Author's Note: This slight change of format is for those of you who miss high school Shakespeare
Cast of Characters:
Joni: Reformed party girl. Now a professional woman. Never been in a fight outside high school or the club scene.
Joe: Joni’s boyfriend. Police officer by day. Loving father by night of a child from a previous marriage. Dreams about seeing Joni fight another woman….especially his ex-wife (although he never mentions this)
Shana: Professional woman who lives down the block from the Joni and Joe. Mother of a two year old son. Loves to flaunt her belongings and comes across to others as kind of a bitch. But is friends with Joni.
Mark: Shana’s husband. Machinist by profession and an avid gambler at heart. Dreams about seeing Shana fight another woman. Or more specific…fight Joni.
Act I (The Wager)
Setting: Shana and Mark’s backyard. They are hosting their neighbors, Joni and Joe, for a barbeque and a UFC party. Dinner is over and the women are cleaning up. The men are inside watching the show. Between rounds of one fight, Mark makes a comment to Joe that he’d love to see the ring girls duke it out instead of the guys. Joe laughingly agrees.
Scene I (
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky’s like shooting stars…I could really use a wish right now, a wish right now, wish right now)
Mark comes back to his chair after getting another beer for his friend Joe. The two men just finished watching the most recent UFC pay-per-view. The women are chatting after cleaning up the after dinner mess. Mark had earlier made a comment about rather seeing the ring girls fight than the actual fighters. Joe had laughingly agreed. After a couple more beers, Mark asks Joe if he was serious about seeing the ring girls fight. Joe says, “Of Course, who wouldn’t.”
“You know I’d love to see Shana fight another woman.”
“Really?”
“Yep. I think it’d be a hoot!”
“How do you think she’d do?”
“I don’t know. But win or lose, I’d love to see it. We wrestle quite a bit. She’s strong as heck.”
Joe laughs again and says, “Me and Joni wrestle sometimes, but I don’t think she likes it. She has other ideas about foreplay. Ever since her sister gave her that damn
Kama Sutra book!”
“What?!! She ‘s never been in a fight?”
“She has. We met when I broke up a fight she was in outside a club down on Beale Street. I asked her out in the ER at Methodist Central.” Both men laugh. “I still fantasize about seeing her fight that girl. She was getting her butt kicked, but Damn! She looked good doing it!
“Think she’d ever get into another fight?”
“Some gal would have to really piss her off.”
“Wouldn’t it be cool if we could get her and Shana to fight?”
Joe laughs and says, “Yeah. That’d be terrific!”
“Yep. Be something to see. They’re about the same height and weight. Be a pretty good fight, I’d say. But I think Shana would take her.”
“You think so?”
“Yep. No doubt about it.”
“I don’t know. You know those redheads have bad tempers.”
“Shana was a gymnast and a cheerleader. Joni isn’t athletic. Shana would kill her in the end.”
Joe sits up a little straighter in his seat and says, “You think so, huh? I bet she wouldn’t. Shana looks kinda out of shape since having a kid. I think Joni could take her, but it’d be close.”
“You really think so? I bet she couldn’t. I bet you couldn’t even get her to fight Shana. I think she’s a coward.”
“Really? I think I could if I asked the right way. Especially if I tell her you called her a coward.”
“Put your money where your mouth is. I bet you 500 bucks you can’t do it. She won’t do it. She’s a wimp.”
Anger flares in Joe, and before he can think (maybe due to the amount of alcohol he’s consumed) he says, “Alright asshole, I bet I can get her too. And I bet she’d win.”
“So then, we got a bet?”
“Yep. We got a bet.”
The two men shake hands and begin thinking of ways to make their women fight for them. Finally they make their plans. But first they have to convince Joni and Shana that this is a good idea.
Scene II (
Cheer up sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean? To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen)
Setting: Joe and Joni’s bedroom the following morning.
“Are you insane?!! I’m not going to fight her! She’s my friend for Christsakes!!!”
“But baby, we have a bet!”
“Fuck your damn bet! Fuck Mark! And fuck you, you bastard! How dare you ask me to do something like this? Shana will think both of you are nuts too!”
“Baby, the….”
“Don’t ‘baby’ me, asshole! How fucking dare you!”
“But sweetheart, listen to me…”
“Fuck you,
sweetheart…you fucking asshole!”
“We’ll lose the money anyway if you say no and she says yes.”
“What?”
“That was the stipulation. Mark and I’d ask you two today. If she agrees to fight you, and you say no, I have to give him the money anyway. The bet was that we could get you two to fight.”
“She’ll say no too.”
“How do you know? Maybe she’s already agreed. Mark called you a coward. I think him and Shana have actually discussed this before.”
Now Joni is a little taken aback. What if Shana does want to fight her? She thinks “we’d lose $500 we can’t reall afford if I say no. Plus Shana can be a bitch sometimes. It’d be fun to take her down a peg or two….”
Joni looks at her husband and says, “Alright asshole, I’m gonna call her. If she disputes any of this bullshit, you’re a dead man.” She picks up her phone and dials. After a couple rings, a familiar voice answers.
“Hey Shana…..I’m good, you?……………………..yeah, he just asked……………………….and……………………but…………………..well……..okay…………..so, you want to do this? You think it’d be fun?…………………well……….I don’t know……………………………………..yeah I know about the bet…………..you’re good with this?……………………………well………………….okay…………I guess so…………………..Tomorrow at noon?……………..okay, I’ll be there…….goodbye.”
Joni ends the call and looks at her husband, “You fucking asshole.” Then she storms from the room. Joe smiles to himself.
Act II (The Discussion)
Setting: Shana and Mark’s dining room over lunch. Mark and Joe are both at work. The women meet to iron out the detail.
Scene I (
Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?)
“So, the bastards want to see us fight? I say we give them a good one. Besides we might just enjoy it. It is great exercise, they say.”
A little surprised by her friend’s willingness, Joni looks at her in bewilderment and asks, “Shana, what’s really going on here?”
“What? The guys want to see us fight. We dress in skimpy outfits and wrestle around on the carpet for a little while. What’s the harm?”
"We could get hurt."
“Oh please! What could happen? We move the furniture in the gameroom around a bit and we tussle on the carpet. No one’s gonna get hurt.”
“You like this idea?”
“No, but I think it’d make Mark a great birthday present. He wins whether I do or not.”
“Birthday?”
“Yep. Tomorrow. If you guys are free…I think tomorrow evening would be perfect!” we could have a little birthday party. Just the four of us. Then later you and I can be the dessert! (laughs)”
Joni is still a little hesitant, but she reluctantly asks, “How will we do it?”
“Easy. We wear our cutest little bikinis and we wrestle for a little while. We even pull a little hair and act a little catty! Mark wants best two out of three falls. Most likely we’ll split the first two then collapse in exhaustion in the third one. We declare a draw and those idiots leave happy.”
“As long as we don’t hit each other in the face!”
“Mark showed me a video once where two girls were fighting in bathing suits. It was actually quite a turn on to see them punch each other lightly in the belly. I think we could do that. Just not hard.”
“Okay….if you say so.”
“What? You still don’t want to do this? You a wimp? Or a coward? C’mon! It’ll be fun!”
Joni thinks for a minute, and the ‘wimp’ and ‘coward’ remarks sting a little. Finally she says, “Okay. I’m good with the rules. We’ll be here at seven.”
“Marvelous!”
Joni and Shana chat about the details a little more, then Joni leaves for the day.
Scene II (
What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?)
Setting: Joe and Joni’s family room. Joe has returned home from work, and Joni is filling him in on the details. She leaves out that it will only be a ‘friendly little wrestling match.’
“So, you’re really gonna do it?” Joe asks in amazement.
“Fuck you, asshole!”
“C’mon, you can’t stay mad at me forever!”
“Wanna
bet? You seem to be good at that!”
Joe shakes his head and starts taking off his police gear and uniform. Joni thinks, “He’s right. I can’t stay mad at him. I love him, besides I love watching the way he takes his gear off! It’s so hot! First the gun belt. Then the shirt. Bulletproof vest. Pants. Oh my God! I’d kill another girl just to watch him do this!”
Act III (The Big Night)
Scene I (
Rock me! Rock me! Rock me through the night!)
Setting: Mark and Shana’s gameroom. The furniture has been removed except all except a couch for the men and two padded chairs for the girls in between rounds. The girls are in separate bedrooms preparing themselves.
A little after eight in the evening, the first woman makes her appearance. Since she is the visitor, Joni enters the room first. She is wearing a white t-shirt over her bikini. Mark watches her long, muscular bare legs as they cross the carpet to what has been designated as her corner. A few minutes later, Shana makes her entrance. She is wearing a short black silk rob. Joe is astounded at how good she looks in it. He begins to wonder what’s underneath it. He hopes nothing….
As she enters, Shana stops at the couch and bends over and kisses Mark on the cheek. She whispers, “Happy Birthday, sweetie.” Joni watches her, and the fact that when Shana bends down her butt is only inches from Joe’s nose isn’t lost on her. Shana smiles at Joni coyly, and says, “Lets get the party started!” She removes her robe and reveals she is wearing a black thong. And nothing else. There is a sharp intake of breath from Joe. Joni is totally shocked! She asks her friend, “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready to fight you.”
“Without a top?”
“Well….yes.”
“We didn’t discuss this!”
Shana smiles at the men and says to Joni, “Step outside just a minute.” Joni looks at her then follows her out the backdoor.
Shana says, “Look, those bozos want to see us fight. If we put on a good show, they’ll want us to do it again. This would be the next obvious step for those morons. Let’s get it out of the way now.”
“I don’t know, Shana. This is too much.”
“Are you really that scared? Have you never shown your boobs to your boyfriend? Mark has seen mine a million times. Or are you just jealous that mine are bigger….and Joe will like mine better?”
“Fuck you, bitch!”
With that, Joni storms back into the gameroom and removes off her t-shirt then her top. A smiling Shana follows her.
The men take in the scene before them. The redhaired Joni standing 5’2” and weighing 120 lbs. She does have small boobs (maybe 32B) but she makes up for it in appeal. Her pale, silky skin is offset by one tattoo of a butterfly on her left shoulder blade. She wears her hair pulled back in a green ponytail holder which matches her green bikini bottoms. They are the exact same color green as her eyes. Freckles sprinkle her upper arms, shoulders, and back. But her face is blemish free. She also looks a little miffed at her friend.
Shana loves to show off her body. That is the main reason she wanted a pool in the back yard. She knew the neighborhood men would love to see her sunbathing and taking a dip. She is a little taller than Joni, maybe 5’3” but she doesn’t weigh anymore than 120 herself. She has a flat tummy and she does have bigger breasts than her friend (maybe 34C). She wears her short brown hair pulled back in a ponytail also. Her black thong accentuates every curve of her finely tuned body. She is still the same size she was when she cheered. Joe was wrong. She is in terrific shape after childbirth.
The two women look each other over for a moment, then Shana flashes her smile once again and says, “Here we go!”
Scene II(
You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round)
“Mark suggested we start on our knees since neither of us really know what we’re doing,” Shana remarks.
“Okay” (Joni kneels in front of her friend)
The two women are hesitant at first but then they lock hands in a test of strength. They push and tug at one another and finally Shana shows her strength advantage by forcing Joni into a sitting position on her bent legs. Shana releases her grip and quickly slides to one side and wraps one arm around Joni’s head. She twists to one side and rolls Joni over into a perfect side headlock. The redhaired woman is being pushed head first into the carpet and all she can see if Shana’s breast pressing into her eyes. She thinks to herself. “Light wrestling?”
Shana turns her body so that her legs are pointed in a different direction that Joni’s. She wants a definite leverage advantage so she can apply more pressure. She wants the redhead to submit as quickly as possible. Joni is now trapped with her face in her opponent’s armpit. She is having trouble breathing so she starts struggling wildly. She half raises onto her side, but Shana has the leverage advantage. She shifts her hips and forces the struggling beauty back down to the floor. After a few minutes Joni tires of being trapped. She is claustrophobic by nature, and her fear is getting the better of her. Plus she can hear Joe’s muted voice urging her on. She remembers how he looked as he removed his gunbelt….then she reaches both hands up and wraps her hands deep into Shana’s ponytail With one mighty yank, Shana releases the headlock and tries to scramble to her feet.
“You fucking bitch! Let go of my hair!” Shana screams!
Joni keeps her grip on the bigger girl’s ponytail and drags her to the floor. Once down, Joni wraps a leg around each side of Shana’s head. She remembers a move she saw watching UFC a couple nights earlier…she bends one leg into the other and places her foot under her outstretched knee. She then grasps that foot in her hand and pulls it toward her chest. Her calf is firmly clamped down over the brunette’s windpipe. Shana gasps and struggles for a few minutes, but her movements become choppy and her breathing ragged. Joni tightens her grip and grits her teeth from the effort! Joe is shouting for her to pull harder. Mark is begging Shana to escape!
Shana struggles for a minute longer, but common sense finally takes over. She taps Joni’s leg with the palm of her hand. Joni releases the hold, stands up, then strolls to her corner. Shana takes a minute to recover, then she too walks to her corner. She flashes an angry glare at her opponent and says, “What the fuck was that? You trying to break my neck or choke me to death?”
“What? You said you wanted to put on the best possible show for the guys. I’m just doing my best.”
“I’m gonna make you pay for this, Bitch."
Scene III (
Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away)
A few minutes pass, and both women agree that they’re ready to begin round two. They meet on their knees in the middle of the room. Shana looks Joni in the eyes and says, “You know what? I really don’t like you. I think you’re a weird little cxnt. I only pretend to be your friend because Mark likes Joe. I think I’m gonna really enjoy hurting you.”
“Screw you, bitch.”
“I think I’m really gonna embarrass you. You want a catfight, cxnt? You got one. I’m gonna make you lick my fucking feet while I sit in your boyfriend’s lap.”
“Fuck you!”
Joni lunges for Shana’s head and neck but she is caught by a brutal right punch in the stomach. She doubles up and rolls off her knees onto the floor. Shana follows her punch up with another just above Joni’s left breast. The redhead rolls onto her stomach for protection, but Shana drives her fists directly into Joni’s multicolored tattoo. She wraps her fist around the redhaired girl’s ponytail and yanks her head aloft. Shana then delivers two stinging slaps to the smaller girls face. She growls, “How you like having your hair pulled, bitch!” Then she uses Joni’s ponytail as a handle to slam her face hard into the carpet.
Shana stands up….still grasping Joni’s ponytail. She drags the redhead across the carpet a couple feet. Joni is now struggling to stand up, but whenever she almost gets to her feet, the brunette will tug on her ponytail and send her crashing to the carpet. By now Joni’s green ponytail holder has been completely removed from her hair. Shana releases her grip and slaps her smaller foe hard across the face.
The two men have gone completely quiet. They are stunned by the ferocity they are seeing. This has exceeded their wildest expectations…not that either of them are complaining. Far from it. They are really enjoying the show.
Joni tells herself that she has taken enough abuse in this round. Joe is seeing her be treated like street trash by this fucking whore. It’s time to strike back. Shana is circling her like a lioness would her prey. As she comes by Joni’s right side, the redhead suddenly lunges toward Shana’s legs and slams all her weight into them. The blow knocks Shana to the carpet, and Joni goes on the offensive. She slaps the brunette several times across the face and begins using her fists. Shana tries to raise her arms to protect her face, and Joni grabs both of her breasts and twists. A howling scream escapes Shana’s lungs as the redhead’s fingers dig into her boobs. She begins slapping and punching wildly at her tormentor. The brunette beauty rakes her nails across he opponent’s exposed belly…leaving five angry red scratches in Joni’s pale skin. Joni twists harder, but the angry woman under her finally throws a punch that hits its mark. A powerful left palm catches Joni just above her right temple. The blow staggers her and Shana shoves her the rest of the way off.
The two women glare at each other for a second and inventory their own damage. Joni looks with disdain at the violent red scratches across her slim belly. Shana rubs her aching breasts. Then, as if by mutual agreement, the two women lunge at each other again. They face each other on their knees and rain slaps onto each others’ cheeks. A wild thumb catches Joni in the eye, and when she drops her head to protect it, the other woman slams a wicked forearm onto the back of her neck. Joni drops like a rock onto her stomach! Shana takes this opening and wraps her powerful thighs around the smaller girl’s head and starts squeezing. She drops down on all fours with her foe’s head still trapped between her thighs. She clasps both hands together and slams axe handle punches into the small of her victim’s back. After a few of these blows, Joni starts screaming her surrender. A couple more sledge-hammer like blows to the back, then Shana releases the hold and walks to her corner.
Scene IV(
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? That's alright because I like the way it hurts)
The tension in the room is now so thick you can cut it with a knife. A friendship has been damaged beyond repair by a stupid bet. But that’s ok; the two women staring at each other are prepared to destroy the rest of it with a wrecking ball. Both women hurt so bad they can barely walk, but both know they must finish this now. A mutual nod starts the last round. It opens with Shana and Joni walking face to face into each other. Neither of them hesitates at the abyss. Both dive straight it.
They press their bodies together and stand eye to eye in mutual bearhugs. Both know this is their last chance to snare a victory. Now it’s a test of wills. Which one is stronger? It quickly becomes apparent. Shana wrenches her opponent’s back with such force that the smaller girl releases her grip. The bigger brunette squeezes the redhead’s body to hers and whispers in Joni’s ear. Through the sweat and the roar in her head, Joni can hear the words…and they make her angry. So angry that she wants to hurt Shana, but she can’t find the strength to retaliate. Warm, stinging tears well up in her eyes, and to her humiliation, she can’t keep them from streaming down her face. Shana smiles to herself and whispers in Joni’s ear again. Again Joni’s answer comes, but it isn’t what Shana wants to hear. She releases the bearhug and lets her victim slump to the floor.
Shana stands over the beaten girl then says to herself, “The bitch doesn’t want to give up? Well, let’s see what we can do to make her.” She reaches down and rolls the smaller girl onto her back then straddles her belly. She reaches back with one hand slowly slides it inside Joni’s panty line. After a couple seconds, she finds her intended target. A well placed finger then some quick back and forth rubbing and stroking….
Joni starts bucking wildly under her tormentor! She can’t believe this is happening! But she is now too weak to defend herself. The brunette continues the assault on her most sensitive parts and she cannot do anything about it. The faster Shana rubs, the more pressure Joni can feel welling inside of her….like a boiler about to explode! And this is happening in front of Joe! The redhead continues bucking and struggling. But after a few minutes, she can no longer stand the torment. She slumps to the ground and surrenders. But Shana isn’t finished. To Joni’s shock, the bigger girl refuses to stop! Joni sobs her submission over and over, but Shana won’t stop. Finally, the pressure becomes too great and Joni’s body is wracked by wave after warm wave. Joni screams her surrender again and again as the pressure pours from her defeated body. Shana strokes a little longer then looks her victim in the face. “Are you finished yet? That was impressive. Joe must be very proud.”
“I quit,” whimpers Joni.
“Good. Now get up, get your belongings, and get the fuck out of my house. Mark and I have a birthday to celebrate.”
EpilogueAlthough they remained neighbors for several more years, the rift was never healed between Joni and Shana. Joni would have loved a rematch, but she could never bring herself to face the same kind of humiliation again. Neither ever spoke to the other again. But Joni did send flowers after Mark died in an industrial accident.
Author's Note: This was a request from a friend I met in the chatroom. I promised I wouldn't say who. I also can't say who the character's are, but one of them lives down the block from me.
With all due respect to Mr. Shakespeare, what do you think he'd want to say about my first try at drama? Would he....
A) Pat me on the head and say, 'Nice job?'
B) Pat me on the head and say, 'Don't quit your day job.'
C) Condemn me, have me burned at the stake, and my have my ashes scattered across the Avon?
D) Challenge me to a wrestling match in a strawberry field?
E) He'd challenge one of the male actors in the Globe Theater with question D?
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
J
xoxo
