[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK:  My name is Jen.  I'm a 33 year old divorced woman, blonde and 38c-32-36 and fit, who is seriously dating a recently divorced 50 year old Dad named Dan.  Dan and his ex Chrissy had a bitter, drama-filled break up 2 years ago, when Chrissy left Dan for a younger man.  Chrissy and the younger man's relationship didn't survive the pandemic, and I've avoided meeting Chrissy since Dan and I got serious because my woman's intuition tells me Chrissy wants to reunite with Dan, at least for companionship if not re-marriage.  I confess--I'm enjoying the freedom of being in large groups with Chrissy in the room, where I know who she is but she can't be 100% sure who I am. 

Like, for example--earlier this week there was a high school volleyball parents' meeting for Dan's daughters' team.  Parents are required to volunteer to take tickets at the gate for 3 games a year, and Dan's busy work schedule doesn't permit his participation, so I'm covering for him.  Fortunately there are a couple "trophy wives" at the school, and although Chrissy was sizing up me and the 2 trophy wives, I'm pretty sure she was unable to tell which of the three of us was Dan's new girlfriend (I love that word!), and didn't have the balls to ask and of the 3 of us, or to introduce herself.

Here's why I'm writing, though.

When I entered Dan's name on the school signup app for 3 games to volunteer, Chrissy later entered her name as my/his partner for the exact three dates.  Does Chrissy think Dan is going to be the one working the table, and Chrissy wants to flirt with him?  Or does she know it's me, and wants to size me up?  If the latter, wouldn't one overlap day have been sufficient?  Why three?

Is this woman playing cat-and-mouse with me?  Or with Dan?

i've never been in a physical fight, but have never backed away from one either.

Anxiously,
Jen



Dear Jen--Or ......  are YOU playing cat-and-mouse with Chrissy?  Sorry for the bluntness, but the phase of your relationship with Dan where you get to know who she is, but she doesn't know who you are, ended when you got involved with parent volunteering.  You say she didn't have the balls to introduce herself to you.... but did YOU have the balls to introduce YOURself to HER??  Aren't you worried her first impression of you was one of weakness?  Maybe the "sizing up" already happened. 

And you came up wanting.

Think about it, Jen.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--I applaud your bluntness with the too-clever-by-half divorcee-dater Jen.  Unless you're born with enough wealth to avoid the petty annoyances of life, you can go 33 years as a woman in this world these days and not have a single physical fight with another bitch..... BUT you need to bite your tongue hundreds of time a month to avoid getting physical.  Get real, Jen:  no physical fights, AND you never backed down?  I'm not buying it.  You've backed down before, and you're alread looking for the fire escape with Chrissy.  (Or putting other trophy wives between Chrissy and you--even worse!!)  Step up, babe, and introduce yourself to her--then ask her where she stand with your man .... that's right, he's YOUR man now .... OR, stop wasting our time.  Susan

Dear TABSK--You didn't really address Jen's original question, so let me try.  Chrissy's cyber-stalking of you and Dan on the parent signup up is calling the two of you out.  You two need a plan, and then one or both of you needs to step up and speak to her.  But Jen, don't handle this yourself.  It will just reinforce in Chrissy's mind that you and he aren't a couple.  Communicate with him everything that's happened, the formulate a plan together to handle it.  She needs to know that going forward, you and he act together, in concert.  Chrissy is involved in Dan's life thru her daughters with Dan--but he's involved with Dan and you as a couple.  You need to act fast on this.  I mean, what's the deal here?  Do you LOVE Dan??  Are you crazy in love?  Because it doesn't feel like it.  Whitney

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Jen, again, and I'm here to tell your butt-in-ski reader Susan she can now officially.... kiss .... my .... ass .  Because I've now officially been in a fight, and a highly woman-to-woman one.  After telling Dan that I thought it was time one or both of us formally introduce myself to Chrissy, he allowed me to do so on my own, which we both thought was best.  I made an appointment, via text, to meet Chrissy at her place at a time she'd be alone.  We both knew, by eye contact alone, that the purpose of my visit was to establish the pecking order between her and I.  After agreeing that losing a tooth, or worse, would be a major turn-off, we agreed to test each others' wills through our chests.  Both of are quite well-endowed--obviously Dan's thing--and I could see at first glance that Chrissy had been in this sort of contest before by her battle scars--long gashes and scars on each side.  We stood in the kitchen nose-to-nose, close enough to smell each others' breath, and pinched and twisted for a solid 20 minutes, neither establishing superiority.  So it's game-on between Chrissy and me.  And, Susan, I'm highly confident my debut performance outperformed yours by a longshot.  So suck it, honey.  Jen

Dear Jen--congratulations on getting your career opener under your belt.  And Meow!  The floor is yours, Susan.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK, and Dear Jen--For a few days after reading your rude, condescending, childish note, I said to myself, "You know what, Susan?  Be the bigger woman.  Don't feed the troll.  Don't engage in a Jerry Springer-ish spectacle and descend into the gutter with Jen, at least not in the virtual venue, when IRL she would do to you what she did in her first IRL meeting with Chrissy:  avoid, be aloof, deflect, hide in the crowd."  But, TABSK's readership is watching this, and all of us long-time readers know it is the historical book of record and as such not only records, but in fact, shapes, the conduct of real women.  And upon reflection, I have concluded that all gauntlets thrown down, no matter how puny and pathetic, must be answered.  After all, it's in the name:  Things A Bitch SHOULD Know.  Things All Bitches SHOULD Know.

But enough theory, and enough about me, what's my point here?  Jen, sweetie--you don't want to fight Chrissy because you might lose a tooth?  Really.  Really.  How fascinationg. 

Well .... No shit, Sherlock.  It's a fight.  A lot of things can happen.  There's all kinds of battle scars you can get, sweetie.  You can get cuts that need stitches.  You can get scratches that never quite heal.  You can gets broken bones, some of which require slings or splints or casts for days or weeks (say, fingers or thumbs or wrists), others of which never look how they looked before (collarbones, noses, cheekbones--although, my guess is that in your case, that scenario would be no great loss).  And you can even get a concussion, although only those of us who earn our living above the waist, and not below, generally need concern ourselves with this one.

That's why we learn to protect ourselves when we fight, ok Jenny?  We get started early, no later than high school.  We learn that hands aren't just for offense, they're for defense, too--to block.  To move your head when you fight, not to be a punching bag.  To put your hair up, or at least braid it, if given the opportunity.   To not have a hoodie that can be dragged over your face where you can't see.  To take off your earrings.  All of these are just the basics, but I question if they're familiar to you.

And then in college (or, in your case, trade school/secretarial school/massage therapy training, I suspect) and you enter the big leagues:  barfights, 1:1 apartment fights, gym fights.  Anywhere real women go to settle disputes.

And get that primal rush that even sex doesn't satisfy.

So, what WERE you doing with Chrissy?  Well, I'll grant you that you two were establishing ground-rules and perhaps even a pecking order going forward. That's necessary and par for the course for any ex-wife/new-girlfriend relationship.

But don't kid youself.  You still haven't fought, Jen.  And it feels like I'm talking down to you, it's because I am.  And will continue to do so.  Unless and until you actually fight.

Be that Chrissy.  Another woman.  Or ..... me. 

C'mon, Jen.  C'mon TABSK. 

Or..... can either of you not handle it? 
xoxo,
Susan


Dear Susan--As a long-time reader, you're aware that TABSK has a long-standing rule for not being a venue for readers to arrange to bang it out with each other.

But..... all rules have exceptions, and this case is one of them.

If Jen agrees.  Jen?  TABSK