Strana Katic, at 47, is resurgent of late. Her manager is convinced that she will be offered the lead role in the planned action flick, Old Guard 2. Alas, Charlie Theron’s team makes a more compelling offer to the studio, as they are willing to co-produce the film.
Stana is furious when she hears the news. She calls her manager immediately.
“Oh Lawd, that old bitch is so worn out. How can anyone believe that she can pull off yet another action role?” Stana complains.
“She’s only 3 years older than you are…” her manager interrupts.
“But it’s time for her sorry ass to be put out to pasture,” Katic retorts.
Soon enough the brunette settles down. There will be other roles, better films…for now, she’s off to visit an independent film festival in Calgary. Late afternoon on a warm late summer day, before the evening’s showings, Stana decides to drive to Bow Park for a jog by the river. She is / 15 minutes into her run when she almost literally runs into her nemesis, Charlize Theron, also here for the festival, running in the opposite direction. As their eyes meet, both women stop.
“Charrr-leeze, hope you didn’t lose too much money on that dud of a film you produced. How appropriate that you’d star in something called ‘old guard…’ I think it was ‘old guard yet again’ or something like that,” the catty Katic jeers.
“Old Guard TWO is doing fine streaming on Netflix. If you stared in anything other than throw-away TV series, you’d now about streaming royalties,” Charlize spit back, her voice like ice.
“You know I’d be better in those roles than you are. Action fans must be bored out of their minds to see your tired old moves again and again,” Stana continues.
Theron turns away, then turns back to slap Stanic across the face.
“Right here, right now,” Stana challenges, moving to a grassy area off the trail.
“You’re on, bitch! You’ll regret this,” Charlize rejoins, following.
Charlize slips out of her light sweatshirt, standing in her jogging bra and shorts. Stana is similarly attired. The women toss away their water bottles and phones, circling, looking for an opening, Stana strikes first, catching Theron low around her waist. She hip-tosses the slightly taller blonde to the grass and immediately jumps on her. They flail together on the grass rolling and turning over with arms and legs testing. Charlize grunts as she turns the brunette onto her back. But Stana grabs her short blonde hair and yanks her down between her legs.
“Gottcha!” Katic spits as Charlize groans, caught in a tight scissors.
Theron tries to lift herself up, but Stanic jerks her down by her hair. Charlize grabs hold of the brunette’s hair as she works to pull herself up again. She nearly frees herself but stumbles at the last moment. Stanic quickly scissors her head and pulls her back down. Charlize works hard to get to her knees, leaning over Katic and bending her in half. Each woman yanks at the other’s hair. Theron jams the palm of her free hand into the side of Katic’s face, grinding it into the grass. Stanic curses, shifts her weight and kicks Theron off.
Stanic’s speed catches Theron off guard. The thin, fit, brunette is back up to jump her before the blonde can recover. Stana plants a knee on Charlize’s right leg and grabs a fistful of hair. She bounces the blonde’s head down on the ground. Charlize sputters, seizes brown hair but she has little leverage working from her back pinned by Stanic’s knee. Stana continues to bounce and grind her head into the grass. As the blonde reacts to a hard jolt, Stanic shifts forward to leap on top of her, pinning one arm down as she grinds her right hip into Theron’s belly. The blonde’s free hand jams up into the brunette’s chin as Charlize attempts to free herself. But Katic takes the momentum Charlize has generated and rolls to her side, securing a breath-taking waist scissors. Katic’s legs throw Charlize to her back, and then from one side to the other, bashing her into the grass. Katic vices her legs tight, relishing her foe’s moans.
“Give up, Charlize, you know you want to,” Katic commands, smiling.
Theron jerks with all her strength on the brunette’s hair, compromising her neck and allowing Charlize to slip free…momentarily. Stanic immediately jumps her prone foe. Straddling her waist, Stanic grabs the blonde’s wrists and pins her down. Charlize curses and bucks. Stana shifts her weight forward, holding her down. Charlize finds herself pinned down hard, unable to lift her wrists off the ground.
“Give up, you has-been, you’re not strong enough to beat me,” Katic spits as she twists one hand tight into the blonde’s hair.
With Stanic’s weight shifted forward, Charlize’s always formidable legs pull up, plant, and buck Stanic off her perch. Without missing a beat, Stanic tosses herself back on Charlize. The blonde tries to shove this relentless bitch off, but Stana is faster. She throws one leg over her foe, then pulls her in. Once more Stanic’s legs shut tight around Theron’s waist. Nearly breathless, nearly overwhelmed, Charlize struggles. Turning her body just enough to face Katic, the blonde presses her hand into Katic’s gut. Stana cranks up the pressure. Charlize’s body shudders. The brunette rests now on one elbow as her legs do all the damage they can. Stana glares at her captive.
“See, you suck. You’re no match for me. Give up and we can go another fall if you dare, Katic lectures.
Charlize struggles in vain for a bit longer, then taps out--humiliated and furious.
The women stand apart, both breathing hard and stretching. Quickly, they turn to each other, ready. Charlize is pissed at herself, thinking ‘Stanic is strong and she’s fast. I’ll slow that skinny Canadian wanna-be down, then take her out.’
Charlize steps forward, jabbing with open hands at Stana’s face, mostly catching air. She lunges forward, her left palm bolts into Stana’s shoulder, pushing her back a step. Charlize resumes her jabbing as Stana looks for her own opening. Theron again strikes out with her palm, catching Stana’s shoulder with all her weight behind the strike. As Stana is knocked back a step, her left foot lifts up off the ground as she’s momentarily off-balance. Charlize swoops in, seizes Stana’s ankle to upend her foe. Holding the ankle tight, Charlize twists it hard, then drives her knee into the back of Katic’s thigh. She repeats the twist—knee routine several times.
On her back, Katic has little leverage. She feels the tension wreak havoc on her trapped leg. Charlize gives her leg another violent twist, bends the leg back and kicks Stana’s thigh repeatedly. Katic is finally able to launch a defense with her free leg, kicking it at Theron. Charlize twists hard on the captured leg, turning Stanic onto her belly. Theron quickly has both of Stana’s legs twisted together, bent up towards her butt. Charlize leans in, putting pressure on Stana’s knees as Katic howls. Stana finally manages to break her legs free. Charlize reaches in recapture one of them but gets kicked in the face.
Katic tries to rise, but her legs are too unsteady. Theron jumps her, trapping the brunette in a headlock. The blonde bears down hard. Stanic tries to twist free. She tries slapping and scratching the blonde’s back. Annoyed, Charlize rolls Stana onto her belly, then rolls her to her side and she slips her own lethal legs around Katic’s thin form. Charlize lies tight beside her captured foe, her head close to Katic’s ear.
“You can never replace me, never. I’ll snap you in two right here.” she hisses.
Stanic will have none of this. She braces her left hand down on the grass and presses up. She succeeds in rolling their bodies over. Theron is on her back with Katic on top of her. The brunette powers out of the waist scissors and nearly escapes, but Charlize quickly scissors her foe’s right leg, high on the thigh. Stanic pulls herself up, but Charlize slips one arm and then the other under Katic’s arms, catching her in full nelson. Charlize is on her back under Stana, but she can apply serious pressure to the brunette’s neck as she stretches out her body. As Katic’s struggles grow weaker, Charlize rolls to her side. She wraps her arms tight just under Katic’s head and scissors her legs once more around her waist. Stana howls.
Tap out or I’ll break you,” Charlize commands. Katic taps out.
The women are slow to their feet, the contest taking its toll on each of them. They stare each other down, catching a second wind before they start collide again. Grass clings to their bodies. Sweat has the brunette’s hair clinging to her temples; Charlize, too, is wet with sweat.
Stana moves first — a low feint to the left, then a shift, trying to take Charlize off balance. She slams into Theron with her full weight: a shoulder ram that throws the blonde back to the grass. Stana dives, wrapping arms around Charlize’s waist as the blonde starts to rise. She drags her into a tumble and springs on top to pin her down, knees on hips, fingers digging into Theron’s sides at first, but quickly moving up to Charlize’s throat.
Charlize grunts, eyes wide. Stana slips her thighs around Theron’s waist as she leans forward into her choke hold, intent on putting an end to her hated adversary.
“Give me a up, bitch, or I’ll put you away for keeps. You’re finished. Give it up—all of it!” Katic threatens.
Theron works to pull Stana’s hands from her throat. Failing that, she manages to buck her hips up off the grass. Katic slips forward, too far forward. Charlize slams an elbow into the side of Stana’ face, breaking the choke as they roll over. The blonde, now on top, quickly wraps her arm under Stana’s neck as soon as she turned. In a blur of elbows and thighs Charlize has locked Stana in a guillotine.
“Finished! I’m not finished. And you were never started. You won’t ever replace me!” Charlize hisses into the brunette’s ear, breath hot against damp hair. “You’ve run out of tricks, sweetheart.”
Stana gags, then digs her fingernails into the back of Theron’s neck. The blonde relinquishes her hold as Katic pushes here off. Both are slow to get up.
They stand apart, chests heaving, eyes flaming. Stana’s legs trembled with rage and pain. All of the repeated twisting has taken a heavy toll. Charlize rubs throat, looking tired-- and frustrated that Katic has escaped yet again.
Theron strikes. She jabs once to Stana’s midsection — to create a reaction — then snaps her right leg through in a scything half-moon, catching Stana’s outer thigh and forcing the brunette to stumble. As Stana lifts her leg to regain balance, Charlize wraps both hands around the lifted ankle and yanks with a twist, dropping the brunette to her back. Stana growls and bucks, an animal caught; Theron’s knee lashes into the back of her thigh again and again, each blow a punctuation that says, I own this moment.
“C’mon, Katic — you want my roles. You think you could replace me? ” Charlize taunts, letting the words sting. “Say it. You’ll never replace me. Say it!.”
Stana screams and swings up with a wild left that misses her tormentor. Charlize used the miss: she steps inside, grabs Stana’s hair at the crown, and pulled — just enough to expose the vulnerable neck. Charlize immediately drops low, slides behind Stana, and cinches a rear-naked choke. Her forearm presses under Stana’s chin, fingers threading behind the ear like a leash. Stana’s hands are desperate to find Charlize’s wrist, clawing and digging. Katic tries to wrench her body free, but the brunette’s legs feel like lead. The world began to narrow.
“You think you’re better at me,” Charlize murmurs. Her voice is filled with venom. “Only in your dreams!” she continues.
Stana sobs, then begins tapping — once, twice — the reflex of someone knows she is beaten. Charlize releases the hold and shoves her off like an afterthought. Stana rolls on her back, lungs burning. Slowly, she pushes herself up to one knee.
“Fuck you Theron, fuck you! Stan barks as she stands up, glaring.
Theron just shakes her head and moves to close the distance between them. They clash together, shoulders slamming. Stana’s hair is in her face, tears stream down her cheeks; Charlize’s mouth is a hard line. Stana throws herself at Charlize in a last-ditch surge of fury. They struggle briefly on their feet. Katic is out of gas. Charlize feels Stana’s fury subside. Theron snap-mares the brunette to the ground. Stana lands with a thud. Charlize is instantly astride, knees pinning Stana’s arms out like a cross.
Charlize keeps Katic pinned, smiling as she watches Katic-- helpless, crying. Theron leans down, her forehead almost touching Stana’s. Up close, Charlize’s words were slow and deliberate, each one a stone thrown to break the other down.
“You thought your idiot manager and your pathetic, idiot fans would get you MY lead roles?” Theron spits. “ Look at you, Stana. Beat up and beaten into the ground.”
Stana spits grass and saliva at Charlize’s face. She kicks her legs weakly, but Charlize’s thighs tightened around her like manacles. The brunette’s breath comes in ragged gasps. Charlize’s hands find Stana’s throat — not to choke, not yet — but to hold, to control the head while her broken foe dissolves.
“Tell me you understand that you will never replace me.” Charlize hisses, low and inexorable.
“Tell me you understand and I’ll let you crawl away, back into your hole,” The victor jeers.
Stana’s jaw clenches. She tries to shove her hips, to do something—anything. But Charlize has her locked down securely. The brunette has no choice but to face her total defeat.
Humiliated, beaten, Katic stammers out, “I’ll never replace you. I’m sorry. Please let me be.”
Charlize doesn’t release immediately. She pins her for a heartbeat longer, savoring the scene: the grass mixed with tears on Stana’s face, her sweat soaked jogging bra, the look of a broken spirit in Katic’s teary eyes. Then she rolls off and onto her knees. Charlize stands up, glaring down at her trashed opponent.
“You are finished threatening me! Charlie spits, “I know you know that now.”
