[howardcosell]

You Don't Mess With Crazy Jeannine (spoof of the song "You Don't Mess Around With Jim" by the late legendary musician and songwriter, Jim Croce)

Canada’s got its little lady scrappers
South Africa’s got some female fighters
Who are pretty mean,
But down in the city of New Orleans there’s a real nutcase
Who goes by the name of Crazy Jeannine

She stands a little more than five foot four
And she’s got long black hair and a perfect tan
She comes from a mother who’s a tough Italian
And her father is a rough Mexican,

She loves to drink and she loves to fight and she
Loves to steal a lady’s man
And when that lady shows up to fight her
Jeannine takes her body and plays her version of
Kick the can,
They say

You don’t step on Marie B.’s feet
You don’t hit Jess without losing your spleen
You don’t just say “see ya later” after having sex with Kayla
And you don’t fuck with Jeannine,

Well, Jeanine had won so many fights
‘Til she had gotten really arrogant
She beat up Jill and she even whipped Noel
And even came at me with a baseball bat

She kicked Lacey in gut and spit beer in her face
And she even pissed on Tracy’s back
She busted Angie’s head on the bar and
Gave Mandy a scar
We all agreed Jeanine had to be on crack

‘Cause you don’t step on Marie B.’s feet
You don’t tell Samantha, “Bitch, you ain’t the queen!”
You don’t say, “Smoke cocks!” to Gemma Rox
And you don’t fuck with Jeannine

One night, at the bar, in came a short girl
Who had short blonde hair and deep blue eyes,
She was dressed in all black and had an Evanescence backpack
And was drawing looks from all the guys,

She said,

“Hey, my name is Jonica,
And I’m looking for a bitch named Jeannine,
I’ve come to kick her ass and bring this place some class
‘Cause what’s she’s doing is flat out obscene,”

The people at the bar stared at one another
And Jonica could feel what was coming next
The sounds of laughter weren’t what she was after
But they were what she did expect

“Just tell that bitch I’ll be sitting in my car,”
Jonica said with her Cajun accent
But the people at the bar were still laughing hard
And one said, “There are healthier ways your time can be spent”

Listen honey, you don’t call Marie B. a “little shrimp”
You don’t say Jenn Peccavi's not so mean
You don’t say, “this is so boring” while reading one of Howard’s stories
And you don’t fuck with Jeannine,

Well, into to the bar strolled Crazy Jeannine
Jonica came in right after
And their eyes met in a stare,
Jeannine sat down and lit a cigarette
And Jonica said, “you’re sitting in my chair”

Jeannine leaned forward laughed and out came her foot
As she kicked Jonica in the knee
Jonica fell forward but managed to floor her
Opponent with a straight right to her teeth

Both women were up fast and came together in a clash
But the oddmakers couldn’t predict what
They were going to see
Jeanine was landing wild punches to Jonica’s head
While Jonica was wearing the crazy girl down
With hard straights to her soft belly

A hard shot from the blonde to the pit of Jeannine stomach
Caused Jeanine to raise on her toes
Jonica then stepped back before her next attack
Which was a roundhouse kick to that Italian nose
Jeannine stumbled back and Jonica was amazed that
The bitch was still on her feet
As Jonica rushed in, Jeannine caught her with a kick to the stomach
And as Jonica doubled over, Jeannine assumed she had her beat

Jeannine laughed and took a drag off the cigarette
As her large breasts heaved up and down
Jonica sprang forward and dug her gothic nails
Into both of Jeannine’s large round mounds

Jeannine let out of scream and started backing up
Until she felt her butt touch the wall
She headbutted Jonica hard and kicked her in the crotch
And then she watched the blonde goth fall

Jeannine was surprised as her confidence may have died
When Jonica was quickly back on her feet
She grabbed Jeannine by her shoulders, punched her in the gut
And threw her out of the bar and onto the street

Jeannine was tired but she got back up
Just to be knocked down with a gut shot again
The smoking and the drinking and the picking on weaker girls
Had made her think she would always win

But Jonica had her up against her own car just
Pounding away at that soft brown gut,
As Jeannine couldn’t fold over and couldn’t even speak
She OOF-ed and OUGH-ed long after
She’d had enough

The blonde grabbed the beaten brunette by her ear
And dragged her doubled over self back inside
She yanked down Jeannine’s pants and panties
And gave her a spanking on her large succulent backside

She pushed Jeannine over and Jeannine got up
And Jonica asked her if she wanted any more
Jeannine stared at the blonde then clutched her stomach
And made her way back out the door

The people in the bar couldn’t believe what they had witnessed
But like voyeurs they wanted more
They chased after Jeannine to see if she would fight on
But they came back without the whore

Next time you want to act like you’re so damn tough
Show up at a bar down in New Orleans,
Then act a fool or sit on Jonica’s stool
Or take the safe route and just ask Jeannine
‘Cause she’ll say

You don’t try to fight if you’re drunk and out of shape
You don’t brag and get a rep for being real tough
You don’t bet you’ll beat a goth from Lafayette
Because you don’t fuck with Jonica.

[~Rox Erotique~]

HAHA!!!!

That was truley legendary!!!

(but did you have to rhyme my name with cocks? LOL  I've boxed for 5 years!!! the rhyme was right there!!! - only teasing, I almost pee'd myself laughing!!!)

Awesomely entertaining!

x G x

[howardcosell]

Thanks, Gemma! I just decided to do it and I was typing it off the top of my head. For some reason, as soon as I finish something, I put it on the board without checking it until it's up... I guess that's me paranoid after all those damn computer crashes I've suffered lol... yeah, a boxing reference would've worked better there; I'll definitely remember that next time, and I'm confident they'll be a next time 

[Kayla]

Witty & cute! 

[~Rox Erotique~]

HAHA!!! I'm only teasing, it was hilarious!!! (and it's enlightening to know that when people see my face they immediately think... cock... LOL)

seriously, you put a massive, heartworming smile on my face while I was reading this 

Thanks sweetie!

x G x

[Jonica]

WOW!!!  I must say that I'm flattered and humbled!  I've been the subject of a poem and now a song!  Simply....WOW!!! 

Too bad I can't back any of it up...I can't fight a lick...LOL!!!

Thank you so much for your hard work, Howard!  It is very witty and extremely creative!  I really appreciate it!

*Hugs*

Jonica
xoxo

[howardcosell]

well Jonica, you can in this one... but if there's a sequel, like I'm planning on doing for my story "Bitch," will you come out on top? Hmm... who knows? As soon as I get well enough, we shall see It was an honor writing about you.

[howardcosell]

not too happy with myself on this one... I started hurting while typing the first verse and couldn't really think...

"Bad Bad Gemma Rox"

Well, there’s a girl who’s from Great Britain
She’ll really knock you outta your socks
‘Cause those who’ve smarted off
Wind up getting carted off
And she goes by Gemma Rox

She’s got two tattoos of skull heads
Perched on each of her tits
She’s a bi-weekly boxer
And a bi-sexual rocker
Who’ll pound you with her guitar or her fists

And she’s bad, bad, Gemma Rox
Baddest bitch all across the blocks
More deadly than a cyanide cake
And tougher than a two buck steak

Now Gemma loves the ladies
Loves ‘em a bit too much
She’s got a thing for gothic chicks
Because she don’t listen to Styx
And she ain’t into women who go butch

So one day, Gemma was walking down the street
When out came a black haired emo
Gemma said, “Hey hoe!”
“Let me fuck you and go”
And the emo punched her in her nose

Well, Gemma was caught off guard by this
The emo said, “I got you there!”
Then hit her gut with a knee
And all Gemma could see
Was the ground as she gasped for air

Gemma said, “Bitch, I was just joking,
But now, the joke will be on you,
Because I’m gonna whip your butt
And pound you in that pale gut
Until you beg to do what I asked you to do!”

Well, the emo backed away slowly
Than sprang forward in a rush
But Gemma slammed her down
On the concrete ground
Ripped off her panties and looked at her bush

Gemma had seen her share of pussies
But this one was in its own unique batch
There was a lot of twisted hair
And no lips or clit in sight anywhere
The emo had a lot of briar but no patch

But while Gemma was looking
The emo brought her foot up hard against Gemma’s cxnt
Gemma let out a scream
As her mound let out the cream
She felt pleasure and pain from that punt

But Gemma didn’t get her reputation
Just by absorbing pain
She mounted the whore
And pounded her into gore
Her fists came down like rain

Gemma would remark later
That it was one of her best fights
The girl did submit
Gemma did find her clit
She shaved her and together they spent the night

So though this poem wasn’t quite as good
As the one that came before
Just understand
The moral is that the best laid plans
Don’t come out right for whores.

[~Rox Erotique~]

IT'S PURE FILTH!!!!!...... which goes to show you are a remarkably good judge of character LOL!

Thanks honey!!!!! I particularly liked the tougher than a 2 buck steak line! 

really made me smile

catch you soon honey!

x G x

[Jonica]

Great stuff Howard! 

[Kayla]

Gee, Howard, looks like you're high on DIRTY poetry, huh? 

[howardcosell]

I was dared into this... so why the hell not?

Small Wonder (Marie B. tribute) Sung to the classic Christmas song "We Three Kings of Orient Are"

Wee Marie is just under five feet
She’s a fighter who always gets beat
For her own pleasure
She will endeavor
To experience the joy of defeat

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Small Wonder,
Small in Height
Small and always
Losing fights
Your heart is showing
Though you’ve stopped growing
Here’s to hoping you get it right,

Born a tattooed misfit from Wales UK
Gemma Rox made Wee Marie pay
For her put downs
Marie got straight clowned
Beaten in a convent one day

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Small Wonder,
Small in Height
Small and always
Losing fights
Your heart is showing
Though you’ve stopped growing
Here’s to hoping you get it right,

Marie decided to give Peccavi a try
She’d lost four straight to her, but don’t ask her why
She tried a new tactic
And Peccavi even got distracted
She got a free drink; Marie got a black eye

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Small Wonder,
Small in Height
Small and always
Losing fights
Your heart is showing
Though you’ve stopped growing
Here’s to hoping you get it right,

Jonica was pregnant with her son
Marie decided, at Joni, to make her run
But a combo to her little pale gut
And Marie almost busted a nut
Even the newborn’s left hook left her stunned

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Small Wonder,
Small in Height
Small and always
Losing fights
Your heart is showing
Though you’ve stopped growing
Here’s to hoping you get it right,

I’ve wondered how Marie will do in a third match with me
The T-double O fine ass loverboy so Sexxxy
If our friendship is mended
Maybe her losing streak will be ended
Because you know I’ll always lay down for Marie

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Small Wonder,
Small in Height
Small but with promise in your sight
No more debating
Victory is waiting
I’m retiring, so let’s have one more fight….

Love you bunches, Marie.

[~Rox Erotique~]

Great fun! More poetry!!! MORE!!!!

love it honey!

x G x

[Marie B.]

Jonica was pregnant with her son
Marie decided, at Joni, to make her run
But a combo to her little pale gut
And Marie almost busted a nut
Even the newborn’s left hook left her stunned

Yeah, well, I can't help it that the kid was taller than me, even at 6 days old.

Thanks for including me in the verse.



Marie

[howardcosell]

back in our happy days, you did that for me too. Just returning the praise.