[herboyfriend]

December 15th, 1955



WHEN HOUSEWIVES FLEX THEIR MUSCLES

THESE LADIES ARE DETERMINED TO SETTLE AN ARGUMENT AT ALL COSTS


By Maggie Smack, correspondent for TheGoodHousewifeFightReport, your favourite classy catfight magazine for all things bitchy


Chicago. The lady on the left in a bright coloured apron and the one on the right wearing a dark one, have had words between them which led to an ongoing  feud. Our TGHFR reporter, Maggie Smack, has been told both women are happily married, each leading an impeccable lifestyle, conscientiously keeping house for the family...
No-one would ever have suspected the two good mannered, well spoken ladies would indeed be capable of debasing themselves by hurling insults in foul language at eachother and even fix a day and time for measuring their physical strength against eachother. 

So, what was the cause for them behaving in this manner? - Well, a new family moved into an apartment on the block and shortly after gave a housewarming party for the neighborhood. On the evening in question, the lady on the right accused the one the left of flirting with her husband. The other woman, in the bright apron, replied to her with 'You silly cow, I didn't flirt with him - and if I wanted to, I bet he'd like it, with me looking better than you!'
'Looking better than me?' the other lady said with a laugh. 'And would you enlighten me as to what you think your assets are which make you better than me?'
'Well,' her rival answered, 'for a start, I've got the bigger boobs.'
The other woman, staring first at her opponents bust, then looking down at her own, said, 'In your dreams, you slut!'
They stepped up to eachother close enough to let their boobs touch, and the woman who wears the bright apron in the picture suggested, 'My girls can pancake those flabby udders of yours!'
'You stupid bitch!' the other woman said. 'I'll squash your sagging tits to a pulp with my melons!'
The two women will now go through a test of strength, in the backyard adjacent to their apartments, starting with an arm wrestling contest. Finally, they are determined to have a boob squeezing fight bust on bust, and a concluding wrestling match on a mat.

[snw]

The one on the left takes her rival and then rubs it in afterwards. Saying if your husband thought I was flirting now he’ll know it’s nothing you can do about it from now on.

[Bear]

This is f&#%ing hilarious and classic at the same time.  A battle of the 50's housemoms, something that I used to fantasize about in my pre-teen years, when stay-at-home moms were the standard.  Imagine a reality TV show, back then, featuring a fight like this between two network stars who acted in any one of the many "wholesome" family shows, like Lassie, Father Knows Best, The Donna Reed Show, Leave it to Beaver, etc. 

I can't bring myself to pick a winner, but thanks for conjuring up this black and white spectacle.  I'm dying of laughter.