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MY MOM vs MY GIRLFRIEND’S MOM: ALL OUT!
Some time ago, I dated a girl. Although we were both adults, she still lived with her mom. I had my own place, but my mom insisted I spend a lot of time with her and show her as much attention as possible. I eventually met my girlfriend’s divorced mom. Our moms were very different. My mom was pale with very dark auburn hair that fell to her shoulder blades. My girlfriend’s mom had a light suntan. She had shoulder length, blond hair and bangs. My mom had always been a housewife, while my girlfriend’s mom had a career. I couldn’t help but notice that the blond mom was attractive. She noticed that I noticed. She seemed to like my admiration of her and even began to encourage it! She began fishing for compliments. I knew my relationship with my girlfriend depended on her mom liking me, so I flattered her. The problem was that my mom could see how impressed I was with my girlfriend’s mom . . . and my mom definitely did NOT like my adoration of another mom! They began making catty remarks about each other. Our moms DEFINITELY did NOT like each other!
Things reached the boiling point when my mom threw a little party for my birthday. My dad had to work late and wasn’t there. The tensions between our moms grew throughout the night until they finally ended up rolling on the carpet in an impromptu wrestling match! It was only a brief scuffle, but it ended with my mom lying on top of my girlfriend’s mom, pinning her to the floor! The blond mom immediately left with her pride hurt and her ego bruised.
Though my mom loved it, my girlfriend’s mom obviously did not. I had a problem. Any chance I had with my girlfriend depended on my staying in her mom’s good graces. Fortunately, she was able to get past it. My mom had no reason to be too hostile. She had won their brief skirmish and felt she had the upper hand. They managed to tolerate each other, but they stayed out of each other’s way. They completely avoided each other, at least for a while.
My mom insisted I still do things with the family. One Saturday, my dad drove us to a small lake far off the main road. We spent the afternoon there. When we decided to leave, the car wouldn’t start. My dad called a local repair garage. The mechanic said that because of a number of other calls, it would be some time before he could tow our car into the garage to work on it.
I wasn’t willing to wait, so I called my girlfriend, whose farmhouse wasn’t too far from the lake. She said she’d be happy to come and get me. After a while, my girlfriend drove up in her mom’s SUV. . . with her mom! They were BOTH wearing swimsuits! My girlfriend chirped, “As long as we had to come out here, we decided to enjoy the lake for a while.” My girlfriend’s mom, with her modest suntan and bright yellow one-piece swimsuit was a stark contrast to my pale mom in her dark brown one-piece swimsuit. My dad couldn’t keep his eyes off the attractive, blond mom, and that had my mom burning up with jealousy. I was sure that was what my girlfriend’s mom wanted. She wanted to get back at my mom for pinning her in their brief tussle, and she more than got her revenge. My mom knew she was divorced and had to be worried that she might make a move on my dad. We spent the rest of the day together.
Finally, my girlfriend’s mom told me, “If you want a ride, it’s time to go.” At that moment, the tow truck arrived. After examining the car, the mechanic said he could tow the car in and fix it relatively quickly, but he could only take one passenger. I already had a ride, but we couldn’t leave Mom by herself at the lake until a rideshare could arrive, so Dad asked my girlfriend’s mom to give my mom a ride too. She grudgingly agreed, but she said she didn’t have time to drive us all the way back to town any time soon. She said we’d have to wait at her house until the car was fixed, and my dad could come and get us. Mom hated the idea, but if she refused, she’d look scared of her rival. Of course, my girlfriend’s mom had time to join us at the lake. She couldn’t have been all that busy. I was sure she had time to drive us to town, but she had shown up at the lake in her swimsuit to needle my mom, and she wasn’t done with her. She wasn’t going to make things easy on my mom. She intended to make her wait.
When we arrived at the farmhouse, my girlfriend’s mom said, “You can wait in the living room. I want to finish the cupcakes I’m making for a fundraiser.” My mom looked around and said, “Oh. I guess that’s why your house is such a mess.” The blond mom’s jaw tightened at the obvious insult, but she returned fire. “It can be hard to do all the work of a housewife and also have a REAL job.” That was a good shot to my housewife mom, but Mom replied, “Oh, I know. I have to take care of a house, and I still have to keep a man satisfied.” My girlfriend winced. That was a vicious low blow to her mom, whose man had left her. Needing a moment, my girlfriend’s mom excused herself to go to the bathroom.
In her absence, Mom made a few catty remarks about her. My girlfriend clearly didn’t like the insulting remarks about her mom.
My girlfriend’s mom returned a few minutes later. Our moms spent the evening in a kind of sparring match, trading verbal jabs. Mom had hit hard by implying my girlfriend’s mom couldn’t keep a man satisfied, but my girlfriend’s mom started doing most of the damage. She was the smarter of the two moms and had an answer for each of my mom’s insults, returning them with better ones. In a battle of wits, my girlfriend’s mom had my mom on the ropes.
Hoping to turn down the heat, I told my girlfriend’s mom, “You’re so busy. I’m surprised you have time to make cupcakes.” She seized on that, saying, “It can be hard to be a mother AND a homemaker AND have a career.” She turned to my mom. “You know how it is.” She turned back to me. “Well, SHE doesn’t know what it’s like to work, but your father does. When you think about it, he has more in common with ME than he does with HER!” That shot almost put Mom down for the count. Mom knew it was true, and she knew my dad thought my girlfriend’s mom was very attractive.
Mom was losing the verbal fight, but she wasn’t about to back down! Mom simply went too far. She went to the kitchen to return a glass and “accidentally” (though obviously on purpose) knocked a couple of trays filled with the cupcakes our host had made off a counter onto the floor. She turned to my girlfriend’s mom, shrugged, and said, “Oops.” My girlfriend’s mom was furious! “You did that deliberately! Get out of my house! You can wait for your husband outside.” My mom grabbed my elbow and pulled me toward the door, but my girlfriend’s mom grabbed my other hand and pulled me toward her. “He can stay! I’m only kicking YOU out!” Mom sneered. “I’d like to see you try!” I started to get between them, but my girlfriend pulled me back. She shook her head. “Uh-uh. This is between them!”
Mom told me, “Stay out of it, no matter what!”
Their hostility finally erupted! It was on! On one side stood my mom in her brown one-piece swimsuit and barefoot, pale with very dark auburn hair falling down to just above her shoulder blades. She stood 5’3” tall and weighed 125 lbs. Across from her stood my girlfriend’s mom in her backless, yellow one-piece swimsuit and barefoot, with her light suntan and her sand-colored blond hair with bangs. She also stood 5’3” and I’d guess she weighed about 115 lbs.
Our mom’s started shoving each other wildly! My mom shoved her rival down to the floor! The blond mom rose and slapped my mom! Mom slapped back! Their hands became a
blur of unaimed slaps. They then curled their fingers in each other’s hair and pulled wickedly! My mom won again. My girlfriend’s mom let out a short yell, as my mom flipped her over a coffee table by her hair! Mom raced in, but the blond mom kicked her off, sending Mom down. They raced up and stormed back together.
Both moms threw simultaneous punches to each other’s face! My girlfriend’s mom staggered back into a wide stance, legs apart, one hand on her jaw. My mom collapsed to her hands and knees between her enemy’s legs. Standing over Mom in a direction facing my mom’s hips, the blond mom leapt up and sat down hard on my mom’s back, slamming her to the floor beneath her. Then she started bouncing up and down on my mom’s back. My girlfriend’s mom looked up at me to be sure I was watching, and then she started spanking Mom’s hips, hard! My girlfriend laughed, but my mom cried out as much in shame as in pain. My mom went for the only available target. Still lying on her front with my girlfriend’s mom sitting on her, my mom reached forward, seized the blond mom’s ankle, pulled her foot to her face, and then my mom bit the bottom of my girlfriend’s mom’s bare foot! My girlfriend’s mom yelled in shock and pain! She grabbed Mom’s ankle and bit my mom’s pale foot in return! Mom screamed, but she returned to biting! Each mom had a mouthful of the other mom’s foot, sinking in her teeth! I don’t know if it was more willpower, better feet, or probably both, but my girlfriend’s mom won. Mom let go of the blond mom’s foot and started slapping the carpet wildly, yelling in pain. My girlfriend’s mom spun around on my mom’s back, seized my mom’s hair, and used it to rub my mom’s face in the carpet!
Mom finally knocked her rival off. Both our moms were red hot over the biting. They grabbed each other’s hair and started rolling around on the carpet, one on top and then the other, with neither one of them clearly getting the upper hand. They leapt up to their feet and faced off. The two moms stood toe-to-toe trading fists, mostly to each other’s swimsuit-clad bodies. Mom shook. She started lifting one leg up, cringing, trying to block the punches pummeling her. She turned away, but the blond mom turned her back to take more punishment. My girlfriend’s mom’s punches turned my mom’s legs to jelly. Struggling to stand, my mom staggered away. My girlfriend’s mom followed her down a short hallway. Then she lunged forward, shoving both hands into the lower part of my mom’s back and shoving her into the bathroom. My mom spun to face her. They traded a few fists until my girlfriend’s mom drove her fist deep into my mom’s gut. My mom fell to her hands and knees on the bathroom floor, coughing.
My girlfriend’s mom stood over my mom’s body with one leg on either side of her, seized the hair behind my mom’s head, and forced my mom’s head down over the toilet. With smug satisfaction, my girlfriend’s mom told my mom, “Remember when I used the bathroom? When I used this toilet . . . I NEVER FLUSHED IT!” My girlfriend and I watched in shock, dumbfounded, as her mom shoved my mom’s face down into a toilet full of her mom’s pee! Her mom shook my mom’s face back and forth in it! When she finally pulled my mom’s head up by her hair, my mom let out a gasp, dribbling some of it from her mouth! My girlfriend told me, “She deserves it. You should’ve known that YOUR mom was no match for MY mom!”
My mom tried to crawl away on her hands and knees, but my girlfriend’s mom grabbed the hair behind my mom’s head and dragged my mom kicking and screaming on her hips back into the living room. She threw a few punches down into mom’s face! My mom was left lying flat on her back. Standing over her, my girlfriend’s mom lowered her foot down until it was inches over my mom’s face. My mom stared up through bleary eyes at the sole of my girlfriend’s mom’s bare foot. The blond mom asked my mom, “Had enough?” My mom didn’t answer, so my girlfriend’s mom wiped the bottom of her foot in my mom’s face in front of me! She wiped it back and forth on my mom’s lips! She looked at me to be sure I was getting a good look as she humbled my mom! Mom was devastated, but she tried to pry the blond mom’s foot off her lips. My girlfriend’s mom responded by smashing and grinding her foot in my mom’s face! It went on and on and on! My mom couldn’t take it. She was almost limp. She wasn’t really hurt, only completely defeated. She lie beaten beneath my girlfriend’s mom’s foot. She was helpless. It was over.
Suddenly, we heard a car pull up outside. As my dad opened the door, my girlfriend’s mom pulled her swimsuit up between her hips and sat down with her almost bare hips on my mom’s face! My dad entered and froze, staring in amazement at the spectacle of his wife lying defeated under my girlfriend’s mom with her face almost completely covered by the blond mom’s hips! My girlfriend’s mom looked back over her shoulder at him with a victorious smile and said, “She started it. I finished it. I had to prove once and for all to your wifey that I’M the better woman!”
Judging from the wide grin on my dad’s face . . . I think he agreed!
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