Lana del Rey vs Amber Heard
Some women are just hated. Sometimes it's for no good reason at all, and sometimes it's for very legitimate reasons. At the moment, the most hated women in the elite celebrity catfight league was Lana del Rey.
Mind you, del Rey had yet to fight a single match, but she was nevertheless despised by the other competitors. It all stems from the fact that Lana is considered in the entertainment industry to be a wholly manufactured persona...a pretty face hired to play the part of "Lana del Rey" (a fictitious name...she was born as Elizabeth Woolridge Grant), to front for a corporate-crafted character designed and promoted to be a superstar musician before her very first note of music was heard by the public. The fact that her records have sold well, despite fairly lukewarm critical reviews, only served to intensify the irritation many felt for her.
And now, her management felt it would be a big career boost for Lana to compete as a catfighter. Her handlers hired a score of experienced trainers to teach her the art of catfighting. Of course, there would be none of the usual matches against other rookies, learning the ropes and gaining experience and climbing the ladder one rung at a time. No, she would enter the league at the top they declared, fighting only the best as she swiftly establishes herself as the dominant force.
This news did not go over well with many, who saw it as arrogantly presumptuous at best. As one might imagine, there were no shortage of women eager to face the singer in her debut match, so as to put her in her proper place. Indeed, a lottery was held to determine del Rey's inaugural adversary, and Amber Heard won. The blonde was most anxious to get her hands on the redhead and make an example of her. Amber had worked her way up the hard way, one match at a time, cutting her teeth and earning her stripes. After a steady climb mixed with wins and loses, she was poised to be a major catfighting figure. And beating Lana del Rey's poseur ass was just how she was going to hit the highest plateau.
So it came as quite a shock to everyone...particularly Heard...when Lana handed her ass to her!
From the opening moments of their fight, the redhead was on the offensive. She displayed a vast array of moves, all of them somewhat mechanically performed, as if her knowledge of them wasn't organic, but was downloaded into her. Still, they proved devastating, and Amber was kept hapless and reeling as the minutes ticked by. The secret of del Rey's success wasn't her training; rather, it was the fact that for all of her manufactured artifice, she is at heart a ruthless opportunist who will do whatever she has to in order to achieve her aims. And if destroying an opponent is necessary, she has no hesitation about doing it...much to the blonde's regret.
After fifteen long minutes of this very one-sided struggle, del Rey puts Heard flat on her back and sits on her chest, pinning her arms to the carpet in a schoolgirl pin. The redhead then begins a very slow, very seductive count to ten, staring directly into the eyes of her forlorn opponent, who squirmed beneath her tormentor but was too battered and spent to throw her off. When Lana was done, Amber sought to salvage some shred of her tattered pride and sneered, "Pins don't count, dumbass!" With a smug smirk on her ruby red lips, Lana purrs, "I know. I just wanted you and everyone else to completely understand how helpless you are." Heard chokes back a sob in her humiliation.
And with that, Lana suddenly wriggles her body up, until her crotch covers the sweaty face of her opponent, smothering her. Amber's legs thrash, but in futility, and del Rey remains perched upon the blonde's features until at last Heard's lush body lies still. Rising up in triumph like Botticelli's Venus, del Rey places the ball of her right foot squarely between the breasts of the beaten Amber and flexes her arm in a victory pose. The spectators, still stunned by the dominating display they have just witnesses, stand up and applaud. If the ovation lacks a certain degree of warmth, it is because the onlookers still don't feel particularly warm toward Lana. They liked Amber, and no one was very happy to see her destroyed and humbled this way.
The redhead couldn't care less. She isn't here to be liked. She's here to be respected, and feared, and she's here to be a winner. If she has to fight her way through every bitch who would deny her that, well then that's what she's been trained for. "Bring on your best," she says with a serpent's smile, and all understand that it isn't a brash boast; it's a vow to beat them all.
