One interesting plot line might be if the states of Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana decided for a giggle to sue the State of Texas alleging massive fraud and specifically that, whereas the men at Billy’s were able to supervise the women peeing through holes specially drilled in the restroom wall, the women (other than Kiva) were denied similar access to the men’s room in violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution, and that whereas Kiva was allowed briefly to supervise the General peeing, she was too far away to see what was really going on and he could have had any number of bags of urine concealed upon his person, and that furthermore the men were all beastly to Kiva, it was DISGRACE some of the things that went on, and she was called a trollop, and at one point her eyes were covered so that a whole jerrycan full of illegal urine could have emptied into the men’s urinal, and then she was escorted away so she wouldn’t see the millions of DEAD PEOPLE who were peeing in the men’s room. And, furthermore, that gallons and gallons of women’s pee had been illegally and fraudulently diverted to the men’s room using software designed in VENEZUELA and running on a server in SPAIN, and that the CHINESE were involved, and that they had hundreds of signed affidavits from people who swore that they’d seen a suspicious-looking lorry marked ‘Budweiser’ parked outside Billy’s earlier in the day that could have been FULL of bags of urine provided by ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS and, in short, that according to a statistician (who was not at all biased though he had bet millions of dollars on a different outcome) the chances of the women (who’d been drinking daiquiris and pina coladas all evening) being outpeed by the men were ‘less than one in a quadrillion’.
Texas would then counterclaim that the lamestream media had got it all wrong, as usual, and it was a DISGRACE, and that despite the fact that hundreds of people had seen her stagger, spin, fall forward and crash face down on the mat before being stripped butt naked, GINGER WON, and that Kiva’s Fight Journal was FAKE NEWS, and that Ginger was the GREATEST FIGHTER IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES (with the possible exception of Joe Louis) and that it wasn’t possible that a STABLE GENIUS like herself could have been knocked over by some SNOWFLAKE NURSE from the North West with a DOG THAT PLAYS THE BANJO.
Ginger would then spend the next six weeks bleat-tweeting ‘I WON’ and ‘I WON BIGLY’ and that it was the ‘GREATEST FRAUD IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE’ and a ‘TOTAL DISGRACE what was going on’ and then millions would believe her and march to the state capital and from there to Washington, because any dispute between states has to go straight to the Supreme Court.
Here’s where it gets technical, because even though this would undoubtedly be the second silliest case ever presented to the Supreme Court (trumped only by TEXAS V. PENNSYLVANIA, ET AL), the justices would have to be restrained in their language and would probably content themselves with a snide one-liner such as: “Washington, Oregon, Idaho and Montana have not demonstrated a judicially cognizable interest in the manner in which another state organizes its restrooms.”
But millions will doubtless go on believing that Ginger won, which makes me think that if she isn’t in jail at the time for fraud, tax evasion and spreading STDs, and clad from head to toe in orange, Ginger could have another go at Kiva in 2024.
Wouldn’t that be a thing?
I’m not sure we can wait until 2024 though. I’ve got a better idea: After Kelli’s whipped, stripped and shaved Jolene bald, Kiva could do the same to Ginger, on the same bill even, with the dog at ringside playing the banjo and Bruce Springsteen singing along. And we could get Jake Tapper to provide commentary and John King to count the blows (‘because this is what we do - we count the blows’) though the only real counting that’s going to be needed is the referee counting to ten as Kelli stands with her foot on Jolene’s neck, and Kiva with hers on Ginger’s.
And could you both flex girls? I know it’s been done, but I think it would be kind of sexy if you were both to flex or do a little twirl or raise your arms in triumph or high five as the count reaches ten with Jolene and Ginger bleeding and dribbling into the canvas at your feet.
Of course, they’ll still claim they won.
It’s getting a bit that Monty Python sketch about the Black Knight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s35rVw1zskA&has_verified=1
