"You didn’t have to do it”
“Stuff it Deb, you yourself told me what the men say we girls do” I was angry. “You didn’t see how furious Will was. He’d have broken my arm or worse if I hadn’t blown Arka like he told me to.” We were arguing- we had started off talking but it had degenerated –about what had happened a fortnight ago at the lake.
“Ever think Will was mad with himself for getting into such a situation?”
“What do you mean Deb?” I’d never thought of it like that before. Perhaps I should have, I'd obsessed over the whole incident every day for the whole month since that day at the lakeside
“Perhaps Will felt as trapped as you did. You’ve told me how much you need the money that repossession job you just got from the gang will bring in. You know how much Will tried to get that job, how he bent over backwards for it.”
I nodded; Will and I were so deep in debt. How I didn’t know, I knew I just knew it wasn’t me to who spent all the money, but Will said the same. The repo job was a lifeline. I
Well, perhaps blowing Arka was the price you had to pay. Think how Will would have thought- he just about had to whore you out for it. Do you think he was happy?”
“No he probably wasn’t, but you were; it gave you the excuse to live out your fantasy. You wanted to be double teamed. You can’t deny it, you even told Will you wanted it.” My dark side was right, it was a fantasy . I tried to protest that that was all it was. A fantasy, not something i had ever thought of doing in real life. “Tell that to the marines,” It sneered.
Deb went on. “You could have said no- and you and Will could have gone off together. Sure it would have meant you didn’t get the repo job. But you wouldn’t have the reputation you are getting.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that Deb Simpson?” I grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her back. Deb was smaller than me and lighter. We both knew she didn’t stand a chance in a fight with me.
“Nothing Jenn; I’m sorry, ok; cool it please!” Deb whimpered. I let her go. She went on, “Well, err, what I meant was,’ she paused and stepped away a bit, ‘you didn’t have to do what Will said, you know he might even have been happier if you didn’t. Any way I’ll buy you a beer.”
“I hope you’re satisfied” my dark side hissed. “You’ve scared, you’ve hurt the only real friend you have in this whole biker gang. She’s helped you, she’s taught you how to get on, she’s introduced you to other women. And she’s only telling you the truth. You should apologise to her.”
I bit my lip, I hated saying sorry. But the dark side was right. I looked at Deb, she was the closest I had to a friend in the gang; in the couple of months I’d known her she had been my second in ring fights, she’d helped patch me up after that dreadful brawl with Nicole Daniels and she’d stuck up for against all those sluts who hated my guts. Most of all though, she had explained the bikers’ codes to me, she didn’t like them anymore than I did but she put up with them and she had helped me do the same. It had been a big step towards acceptance by the gang- and just as big a step towards getting that repossession job Will had been so desperate to get. And now I’d blown it. Again. Again, I’d just made a complete mess of things. “No Deb, it’s me who should buy you a beer, you were only telling it how you saw it. It’s ok I shouldn’t have got mad.”
“You didn’t like her telling you the truth did you. You didn’t blow Arka because Will told you to. And you didn’t let them double team you because Will told you to; you did that because you wanted it Because you’re a slut. Because the fight made you hot. Because you wanted a fuck afterwards. Because you wanted to humiliate Arka’s girl some more. And as we have already established because you fantasized over two guys taking you and you wanted to see how it was. And you’d do it again. Wouldn’t you?” It was no use arguing with that inner voice, it never let up. And it was probably right, hell the thought of two guys was such a temptation, it was a fantasy. Living it out had been so hot, given the chance I might just do it again. But not like that, it would have to be on my own terms, me in control. I tried to slap down that thought to lock it away in the back of my mind where I could ignore it. I didn’t want to be a slut, I didn’t want the reputation Deb said I was getting. Or rather one part of me did, the rest didn’t . I was such a shitting mess.
I paid for Deb’s beer and handed it to her. “And that just shows how you know she’s telling the truth, you hate buying drinks for people, you’re mean as cats piss.” The inner voice wouldn’t stop finding fault with me.
I tried arguing with it. “I’m buying Deb a drink because she is my friend, because I shouldn’t have hurt her. I know that, I don’t need to be told. I am not a brutal bitch who picks on everyone. And I am not a slut. Maybe I got carried away that day, but it was once off, I’ve never had two guys before, I won’t again. I won’t do anything like that.”
My inner voice laughed, it just laughed. I wanted to strangle it- and it just laughed longer, “See your only answer is violence.”
And I couldn’t stop it, I just never had been able to instead I just knew I had to take it. Was it right? Would I do that again? I insisted not at least not like I had then, but would I? I hated my inner voice. It was just too right too often. I hated myself for even thinking I might do it again, for having that fantasy.
I tried to cool down by asking Deb about her work- she worked for some traditional small shop –it sold garden products, things like sprinklers, statues, garden seats- that was being threatened by a Walmart development. I could sympathize, a friend worked for a company that had made sprinklers- the ones with the rotating arms- indestructible, my parents had had one since before I was born. But that company had had to skimp –replacing metal with plastic and then finally move production off shore. Sure the product was cheaper, but it didn’t last. I’d give one of them maybe three years before the plastic cracked. So you’d end up paying way more- instead of a product that lasted a lifetime you d have to buy perhaps 10 of the cheaper version which was half the price not one tenth. Just another way ‘free trade’ fucked around with us- shit products, no jobs, more money to Walmart and the importers And no more money for the poor bastards in the factories in China. It made me puke, but at least it stopped me feeling horny.
A few moments later I went to the bathroom. It was packed. I stood, shuffling from one foot to the other for an eternity till I got to relieve myself. I walked out again to see Deb in an argument with some woman who had her back to me. She was shoving her finger into Deb’s face as she made her points .I didn’t recognize the voice until I came closer.
I was only a few feet away when I realized it was Arka’s bitch Cherylynne She was so in Deb’s face. I decided to show the dark side that I didn’t always fight. I stepped between Deb and Cherylynne “Excuse me ladies, a girl’s gotta pick up her drink. “ I did so but remained between the two. “Now what’s the trouble?”
“Out of my way Peccavi, “Cherylynne glared, “this doesn’t concern you, don’t you start meddling. Again"
“I’m warning you, look what happened last time!” I retorted.
“Oh yeah, butt out, don’t throw your weight around, though shit knows there's enough of it. And why are you bothering, there’s no dick to suck here?” Grabbing me round the shoulders she tried to push me out of the way.
I’d had enough. I slapped her face, hard. I seized her shoulders and shoved back. I forced her back a pace or two. “I thought you weren’t fighting,” the dark side sneered.
“I’m only looking after Deb, that’s what friends are for.”
“Sure, Deb can look after herself” it sneered. “And Cherylynne’s right, there’s no dick here. So what’re you gonna do after the fight? When you’re all hot and horny like you were last time. Which two guys you gonna beg to fuck when there aren’t any? Or you just going to get some random guy to do you? You’re just a slut!”
Cherylynne recovered, shoving me. I dug my heels in and braced myself. Her shove failed. I spat in her face. I pushed hard. She tried to stand firm, she just didn’t have the strength, or the mass. Again I forced her back. Her thigh caught the side of the table Deb and I had been sitting at and knocked it over with a loud clatter and crash of glasses falling to the floor.
Cherylynne sidestepped the mess; bending to one knee and grabbing my waist she tried to hip toss me, into the broken glass. As ever in these sort of situations I was glad of my extra weight. I broke free and stepped away from the glass. She followed and we circled each other for a moment.
We closed on each other, grappling, struggling, pushing each other back and forth. Cherylynne gripped me tightly, her hands grasping my sides just above my waist, trying to wrestle me to the ground. She might have succeeded if I hadn’t grabbed her just below her rib cage in a bear hug and squeezed her sides hard. I’d crush the air from her lungs if she didn’t let go!
Cherylynne shoved hard, her hands still gripping my sides. She made me stagger but didn’t push me down. She groaned, the bear hug was working! She let go, she slammed her elbow into my chin. Surprised, in turn I let her go.
Again we circled, each of us breathing hard, recovering.
I lunged forward, ducking, sweeping in aiming a low kick at her thigh. It hit; she groaned, before she had a chance to recover, I’d sent a punch hard into her belly. She groaned again, she staggered. I kicked again, this time it hit her belly, she doubled over. I moved in, hoping for an easy victory.
“It’s ok Jenn; I can handle it from here.” Deb said.
“The bitch insulted me Deb; she started the fight” I snapped.
“It’s ok Jenn,” Deb repeated
“Deb’s spoiled your fun,’ the dark side sneered.
Reluctantly I stepped aside; still I could finish my beer. The short pause had let Cherylynne recover, she was upright, her arms up defensively, ready for Deb who moved in with a hard elbow jab aimed at Cherylynne’s midsection. . Cherylynne parried it then countered with a punch that made Deb scoot to the side. Deb attacked with a kick hitting Cherylynne’s side hard. Cherylynne turned to face Deb, only to cop a fist in her chest. Deb was doing well!
Cherylynne retreated, she tried to pull a bar stool between her and Deb. Deb grabbed it and for a few seconds the two women tugged at the stool. Deb was stupid, she should have pushed it to the side and gone after Arka’s bitch; the tug of war with the barstool was allowing Cherylynne to recover again. Cherylynne threw her end of the stool to the left; charging to her right her shoulder connected with a flummoxed Deb. Deb stumbled; Cherylynne slammed her shoulder into Deb again. Deb fell to the floor.
She rolled quickly getting to her feet just as Cherylynne attacked again. Cherylynne was too cocky, she thought Deb was finished; instead Deb head butted the bigger bitch in the belly. “Oooff” Cherylynne moaned. Deb clutched at Cherylynne’s arm and swung her round, then let her go- the old crack of the whip trick. Cherylynne staggered sideways, stopping herself just before she hit a table. She turned round, arms up ready. Deb closed the gap, firing some quick punches close in, well within Cherylynne’s reach. She was stopping the taller woman from using her advantage: her greater reach, her heavier punches. Deb peppered Cherylynne a few more times till Cherylynne clapped her hands on Deb’s shoulders and forced her back.
I looked round; in the watching crowd were a gaggle of Cherylynne’s friends. I stared hard at two of them, Kristy Moore and Robyn Eyre. I just knew both of them were scared of me, they had good reason to be too. Moore tried to meet my eye but failed, after a second or so she looked away. Eyre didn’t try.
They had both got the message- that if they tried to help the bitch they would be fighting me.
Cherylynne came after Deb. Now she was playing to her strength, sending hard punches. Deb danced around avoiding most but some got through and those that did punished my friend badly. She groaned as each hit. Realizing that the punches would do for her, Deb went low, with a sweeping kick aimed at Cherylynne’s knees. At the last moment Cherylynne dodged, the kick landed on her thigh. She hissed, she recovered and grabbed at Deb’s waist. Deb seized Cherylynne’s hair pulling it towards her with her left hand. She slapped Cherylynne’s cheek with her right. Cherylynne groaned but recovered to claw at Deb’s boobs.
Deb squealed; retreating she grabbed Cherylynne's arm and tugged, jerking her enemy off balance. As Cherylynne staggered forward Deb thrust her knee up. Cherylynne seized the upraised leg, pushing it to the side away from her own belly.
Just as she did so, Kristy Moore handed me a drink. “I saw your glass was empty, Jenn.” I just knew the bitch got it because she was scared of me. IT was so good to have lackeys like her. I smiled my thanks, took a big swig of my new beer
My dark side hissed, “You haven’t changed, still the school bully, still scaring people so they will do what you want. Disgusting. And what’s worse you think it’s cool.” I tried to ignore it; turning to see what I hoped would be the last stages of the fight ending in Deb’s victory.
Instead, caught on one foot Deb almost fell. She recovered, only to have Cherylynne’s shoulder slam into her boobs. Again Deb almost fell, clutching at Cherylynne’s hair as she did. Cherylynne's own momentum carried the two girls to the floor. By almost throwing her body to the side Deb managed to avoid landing with Cherylynne on top. Instead she got to her knees while Cherylynne, dazed from banging her head as she fell was pushing herself up on her hands and knees.
Deb caught Cherylynne round the waist. She pushed, Cherylynne wailed as Deb rolled her onto the floor. ” Finish her off!" I encouraged my friend.
An arm snaked around my neck, dragging me back. "Only a bitch like you would say that,” someone hissed in my ears. My arms flailed. The bitch had almost pulled me off balance when my elbow caught her tummy, her hold weakened enough for me to scrabble upright. I slammed both arms in my enemy’s sides. I broke free. I turned to face her- fuck! It was Daniels. She had always hated me, right from school. I just knew that drawn fight right in this bar a few weeks back had left her hating me more.
“You mean it left you hating her more,” my dark side never let up. “You do know- you just know if you had not been so bitchy she might never have fought.”
I tried to answer the dark side. “She’s a pro fighter- on the circuit. She hates me she always did.”
It changed tack. “Maybe but you just know that if you hadnt been so bitchy and boastful afterwards, so nasty to her friends- yeah girls like Kirsty Moore- Daniels might not be fighting you now.” The problem was the dark side this time at any rate was right.
Daniels gave me no chance to recover, thrusting her knee up into my belly. I staggered, groaning, almost winded. Daniels shoved me hard, so hard I almost fell. That saved me from a sudden defeat. Daniels was surprised at her success; she too stumbled, giving me a desperately needed moment to recover. She hissed “You won’t be fucking Arka today, no, we’ll fuck you and your girlie friend instead you bullying bitch.” She came at me. I sidestepped, making some space between us. She’d hit me hard. I needed time.
Daniels didn’t give me the time I needed; she was onto me, punching and slapping. Too many- far too many of her blows got through. The bitch pounded my sides, even as I defended my belly and boobs. I just knew I had to get back in the fight or I’d be done. Desperate times call for desperate answers. I ducked; I almost dived into Daniels’ legs, my head aiming to butt her belly, and my arms to tackle her. I succeeded in tackling her. She fell to the floor. I went with her. Now there were four fighters on the floor.
I rained punches down on her sides and body; she struck back with a massive blow to my chin that almost dazed me. She struck again, I heard, I just knew half the room heard, my head crack on the floor. I was almost knocked out. I rolled away. Shakily I got to my knees; I shuffled over to a table to haul myself up to my feet. Daniels looked at me, she sneered, she knew I was no threat to her for a moment. I tried to stand, I wanted to barf. I told myself I would stand, that I could still fight. I turned to get up, I had to hold the table to do so. I stood. It was an effort. I turned and gaped. Daniels pinned Deb’s arms behind her while Cherylynne drove her knee into my helpless friend’s belly- not once, not twice but three times. Each time Deb moaned, the third time Daniels let a now sobbing Deb go. Deb crumpled to her knees. Cherylynne ripped the arm off Deb’s blouse; she started to tie Deb’s arms behind her back.
The dark side sneered, “How are you going to help your ‘friend’ now? “ It almost laughed when it said ‘friend’ It was as if it knew I never had friends, just people I scared into tolerating me or weaklings who needed my ‘protection.’ And deep down I knew Deb was just one or other of those types. I just knew I was a shitting mess.
Daniels came over to me. Cherylynne cheered “Go on Nicole, smash the fat bully.” I stood my ground, gasping, until Daniels was within a foot or so, then I swung my leg up, hitting the surprised bitch in her gut.
“You thought I was finished! You were wrong!” I crowed as I stepped forward to hit the reeling bitch again. I aimed for her upper belly, she turned, I struck her rib cage instead. I sent another punch, it hit too. I just knew if I’d been fresh those punches would have damaged Daniels bad; but as it was- after the half fight with Cherylynne, Daniels’ cheating attack from behind, and most of all after the two punches I’d taken on my chin, I was hurt, tired and my blows didn’t hit half as hard as they should.
Daniels turned again, she stepped back. Yes! Despite her cheating moves, despite the punishment she had caused me, she was retreating. Oh yes! I followed, peppering her sides with quick jabs – the old left right combo working well. For a moment Daniels didn’t seem to have a response.
“Get her” hissed Kristy, “do the bitch, smash the slut, Nicole!”
The dark side sneered again, “You see how your ‘lackey’ rebels as soon as she thinks you’re down and out. How to win friends and influence people- not!”
Daniels didn’t need the encouragement. She checked her retreat, sending a punch aimed at my chin. I ducked, weaving to the side. It whistled past me. I raised my knee hoping to catch her before she could defend again. She turned, my knee hit her side not her belly. I attacked again, I just knew I had to take every opportunity or she’d do me. I swung myself forward, body slamming her. It failed, she had braced herself. Sure she stumbled back but it didn’t knock her off her feet, it didn’t really shake her. I got down low, I seized her by the waist, I tried to toss her over my side. She didn’t budge. Instead she brought her clasped hands down on the back of my neck. I squealed in pain. She did it again. I slumped; she had almost driven me to my knees. I retreated.
I saw Deb, dry eyed now. But tied to a post. Surrounded by jeering women. She deserved better. “You caused this; you broke into that argument, that’s all it was. You turned it into a fight. You couldn’t resist trying to humiliate Cherylynne again.” My dark side was right. It usually was. I had wanted to smash Cherylnne again. I just so wanted to get revenge on the whole gang. IF Deb had been right-and I just knew she was- the whole gang had set Will and I up. And it wasn’t just the gang , no I just knew it was this bitch Cherylynne and her guy Arka, after all he was a leader. I just knew he set me up to fight Cherylynne. I’d won that fight. But that hadn’t been enough” the dark side reminded me. “No you had to go and fight her again. You only have one way of dealing with any bad situation- fighting.” It was right, just as it had been earlier in the night. It was just no use arguing with it. And now I’d lost the fight and Deb was being pounded. No, I tried to tell myself I hadn’t lost the fight. The dark side laughed, “Who are you trying to kid, you’re half winded, your body aches, you can hardly move.” My confidence melted like snow in summer “Do you think you can hurt Daniels?”
“Damnit, I can still try!” I muttered. I just knew I’d have to make it up to Deb somehow. But how? Well that was the least of my worries just then.
All that takes a long time to say- much longer than the split second it takes to think it, the split second between being almost down to my knees and getting up again.
As I got to my feet Daniels attacked, aiming light punches at me, they hurt, more than they should have, more than they would have if I were fresh. I backed away. She kept on. My foot slipped in some sticky goo. Suddenly I realized where I was- where the table Deb and I had been sitting had fallen, the goo was some spilt drink. Shit I just knew there’d be broken glass around. I stepped sideways hurriedly I tried to rally, to attack, going for a headlock, I succeeded, I held Daniels round the neck. I tried to bring her down. She slammed her knee up, into my gut. I gasped. She did it again. She broke my headlock. I stood there, worn, she fired a punch, yes it was telegraphed, yes I saw it coming but I was too spent to do anything. It hit my chin, I went down.
Through a mist of pain I heard Cherylynne say “Don’t finish her off. I want to.” I felt her hands seize my head. She hammered it into the floor. “Arka, come over here. And bring a bucket of water”
I just had enough sense to wonder where he had come from; he hadn’t been there earlier.
“Look at the slut who sucked you off, who you and her guy double teamed. “ Cherylynne mocked “Help me lift her up, the fat pig weighs a ton.” She grabbed my arms, Arka- well I guessed it was him, I couldn’t see, grabbed my legs. They lifted me up onto a low table- something like a long coffee table. My head hung over the end. She upended the bucket. Water sluiced over my head. Someone grabbed at my panties pulling them down. Cherylynne straddled me, her head loomed above me, she seemed to fill my vision. “Look at the slut” Cherylynne repeated.
“Another of your conquests,” Arka kissed her. “Another wannabee trashed” He groped her boobs. “Another slut you’ve beaten.” He kept groping her, his hand slipped inside her blouse. He started kneading it.
“You’re horny. You’re a slut. You want to get fucked.” My dark side hissed, “You lost but win or lose you want to fuck after a fight.”
I told it I didn’t, that I wouldn’t disgrace myself.
It laughed.
“You told Nicole you were going to finish her off, I’m waiting.” Arka cackled. “God I love it when you own a slut. Make her squeal! She’s got a good tongue, put it to use. I know you want to, I know you want revenge on her.”
Yes and you love watching. I am so going to own her too.” Cherylynne looked down at me. “Eat me out! Here now!” She slapped my face.
“Get her to suck Pete off first. I owe him a favour.”
I gagged, I didn’t know the guy Arka wanted me to do.
“Yup you do, he helped you fix that engine.” Cherylynne sneered at me again. “And she will do him, she is just that horny. “ She looked up again. “Come on Pete, it won’t cost you.”
Oh fuck! I was being traded, just like a foil of grass or a spare part off a bike. I was just a thing.
“It makes you hotter, it makes you hornier” the dark side sneered.
I tried, I tried hard to tell it, it was wrong. But it wasn’t.
“They know you; they just know how big a slut you are!” M y dark side never stopped. But this time, I told it, it was wrong, maybe I was horny, yes I just knew I was but I was not going to give in. I held my mouth closed. Even when the bitch pinched my nose- and she was rubbing my tits with her other hand, inside my bra she was stroking, playing with the nipples, - and I had to open my mouth I didn’t suck Pete. Even though his cock was right there and even when his hand was playing round my pussy, his fingers drawing little circles round my lower lips. Even though that bitch Daniels kept a running patter about how hot it was to see me beaten, how sexy it was watching me there just helpless, how she knew I wanted a good fucking, I kept still. Even though Arka and Cherylynne kept chiming in, agreeing with Daniels, and more, Cherylynne played with my tits, I felt Arka’s hot breath on my legs. Even though it was such a temptation, even though I was – I had to admit it to the dark side I’d be damned if I said it to Daniels - hot and horny like it said I would be I did not give in. I did not suck Pete’s cock
I thought I’d won when he stepped away. But no, to my horror I felt his fingers playing with my pussy lips. I gasped, I couldn’t take much of that , not that and Daniel’s comments and Cherylynne stroking my face and tits and watching me hawk like, she knew my weaknesses, god only knew how. I clenched my teeth but they didn’t stop, and then I whimpered, softly, I just couldn’t stop. The dark side, that horrid inner voice was right. I was a slut. I couldn’t fight my lust, it was just how I was. It had been right about Will and Arka, and now I knew, I hated knowing but I just knew it was right about this night here in the bar. And they knew; those bitches, that bastard they, just knew. Arka stepped away, he grabbed my legs, he parted them. And in a moment more Pete had his cock on my lips. And I just let it happen; there was nothing I could do any more to stop it. And my body just took over, I was so into it- just as Daniels had said, just as the dark side told me- my legs locked round him, I met his strokes and then I couldn’t resist her- Cherylynne- a moment or so later I was eating her out too.
They came hard and quickly. It was over. They got up. “Ok kick her out. “ Arka slid his arm round Cherylynne’s waist. Let’s go and celebrate”
I tottered out into the night. My dark side had the last word. “You haven’t changed, you never will, fat bullying slut!”
I guess deep down I just knew it was right.
