OK, here’s my best plotline ever:
Getting wind of the fact that he owns a bank in Manhattan, Jaymie and Allie kidnap Chase and demand a ten trillion dollar ransom. Even though it means selling one of her favourite ball gowns, Kiva agrees to pay and sets off for the remote location described in the ransom note with a suitcase full of diamonds to buy back her beloved pooch. Jaymie and Allie go to meet her, leaving the alligator alone to guard Chase in the barn. By chance, Kelli chooses this moment to pay her evil sister-in-law a visit and demand a rematch. Finding the house empty, she’s about to leave when she hears the sound of music coming from the barn and looking through a crack in the wall discovers Chase strumming away on his banjo and the alligator dancing, the pair of them now the best of friends! Kelli at once phones Kiva to tell her Chase is safe and not to pay the ransom. The call arrives just as she and the kidnappers (wearing hoods like Klansmen) are standing face to face in the melting snow and Kiva is first to react, swinging the suitcase full of diamonds and knocking Jaymie out cold. This leaves Kiva and Allie to fight it out alone in the slush. The fight lasts over 20 minutes, because every time Kiva’s about to nail Allie, Jaymie begins to come round and has to be slugged again. Eventually Kiva gets Allie in an armlock, sits on her back and holds her face in the snow until she passes out. Then she piles one sister on top of the other and sits on them until the police arrive.
*
Thirty minutes later, Kiva’s at home in the hot tub thawing out when Kelli drives up with Chase, who introduces Kiva to his new best buddy and asks if he can stay ‘like - for ever’, and Kiva agrees, although she’s a little nervous at first when the alligator climbs into the hot tub beside her. But she needn’t have worried because it turns out the alligator’s not such a bad chap, just easily influenced – as easily for good as for ill – and with Jaymie now locked away in a high-security penitentiary (sharing a cell, incidentally, with Paula the Poacher) and Allie in hospital with pneumonia, he’s surrounded from now on only by kind people, and one of his many acts of gratitude towards his new family is to show Kiva the authentic way to perform the ‘Gator Roll’ head-and-arm choke, which soon becomes one of her specialities, and the joy of seeing Kiva standing tall over an inert opponent tied up with her own bikini while her pooch plays the banjo and her alligator dances a celebratory jig at her side soon ranks (along with Kelli tying a naked Jolene up in the ropes and slapping her silly) as one of the biggest Saturday night draws at Billy’s when performed live, as well as becoming an instant viral sensation whenever the fight takes place elsewhere and the video’s posted later online.
