I have heard the reports as I sit in my tent in the far off land of Elysium...the wars here are finally over and another nation conquered. My sadness grows as I hear the tales of the state of things in Amazonia. The forces that I feared would take freedom from its people have conspired behind my back and threaten the very fabric of my beloved country. What it might take to get Amazonia back under control would be costly and considerable. I have raised an army the likes of which the world has never seen and I could crush any and all who dared stand in our way. The cost to the people, however, would be horrific and that is a thought I cannot bear. While my warrior sister Xena is frothing at the mouth for a Amazonian war...my blood lust does not go as far as hers any more. I grow tired of the conflicts and long for being home and being part of a growing thriving Amazonia. Its what a true Empress should doing....leading...helping her people...... but I won't be allowed that luxury evidently. I just can't decide what to do...
I am truly lost and confused and feel no one is truly on my side.....then I remember what my father would do when he ruled Amazonia. He would often consult the Oh Great and Powerful Oracle of the Delphi. I remember him taking me with him when he ventured out to consult the Oracle. I recall the fear and trepidation I felt standing in that cavern before the Beast as I called "it" as a child. I do now want to make that journey and face the Oracle.....but I have no choice however....as those who have ruled before me....I need the advice, counsel and support of the Oracle.
In Amazonian time....Delphi was the site of the Delphic Oracle, the most important Oracle in the classical Greek world, and became a major site for the worship of the god Apollo after he slew Python, a dragon who lived there and protected the navel of the Earth. To reach Delphi...one had to undertake a days journey up into the large mountain range with bordered Amazonia to the north and protected it from the northern tribes.
The Oracle exerted considerable influence throughout the Greek world, and he (to some the Oracle appeared as a female) was consulted before all major undertakings: wars, the founding of colonies, and so forth. She also was respected by the semi-Hellenic countries around the Greek world, such as Lydia, Caria, and even Egypt. The oracle was also known to the early Romans. Rome's seventh and last king, Lucius Tarquinius Superbus, after witnessing a snake near his palace, sent a delegation including two of his sons to consult the oracle. Michelle had spoke to the Oracle in her dreams as her legend grew larger during her warrior's life....he would appear to her as a cloak covered figure with a male voice....
After the many days journey, I had finally reached the cave of the Delphi....I entered the cave and began to slowly walk down the darkened hall....the hall dimly lit by torches placed at regular intervals...providing just enough light to see one's steps. The walls of the corridor adorned with strange markings...pictures....representing languages long since dead. I finally reached the end of the hall... where I slowly entered a large massive chamber.......dark save for a far wall which appeared to be made up of a mixture of stone, gold and silver....and torches at different points stuck in the walls around her.....a large thrown like object up against the bejeweled far wall facing me.... a wall of gold such as she had never seen....marble columns on either side of the throne which was lined in jewels of all colors. On the throne sits an object that I can't quite make out.....so I approach with caution...my right hand on my sword...ready to pull it from its scabbard at an instant. My firm breasts and chest expanding and straining the leather armor that covers my chest. I hear a noise and my catlike reflexes cause me to instantly pull my sword from its scabbard and I raise it high above my head...now clutching it with both hands....standing at the ready.....
then........Silence.......the silence is soo very loud....
On the throne sat a tall figure...covered in a white cloak....a hood over its head......I squint to see in the dimly lit cavern........suddenly I see the head lift as I approach...my sword still raised high above my head....yet as my dark eyes peer into the hood I see.... NOTHING......DARKNESS.....then suddenly I see two orbs......eyes?.....glowing almost a ruby red....but meeting mine with an intensity I have seldom seen in my travels.
"Ahhh!....the Empress Returns at last!!!" "I expected you sooner oh Goddess!" "And please put the fucking sword down...ok?....Your so fucking dramatic and you're gonna hurt someone with that thing and It better not be me!" "I have not had my coffee today yet and I am in SUCH A MOOD!"
The voice from the hood booming out!!...commands me in a loud tone that echoes through the darkened chamber. I stop in my tracks...hand on my sword.....my own gaze narrows but stays fixated on the glowing orb-like eyes....then...the voice BOOMS out again!
"WHO DARES ENTER THE PROVINCE OF THE ORACLE OF THE DELPHI!!!!!"
I just remembered something...Why does the Oracle sound like fucking James Earl Jones?
The Oracle speaks again.....
"Come on Empress!...have a seat!...relax!......get comfortable!.....get nekkid.....oooops......sorry!"
I hear this loud cackling laughter come from the cloaked figure and I slowly lower my sword and shake my head in confusion...then a smile comes over my face.......and I walk up to the shadowy figure.....
I straighten up....not wanting to show fear although goosebumps now cover my shoulders and arms.....my strong hand clutching the sword.....although at least it got me to smiling now...
"I dare enter!!!!........Michelle....sister of Xena!.....Empress of Amazonia!!! And I will NOT be commanded like a common soldier!"
(I think to myself.....God Michelle!...fucking bitch!......do you have to take that sword out every time you hear a thing? See what happens when you skip your Ritalin for just ONE DAY? MUTHAFUCKA!!)
There is a silence....then a sound...almost like that of a chuckle of sorts...then a booming voice!!....
"Come forward Empress Michelle!!!.........Take the hand of the Oracle!!!"
The shadowy cloak covered figure extends a hand towards me as I move to in front of him (ok...lets's get one thing straight right off the fucking bat.....I don't know if this fucking Oracle is a man or a woman and right now I don't give a fuck!)...dropping to a knee....bowing my head for a moment....laying my helmet on the stone floor at my feet....then raising my head up...my long dark brown hair dangling over my shoulders and down my chest and back...
I reach up and take the Oracle's hand in mine.....the sheer coldness of the hand startles me at first....it always does....almost that of stone....I told it in my long slender fingers....my face lowering.....my full soft lips pressing to a large gold ring on the middle finger of the hand....I then notice something in the bad light on the back of the Oracle's hand....it looks like.....ink?....a hand stamp?........huh?.....then lifting my lips away from the ring as the Oracle retracts his hand.....the voice booms out....
"Oh...its cool Chelley!...me and the boys went down to the dance club in Sparta last night and it was rocking!! Had to take a phone call on my cell so I had to leave the club a minute....you know..they stamp your hand so you can come back??
I hear a voice coming from under the cloak...
"Hey Babe!...What's shakin Beotch?" "Its been too long!"....."Damn girlfriend...where ya been?"
"Oh wait...I should be more fucking serious shouldn't I?" I hear the Oracle clear its voice a few times...coughing...then....
"You're troubled Oh Empress....you have only just begun your rule of Amazonia yet.....I see trouble in your eyes......I sense it!"
The Oracle speaks again......
"Damn girl...you look fine in the armor shit! Just how tall are you anyway?" "Come over here and let the Oh Wise Oracle see those legs up lose!" "Damn those things just keep going up don't they?" "Fuck!...I wonder what's at the other end!"
I start to get just a little pissed as its obvious Mr. Bad Skin is in one of his/her moods today and I am here trying to conduct some serious business!.....I clear my throat and try to be as serious as I can be....
"Oh Wise Oracle....I have not spoke to you in a long time...except in my dreams....as Empress of Amazonia now.....I have all the power the Gods could ever grant a ruler......yet I'm troubled....."
"I sense treachery in my midst......I don't know who to trust....I thought I did KNOW.....maybe deep down I still do.....but as ruler of my kingdom in a dangerous world.....YOU and I BOTH know.....there are those who would take Amazonia as their own and enslave its people for their own selfish deviant ends"
The Oracle answers back....
"Oh fuck dat sheet beotch!" "Lets do some chill in child!"...."You like Maroon 5?" "I got this new Bang and Olufsen stereo that fucking KICKS ASS!" I love that new song 'One More Night...fucker rocks!....rack em!!....MUTHAFUCKA!"
I put my hands on my hips as obviously the Oracle has been hitting the crack cocaine again......
"I don't know what to do Oh wise one....I may be proud and often arrogant....but I have decisions to make that affect so many other than myself" "A little help here would be nice you old fart!...I mean God dammit!.....You promised me you'd have my back you asshole!"
There is a cold silence for a few moments.....while I may have spoken to the Oracle in my dreams before.....and sought his council.....to be in his presence is different. I will not show any fear.....but should my death be what is best for Amazonia...then I will hand it gladly to the Oracle...
"Oh fuck...did I just talk to it like I just did?" "Fuck I'm a dead woman!"
"I DO NOT covet your life Michelle!".... the deep voice thundered!! "Now I would like a little action with those tits of yours!" "MUAH!."..."When can we do that?"......"I'm free on Monday"....."Wanna do lunch at the palace?"
I scream back at the Oracle....
"OK STOP IT!" "I'm here on serious business!!!" I whisper to myself..."God damn Michelle....lets get outta here in one piece bitch!" "I know the guy has bad skin but come one..show some respect"
The Oracle looks up at me and I can see the red eyes in the darkness of that hood glowing even brighter...
"Hey Chelley...those tits look pretty serious to me if ya don't mind a 10,000 year old fart saying so!!"
The Oracle continues....
"You have few allies Oh Beautiful Empress.....but believe me when I say there are those you can rely on and trust.....and who are with you in body and soul even as we speak" "In plain English girlfriend....you got some folks that wanna bend you over a chair and give you the business!" "God I'd like a little piece of that shit myself!!......AHEM!....I'm sorry....are we trying to be serious here?"
Before more words come from my mouth the Oracle speaks again loudly....."Yess Empress Michelle......you can trust your captain of the guard!"...."Sadie will always have your back...and trust me when I say...she REALLY likes your backside!"......"God damn girl you been jogging more?" "Your ass is soo fucking FINE!".....AHEM!......the Oracle again clears "its" throat.....
The Oracle then again speaks in a booming voice!!...
"You will find allies in ways that will be more clear to you in the future!" "Trust Sadie!....she longs to be your confidant.....you were right to place your trust in her ...even after defeating her....place all your trust in her......you won't be disappointed!" "Others whom you can place your trust will also come forth....it has been ordained and written to be so" "And if you don't find some good help soon beotch...You are so gonna be fucking outta that Empress chair!'
"And Hey.....if Sadie fucks you and stabs you in the back!...there could be worse things girlfriend!"
I feel my heart slow a bit at the Oracle's words....my breathing slowing at the words and how they soothe me...NOT!!!!!
"Your trust and loyalty are well placed Michelle.....follow your heart.....you will be rewarded in so many ways if you do....your heart has NEVER led you astray...it is a wise heart even coveted by the GODs!" "Oh...they also covet that rocking bod of yours too!!....WOWSA!...you sure you aint been working out more?"
"LEAVE ME!!!" The Oracle's voice thundered in the darkness......"We shall talk again Empress!......but follow your heart!......it is the source of your strength!" "Oh...and when you leave......can you walk out REAL SLOW.....I wanna watch that fine ass of yours awhile longer!"
"Oh Empress?"......"Do you need you're parking validated before you go?"
"Check with my girl out front.....She's the one in the white toga and the fucking awesome cleavage!"
I slowly begin to walk backwards out of the dark chamber....my thoughts coming rapidly....but with one overriding one.....this Oracle is one fucked up asshole!.....why do I keep listening to this cock sucker?.....shit I'd be better off consulting my Magic 8-Ball!!
MUTHAFUCKA!
I do feel confidant though that while some dark days may lie ahead for my Kingdom....i will not be alone with just my sword.....
Oh fuck!..who am I kidding!...of course I'll be alone!!! HAHAHA!
It is now time to deal with those who have no thoughts for the people of Amazonia...plans need to be made....that and I need a really big stiff drink!
