From: Bryanne
To: Jack
Date: Thurs 6/29/2017. 4:26PM
Subject: Today's Drama
Omg Jack, why do I always get sucked into my sister's drama? This time is definitely the worst, the most juvenile. Grrrrrr.
So last night we try to go asleep early. Which doesn't work at all because we're jet lagged, we're planning on getting up early, we're wondering how we should make this fight go down in the morning so we can fly home in time for the 4th. Oh, and Jack, my sister and I are in twin bed, and she's right there in the room totally masturbating, and not quietly either. So I'm pretending I'm asleep and can't hear her...just....stupid. So I pretty much didn't sleep all night.
So we're both awake way before the alarm clock. We shower, Sheila puts on her fight clothes, and we get in the car to drive to the bitch Sherry's house. And traffic is way less than we planned for. And so it's 7am and we're already in Larchmont. We're 2 miles from the bitch' house. So, we're like, is that too early to knock on a woman's door to kick her ass?
So, we decide we both need to per. So we see a Starbuks, and a Dunkin Donuts. Starbucks or Dunkin? Starbucks or Dunk in?
And who knows why, but we pick Dunk in. And Jack I shit you not, but the blonde bimbo is in there. Sherry. I recognized her right away. And so does Sheila. And Sherry doesn't see us quite yet, but she's with another blonde bimbo who looks a little bit like her. They're in running clothes. And the bimbo recognizes Sheila right away, and she grabs Sherry and Sherry turns and recognizes Sheila.
And the 4 of us are just staring at each other across the store, like in stunned disbelief. And we're all waiting for someone to make the first move. And i'm like shit there's cameras in here if Sheila and Sherry fight here we're all gonna get arrested. So I step forward to get between Sheila and Sherry. And the bimbo with Sherry follows my lead. So with a buffer between them, Sheila finally feels It's safe to speak and says
We, hello, Sherry, fancy meeting you here. Who's your little friend.
And Sherry goes, this is my sister Reina, and she knows AAALLLLL about you.
(We're all playing nice, because there's a couple customers in the store, including kids.)
And Sheila goes, oh how nice, because this is MY sister Bryanne, and she knows EVERYTHING about you.
And,so Jack I swear, in an instant Reina and I go from being peacemakers to being enemies, because we lock eyes and we both know right away that she and I are gonna be fighting later that day too. It's just a question of when where and how.
And we can see each other silently sizing each other up, and knowing our fight is gonna be really nasty, cuz we're both protecting our big sister's. And we're pretty much the same size and build.
So, It's like estrogen overload in the store now, and we need to all get out fast before we start swinging.
So I go to Reina, motioning at the kids in the restaurant, is there somewhere we can go and talk?
And I'm barely keeping my voice from shaking. Because in 10 seconds I've gone from expecting to watch a fight later today to realizing I'm going to be in a fight, and probably real soon.
And so Sherry says, my sister and I drove here. You get in your car and follow us.
And I say, fine, just let Sheila and I use the bathroom. Because now I really hafta pee.
And Sherry goes, fine, Reina and I'll wait outside. Don't take long.
And they shoulder bump us on the way out. And I don't know how the brawl didn't start right there, because i wanted to start with Reina. But then i saw those kids.
So Sheila and I go to the bathroom and lock the door. And Sheila's like SHIT I totally lost the element of surprise. And I'm like no no It's all good because Sherry was expected to have her sister with her they totally woulda 2on1d you this is good because now It's 2on2. And Sheila says, well I want the bitch 1on1. And I said no problem there sis I wanna fuck up that bitch Reina.
And so we go out to the parking lot, and Sheila goes --we going back to your place, bitch? And Sherry goes there's a bike trail down here follow us. And Sheila goes how do I know you two won't bolt? And Sherry goes ok smartass how about you get in my car and come with me and Reina goes with tour sister.
So Reina gets in the back seat of my car and we start driving. And I'm like shit fuck shit fuck this was such a horrible idea. Cuz Reina starts with me your sister is a stuck up shrew and you seem like one too. And I say her sister is a homewrecking husband stealer and how s about we don't worry about them They're big girls let's worry about each other. And Reina says how about when we get to the jogging trail we let them go somewhere and settle their business and we go somewhere else and finish ours. Which I say is fine by me.
And Jack I fucking swear that bike trail was probably a ten minute ride away but it felt like 3 hours. Cuz I just want to tear into this bitch.
Well, the two cars park. And Sheila and Sherry take the right trail, and I follow Reina up the left. And Sheila hesitates but let's me go, confident that Sherry wasn't planning on a 1on1 fight.
And Reina and I walk on the trail for maybe 15 minutes, bikes zipping past us, and I'm wondering how we're gonna fight private.
And then Reina goes off the trail, and I see a clearing coming up, and I'm like oh we're gonna fight there. But then we Don't quite get there and she turns and her hands are in my hair and she bullrushes me and the catfight is totally on. And we're yanking hair by the handfuls and scratching and I can feeling a pinching in my shoulder and I realize the bitch is biting me. And so i wrap my legs around her waist and I'm totally clawing her face and all I can think of his how her sister is trying to ruin my sister's life. And we're literally in the middle of the woods the leaves and sticks are scrunching under us. And there's these fallen branches on the ground and we both see them at the same time and we pop up and each grab one and we're using them like clubs swinging at each others heads and shoulders. And her face is bleeding from where i raked her face with my nails.
And so the adrenaline rush subsides and we can't lift the branches to swing them now. So we're trying to spear each other in the chest or stomach. And we each connect a couple of times and can hear each other grunting.
But then the spears collide and crumble to pieces, and we're there barehanded again and the buttons on our tops are shredded, so we see each other's bras and think the same thing and double claw each other's tits, me doing the same raking motion I did on her face, her pulling and tugging. And I'm like omg one of us is going to get killed here if I Don't end this. Like, literally.
So I headlock her, get her on the ground, and after 3 or 4 failed attempts, manage to mount her. And I get ready to ground and pound her, except with a branch, when Sheila grabs me and says Bryanne Bryanne let's go let's go.
And we run back to the trail and back to the rental car and Don't stop till we're past the New York border.
And there's a rest stop, and we run in to wash up, and our faces and hair are a disaster.
And I say, was Reina sill alive? And Sheila nods.
And I say, was Sherry still alive. And Sheila nods.
So, we drive back to the hotel. And we have tickets out first thing tomorrow.
If we make it thru security we should be good.
I'm ok, baby. I think.
Can't wait to be home.
Xoxoxo
Bryanne
