woman who fights, literally OR metaphorically, is expressing agency. Even a woman who loses a fight is expressing agency by choosing the risk.
If you want stories from real fighters…
They will tell you things like:
“I love the moment when I know she feels me overpower her.”
“I get high off the mix of fear and adrenaline.”
“I like proving myself against another woman.”
“The intimacy of it shocks me every time.”
“It feels like shedding my ‘good girl’ persona for a moment.”
And yes, some will tell you the humiliation aspect thrills them too, whether they inflict it or experience it.