Two stories here, the first got written last and is a bit experimental (pretentious) with me doing a unreliable narrator and quoting German poetry. The second Story is just and excuse for naked Mud Wrestling. So thyey all deal with the Hogwarts character after Hogwarts.
Luna Scamander and the Ship of Theseus
“Does anybody know what the ship of Theseus is?”.
Silence. (Expected).
“Okay, according to legend, Theseus, rescued the children of Athens from King Minos after slaying the minotaur and then escaped onto a ship going to Delos”.
Professor Luna Scamander continued, “Each year, the Athenians commemorated this by taking the ship on a pilgrimage to Delos to honour Apollo. Now each year they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their place, and the ship would be repaired. So, ancient philosophers raised a question: After several centuries of maintenance, if each part of the Ship of Theseus was replaced, one at a time, was it still the same ship?”
She wanted to remove her glasses at this point, to make a dramatic point, but she didn’t have any, she thought of the old Spectrespecs she used to wear, she loved them, but not very Professorly, she would have to think about it.
According to tradition, this was the last lesson of the term, so she should just wheel in a video machine (do they still use video machines) and everybody watches a movie. But fiddlesticks, she thought they should do some philosophy.
“Interesting question, don’t you think?”
“And this applies to…”
“…us!”
The audience looked puzzled. (Again expected).
“How often does the skin get replaced? Aspey?”
“Within 3 Months”. He replied.
“Correct, and the bones? Dowse?”
“10 years”.
“Correct-O”
Gow raised his hands, “What about the brain Miss? Brain cells don’t die much.”
“Yes, good point, but it does re-wire, every experience you have changes the very structure of your brain!”
“You are all living Ships of Theseus. Every day you are in the process of becoming somebody else!”
”Isn’t that amazing?”, She smiled proudly. But the pupils looked less than impressed. Slowly one of them (Dowse) raised his hand.
“Yes, but Miss, you haven’t told us about your honeymoon all term. We really, really, really, want to know”.
“Yes, Tell us how you meet Rolf.”,
“Tell us about the Honeymoon. Where did you go?”
Luna sighed, but after all, it was the last lesson of the term and they had all gotten good grades. So, she mentally binned the rest of her lesson plan and told them.
I was in Ireland; I was looking at Thestrals for my thesis. Did you know nobody had ever studied them, probably because not many people could see them, I guess? But ever since my mother died I always could, so I was doing the first-ever study of Thestrals in their natural habitat.
I was just having my morning coffee when Rolf came past and complimented me on my dress it was a nice rainbow one, I’d picked out.
He asked what my name was.
“Luna Lovegood”.
“Oh wow, THE Luna Lovegood? From Hogwarts, the one who escaped from Malfoy Manor?”
I blushed, I wasn’t used to being addressed as someone famous, that’s for people like Harry and Hermione, not me.
“And who are you and why do you know so much about me?”
“I’m Rolf Scamander, I…”
“…am the grandson of Newt Scamander, I have all of his books!”. I think I impressed him with that.
[Mikehales67 – Actually anything Luna would have said would have impressed him. Rolf had been entranced by the beautiful woman who bought coffee from the same coffee shop every morning (he was a Magizoologist so he would notice these things). The dress compliment was the only thing he could think of after three days of racking his brains as a way to introduce himself - she could have been wearing a potato sack for all Rolf cared. When it turned out that this beautiful creature was a fellow magician (and the Luna freaking Lovegood!) and had an interest in Magizoology he felt like he’d been transported to a heavenly astral plane.]
It turned out we had a lot in common. He knew so much more about the city than me, he always liked to know about the muggle history of a place. So, he showed me the sights of Cork. I remember we went to see Cork jail, while the guide was describing the torture meted out to prisoners during the Irish civil war, I shouted out "Yes" in a delighted voice. The guide and most of the sightseers looked puzzled. Rolf was just curious.
I explained to him later over drinks in a pub how being an English person in a foreign country meant you would invariably hear tales of what horrible things your ancestors did. And how overjoyed I was to hear something nasty being done and it wasn't the fault of the English! Rolf found it amusing, but then I exclaimed "But how would you know you're Norwegian!".
“So, you’ve not heard of Vikings, then?” Rolf smiled that pinball smile. You know when you hit a high score in pinball and all the lights come on? Well, his smile was like that.
At this point, an Irish girl, I think she was called Shannon, came over slagging off the English and telling Rolf he should ditch the English toothpick (me) and get himself a real Irish woman (her). I recognised her from the tour.
She started to push me, but I was not taking the bait. Then she moved on to Rolf throwing her arms around him and telling him how she would make him a man. Rolf was putting up with it because he was a gentleman and wouldn’t hit a female, well a woman of low morals to be technically correct. Well, I could! I’d promised myself after I left Hogwarts that I would always stand up to bullies.
“Slab!” I yelled out as my slap rocked Shannon’s face. Shannon looked with an expression of amazement, then a smile as she thought she was going to get a chance to beat me up. She touched her hot glowing red cheek and then swung a slap straight back at me. That hurt!
At this point, the barman appeared from wherever he had been and told us to take it outside. Shannon said, “Come outside to get your beating toothpick”.
Still fuming, I went outside, while Shannon dragged Rolf with her. An excited crowd had gathered. We stood in the back alley, facing each other, the entire crowd was cheering for Shannon only Rolf seemed to be on my side.
“Weren’t you scared, Miss?”
“Yes, but I reminded myself that I’ve faced death eaters”.
We both yelled out and went at each other pulling hair. It hurt so much, it felt like white-hot needles were being driven into my head. We bent over, each looking at the ground grunting and crying out as we pulled on each other’s hair. It hurt so much but I was determined not to give in to this tramp, she was whispering what she was going to do to Rolf later. We stumbled around, trying to pull each other over.
Someone in the audience called for Shannon to punch my lights out. She must have heard because then she swung a hard punch into my belly. I cried out as I felt my stomach spasm and I bent over staggering into the wall. Shannon paraded around the crowd, acting like she’d won as I slowly got to my feet. As I rose to my feet, Shannon swung a haymaker at my head, I ducked, and Shannon's fist hit the wall. Ha! She screamed. From then it was all downhill for poor Shannon.
Shannon was babysitting her injured hand, tears streaming down her face. I grabbed Shannon by the shoulders and swung her hard into the wall, her head bouncing off it. I then unloaded a one-two punch into Shannon's gut. The wailing increased in volume until I slammed an uppercut straight into her chin. She slammed back against the wall, she weakly gasped. Standing back, I just let her slowly slide down the wall onto her bum.
Satisfied. I walked away. But Shannon started shouting that I was a ducking coat.
“A ducking coat, Miss?” Bagley, one of her pupils asked incredulously.
“Yes, a ducking coat, that’s what I said. What else did you think I meant?”
Bagley’s face turned a bright shade of red, she stammered, “I don’t know, Miss”.
“Language is important, you’re all seventeen, but there’s still appropriate language.”
Where was I? Oh yes ducking coat. So… rather enraged by this, I turned around and punched her straight on the nose, oh how the blood and the tears flowed.
Finally managing to get past his caretakers, Rolf ran out of the crowd, checking to see if I was okay. Relieved, he kissed me on the cheek. I turned to him and kissed him properly. Two things went through my mind; one, I WAS KISSING ROLF!!! and two, I was doing it in front of that loud-mouthed cow, Shannon! Rather spitefully I flashed Shannon the V-sign behind my back, don’t use the V-sign, it’s not nice.
And so, I won my mugglefight with a Muggle! Something not even Ginny Weasley had done, okay Hermione Granger has had several, but this was my victory and I think I deserve a cheer.
The class cheered.
[MikeHales67 - Shannon’s real name was Megan; Shannon was the name of the airport. Later after a couple of butterbeers, Luna would tell how she had won Rolf in a mugglefight in a back alley in Ireland. Total rubbish, as Rolf had been smitten with her from the first time he saw her, and the fact that nobody remembers Shannon's real name speaks volumes about how serious a contender she was for Rolf’s affections.
But still a nice story.]
Now for our honeymoon present, Harry Potter had given us a portkey. It didn’t look like a Portakey, it looked like a photograph frame. It was a nice photograph frame; I didn’t think people still used them anymore, everybody just looks at pictures on the phone, how boring.
“Oh, how sweet a photograph frame,” I said, Harry knew I wasn’t being sarcastic, that I meant it.
Harry had been expecting this “No, It’s not a photograph frame it’s a Portkey. Put that picture in the frame”. He points at a muggle newspaper, which showed the Sydney Opera House. He put the picture in the frame.
“Now we’ll say the magic word - Abracadabra.”
All three of us; Rolf, Harry and I were now standing outside the Sydney Opera House in Australia!
“Abracadabra? Really?” I raised my eyebrows.
“I wanted a unique passphrase to active the Portkey, I can change it I you want,” Harry said defensively.
“No, I like it,” I giggled.
“So, this one I made earlier”. From his jacket, he took out a picture of where the reception was being held and placed it in the photo frame.
“No let me, I’ve always wanted to say this.” I burst in.
I raised my arms like I was conducting an orchestra, I was magnificent. “Abracadabra,” I said.
And we were back.
Later Rolf showed me a newspaper cutting he’d kept for ages from the Quibbler; it showed a purple blur with the headline “Is this the Crumple-horned Snorkack?”
“I’ve kept it for ages, but I couldn’t figure out how to get us there.”
“So now we have!”. I put my arms around him.
We packed our discovery cases and inserted the picture into the Portakey and off we went to hunt the Crumple-horned Snorkack on our Honeymoon. It was so exciting.
Imagine our surprise went we appeared in Africa next to a cottage!
“What shall we do?” Rolf asked.
“I guess just knock at the door”. I said.
So, we knocked.
A large African man answered the door. He gestured for us to put our bags and wands by the coat rack.
We walked into the main room of the house a woman in fancy robes at there. She looked familiar…
“You!” our voices shouted out at the same time.
“Luna Lovegood!”
“Pansy Parkinson!”
Pansy ducking Parkinson! What on earth was she doing here?
[MikeHales67 - Witches travelling large distances is not as easy as you would think, broomsticks are bloody uncomfortable. The other options are a Portakey, which we mentioned earlier and Teleportation. In magic a person with the ability to teleport is called to Apparate, it’s a hard spell to use properly, given we’re on a moving planet rotating at 1,000 miles per hour, rotating around a star, which is rotating around a galaxy which is moving through space. however, it’s even more difficult if it’s somewhere you don’t know and have never seen.
So, if you want to do this you need to go to a special wizard who can do this complex apparate spell, they were effectively travel agents. After leaving Hogwarts Pansy had gone to one, telling the witch to send her somewhere far away from everyone. Of course, she had expressed this with the usual lack of charm that she was famous for at Hogwarts, not exactly endearing herself to the witch. The Apparate witch had seen the same headline in the Quibbler that Rolf had seen, lying in the waiting room. Normally she would interview the subject and do research, but this pug-eyed bitch was winding her up so much that as soon as Pansy handed over the Galleons, she used the picture to send Pansy to Africa and out of her hair. So, there was a reason Pansy was in Africa, a coincidence but not a wildly improbable one.
Now travel for witches is different from travel for muggles, witches don’t need to pack, they just magic up what they need. The first thing Pansy did was conjure up a nice little cottage in the middle of the jungle. And then some nice food. It was this cottage that brought her to the attention of the local tribe. Impressed by her use of magic, they made her their Queen.]
I remembered my mother saying, "The things we lose always have a way of coming back to us in the end." I had always thought it sweet, but now I realised it was also a warning.
“What the fork are you doing here, you birch?”
“I’m on my honeymoon”.
“Well why don’t you bugger off then”, she said.
“What are you doing to these people?”
“Whatever I like, I’m their Queen, who’s going to stop me, you?”
Pansy pointed her wand at me and Rolf, suddenly I was aware that my wand was lying by the coat rack, shirt! I was defenceless! Then the chief came up behind Pansy and took her wand.
“Ikiwa unataka kuwa malkia mbaya sana, kwa nini usipigane na mafuta?” The chief said.
“He’s saying there can only be one Queen, We will fight.” Pansy translated. “Muggle-style. I’m going to enjoy slaughtering you. I’m going to kill you and then I’m going to take your little stud-muffin all for myself.”
“I've faced down death eaters, you don’t scare me”. I may have lied a bit. I was scared. Pansy was the biggest bully of all the bullies at school, but then at school, I never really stood up to the bullies. Now I would.
She looked at the chief, then at me and then raised her fists.
The chief seemed to get the message.
We were taken to two separate huts to prepare for the duel. I had a couple of girls from the tribe help me prepare. They gestured that they were going to bathe me in oil, so they stripped me naked, I was glad I was in Africa not England as being naked in England is normally not the warmest of things.
I was then given the clothes to wear. When I say clothes, it was a loincloth. I gestured for the rest of the clothes and the girls just giggled and shook their heads.
The girls left and Rolf was let in to see me. He tried to hide the stunned look on his face as he saw my oiled body clad only in a loincloth, but I knew and really, I didn’t care, I think I would have been hurt if he didn’t look at me like that.
After he said.
“After what Miss?” one of the more ‘affectionate’ girls, Yates asked with a smirk on her face.
“After we talked, we just talked and then Rolf said”.
“I can’t say I approve of all of this, but I understand why you’re doing it and I guess you have to do it”. And then he hugged me.
“Please come back to me”. He said.
I kissed him and then stroked his face.
“I’ll always come back to you”. I said.
He mouthed the words “I Love you” and then turned to leave, leaving me standing alone in the hut then I heard my mother’s voice.
“Luna”.
I turned around and I was looking at my mother, I was now standing in the room where I watched her die.
“Mother, am I going to see you soon?”
“No child, not for a long time yet”.
Mother smiled and bent down and stroked my hair. She spoke. I think she may have been crying.
“You have still much to live for. Go to the limits of your longing. Embody me. Flare up like a flame and make big shadows I can move in. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final”.
She smiled at me with a look of love in her eyes and squeezed my arms, “Don’t let yourself lose me.”
Mother walked towards the Room’s door and opened it. We were looking outside of the hut, outside were the flames of the campfire. She pointed outside.
“Nearby is the country they call life. You will know it by its seriousness. Give me your hand.”
I gave her my hand; she gently squeezed it.
“Now go and kick that birch’s ash!”
As I walked out, I kept repeating to myself “I’ve fought Death-eaters, dementors and Bellatrix and I’m still alive”. It became my mantra; I repeated it in my head constantly.
Pansy and I stood on either side of the duelling area a circle with a fire in the middle, the tribesmen and women were all standing around. Rolf was there, two warriors holding spears barring him from coming any closer. The light from the fire shone on our bodies, the heat gently warmed me. I felt scared and excited.
Pansy thrust her chest out, showing off her cleavage, she was trying to intimidate me, but they were just flabby.
“Are you sure Miss? I heard they were quite awesome”. One of the boys piped in.
“No” Luna cupped her breasts and then dropped her hands down to her navel.
“They weren’t”.
“She let herself go a bit”. The class giggled.
In reply, I just raised my eyebrows and pinched the tight skin of my toned stomach. I’ve been actively travelling the world chasing down strange beasts. I dare say I could kick sand in Ginny Weasley’s face, not that I ever would, she’s a good friend.
“Who ate all the pies?” I inquired. I was just asking. But that seemed to upset her. Luna smiled at the memory.
“Birch!” she hissed. Yes, I’d hit a nerve there.
The two of us circled, and the light from the fire glistened off our oiled skins. We were both breathing hard. Slowly we both moved together.
She started feinting at me, trying to grab hold of me, I moved away out of her reach. I didn’t want to grapple with her.
Suddenly I swung a kick into her fat belly, and she gasped. I raised my hands and brought an axe handle down onto her back. She collapsed to the floor her arms and legs splayed out like a starfish.
I looked down at her, smiling.
"Not the pushover you thought I'd be, eh?" I said.
She was really angry now. She cursed and scrambled for my feet, grabbing them she pulled back hard, sending me tumbling to the ground on my back.
She jumped on top of me, trying to pin me down. I wiggled my arms so she couldn't pin them down, I wouldn’t let her pin me, she tried, oh she tried, but in the end, she gave up and instead, she grabbed my hair, using it to bang my head into the ground, repeatedly.
I twisted her nose with one hand, the other twisting her ear. She yelped, but in return, she punched me in the stomach, and I gasped as I felt all the air rush out of my body.
She scrambled to her feet pulling me up by the hair. Launching knees unto my body and my boobs. That hurt!
She raised her fist to slam me in the face, but I beat her to the punch and slugged her in the belly. Gasping, she joined me down on her knees. I slapped her hard across the face. Pansy fell over prone on the ground. I rolled her onto her stomach, sat on her back and then wrapped my hands around her hair like it was a bridal and pulled hard. Pansy’s head came up at a painful angle she waved her hands trying to grab my hair. I started slapping the back of her head with my hands.
Pansy writhed twisted and bucked as I fought to keep my seat on her back but the slippery oil mixed with the sweat of our bodies, made it difficult, it was like trying to ride a snake! Eventually, she threw me off and we both scrambled to get up.
She swung a punch, and I blocked it and swung a beautiful uppercut into her belly. You see I had paid attention to the self-defence lessons when I was in Dumbledore’s army. I looked over to see how Rolf was and walked straight into a blow to my face, I felt the blood from my nose trickle down my face, I’d have to pay more attention to what was in front of me.
She then attacked firing punching as fast as she could, I managed to block a lot of them, but the ones that did get through hurt! I started punching back, into her body and then I fired a one-two punch straight into her breasts.
“Hurt, doesn’t it?”. I said paying her back for the kick to my boobs.
Giving a wail, the birch head-butted me and then swung an uppercut into my chin. That took me by surprise.
I saw stars and I fell to my knees gasping.
She tried to kick me in the head, but I grabbed her foot and threw her to the ground; I was down but not out. Furious Pansy jumped back up and grabbed my hair, swinging me around by it, I struggled to maintain my balance. Then suddenly she let go and I stumbled, but I didn’t fall over, as I tried to regain my balance.
Seeing her chance, she charged me straight in the stomach. she forced me to the ground and then started slapping my face with alternate hands while bouncing on my stomach. I tried to block, but the slaps were coming in too fast. I tried kicking my knees into her back, but that didn’t work, so I swung my legs so that they were under her arms and pushed her back. As she fell, I tried to get my legs around her and squeezed. Ha! I had her now.
Each time I squeezed, she yelled. Her hands desperately pulled at my legs, my outdoor life for the past couple of years had made them strong. I pulsed my legs again, and she groaned, good. She twisted furiously with all the oil and sweat it was difficult to keep a grip. She couldn’t escape but she could turn around, she looked straight at my thighs.
Then suddenly her eyes lit up, she had found her target, she opened her mouth wide and sank her teeth straight into my thigh. I screamed, not only from the bite but from the thought of all the germs she had. I released my scissors, but she held on to her bite like a done with a bone. I swear I could see her head shaking from side to side. I could see blood coming from the bite. I rolled my legs at her kicking her in the head trying to make her release the bite.
After a couple of blows, I managed to kick her away and we both rose. I could see blood, rolling down my leg. She had a bloodthirsty look in her eye, so I prepared myself for the next attack which came sooner than anticipated as she kicked me right in the crotch. I didn’t see stars; they were blocked out by the searing white pain which shot through my body. I gasped and staggered down to my knees in a crouch.
With a whop of triumph, Pansy leapt on my back, she pulled my hair forcing my neck back, and with her other hand, she scratched my face. Four jagged lines appeared across my cheek. I screamed. I realised what a vicious bitch she was.
"Little looney, no mugglefight rules to protect you, here".
I pushed back with my feet. Pansy landed on her back hard, I landed on top of her. Quickly she reached around and put me in a chokehold. I struggled.
"I'm going finish you now, looney" She crowed.
Wildly I swung my elbow hard into her belly, for once the oily sweat was making it hard to hold me. She gasped. I swung two more times with increasing intensity and desperation. Almost gagging she released my throat.
I moved away and turned around to attack her, walking straight into the roundhouse punch she threw. I saw stars as I fell onto my side. Pansy turned to leap on top of me.
She jumped on top of me and with a snarl went straight for my nipples, I shrieked, and white-hot pain shot through my body again. But then I attacked her heavy hangers or was it low-hanging fruit? Anyway, it was now her turn to shriek! Over and over, we rolled, locked in our breast-mauling battle.
I was tying her breasts into shapes that looked like a balloon animals. Oh, and my oiled hands were covered in dirt, so I was sandpapering her breasts as well. Tee hee.
We grunted with effort and then sobbed as the other attacked, the only other sound was the crackling of the fire, the crowd was silent. Our red tear-stained faces stared into each other as we grunted and sobbed like wild animals.
Eventually, her sobs got louder and more frequent. I realised I was winning; I was beating the bully. Now I was really going to hurt her.
I let go of her breasts and swung my fists together with her left breast in the middle. Then I ground my knuckles together. She let go of my nipples and started whimpering. I think when she saw how I was deforming her breasts she sobbed even harder. I thought I could see the fear on her face. With a shriek, she released my throbbing nipples and drove her clawed fingers straight at my eyes!
Quickly I moved out of range and with a yell I kicked out at her with my feet, propelling her away and she landed on her bum. She looked around, I think she was looking for a way out. She’d finally realised that she was not fighting Luna Looney Lovegood the schoolgirl, but she had tangled with Luna Scamander, the woman someone who had fought Death-eaters, dementors and Bellatrix and was still alive.
Then she realised that she was sitting by the chief, and then she saw the chief's knife hanging from his belt.
She had found her way out. Snarling, she grabbed the Chief’s blade from his belt.
She moved towards me blade in hand. She looked like she was out of blood, mine.
“I’m gonna ducking gut you, Lovegood”.
She swung the blade I jumped back; it scratched my stomach; it was sore but any closer she could have opened up my stomach.
I grabbed her knife hand, and we wrestled for control, it was difficult, the oil made everything so slippery. Trying to get me on the ground, Pansy got her legs around mine, and we fell, dangerously close to the fire, I could feel the heat from it. But more importantly Pansy was still holding the knife over my head. I was in trouble.
Pansy was chuckling as she held the knife over my head. She was using all her body weight to force the knife down. I held her hand with both arms and all my strength, trying to force it away from me, but that knife kept coming closer. I started to moan. I couldn’t see the expression on Rolf’s face, but I knew that he was terrified, the same as me.
Suddenly I threw my arm out to the side, towards the fire, she wasn’t expecting that. I was still grasping her wrists, but now I was holding her hands over the fire.
Pansy screamed. The knife dropped into the fire.
With a heave of my body, I rolled Pansy onto the ground on her back, still wailing over her burnt hand. I could have rolled the birch the other way into the fire. I could have, that would have ended all my problems, but I had other plans, so I jumped on top of Pansy and started strangling her. That was fun.
I leant down putting all my strength and weight into it. Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets; she looked more like a pug than she did at school. She tried to pull my hands away, but no such luck, I had her. Eventually, her gasps turned into her soundlessly opening and closing her mouth, like a fish out of water. When her hands stopped trying to pull mine away, I stopped and released my grip.
“You’re done, Pansy!”
Getting up, I walked towards the Rolf.
Suddenly I heard the scream “You coat, I’ll… “
I never did get to find out what the rest of the sentence was going to be as my fist was currently in her mouth, I think I got a few teeth as well. She dropped like a puppet with all the strings cut.
When she came to, I had my foot over her face.
"Kiss it" I commanded. This was why I didn’t throw her in the fire, it was not enough for me to beat her, she had to acknowledge it as well.
She hesitated. I moved my foot as though I was going to stomp her head.
"Kiss it now!"
There are some kisses you will remember. The first one. The first time I kissed Rolf and this one. The girl who had bullied me all the time I was at school, all those bad times and now she was kissing my feet.
The rest is a bit of a blur. Rolf ran over to hold me. The Chief returned our discovery cases with the Portakey and my wand. It was time to go, all I wanted was to go home and rest for a couple of days.
I got Rolf to magic up a translation spell. And before I left told them they didn’t need a Queen and that they should rule themselves. My last act as their Queen was to set them free.
The bell for lunchtime had rung 10 minutes ago but the classroom was so entranced by the story that Luna was telling that they didn’t care.
“Miss, what happened to Pansy?”
“I don’t know. I just left her there she did nothing to be arrested for. I haven’t heard anything about her since, I suppose she’s learnt her lesson”.
“Did you ever find the Crumple-horned Snorkack?”
“No, I never did I suspect that they’re too shy to deal with humans, they find our emotions too painful, maybe, so maybe it's best if nobody ever finds them, and Pansy had never captured one and if she had I would most certainly have fought her for its freedom. But the trip to Africa was wonderful and the trip to Sweden I took with my father to find it, was just so beautiful”.
Luna paused a wistful look in her eyes.
“You see, it’s the journey, not the destination”.
She regained her Professorly composure. But she so wanted to take off some glasses. She would have to find out if Professors wore Spectrespecs.
“Class dismissed”.
[MikeHales67 - these are bits that Luna didn’t include in her tale because she didn’t know about them but are quite relevant, so I’ve included them.
SCENE 1: BACK AT THE AFRICAN VILLAGE AFTER LUNA LEFT.
The younger man turned to his dad the chief.
“Those girls really went at it. Would you have let the blonde one die?”
The chief picked up the knife, stabbing it into his hand. The blade retracted with a slight squeak.
“Nah!” he said. “Who would be stupid enough to have a big sharp knife carried on a belt? I only carry this for ceremonial purposes. Carrying real knives is dangerous, someone could get hurt.”
“And what was that blonde girl saying about us ruling ourselves? It’s like she didn’t understand much about the separation between the Head of State on Head of the Executive Branch, did she?”
The Chief wearily replied, “You would have thought that people from England would understand it better. But a lot of English people don’t understand their system of government, but they were all typical English, the Pug-eyed one was here for how many years? And how many words of our language did she learn?”
“No, she just said words in English slowly and loudly. What’ll we do with her?”. His son agreed.
“I’ll give her some money and drive her to Nairobi. I’ve got a friend at Uagadou, he’ll send her wand to her after she leaves the country, I’m not having an angry witch here. We’ll pick our next Queen from a lottery like we usually do”.
“One other thing, I don’t remember the laws of the tribe talking about a duel between Queens”. The son asked.
“Look we just got to see two bare-breasted oiled-up white women scrap, none of the village girls would do that, it was quite a sight. If it’s not in the laws of our tribe, I won’t tell if you don’t tell. Don’t you think?”
The son high-fived his father.
SCENE 2: NAIROBI.
Pansy was sitting in a Nairobi bar trying to get very drunk. She had been given enough currency to travel home, she just had to decide where home was. She was in a foul mood having lost her cushy position and getting beat up by Looney Lovegood, she had to wear sunglasses to cover her two black eyes, and she could still feel the burns on her hands.
All over that fucking Crumpled Snorkack.
She turned and found she was sitting next to a white girl with long blond hair. She had a massive smile.
“Pansy Parkinson, I’ve looked long and hard for you”.
Pansy gave her a long cool stare; the effect being ruined by the fact that no one could see her eyes through the sunglasses.
“Who are you? I don’t know you from Adam.” Pansy asked.
“No, but I know a lot about you.” The blonde girl replied.
She held out her hand.
“My name’s Delphini, Delphini Riddle. I was looking for someone to beat up Hermione Granger, while I deal with her friend the Weasel.”
Pansy smiled. “Hmmm, I’ve got a few ideas.”
She took the offered hand.
Staring at the rain pouring down outside, she asked.
“Have you thought about mud?”]
