Problems arranging IRL

[Magicman]

Hi everyone! I think fcf is a great resource for fun and fantasy but can I sound a note of caution to anyone who is seriously wishing to arrange a contest irl. We have now tried to arrange an irl contest three times (not many i know by some standards) but had invested quite a lot of time expectation and energy in detailed correspondence only for it to eventually become clear that it was a colossal wind up and not remotely real! The kicker (no pun intended!) seems to be the demand for a video call to check 'authenticity ' then endlessly put off for increasingly unconvincing reasons. Eventually when we called out the correspondents there was simply silence!! If you enjoy the thrill of trying to make arrangements that's fine but please don't expect it to result in any actual event! We have given up trying to arrange on this site which is otherwise totally great but fantasy only!

[Grpl4hr]

Are you aware of the Voice Verified group? Sadly it's no longer moderated but it used to be very useful for weeding out the fakes. There are still many people on this site who are members and in the Fetlife Voice Verified group.

[_Ruslana_]

I can recommend looking for rivals in your local BDSM community; as my experience has shown, there are more chances there. You can also try looking for opponents on the Fetlife,there are fewer fakes there than on the website, but they still exist.
Honestly, I'm amazed by the courage of people who seek out IRL opponents here. Even if you find a REAL opponent here, you can't be sure everything will go well. That's why I prefer small, local BDSM communities, where many people know each other and I have more confidence in the person.

[Magicman]

Thanks for input. One of the fake wind ups actually claimed to be on fetlife too!...you can't win!!

[Fit4Fight]

I can recommend looking for rivals in your local BDSM community; as my experience has shown, there are more chances there. You can also try looking for opponents on the Fetlife,there are fewer fakes there than on the website, but they still exist.
Honestly, I'm amazed by the courage of people who seek out IRL opponents here. Even if you find a REAL opponent here, you can't be sure everything will go well. That's why I prefer small, local BDSM communities, where many people know each other and I have more confidence in the person.

Ruslana
We are on fetlife and the number of fakes is the same as here. Pm me to set something. We are from east europe. Can share a mobile, telegram id, do the dedicated pics and at the end a vid call!

[lumberjack66]

I think it has been the same problem for a long time.  I used to run a group on Yahoo after Voice Verified imploded for a while called Verified Vixens.  People misrepresenting their interest or even who they are is even a problem in those groups.  Over the years I have heard countless stories of people invested tons of time establishing a relationship, who booked travel to meet, etc. only to be stood up often at the last moment.  And even then some of these people don't let go of the ruse.  And I suspect with AI it is only going to get worse.  That's why I recommend being prepared for some disappointments and plan on this being a process.  If you fail a step in the process, then don't proceed no matter what they say.  Step one is an online conversation with the ladies involved talking about what you are looking for.  I think women's bullshit meter is better than guys.  Obviously this is the easiest one to fake.  If she doesn't like what she hears, move along.  Step 2 would be probably be to speak with the ladies present again using voice.  Don't give them your phone number.  Talk anonymously online.  Trillian has a voice option if you download the ap and is the easiest safest way to go.  There are probably 100 other equally anonymous methods internet.  Do not go straight to video chat.  Again, this is a fairly easy step to fake.  There are voice modifiers that can make pretty much anybody sound like anybody they like.  Step 3 is for the ladies to send a picture of themselves holding a sign in front of their face with their chosen nick-name and interests on it.  I would suggest wearing workout clothes.  The idea is to show enough of their body to get an idea of their body type without sharing their identity.  The hand written note is harder for AI to fake still.  AI wants to make it perfectly flat like a sign.  AI struggles with hand written test as well.  Either it looks like it was scribbled by a 5 year old complete with spelling errors or looks like it was printed by a computer with a perfect script font.  If the picture doesn't look real, ask for another.  Step 4 is the video call.  Start with the women out of frame to make sure you hear each others voice before you step into frame.  Step 5 is meet someplace public first.  Ideally a nice restaurant so at least you get a nice dinner.  If you have to travel somewhere to meet them at least make it someplace cool.  Don't travel to the middle of nowhere just to spend the night in a crappy hotel.  Go someplace you always wanted to go anyway.  At dinner you can discuss the rules for the match and anything else you would like.  Step 6 would be to actually do the match.  If you can do it someplace safe and public.  No matter what, send yourself a text message or email where you are going and what you are doing or let somebody else know.  In the event something goes terribly wrong it gives Police someplace to start and you a bit of leverage to get out of the situation.  Step 7 is network.  If you have a good match ask if they have others they recommend.  And recommend them to others.  This was probably the most powerful portion of Voice Verified back in the day.  A group of known women who could give advice to other women about the women in the group.  This is by no way expert or legal advice nor foolproof.  I don't have a woman that fights and I have not even gotten to step 1 myself.  This is just based on conversations I have had over the years on the subject and briefly running a tiny group that did our best to help women find other women interested in this topic.  Good luck!

[_Ruslana_]

AI struggles with hand written test as well.  Either it looks like it was scribbled by a 5 year old complete with spelling errors or looks like it was printed by a computer with a perfect script font. 

Let me disagree with you on this point. There was a case in my office where we were sent a photo of a fake handwritten document. As I understand it, the scammer wrote the text by hand and then, using AI, inserted it into another document and sent the photo to us.
I think a similar trick could be used by a scammer to create a sign with text and insert it into a photo and even videos using AI.

[Magicman]

Sound advice regarding the phone and video calls. We did take care to suggest a favourite spa hotel for an initial meet so we would at least get a nice weekend away, although in the event we saw the light and called out the fakes well before! Oh,and we also invested in a portable wrestling/exercise mat which so far we're very pleased with at home! All comments read with interest and thanks.

[Fit4Fight]

AI struggles with hand written test as well.  Either it looks like it was scribbled by a 5 year old complete with spelling errors or looks like it was printed by a computer with a perfect script font. 

Let me disagree with you on this point. There was a case in my office where we were sent a photo of a fake handwritten document. As I understand it, the scammer wrote the text by hand and then, using AI, inserted it into another document and sent the photo to us.
I think a similar trick could be used by a scammer to create a sign with text and insert it into a photo and even videos using AI.

There are solutions to recognise ai in photos btq you cannot just add a text into the photo using AI because these chat gpts etc will change also how do you look like on that pic etc .. they have blockers to do not generate the true persons so all the time someone will try to change/add a photo using ai whole picture will be adjusted and then you can easily check it using existing web tools .... so this for you told us it is naive.... btw even 5 years old child can recognise that the picture is generated by ai sorry

[Txblonde]

Just FYI ...in the event you do manage to arrange a real match, one thing I always require prior to a irl match is for both opponents to sign a hold harmless agreement in the event of injury....its pretty basic and probably wouldn't stand up in court but at least it specifies that both parties are competing of their own free will and understand and agree to hold each other harmless in case someone gets hurt...just a thought

[Ian270446]

Just FYI ...in the event you do manage to arrange a real match, one thing I always require prior to a irl match is for both opponents to sign a hold harmless agreement in the event of injury....its pretty basic and probably wouldn't stand up in court but at least it specifies that both parties are competing of their own free will and understand and agree to hold each other harmless in case someone gets hurt...just a thought

That's a very sensible idea, even if it is two people who know each other well that are competing. Maybe 20 or 25 years ago I was in regular contact with a private group based in the Georgia/Alabama region known as SSGWA - Southern States Girls Wrestling Association. The group had existed since the mid 70s and just organised private matches between members, no videos or match photos allowed. While I was in contact with them a new member who had joined the group got injured in her first match, took the organisers to court and it ultimately resulted in the demise of the group.

[lumberjack66]

AI struggles with hand written test as well.  Either it looks like it was scribbled by a 5 year old complete with spelling errors or looks like it was printed by a computer with a perfect script font. 

Let me disagree with you on this point. There was a case in my office where we were sent a photo of a fake handwritten document. As I understand it, the scammer wrote the text by hand and then, using AI, inserted it into another document and sent the photo to us.
I think a similar trick could be used by a scammer to create a sign with text and insert it into a photo and even videos using AI.

Oh it is super easy with a flat document.  The trick with the sign on a piece of paper is they have a natural curl and appearance that is still hard for AI to fake. Of course most things could be faked these days with enough skills and determination.  I have enough skill and computing power I could probably make it to step 5 convincingly if I chose to.  And with AI it is getting easier and easier to do.  What you are doing with the process is minimizing your risk and investment of time and money by minimizing the number of people that can convincingly fool you before you book a flight someplace you really don't want to be only to be stood up with some flimsy excuse.  It also gives you more touchpoints to detect the deception.  The sign doesn't look quite right, or the body appearance changes with each picture, or there is a weird sound when you are talking, or video glitches, or they don't have the ability to do live video, etc.  You get a bad vibe at any point on the way, look someplace else.  Fighting women are super rare, but they aren't unicorns.  If one doesn't work out, you will find another.  You don't want to get discouraged before it even happens because somebody is trying to trick you or worse end up in some bad situation because your "opponent" wants to meet you for the first time at some sketchy motel or something.  Good luck!

[lumberjack66]