Yeeee-ha!Listen up, gals and guys! It’s me……Jailbreak Joni! The roughest, toughest, rootin’-tootin’ cowgirl in the West! I can rope a steer, bust a bronco and clear out a bar fight better’n any cowboy who ever lived! And if I
really want a tough challenge, I take on a girl!!
Ya-Hoooooo!What’s that? Why do they call me Jailbreak Joni?
Well, the answer should be just as plain as day, no?
It’s ‘cause I’ve been in jail more times than I can count. But there ain’t no jail cell that can hold me for long…..and there ain’t no sheriff who can stand up to me if I got my mind set on escapin’. I’m an outlaw and I’m lovin’ it! You savvy what I’m sayin’?
But I ain’t just called Jailbreak Joni…..no, sir-ree! I also go by The Louisiana Lariat, alias The Southern Spitfire, alias the Creole Cowgirl, alias The Blue Bayou Range Rider. I live hard, I fight hard and I fuck hard!
Whoooooo-eeeeeee!Nobody can stand up to me.
I beat ‘em, I bang ‘em, I fuck ‘em, I hang ‘em! I use my flashin’ fists, my stompin’ feet, my hard-bangin’ head and my pile-drivin’ pussy to whip every enemy in my path. Yes, I do!
Why, there was that sheriff in Oklahoma City…..a tiny little thang, she was; went by the name of Sheriff Marie. But she was standin’ in my way when I wanted to rob the Sooner Bank & Trust. Wasn’t lookin’ to take all their money, no-sirree-bob! I jest wanted a little spendin’ cash, you know what I’m sayin’? And I take what I want…….I always have and always will.
Anyways, there’s Sheriff Marie standin’ in front of me, tellin’ me I ain’t gonna be robbin’ no banks today. Well, shit, Sheriff Marie stands less than five feet tall…..I wasn’t gonna beat her up, that’d be too durned easy! Instead, I got other means of dealin’ with the likes of her and I said:
“Sheriff, I’m a-fixin’ to fuck ya now.”
And that’s just what I did, don’t ya know? I threw the little filly in the horse trough and the two of us mixed it up in the water that the horses drink. We’re a-splashin’ and a-dashin’ and I’m whipping the shit out of the little varmint. At first, Sheriff Marie is tryin’ to beat the tar out of me so she can take me to jail and lock me up. After awhile, though, I’m a-whammin’ and a-crammin’ and a-grindin’ my girl parts into her girl parts…..then I start a-lickin’ and a-stickin’ and a-suckin’ and a-fuckin’…..and she’s a-moanin’ with pleasure and passion. There ain’t gonna be need for no jailbreakin’ today, that’s for durn sure. By the time I’m finished with her, Marie ain’t in no condition to be arrestin’ nobody!
Sure enough, after I climb out of the trough, Marie is a-hangin’ half in and half out of the water hole, her body heavin’ with passion……she was the victim of a Five-Star Kansas City Fuckin’ given her by yours truly!
WEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH !!Yes ma’am….. I seek ‘em, I freak ‘em, I screw ‘em and then I do ‘em! That’s why they call me Jailbreak Joni!
YA-HOOOOOOOOO!Then, there was the time I had to face down one of the toughest cowgirls in the West…….Kayla the Kid!
Seems there was a bag of gold we were both goin’ after. It turned into one of the most slam-bangin’ fights in recorded history, but didn’t we both have equal rights to that bag of gold?
Well, okay, if you’re gonna hold me to it, the gold was actually in Kayla the Kid’s hotel room in Dodge City, Kansas. Where she had gotten it, I don’t know……but the fact is it was already in her possession and I was fixin’ to take it off her. That’s the Code of the West, ain’t it?.......well, ain’t it?
I’m figurin’ the money ain’t yours until you put it in the bank…….but even then, I’ll rob the fuckin’ bank and take it anyways!
YIPPIE-I-O-KI-A!Well, let me tell ya, the fight between me and Kayla the Kid started in her hotel room above the Long Branch Saloon……but don’t ya know, that li’l room couldn’t hold the likes of two roughnecks like me and Kayla the Kid…..and the battle soon spread to the hallway…….to the stairway…..and down into the saloon. Land-o’-Goshen, there wasn’t nothin’ that could hold the fury of two prairie wildcats like us. Kayla the Kid used her fists on my face, her mouth on my Texas Titties and her tongue on my lady privates. She was a tornado that wouldn’t stop at nothin’ to win a fight. Meanwhile, while she’s a-punchin’……...I’m a-munchin’ on her Hallelujah Hair Pie. And who in tarnation do you think is winnin’ the fight?
That’s right; it’s me. Jailbreak Joni…. at your service!!
Marshal Matt Dillon of Dodge City tried to break up our little fight……but a mere man couldn’t stop the fury of two spitfires bent on destroyin’ each other. We brushed the lawman aside like he wasn’t even there. Actually, just a mule kick by me between his…..um……spurs…..put him down for the count.
Meantimes, was I returnin’ fire on Kayla the Kid?
You bet your pansy ass I was! My flashin’ fists beat dents into her pretty face even as I used my secret weapon……I like to call it my Pecos River Pussy!...... to pound away at her lady parts. It was like havin’ a third fist! Land sakes, I even used Kayla the Kid’s own gunbelt to give her a righteous fuckin’! That’s right; I used the
leather to put her under the
weather!
She really tried to get the best of me…..I gotta give her that; she was as tough as a buckin’ bronco in the rodeo……..but I had her pantin’ with exhaustion by the time I was a-finished with her. I guess you could say I fucked her out. HAW ! HAW ! HAW !
But, say! Even then, I didn’t get to take her bag of gold because all the menfolks in town banded together and threw the two of us in the Dodge City jail. I mean to tell ya, I beat a bunch of ‘em down before they got me, but even Jailbreak Joni can’t stand up to 50 greenhorn cowboys set on throwin’ me in the slammer.
You’re figurin’ that was the end of that, right? Well, you’d be wrong……’cause they don’t call me Jailbreak Joni for nothin’.
Shit, no!First, I grudge-fucked the jailer……then I grudge-fucked the guard…….then I grudge-fucked the sweet young thang who brought me my morning coffee……..then, for good measure, I grudge-fucked Kayla the Kid again……………..and I busted out of that there tinhorn jail!
Figurin’ I was free to leave town, I climbed on my horse and started to ride off. It was broad daylight and everybody saw me fixin’ to go, but the menfolks were all afraid to go up against me again.
Smilin’ a little, I commenced to go…..only to find the
womenfolk of the town waitin’ for me. They had these mean-like looks in their eyes and I knew I was in for trouble. Still, I fought as best I could, only to be plumb outnumbered by the female population and sent back to jail. I fucked a few of them pretty fillies afore they took me down, though, I promise you that!
Still, I bided my time until the trial. Then, in the middle of the proceeding, I fucked the judge, I fucked the bailiff, I fucked the court guard (and wasn’t she a little wildcat? I’m guessin’ she was!) and I fucked every member of the jury……man and woman……then I fucked a few of their horses for good measure…….and made my escape again!
YA-HOOOOOOOO!!So, I’m a-ridin’ out of town, free as a bird and shoutin’ out my triumph and joy as I go. I look back at the townspeople and see ‘em standin’ there with their arms folded and a sense of expectation on their faces. I’m tryin’ to figure out why they’re lookin’ at me that way……when suddenly, my horse grinds to a halt as if he was held up by the hand of God. I look forward to see what my horse is seein’, and find myself lookin’ into the eyes of the most dangerous woman in the West………
Dry Gulch Gemma!I get off my horse and find myself standin’ face-to-face with the only person in the Wild, Wild West who has a reputation for destruction that’s as fierce as mine. Now I know why the townsfolk were watchin’ with such anticipation; they had hired a professional to defeat me and were just waitin’ on her arrival……and now she was here.
Well, I’ll tell ya, there was no runnin’ from this, now was there? Dry Gulch Gemma meant to take me down and I had no choice but to take her on. A cowgirl’s reputation depends on her fightin’ abilities and I couldn’t afford to show a lack of heart by refusin’ to take on this rough lady wrangler.
So, in front of the Long Branch Saloon, Dry Gulch Gemma and me stand a few paces apart, facin’ each other down. We’re posin’ as if to shoot it out with our guns, but only menfolks are yellow enough to settle their disputes that way.
Real fighters…..that is to say,
women…….settle it with their fists. That’s what Dry Gulch Gemma and me were aimin’ to do. We dropped our gunbelts and stood before each other armed with nothin’ but our bodies……. ready to do battle.
We didn’t bother sizin’ each other up…..that’s for posers and cowards…..we just commenced to fightin’. With all those townsfolk a-watchin’, I meant to clean Dry Gulch Gemma’s clock as quick as possible and ride out of town with my reputation intact. I was figurin’ Dry Gulch to be right-handed and was shocked to shit when she nearly tore my fool head off with a left-handed punch. I hit the ground dazed as a roped steer and tried to roll away. Dry Gulch Gemma followed, stompin’ down with her cowboy boots and tryin’ to turn my head into jelly. I was rollin’ pretty good and she couldn’t get a solid shot at me, but some of her stomps did connect; I can’t deny that. I got to my knees and tried to stand up, figurin’ that Dry Gulch would jump on top of me to keep me down. Instead, she grabbed me around the shoulders and lifted me clean off the ground! I was tryin’ to find a way to wriggle out of her grip when she threw me through the glass window of the Long Branch Saloon.
I crashed through, landin’ hard on the saloon floor with the townsfolk rushin’ in to get a look at what was happenin’. I was dazed as I watched Dry Gulch Gemma sashayin’ calmly and surely through the swingin’ doors, aimin’ to finish me off.
I tried to stand up but I did it too quick-like and I got all dizzy. I desperately tried to stay out of Dry Gulch’s reach until my head cleared, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that. With a smile on her purty face, she started wingin’ punches at me. Everything landed……I mean
every-fuckin’-thing! Dry Gulch pounded her fists to my stomach, drivin’ the breath clean out of me. Then, she switched up and started decoratin’ my face with short, powerful punches that had me rockin’ and reelin’ in pain and humiliation.
I tried to punch back, I surely did…….. but she was too much of a fighter for me; that’s why the townsfolk of Dodge City hired her to take me down in the first place. It looked like she was gonna finish me off; I lay on the floor of the saloon, lookin’ up at her. Dry Gulch Gemma was a-lookin’ down at me. Her face was a study in contradictions; that’s for sure. Her mouth was twisted with hate for me……yet there was a slight trace of a triumphant grin on it. Her body was coiled like a attackin’ snake…… yet she appeared as relaxed as a possum restin’ in the sunshine. Her eyes were slitted and mean-lookin’……yet, wasn’t there a smile in those eyes just the same? I guessed there was. It was the smile of a cowgirl who knew she had matters well in hand and had no intention of givin’ up her advantage.
What could I do?
What in tarnation could I do? Everybody in town was crammed into the saloon, hootin’ and hollerin’ with joy at my predicament. They was yellin’ that I warn’t as tough as I thought I was and that another cowgirl had gotten the best of me. It looked like it was over for me as I lay on my back on the dirty floor of the saloon.
Then, a funny thing happened; once I started to resign myself to losin’ to Dry Gulch Gemma, my mind cleared a little and a thought popped into my head:
Okay, maybe Dry Gulch Gemma can fight better’n me…….but can she FUCK better’n me?I mean, shit, what have I been tryin’ to tell you folks since the beginning of this story? Didn’t I say that
“I beat ‘em, I bang ‘em, I fuck ‘em, I hang ‘em!”Didn’t I?
Well, didn’t I?
*****************************
With that, a smile came to my face and I stood up, lookin’ squarely at Dry Gulch Gemma. I gazed deeply into her eyes and it was plain as day she didn’t like what she was a-seein’ in mine. Suddenly, I didn’t look afraid of her anymore and she plumb-well knew it. She saw me a-clenchin’ my fists as I rose from the floor and she clenched hers in answer, expectin’ to punch it out with me. I stepped toward her and she backed up a step before proceedin’ forward again. Dry Gulch was surprised at the sudden turn of events, but she was too tough a fighter to be put off by it.
She expected me to start punchin’…….and that’s just what I wanted her to be lookin’ for. Instead, when I reached her, my hands went to the zipper of her Wrangler jeans and I unzipped her fly, neat as you please. I jammed my index finger into her Cowgirl Clit and started fingerin’ her girl parts. My finger was a-wigglin' and a-wagglin' and overwhelming Dry Gulch as she's never been overwhelmed before! I was goin’ through her just as slick as shit through a goose and she was caught completely off-guard.
Shitfire! No one in the West can do it as good as me, ain’t that so? I’m guessin’ it is!
It was so easy…… so high-falootin’, money-lootin’, rootin’-tootin, spiral-shootin’ easy!
Still controllin’ her with my grip on her lady privates, I lowered Dry Gulch Gemma to the floor as she was a-writhin’ with passion. I managed to cram my entire hand into her girl parts and everybody in the saloon could see the strength and resolve leave her body in a rush of sex as I massaged her insides back and forth. She was a-moanin’ and a-groanin’ in pleasure and pain, her eyes tightly closed even as her fists were still clenched. But those fists warn’t gonna be used for punchin’ anybody on this day……that’s for durn sure!
I pulled down Dry Gulch Gemma’s jeans in the same motion I pulled down my own. I mounted her and pressed my girl parts against hers……pussy to pussy!.......and I started spinnin’.
That’s what I said:
spinnin’! As she lay there on her back, screamin’ with passion, I’m corkscrewin’ my body around and around hers, with our pussies a-grindin’ against each other the whole time. The townsfolk couldn’t believe what they were seein’! One second, Dry Gulch Gemma and me were face-to-face, and the next second my legs are spinnin’ by her face. My body must have looked like the hands of a clock, spinnin’ round and round.
Ooooooooohhhhhh-weeeeeeee!!That’s right, cowboys and cowgirls! It’s what I call my
Santa Fe Spinnin’ Fuck! (That’s SFSF, for short, in case you were wonderin’). It’s brought many a woman down to defeat and tears. It don’t work so good on men because their dicks get all twisted around and shit, y’know?
But it worked great on Dry Gulch Gemma, who was layin’ on the saloon floor, creamin’ herself even as I stood up and hovered over her. It was a sight to see Dry Gulch’s love juice spoutin’ in the air like a geyser.
“
Dry Gulch Gemma has gone a-gusher!” screamed the townsfolk as they watched her layin' there, her body helpless-like and open to anything I might choose to do.
For a minute, I clenched my fists and prepared to punch her lights out. Then, I noticed that her lights were
already out. Her eyes were closed, her arms were layin’ helpless by her side……and I knew that all the fight had been fucked out of her.
There was no need to do any more to Dry Gulch Gemma. I knew I was free to go; it was the understanding of these frontier folk that the winner of the fight they had arranged was gonna ride out of town without no one a-tryin’ to stop her. Everyone stood aside and looked at me with pure-dee admiration in their eyes as I walked past.
As I moved toward the door of the saloon, a sweet young thang called out to me. I recognized her as one of the dairy maids who worked on a farm just outside of town. Her young face was lookin’ at me with sweet desire written on it as she pleaded:
“Do me, Jailbreak Joni. Please…..do me!”My heart went out to her and I wanted to oblige, but figured it was better not to press my luck with these townsfolk. After all, I had already fucked half the population of Dodge City…… and robbed the rest.
“Sorry, darlin’,” I said, pausing to stroke her cheek. A mite wistful, I walked proudly out of the saloon.
**************************
As I rode away, I thought of what had happened in the town of Dodge City. I had robbed their bank, escaped from their jail, fucked the folks in their court system, fought and fucked most of the people in town and defeated their paid assassin……..and they
loved me for it!
Yes, they purely did!
And so, I ride on to further adventures! That’s why I’m the roughest, toughest, rootin’-tootin’ cowgirl in the West! It’s great to be me!
I’m Jailbreak Joni!
YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAA!!
